How to teach children to handle bullies

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Wed, 21 May 2014 01:49:57 GMT

savvytechgirl — Wed, 21 May 2014 01:49:57 GMT

http://i57.tinypic.com/2i24caq.jpg\">

Hi parents!

This is posted in the parents support group portal and thought it might be something that you can join if you are keen to find out how to protect your children from threats in cybercrimes and understand the impact of cyber-bullying/and how the new anti harassment law can protect you and your children. There is also an interesting dialogue panel that covers different expertise including of how to use technology to safeguard your children.

This is in collaboration with the Coalition against bullying for children and youth with Microsoft Singapore and is happening on 31st May from 10am - 12pm.

You can find the agenda and register (Registration is free) via the link below and also have attached the e-invite. There is also a simple game at the end of the session, might stand a chance to win the Xbox 360 bundle worth $399.

http://bit.ly/1gmb8CY

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Sat, 22 Feb 2014 16:27:57 GMT

Divamama — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 16:27:57 GMT

Hi Angelight, I would be very heart pain if it happened to my dd! I’m at a lost as to what to do, how to teach a 4 year old girl. There was a girl in her class who was very loud, very rough, and very temperamental. She often picks fights with her classmates, especially my dd cos she’s new in class. I’ve spoken to the teachers, who said they will monitor but ‘accidents’ inevitably happen. I’ve spoken to her super defensive parents, and got shrugged off by them. Only made myself more upset.

The situation eventually resolved itself when, thank goodness, her parents transferred her to another school. But how should I teach her to stand up for herself? Saying no firmly doesn’t work most times. Running away, sometimes my dd is not fast cos she’s quite blur. Ignoring agitated the bully even more. My husband asked her to hit back harder as a last resort, which she eventually did, but I am afraid that it will breed aggressive behavior. Headache.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 07 Feb 2014 10:30:16 GMT

Beatrice_NoQ — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 10:30:16 GMT

Angelight:
My DD (nursery class) came home today and told me that a 'naughty' boy in school slapped her mouth! :shock: As she said this, her eyes welled up with tears. :love:

I asked further and found out that the teacher merely chided the boy and asked DD to wash her face in the toilet cos she was crying and tears streaking her face.

This is not the first time DD's classmates have been rough with her. I always told her to tell the 'bully' to \"stop it, don't do that. I don't like it\" and then tell the teacher about it. But she always ends up keeping quiet or just cry. :slapshead:

What shld I do? I don't want to complain to the teacher every time she got 'bullied' as it may appear I'm over protective. But it hurt my heart every time DD comes home and complain that so-and-so hit her. Any parent got any advice to get DD to defend herself from being bullied? :nunchuk:

I think the most important thing here is to allow your daughter to stand up for herself. Perhaps you can show her a few movies of empowered girls who stand up for themselves in the face of bullying and adversity. I'm sure there are many teen movies that show this. Also, it would be good to constantly encourage her to speak up. When you prepare her dinner and if she ever does say that she doesn't like the food, commend her for her honesty and for speaking up! Slowly she'll gain more confidence in standing her ground.

It's absolutely vital to show a bully that you're not afraid - so your daughter should look him square in the face and never run or cry when he tries to bully her again. Worst case scenario: punch him back! LOL. kidding!

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 07 Feb 2014 10:30:16 GMT

Beatrice_NoQ — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 10:30:16 GMT

Angelight:
My DD (nursery class) came home today and told me that a 'naughty' boy in school slapped her mouth! :shock: As she said this, her eyes welled up with tears. :love:

I asked further and found out that the teacher merely chided the boy and asked DD to wash her face in the toilet cos she was crying and tears streaking her face.

This is not the first time DD's classmates have been rough with her. I always told her to tell the 'bully' to \"stop it, don't do that. I don't like it\" and then tell the teacher about it. But she always ends up keeping quiet or just cry. :slapshead:

What shld I do? I don't want to complain to the teacher every time she got 'bullied' as it may appear I'm over protective. But it hurt my heart every time DD comes home and complain that so-and-so hit her. Any parent got any advice to get DD to defend herself from being bullied? :nunchuk:

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 07 Feb 2014 04:17:02 GMT

Blue Pearl — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 04:17:02 GMT

Tks for the article

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Sat, 26 May 2012 03:38:27 GMT

Compass — Sat, 26 May 2012 03:38:27 GMT

Came across article on How to Deal with Bullying:

http://www.family.org.sg/default.aspx?go=article&aid=943

Cheers..

