^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 29 Jul 2018 08:18:40 GMT

bboomer71 — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 08:18:40 GMT

phtthp:
bboomer71:
What is there not to love about a girl? You may think the world of your Son now. But when they grow up, they will belong to their wives. But a girl will always be with you. You can argue but she will always be with you. You can shop together, chit chat. Your Son will not have the patience for that. Love her and she will love you back forever. I have 2 kids, 14 year old DS and 12 year old DD.

:goodpost:

my friend's son is doing A-level this year, in a JC. My friend so worried what kind of future daughter-in-law she's going to get, after her son get married one day, in future.

So, she acted proactively, start to look (scout) around for good, potential \"guai-guai\" P6 to Sec 4 girls, from within her own network of friends / associates / colleagues, short-list them, before start to introduce them to her son. She said is better to help him find one, than to worry he chose the wrong one, wreak havoc next time to the family

Wah, your friend so \"pro\" one ah, LOL.

Jokes aside, I hope to have my DIL's interests at heart too, like how I treat my DD, so that we can get along better. When I quit my job to be a SAHM, my MIL really poured cold water on me and I think she wouldn't have said all those unkind things if I was her DD. Hope to do better. But am going :offtopic: heehee

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 29 Jul 2018 07:02:11 GMT

phtthp — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 07:02:11 GMT

bboomer71:
What is there not to love about a girl? You may think the world of your Son now. But when they grow up, they will belong to their wives. But a girl will always be with you. You can argue but she will always be with you. You can shop together, chit chat. Your Son will not have the patience for that. Love her and she will love you back forever. I have 2 kids, 14 year old DS and 12 year old DD.

:goodpost:

my friend's son is doing A-level this year, in a JC. My friend so worried what kind of future daughter-in-law she's going to get, after her son get married one day, in future.

So, she acted proactively, start to look (scout) around for good, potential \"guai-guai\" P6 to Sec 4 girls, from within her own network of friends / associates / colleagues, short-list them, before start to introduce them to her son. She said is better to help him find one, than to worry he chose the wrong one, wreak havoc next time to the family

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 29 Jul 2018 02:00:02 GMT

janet88 — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 02:00:02 GMT

bboomer71:
What is there not to love about a girl? You may think the world of your Son now. But when they grow up, they will belong to their wives. But a girl will always be with you. You can argue but she will always be with you. You can shop together, chit chat. Your Son will not have the patience for that. Love her and she will love you back forever. I have 2 kids, 14 year old DS and 12 year old DD.

:goodpost:
I thought I would be closer to my son because of his condition. he is 18 now and independent. soon he will enlist for NS. he is pretty much on his own and minds it when I put my arm around him...but not my daughter.
although I can still chat with him, it's not the girl stuff. when we go shopping, he disappears to find his interests.
my girl will hang around and provide opinions.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 29 Jul 2018 01:11:30 GMT

bboomer71 — Sun, 29 Jul 2018 01:11:30 GMT

What is there not to love about a girl? You may think the world of your Son now. But when they grow up, they will belong to their wives. But a girl will always be with you. You can argue but she will always be with you. You can shop together, chit chat. Your Son will not have the patience for that. Love her and she will love you back forever. I have 2 kids, 14 year old DS and 12 year old DD.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 28 Jul 2018 12:46:09 GMT

rainmaker74447 — Sat, 28 Jul 2018 12:46:09 GMT

The child must be 4 years old now?

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Mon, 23 Jul 2018 10:36:34 GMT

sharonkhoo — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 10:36:34 GMT

worried_mummy02:
slmkhoo:
[quote=\"worried_mummy02\"]How did u n ur gal hav such a close bonding? I cannot even bring myself to tink of wanting to b close wif her in future, feel v terrible now..Taking care of a gal not easy rite? More different clothes n things to buy? More stuff to wash n go toilet part oso need to care abt hygience more?

You cannot bond with a baby you can't see, can't touch, can't talk to. You will be fine once you see her face. DId you feel so close to your son while he was still in your womb? Are you feeling that you will \"betray\" your son by loving another baby? Please don't. Mothers have enough love for many children; I have friends with 7! And love is not just a feeling, it's a commitment and actions. Act out your love and the feelings will come.

I dun feel so close wif my son when he is in my womb but i know i ll love him..but now i m so disappointed abt the gender tat i reli feel i wont love her..i feel tat i m such a terrible mum..yes i feel bad tat my son has to share the love which make me even dun feel lik loving my gal..i cannot imagine sharing the bed wif her n cannot feel the happiness when she wake up beside me..[/quote]I'm sorry, I feel you are thinking too much. Please focus on the positives and not the negatives.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Mon, 23 Jul 2018 07:52:47 GMT

worried_mummy02 — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 07:52:47 GMT

slmkhoo:
worried_mummy02:
How did u n ur gal hav such a close bonding? I cannot even bring myself to tink of wanting to b close wif her in future, feel v terrible now..Taking care of a gal not easy rite? More different clothes n things to buy? More stuff to wash n go toilet part oso need to care abt hygience more?

