生死谈

Reply to 生死谈 on Mon, 21 Jul 2014 05:34:04 GMT

pinky — Mon, 21 Jul 2014 05:34:04 GMT

Look at MH17 case, there were entire families wiped out by the accident,

aspiring and smart people who died in their prime and many looking forward to family reunions etc... :sad:

Reply to 生死谈 on Sun, 20 Jul 2014 07:33:15 GMT

icy_mama — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 07:33:15 GMT

insider:
..I am in my second mourning of the loss of my classmate who passed on over the weekend. Two deaths of good friends within 3 months are a bit heavy for me to digest.

尘归尘，土归土 - seems easy but can be difficult even after a person is no longer around.

RIP, my beloved friends. 一路走好......

:hugs: take it easy, insider.

there was a time when graduations are what we celebrated, then there were the weddings, baby showers, birthdays, birthdays after birthdays, i think there will come a time when me and my best friends will meet more often at funerals.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sun, 20 Jul 2014 07:05:12 GMT

insider — Sun, 20 Jul 2014 07:05:12 GMT

Some living will fight over the ‘ownership’ of ash (I shared this before).

My best friend who has just passed on about 2 months ago.

Few years back, his grandma passed away. Despite a Buddhist, she was also sent off as a Christian by his aunt after she died (my friend’s dad is no longer around, also died of cancer earlier than his grandma). He was not agreeable with the Chrisitian funeral arrangement but as a 小辈, he couldn’t say much.

However, as the favourite grandson of his grandma (they lived together), his only request to his aunt was he wanted the ash that was supposedly needed to be scattered in the sea as per his aunt’s arrangement. He told his aunt since she doesn’t believe in the ash holding any meanings, then please just give it to him so that he could put her ash in the same temple of his dad and granddad. I could still remember so vividly that he said one day, his ash would be with them too in the same temple. His aunt relented and gave him the grandma’s ash. He visited both his dad and grandparents then in the temple.

So, it is so ironical that his ash now is in a church. I feel kind of guilty for not ‘fighting’ for him but over the considerations of 是死人的意愿重要还是活人的意愿重要，I kept quiet to give peace to the living, esp when I am not blood-related to him (maybe if blood-related, I will ‘fight’.)

I am in my second mourning of the loss of my classmate who passed on over the weekend. Two deaths of good friends within 3 months are a bit heavy for me to digest.

尘归尘，土归土 - seems easy but can be difficult even after a person is no longer around.

RIP, my beloved friends. 一路走好…

Reply to 生死谈 on Thu, 17 Jul 2014 01:40:46 GMT

MysticPurple — Thu, 17 Jul 2014 01:40:46 GMT

ngl2010:
starlight1968sg:
[quote=\"pinky\"]It's so sad when my brother and sister lamenting that when they pass on, they will want their ashes to cast into the sea because their children are of

different religion and very likely will not want to be involved in the funeral arrangements and subsequent religious rites eg Qing Ming festival, anniversary etc. So so :sad:
Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.

:hi5: Me too!

I don't think my great grandchildren will visit my urn so no need to put me in columbarium. The columbarium money can be donated to charity. [/quote]
I told my family that I like that idea of having my ashes buried under a tree (like what the Koreans did) I think it's a very good way of returning back to mother nature what she had given me during my life on earth.

Reply to 生死谈 on Wed, 16 Jul 2014 04:32:22 GMT

starlight1968sg — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 04:32:22 GMT

GLORYmum:
starlight1968sg:

Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.
Believe me, this will not be an easy task for your loved ones.

One of my colleagues said that the ash should be placed in an urn so that there is something for my loved ones to hold onto, so to speak.

One of my UK's friends scattered her mum's ash in a garden.

Reply to 生死谈 on Wed, 16 Jul 2014 04:17:15 GMT

zbear — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 04:17:15 GMT

starlight1968sg:
pinky:
It's so sad when my brother and sister lamenting that when they pass on, they will want their ashes to cast into the sea because their children are of

different religion and very likely will not want to be involved in the funeral arrangements and subsequent religious rites eg Qing Ming festival, anniversary etc. So so :sad:
Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.