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:33:22 GMT

warriortemujin — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:33:22 GMT

When a child gets bullied, the 1st instinct is lost. As parents, I think we should teach them how to handle it. Best is show them the right way to handle bullies. How you would like your child to handle, would very much depends on what you deem best.

For me, I like to teach my boys martial arts. Not to ask them to fight but at least I know that they could protect themselves, one day should they be bullied.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:20:58 GMT

Allanice — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:20:58 GMT

Anon:
I am a believer that we should teach our kids how to hold their own from a young age. I always tell my daughters that they are born bold to manage the numerous challenges in life. Bullies only have power over them if they allow them. If you parents intervene directly, the bullies and peers will lose respect for your children.

For my girls, I teach them to avoid/resolve conflict whenever possible, retort with wit and retaliate with physical manoeuvres which do not harm the other. E.g. staying away from the bullies, not showing any fear when encountered, standing up to them with comebacks if confronted and neutralizing physical attacks by deflection or jamming.

It's a great opportunity for them to develop EQ and character in the face of adversity. My P1 daughter was emotionally-bullied by P2 girls while on the school bus for the last 3 weeks. It ranged from unfairly claiming her seat, constant ly mocking her name and deceiving her into moving a seat back on the pretext of sitting together. It was a baptism of fire but she bravely stood up to the bullies. Not only did she make them looked like lousy bullies, she gained newfound respect among her peers and of herself. Well, I couldn't be any prouder for her.

This reminds me of my primary school days..... I was also bullied in the school bus before

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:08:48 GMT

Anon — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:08:48 GMT

I am a believer that we should teach our kids how to hold their own from a young age. I always tell my daughters that they are born bold to manage the numerous challenges in life. Bullies only have power over them if they allow them. If you parents intervene directly, the bullies and peers will lose respect for your children.

For my girls, I teach them to avoid/resolve conflict whenever possible, retort with wit and retaliate with physical manoeuvres which do not harm the other. E.g. staying away from the bullies, not showing any fear when encountered, standing up to them with comebacks if confronted and neutralizing physical attacks by deflection or jamming.

It’s a great opportunity for them to develop EQ and character in the face of adversity. My P1 daughter was emotionally-bullied by P2 girls while on the school bus for the last 3 weeks. It ranged from unfairly claiming her seat, constantly mocking her name and deceiving her into moving a seat back on the pretext of sitting together. It was a baptism of fire but she bravely stood up to the bullies. Not only did she make them looked like lousy bullies, she gained newfound respect among her peers and of herself. Well, I couldn’t be any prouder for her.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Tue, 31 May 2011 13:44:25 GMT

smartmummy — Tue, 31 May 2011 13:44:25 GMT

hi all!

my p3 son tricky replying and use disgusting words and playing with sister that learning from peers.How to handle this?He said he learnt these techniques, cos defeat his friends.Thanks in advance

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Wed, 18 May 2011 12:49:31 GMT

Angelight — Wed, 18 May 2011 12:49:31 GMT

My DD (nursery class) came home today and told me that a 'naughty' boy in school slapped her mouth! :shock: As she said this, her eyes welled up with tears. :love:

I asked further and found out that the teacher merely chided the boy and asked DD to wash her face in the toilet cos she was crying and tears streaking her face.