You cannot bond with a baby you can't see, can't touch, can't talk to. You will be fine once you see her face. DId you feel so close to your son while he was still in your womb? Are you feeling that you will \"betray\" your son by loving another baby? Please don't. Mothers have enough love for many children; I have friends with 7! And love is not just a feeling, it's a commitment and actions. Act out your love and the feelings will come.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Mon, 23 Jul 2018 06:43:42 GMT

sharonkhoo — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 06:43:42 GMT

worried_mummy02:
How did u n ur gal hav such a close bonding? I cannot even bring myself to tink of wanting to b close wif her in future, feel v terrible now..Taking care of a gal not easy rite? More different clothes n things to buy? More stuff to wash n go toilet part oso need to care abt hygience more?

You cannot bond with a baby you can't see, can't touch, can't talk to. You will be fine once you see her face. DId you feel so close to your son while he was still in your womb? Are you feeling that you will \"betray\" your son by loving another baby? Please don't. Mothers have enough love for many children; I have friends with 7! And love is not just a feeling, it's a commitment and actions. Act out your love and the feelings will come.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Mon, 23 Jul 2018 06:14:32 GMT

worried_mummy02 — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 06:14:32 GMT

janet88:
worried_mummy02:

Hi janet88, i will b seeing the gynae in 2 weeks time..mayb i shd tell her abt my feelings but i guess she ll refer me to a specialist for depression..tat will b costly too n i m afraid of taking medication..u r v brave n a strong mummy..sometimes i did hav the thoughts of giving up tis pregnancy but my dh is against the idea..he wan me to try bonding wif my gal after she is born..but i find it so hard to open up my heart..
firstly an unexpected pregnancy takes time to accept.
mine are about 5 years apart (jan and nov). son wanted a sister,so that she won't take his toys (being a king for too long).
on the whole he accepted her well & wasn't jealous with her arrival.
we involved him in many aspects like choosing clothes for her and constantly assured him he is very important.

your gynae may refer you to a psychologist who can advise you. a psychologist is not a doctor, so she won't be able to prescribe medication. besides, you are pregnant...so you can't take any anti-depressants.
a little life is formed and you will be expecting a girl. look at all the pretty girls' clothes. think of all the secrets you will be sharing with her. my daughter and i go shopping together often. she gives me opinions on clothes and updates me what happens in school. we will giggle and laugh over some secrets and when hubby wants to know, her reply to him is, 'girls' stuff'.

I told my son n he is oso fine wif a meimei as long as someone who can play wif him..its juz me cannot get over it..i went to look at baby girls clothes but still cannot b happi n look forward to her being born..i keep on having the bad idea of ending the pregnancy, i know its v bad of me..i cry everyday n feel so down..

How did u n ur gal hav such a close bonding? I cannot even bring myself to tink of wanting to b close wif her in future, feel v terrible now..Taking care of a gal not easy rite? More different clothes n things to buy? More stuff to wash n go toilet part oso need to care abt hygience more?

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 22 Jul 2018 06:42:22 GMT

janet88 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 06:42:22 GMT

worried_mummy02:

Hi janet88, i will b seeing the gynae in 2 weeks time..mayb i shd tell her abt my feelings but i guess she ll refer me to a specialist for depression..tat will b costly too n i m afraid of taking medication..u r v brave n a strong mummy..sometimes i did hav the thoughts of giving up tis pregnancy but my dh is against the idea..he wan me to try bonding wif my gal after she is born..but i find it so hard to open up my heart..

firstly an unexpected pregnancy takes time to accept.
mine are about 5 years apart (jan and nov). son wanted a sister,so that she won't take his toys (being a king for too long).
on the whole he accepted her well & wasn't jealous with her arrival.
we involved him in many aspects like choosing clothes for her and constantly assured him he is very important.

your gynae may refer you to a psychologist who can advise you. a psychologist is not a doctor, so she won't be able to prescribe medication. besides, you are pregnant...so you can't take any anti-depressants.
a little life is formed and you will be expecting a girl. look at all the pretty girls' clothes. think of all the secrets you will be sharing with her. my daughter and i go shopping together often. she gives me opinions on clothes and updates me what happens in school. we will giggle and laugh over some secrets and when hubby wants to know, her reply to him is, 'girls' stuff'.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 22 Jul 2018 05:45:04 GMT

zac's mum — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 05:45:04 GMT

Hi…I dunno if this will help. I have an 8 year old boy myself. He has no sisters. But I have experience looking after my nieces as they are growing up. Also experience bringing some friends’ kids for outings, boys and girls.