DH also said the same thing. Looks like the sea will be polluted with human ash

Reply to 生死谈 on Tue, 15 Jul 2014 12:18:48 GMT

GLORYmum — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 12:18:48 GMT

starlight1968sg:

Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.

Believe me, this will not be an easy task for your loved ones.

Reply to 生死谈 on Tue, 15 Jul 2014 12:12:07 GMT

ngl2010 — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 12:12:07 GMT

starlight1968sg:
pinky:
It's so sad when my brother and sister lamenting that when they pass on, they will want their ashes to cast into the sea because their children are of

different religion and very likely will not want to be involved in the funeral arrangements and subsequent religious rites eg Qing Ming festival, anniversary etc. So so :sad:
Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.

:hi5: Me too!

I don't think my great grandchildren will visit my urn so no need to put me in columbarium. The columbarium money can be donated to charity.

Reply to 生死谈 on Tue, 15 Jul 2014 10:34:32 GMT

starlight1968sg — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 10:34:32 GMT

pinky:
It's so sad when my brother and sister lamenting that when they pass on, they will want their ashes to cast into the sea because their children are of

different religion and very likely will not want to be involved in the funeral arrangements and subsequent religious rites eg Qing Ming festival, anniversary etc. So so :sad:

Am one who told my famiy members that I would like my ash to be cast into the sea mainly because I dont see the purpose of confining \"myself\" in an urn.

Reply to 生死谈 on Tue, 15 Jul 2014 09:59:12 GMT

pinky — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 09:59:12 GMT

It's so sad when my brother and sister lamenting that when they pass on, they will want their ashes to cast into the sea because their children are of

different religion and very likely will not want to be involved in the funeral arrangements and subsequent religious rites eg Qing Ming festival, anniversary etc. So so :sad:

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 15:53:04 GMT

ngl2010 — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 15:53:04 GMT

zbear:
In my personal opinion, all religions are good. Its mankind who interpret the teachings according to what they want to believe n thus become distorted.

We must learn to respect one another's beliefs n not force (directly or indirectly) onto another person in times of weakness (eg, dying). Isnt that committing a sin?

:goodpost:

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 08:23:23 GMT

rains — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 08:23:23 GMT

I believe that most of us know that it’s not right to impose one’s belief or faith on another, but I can understand why one would ‘force’ one’s faith on a loved one. She (for some reason, it’s usually a female) is likely to be anxious that her loved one does not go to heaven. In her anxiety, she also forgets that the forcing is futile if her loved one does not genuinely believe in her faith. Or perhaps she doesn’t forget. She hopes that by having an outward expression of that willingness, it would or could invoke a genuine willingness within.

Let’s hope that none of us here would be compelled to do something against our wishes on our death beds.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 08:11:26 GMT

starlight1968sg — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 08:11:26 GMT

Yes, all religions teach us to be good and kind. None promotes inflicting harm on others.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 07:57:31 GMT

zbear — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 07:57:31 GMT

In my personal opinion, all religions are good. Its mankind who interpret the teachings according to what they want to believe n thus become distorted.

We must learn to respect one another’s beliefs n not force (directly or indirectly) onto another person in times of weakness (eg, dying). Isnt that committing a sin?

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 07:34:58 GMT

rains — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 07:34:58 GMT

Sometimes what we know of the spiritual realm is as much as what we are taught.

We tend to ‘legalise’ what we think we know. The idea of ‘interrupting one’s journey to heaven’ is not too different from the toaist belief, I think. One of my free-thinker sisters stopped my mother from learning how to pray to Jesus bcos she believed that a toaist must not pray to Jesus.

Another sister of mine, also a christian - upon hearing that I prayed for my father, urged me to do a holy communion with my father, not knowing that a holy communion is for the believers rather than the non-believers.