This is not the first time DD's classmates have been rough with her. I always told her to tell the 'bully' to \"stop it, don't do that. I don't like it\" and then tell the teacher about it. But she always ends up keeping quiet or just cry. :slapshead:

What shld I do? I don't want to complain to the teacher every time she got 'bullied' as it may appear I'm over protective. But it hurt my heart every time DD comes home and complain that so-and-so hit her. Any parent got any advice to get DD to defend herself from being bullied? :nunchuk:

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:07:45 GMT

daddybear — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:07:45 GMT

shurley197323:
My boy is in P2 this year. He has a big fat bully in his class. The bully had bullied almost 95% of his classmates like pinching, pushing, boxing,hiting etc since P1. But so far, the teacher only ask the bully to apologize and the case is closed. This happened countless time/ Till yesterday, the bully kicked my boy and boxed the other bo/s face again. I could not hold my temper and made a huge scene at the canteen. This time, the principal was informed. I told the school that the bully is not the 1st or 2nd offence but countless times and still they did not do any actions against him? :x

Can someone advise me what further actions can I do in the situations?
I told the teacher I want to see the bully getting punished seriously this time not apologising only. Right?

Actually... i am a firm believer in self-defense. What are your options?

1) Beat the P2 boy up personally?
2) Complain to the principal? ->same question of what can he/she do?
3) Complain to his parents? Which is a bit redundant since you wouldn't be in this situation if they were even semi-competent as parents

There will always be bullying, playground, schools, army, workplace. Might as well start giving him the tools to stand up for himself. It does not mean teaching him to throat punch someone, but just standing up for himself. Anyway, you get the idea...

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:02:58 GMT

shurley197323 — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 06:02:58 GMT

My boy is in P2 this year. He has a big fat bully in his class. The bully had bullied almost 95% of his classmates like pinching, pushing, boxing,hiting etc since P1. But so far, the teacher only ask the bully to apologize and the case is closed. This happened countless time/ Till yesterday, the bully kicked my boy and boxed the other bo/s face again. I could not hold my temper and made a huge scene at the canteen. This time, the principal was informed. I told the school that the bully is not the 1st or 2nd offence but countless times and still they did not do any actions against him? :x

Can someone advise me what further actions can I do in the situations?
I told the teacher I want to see the bully getting punished seriously this time not apologising only. Right?

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:13:59 GMT

Chenonceau — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:13:59 GMT

smurf:
Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?

I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

Yah lor... kids... they fight they cry and complain and then after that happy again. :?

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:11:11 GMT

smurf — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:11:11 GMT

Good idea. That's what my boy did also. He said he asked that bully to stop and when he didn't, he said he looked out of the bus window. I asked him why he did that, he said he just want some peace. :?

I dunno lah, now he complained to me, then when I ask him totell that boy off, he said he want some peace...dun understand.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:08:41 GMT

Chenonceau — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:08:41 GMT

smurf:
Anyone has any advice for this?

My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it's a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

Happened to my boy. He came home and asked me for permission to punch the guy. I said \"No\" because I didn't want him to resort to violence as a first solution. He then came up with another idea... sit in one corner and pretend to fall asleep. Very soon, it became a real nap. He heard nothing and after a while, the name calling stopped and he became quite good friends with the other fellow. Even got invited to b'day party.

Best way to conquer an enemy is to make him your friend.

Another technique we figured out together was to jokingly tease back. Have some fun making up names to call each other and giggle everytime you come up with a particularly creative one. After a while, his school bus became a rip-roaring bunch of back thumping drunkards.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:02:27 GMT

smurf — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 12:02:27 GMT

Anyone has any advice for this?

My boy p1 is taking sch bus to sch, and in the bus, there is also p2 students. And one of the p2 often makes fun of my boy, and some other boys p1 as well. He often called these p1 students nasty words such as shit, stupid, fatty boom boom, even called them gals. Is there any way I can help to stop all these nonsenses? I dun really want to confront the boy as Im not sure if it’s a misunderstanding, but from what my boy said it happened very often. When the p1 boys told him to stop it, he still continue.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:49:39 GMT

Chimmy — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 00:49:39 GMT

Chenonceau and Misulo,

Thank you for replying. It is good to hear from other mums and learning from one another.
It is indeed a challenge raising boys to be tough and yet kind and compassionate; being able to fit in and yet, having the courage to stand up against what is wrong.
Violence only begets violence. It is sad that schools should preach resolving conflict in a civilized way and yet allow a culture that encourages violence. Mums, how do we want to raise our sons? Do we want them to hit back? Is this the only way to prove a boy’s manliness? I have always told my sons to exercise restraint, that all form of violence is not right unless it is in self-defense. I definitely do not want my sons to be in a school that supports a hidden culture of violence.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 12:02:37 GMT