Personally…I find girls so much easier to look after and manage. I know this is a very broad generalization, but 90% of the girls I handle are very compliant and 听话. So easy, not much fuss at all. Conversely (and my own son is one of them), 90% of boys are never listening to instructions. They will push the boundaries more & take more risks due to the testosterone in their bodies. It is so much more tiring on me to be on full alert all the time for boys.

Thus I believe, if you could handle your boy growing up, a girl will be a walk in the park. Plus you can ask your hubby and son to help out. Just my take on this. I wish I had a sweet little girl to balance and tame my rambunctious active boy haha.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 22 Jul 2018 05:32:24 GMT

worried_mummy02 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 05:32:24 GMT

janet88:
worried_mummy02:
Tks all for ur advice..but i reli feel v down now, i m not looking forward to her coming out..it was kinda unexpected pregnancy after so many yrs..i m so used to loving my boy only n the house is full of boys stuff only..i donno how to love a daughter n reli worried i dun love her after she is born..i feel so miserable everyday n donno how to b positive..

when is your next appointment to see the gynae? I suggest your hubby accompanies you...if he can't, please let the doctor know you are feeling very lousy. my daughter also came unexpected and it took me a long time to accept the pregnancy as I was worried she would have the same condition as son. it was a very stressful pregnancy. even after detailed scan at 7 months and the sonographer told me the foetus is very normal, I still didn't feel assured. the sonographer got her supervisor to come in and do another scan and the result is still the same - the foetus is very normal. both of them asked me if I wanted to know the gender and I still remember telling them it's not important...but the foetus' health is.

look on the bright side. involve your son in his sister's arrival. I was also biased towards my son as he is my firstborn and very special. I wondered if I had space in me to love another child too. everything turned out well when she was born.

Hi janet88, i will b seeing the gynae in 2 weeks time..mayb i shd tell her abt my feelings but i guess she ll refer me to a specialist for depression..tat will b costly too n i m afraid of taking medication..u r v brave n a strong mummy..sometimes i did hav the thoughts of giving up tis pregnancy but my dh is against the idea..he wan me to try bonding wif my gal after she is born..but i find it so hard to open up my heart..

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 22 Jul 2018 02:50:46 GMT

janet88 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 02:50:46 GMT

worried_mummy02:
Tks all for ur advice..but i reli feel v down now, i m not looking forward to her coming out..it was kinda unexpected pregnancy after so many yrs..i m so used to loving my boy only n the house is full of boys stuff only..i donno how to love a daughter n reli worried i dun love her after she is born..i feel so miserable everyday n donno how to b positive..

when is your next appointment to see the gynae? I suggest your hubby accompanies you...if he can't, please let the doctor know you are feeling very lousy. my daughter also came unexpected and it took me a long time to accept the pregnancy as I was worried she would have the same condition as son. it was a very stressful pregnancy. even after detailed scan at 7 months and the sonographer told me the foetus is very normal, I still didn't feel assured. the sonographer got her supervisor to come in and do another scan and the result is still the same - the foetus is very normal. both of them asked me if I wanted to know the gender and I still remember telling them it's not important...but the foetus' health is.

look on the bright side. involve your son in his sister's arrival. I was also biased towards my son as he is my firstborn and very special. I wondered if I had space in me to love another child too. everything turned out well when she was born.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sun, 22 Jul 2018 02:06:20 GMT

worried_mummy02 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 02:06:20 GMT

Tks all for ur advice…but i reli feel v down now, i m not looking forward to her coming out…it was kinda unexpected pregnancy after so many yrs…i m so used to loving my boy only n the house is full of boys stuff only…i donno how to love a daughter n reli worried i dun love her after she is born…i feel so miserable everyday n donno how to b positive…

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:36:02 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 10:36:02 GMT

worried_mummy02:
Tks..can highlight some good points of having a girl? I m trying hard to deal wif gender disappointment n donno how to adapt since i m so used to having a boy onli..

Why do you think having a boy is better? I can understand if you say your son would prefer a brother to a sister, but to a parent, surely a child is a child, whatever the gender? I feel very child is unique in personality, abilities, and yes, gender, and every child is a gift in his/her own right. If you are thinking about how a boy/girl may treat their parents, I think it's really down to character, not gender.

I have 2 girls, no sons. I have very much enjoyed being a mother of girls, but I think I would have appreciated a son as much. The main difference is that when girls are in their teens, parents probably worry more about their physical safety than if they were boys (based on what I see of my friends who have both boys and girls). Other than that, in this modern day and age, opportunities for both genders are similar, and I think the old stereotypes are not as strong now (which is probably a good thing).