It leads me to believe that my christian sister:
1) may have received the wrong doctrines or
2) forms her own ideas about the holy communion or
3) misinterpreted the teaching on holy communion.

Sometimes even as staunch believers, we could become self-righteous and flaky, thinking that certain ceremonies or rituals are "good" or "no good", forgetting that God’s ways are higher than man’s.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 06:17:01 GMT

insider — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 06:17:01 GMT

rains:

I am not sure under what kinda circumstances the patient above had accepted the faith but God does not look at the appearance. If his heart belongs to Christ, it wouldn't affect his salvation even if the family conducted a buddhist ritual for him. Conversely, if his heart does not belong to Christ, it doesn't matter if he had a christian burial. Yes, it's sad that the family deprived him of his last wish especially when it seemed significant and meaningful to him.

As a staunch Buddhist myself, I fully understand the power of a faith and always encourage everyone having one to practice the good that any proper religion would preach and to garner the strength that a faith can provide in dire times.

Friend's sis is a staunch Catholic who believes that my friend was troubled by devils to ask for the Buddhist rituals and she should have full faith in her God not to be tempted by evils that may disrupt her brother's journey to heaven.

This year has been a terrible year for me with two good friends died/dying before age 50 and a beloved godma who lies paralysed completely.

So heartache...

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:28:33 GMT

rains — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:28:33 GMT

Those who try to convert another to their faith are likely doing it out of good intention.

My father had to go thro a major operation recently, without which we would lose him within a week.

My father has always been a self-sufficient man who would not admit to feeling pain unless it’s tormenting him greatly. Likewise where faith is concerned, he always says that he is his own god. Yet moments before he was to go for the op, the fear of dying on the operating table became apparent to us.

When I was alone with him, I told him I was not afriad of losing him to death. I was only afraid that he died going to hell. He said as long as I go to heaven, it’s good enough. I asked him "How can I be happy in heaven when you are in hell?"

He accepted my offer to pray for him. I didn’t want to force my faith on him, but told him to say "Jesus, save me." before he went into the operating theatre. I felt that the simple phrase could mean different things, and he could pray it in any way he wished if he so wished.

I am not sure under what kinda circumstances the patient above had accepted the faith but God does not look at the appearance. If his heart belongs to Christ, it wouldn’t affect his salvation even if the family conducted a buddhist ritual for him. Conversely, if his heart does not belong to Christ, it doesn’t matter if he had a christian burial. Yes, it’s sad that the family deprived him of his last wish especially when it seemed significant and meaningful to him.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:27:56 GMT

starlight1968sg — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:27:56 GMT

I read somewhere in Korea, a child w/o parents (due to death) was called an orphan. Parents whose child dead have "no name" because there was no word to describe their pain.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:20:54 GMT

insider — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:20:54 GMT

autumnbronze:
There were 4 of us siblings.

Now when people asked how many? It feels weird and sad to say 3.

Make me think of one of my best friends' grandmother who has 5 sons and 4 pre-deceased before her and how she is going to answer the question if people ask her how many children she has.

To live till the age of able to see own child/children die one by one before self - a blessing or a curse?

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:11:45 GMT

Integer — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:11:45 GMT

autumnbronze:
There were 4 of us siblings.

Now when people asked how many? It feels weird and sad to say 3.

:hugs: AB...

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:04:33 GMT

Imami — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 05:04:33 GMT

autumnbronze:
There were 4 of us siblings.

Now when people asked how many? It feels weird and sad to say 3.

:hugs:

Can we not continue to say \"there were 4 of us\" and add \"but 1 lives in our hearts now\"? :imsorry: I am not good at consoling people.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 04:45:49 GMT

autumnbronze — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 04:45:49 GMT

There were 4 of us siblings.

Now when people asked how many? It feels weird and sad to say 3.

Reply to 生死谈 on Sat, 12 Jul 2014 04:40:08 GMT

zbear — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 04:40:08 GMT

I feel so sad n depressed after reading insider’s posting.

Its so difficult to accept death as part of life.