MisuloSG — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 12:02:37 GMT

Chimmy,

Wow, after reading what you said, I think schools should step up their bully awareness programs. Because if they treat such matters as trivialities, it will do both parties (the bullied and the bullies) no good in the long run. What the english teacher did to your son was not helpful in the least bit.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 08:30:06 GMT

Allanice — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 08:30:06 GMT

Oopsgal,

Thks for the recommendation. Will definitely try and source the book as well as read more of theses related books to DS

cherrygal
Ya, some parents will be defensive wen all the fingers were pointed at them . However, but to say that bad Parents= bad kids can be hurtful because it may not be true for all cases.

I did my best to educate DS him that beating is wrong. DS is bit slow in his social skill, which I thk there mz be many cobrtibuting factors to it. He stl could not handle his emotion well. He was born on the last day of the yr and I hope as yrs pass, he will be able to catch up with rest of his peers, in everyways.

I do not experience this kinda problem with my elder dau .Their character is so different. Every child is diff and I may need extra effort and patience on my DS . gambateh!

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 08:28:28 GMT

Fat Mama — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 08:28:28 GMT

There is a girl in DD's class whose mother is a teacher in the same school n bcos of that, she is very super bossy n proud. All the classmates dislike her but are afraid of her n had to give her face bcos of her mother.

Last yr, DD P4 was in the same project group as her and DD was slapped on her face bcos DD disagreed with her on some points regarding the project. DD din inform the FT as FT lessons were over. After the last lesson, the bossy girl passed a sorry note to DD but DD didnt want to accept and returned the note to her. DD told me if she accepted it meant she forgive her.

After school, DD told me the incident and I called the FT immediately. FT was very surprised and could not believe that the girl who is the MONITORESS and STUDENT LEADER slapped my DD. I told FT to investigate the matter.

The next day, FT called me and said that the bossy girl admitted slapping DD but very lightly only. I requested FT to remove her from being a monitoress and she was strip of her duties. Later bossy girl's mum called to apologise and said she knows her DD very bossy and not many ppl like her.

I tot that was the end of the episode. BUT....

After 2 days, bossy girl told DD's friend \"DD's mum (tats me she was referring to) is not fit to be her mother\". :x :x
DD's friend told DD about the comment. When I fuming when I heard it. I called the FT and told her about the comments and my intention of bringing up the matter to the discipline mistress.

After a while, bossy's mum who is a teacher in the same school called me n apologise n apologise asking me not to blow up the matter. In the background I could hear bossy girl crying very loudly n bossy girl apologise to me as well.

After the showdown, bossy girl stayed away from DD becos she is scared of DD's fierce mum.

DD learnt a precious lesson to be firm n speak up for herself.

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 07:46:22 GMT

cherrygal — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 07:46:22 GMT

I don’t know why but when parents of bullies are told their kids hit or bit others, these parents don’t even apologize. They just keep saying they are just kids, or they didn’t tell their kids to hit or bite. How do you get the message across to these parents? Worse, the parents even get defensive when approached.

I think the most basic courtesy for such parents is to quickly apologize and promise to teach their kids properly. If parents condone bad behaviour just because they think kids are kids, then their kids will never learn.

Bad parents = bad kids…

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:58:49 GMT

Oppsgal — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 06:58:49 GMT

Allanice:
Hi all,

After browsing thru the topic, I noticed most of the DDs and DSs were the bullying target ...

Sigh , I was pretty upset yesterday- nt becoz my DS being bullied at his childcare(cc), but was being labelled as a bullie by his classmate's grandma. I mz admit, I felt upset and sorry for the classmate-DS hurting the little girl in his class by beating her.

The teacher called me yesterday to inform me wat happened was yesterday DS was playing toys w the frends, and suddenly wen the teacher jz turn around DS was hitting the frend ! Worse was the victim's mom happened to come and saw the whole process. And j got to know DS bit this girl before somewhere last yr.( The last time the grandma was oredy fussi v over this issue)

So yesterday wen the incident happened, of course the victim's mom was very angry and reprimanded the teacher for not watching over the kids. So the mom brought the girl home--and the story was did not end there .