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 06:12:16 GMT

janet88 — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 06:12:16 GMT

my china born aunt wanted to have a girl after she gave birth to her son. she said is to 防老.

my grandmother has 3 sons. when she required operations and needed to be taken care of after discharge, her 3 daughters took turns. when she needed to see a doctor, either my mum or either aunt would bring her.

mum had knee replacement operations. during her hospital stay, I was with her until she has settled down for the night. I helped her clean up, changed diapers, bathe and attend physiotherapy lessons to help her exercise. i don’t mean to sing praises but she is my mum and i’m willing to do that even though she kept telling me to go home.

there are many benefits having a daughter. be positive and when the little princess is born, you will be filled with joy.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 05:41:37 GMT

lee_yl — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 05:41:37 GMT

worried_mummy02:

Tks..can highlight some good points of having a girl? I m trying hard to deal wif gender disappointment n donno how to adapt since i m so used to having a boy onli..

Last time there was this auntie who only had sons told me, “哇，以后你老了，很好命” as I only have daughters.

It took me a while to understand her words, when old age comes, your daughters will bring you to the doctors when you are sick. As to whether sons would bring their mothers for regular medical check-ups or not, I suppose a lot will depend on what kind of DIL one gets.

Like what Janet mentioned, you can scold or quarrel with your daughter and there will be no ill feelings. But you can’t raise your voice at your DIL.

It is understandable that after 6 years of bonding with your only child, you love him dearly. That is partly because you have not even seen how your girl looks like not to mention bonding with her. But once your cutie pie is born, feed her, carry her and you hear things like “I love you, mama”, she will have a place in your heart.

Count your blessings, I would think most people would like to have a 1 boy 1 girl combo!

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 05:10:30 GMT

janet88 — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 05:10:30 GMT

worried_mummy02:

Tks..can highlight some good points of having a girl? I m trying hard to deal wif gender disappointment n donno how to adapt since i m so used to having a boy onli..

many couples would love to have a gender of each. as your son is 6, it's understandable you are used to having a boy.
with a girl, there is mother-daughter bonding. sons now are married off when they have girlfriend/wife. I don't expect nor do I want my son to be mummy's boy as he grows up. mothers can scold or have disagreement with their daughters and yet don't have overnight grudges. it's not possible not to have that grudge between mother and daughter-in-law.
enjoy your pregnancy and the thought of having a baby girl.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 04:28:33 GMT

worried_mummy02 — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 04:28:33 GMT

[/quote]wow, it’s great to have a baby girl. I was ecstatic when I found out my 2nd one is a girl…but gender aside, healthy is more important.

your elder one will be glad to have a sister. my daughter is a good companion to her brother. I get him to help me coach her in history and science when hubby is not at home. he does a great job as he is firm compared to hubby.[/quote]

Tks…can highlight some good points of having a girl? I m trying hard to deal wif gender disappointment n donno how to adapt since i m so used to having a boy onli…

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Sat, 21 Jul 2018 02:33:20 GMT

janet88 — Sat, 21 Jul 2018 02:33:20 GMT

fostering a child is an admirable thing to do.

these children have broken families and are deprived of a family unit.
what these kids need is love, stable family unit with mum and dad as well as foster siblings.

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Fri, 20 Jul 2018 16:54:15 GMT

zac's mum — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 16:54:15 GMT

MrsKiasu:
zac's mum:
Laughingcat, i also have son only. Every once in a while, wish I have a daughter to bring up. I have 3 lovely nieces to play with and help look after sometimes, but they do not live with us. Somehow hubby is as gentle with the girls, even though he knows how to roughhouse and play sports with my boy.

Recently I am looking into fostering. You can specify which gender and age range you wish to welcome into your home. Maybe you can consider too. The kids need a stable and loving family environment to grow up in :rahrah:
zac's mum, you have time and 'extra love' for fostering arh it never crosses my mind but I do admire these people!

Yeah, seriously, now that only child is already 8 yo and independent, I really do have extra time, bandwidth and love for extra kids. But there are plenty of foster parents who have young kids and yet they are still willing to put out an extra bowl of rice + extra mattress for an extra kid. Those are the admirable ones.

Do U know that without foster families, these kids would be living in either children’s homes (the older ones) or even living long term in hospital (the young babies)?

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:29:29 GMT

laughingcat — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:29:29 GMT

Phtthp, one can \"control\". Gotta tweak the woman pH level by diet. Gotta slow down the sperms, making it sluggish. :rotflmao:

Reply to ^^ Pregnant w no 2 after 7 years! shocked and lost ~ on Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:27:25 GMT

laughingcat — Fri, 20 Jul 2018 14:27:25 GMT

:rotflmao: hubby tired liao means to say he has no energy to chase after a babe. :rotflmao:

I want but he don't want.

But then also afraid of late pregnancy complication. Not about me. But am afraid there may be child developmental issue. Don't want to put the child undue stress. Can only salivate when looking at little gals.