After a while, the girl's grandma went to the ctre and barge in to scold the teacher and DS. Teacher told me DS was put in the principal office oredy wen the grandma came. Teacher told me the grandma came and scold & scold.. To the teacher as well. On the phone, teacher did not tell what did the grandma said to DS. But this morning wen I brought DS to school , another teacher told me the grandma repeatedly screamed at my son \"DON U EVER BEAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AGAIN\"!!!! The form teacher told me the situation was sort of out of control yesterday and she apologized and apologized to the grandma.... Being an experienced teacher, she tried to explained to the grandma things happened too fast that's why she couldnt stop the hitting in time....wen the teacher tried to exained the grandmother accused the teacher fir siding DS....but to the teacher, she treat all the children the same and I knew it for I can see her love for all her students.

I felt bad, very bad and I admitted wat DS did was wrong. Hitting pple is definitely wrong - even if your were to defend yourself.

I tOld the teacher that I would like to apologize to the parents if they do not want let the matter rest.I am willing to talk to them face to face. The teacher juz told me she will see if the parents/ grandma have anything to say again the following day. As far as this is concern, she dun wish to see parents in conflicts due to this issue. It is her resposibilty and due to her 1sec negligence + DS misbehavior. + hidden reason (Eg toy snatching ..?) that coz all these to happen.

Teacher adv me to have a talk with DS which I did.

Sigh.... I prayed that my 38mth old DS will be more tamed a d mature

Try to get a copy of Hands Are Not for Hitting (Board Book) and read to your child every few days. I have read the book over and over. Seems to work for my child.

http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp/157542200X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299221799&sr=8-1

Reply to How to teach children to handle bullies on Fri, 04 Mar 2011 03:42:30 GMT

Allanice — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 03:42:30 GMT

Hi all,

After browsing thru the topic, I noticed most of the DDs and DSs were the bullying target ...

Sigh , I was pretty upset yesterday- nt becoz my DS being bullied at his childcare(cc), but was being labelled as a bullie by his classmate's grandma. I mz admit, I felt upset and sorry for the classmate-DS hurting the little girl in his class by beating her.

The teacher called me yesterday to inform me wat happened was yesterday DS was playing toys w the frends, and suddenly wen the teacher jz turn around DS was hitting the frend ! Worse was the victim's mom happened to come and saw the whole process. And j got to know DS bit this girl before somewhere last yr.( The last time the grandma was oredy fussi v over this issue)

So yesterday wen the incident happened, of course the victim's mom was very angry and reprimanded the teacher for not watching over the kids. So the mom brought the girl home--and the story was did not end there .

After a while, the girl's grandma went to the ctre and barge in to scold the teacher and DS. Teacher told me DS was put in the principal office oredy wen the grandma came. Teacher told me the grandma came and scold & scold.. To the teacher as well. On the phone, teacher did not tell what did the grandma said to DS. But this morning wen I brought DS to school , another teacher told me the grandma repeatedly screamed at my son \"DON U EVER BEAT MY GRANDDAUGHTER AGAIN\"!!!! The form teacher told me the situation was sort of out of control yesterday and she apologized and apologized to the grandma.... Being an experienced teacher, she tried to explained to the grandma things happened too fast that's why she couldnt stop the hitting in time....wen the teacher tried to exained the grandmother accused the teacher fir siding DS....but to the teacher, she treat all the children the same and I knew it for I can see her love for all her students.

I felt bad, very bad and I admitted wat DS did was wrong. Hitting pple is definitely wrong - even if your were to defend yourself.

I tOld the teacher that I would like to apologize to the parents if they do not want let the matter rest.I am willing to talk to them face to face. The teacher juz told me she will see if the parents/ grandma have anything to say again the following day. As far as this is concern, she dun wish to see parents in conflicts due to this issue. It is her resposibilty and due to her 1sec negligence + DS misbehavior. + hidden reason (Eg toy snatching ..?) that coz all these to happen.

Teacher adv me to have a talk with DS which I did.

Sigh.... I prayed that my 38mth old DS will be more tamed a d mature