siling:

Respect MIL. but do not expect too much from her.

><

Harlequin:

Thanks, Nightlone, for reviving this thread....

Interesting read, I enjoyed reading every post of the 5 pages.

I noticed the older batch of members are very friendly to one another, they said \"hi, so and so\", they shared amicably without getting emotional, they don't act high and almighty nor torched others :torchme: just to have the triumph of self-important....

:please:

Have I missed the golden days of KSP? :?

Or has the world changed that people nowadays are cold and hardcore go getters with big egos?

Sigh.

winth:

When MIL 'targeted' on our empty room in our new residence, DH almost fell off his chair.


MIL hadn't been the easiest person to have due to her extreme fiery temper and tactless character. (not i say one, the 2 fortune teller/astronomer I went to emphasized this fact; and told DH to spend time with parents although they know it's really difficult) DH told her that we will surely take care of their old age but not when PILs are still so strong and healthy, they are only mid 50s.. I'm still enjoying our marriage and family, while trying to fend off distractions from the outside world from destroying the family or marital bliss that we are having nowSo taking care of my parents and PILs will come later.

I have told my parents too that we are setting aside money to take care of them and DH's parents so that none will end up in streets and we will try to settle any medical bills (it's a matter-of-factly tone bec they keep telling us that we seem to only save and never spend). So I guess that sort of 'verbal' assurance helped to ease my parents. I dunno how to convey the same message to my PILs, while still maintaining comfy space between us. Don't want them to have the wrong idea that we are very ready to live under the roof anytime they want.

We visit my ILs every weekend to have dinners. Though I usually MYOB too, DH will face the 'music' with his parents (it's usually music cos MIL still grumbles and complains alot about everyone). And his sis seem to start inheriting this very trait, so in the house, you basically hear two women talking.

I worry too about my old age - be it a potential marital affair (which results in divorce), unfilial kids or no roof above my head (from the inflation, I dunno how much our savings is really worth 30 years down the road). I also know that my kids will leave me early in my life (yes, fortune telling again, think way before they hit 30), the money we are locking up now is for our retirement and the house we eventually stay in will fit only us - 兩老.

The plan will go wrong if the marriage goes wrong though. So I'm keeping this marriage as safe as can be. DH faces lots of distractions in his work and because of his profession (young girls seem to get real materialistic and practical nowadays and it's to a scary level), so I am taking no chance at it.

Harlequin:

Friends warned me times and a again, it's a dog-eat-dog world we are in, guess she wants me to open my eyes big enough to see the filth.... and I had wondered what shaped her views.... maybe now I have some clues...

nightlone:

Harlequin:

[quote=\"nightlone\"]

how about if you are a good MIL, u will have a good DIL.
works both ways, methinks.

Thanks, Nightlone, for reviving this thread....

Interesting read, I enjoyed reading every post of the 5 pages.

I noticed the older batch of members are very friendly to one another, they said \"hi, so and so\", they shared amicably without getting emotional, they don't act high and almighty nor torched others :torchme: just to have the triumph of self-important....

:please:

Have I missed the golden days of KSP? :?

Or has the world changed that people nowadays are cold and hardcore go getters with big egos?

Sigh.

Have a pleasant evening, Nightlone. :celebrate:

hotspurs:

Whether a son or a daughter, I guess noboby wants to be in a position of being sandwiched btw spouse and parents.I would say my wife is an ok DIL, she is kind and loving towards my mom etc, but she does have her moments. I hate it when she nags that I carry more load then my siblings in caring for my mom...what I should and should not do etc, everynow and then we will get into explosive arguments over this matter.

I told her I love her alot but I also love my mom. my love for her is along the lines of wanting to start a family with her, grow old together etc...but my love for my mom is a different form of love, that of gratitude and respect. I am successful today because my parents made huge sacrifices for me...for that I will always be thankful.
I told off my wife many times never to make the mistake of making me choose btw my parents and her...my choice will be very simple. my theory is as follows - half the world population is made up of women. Even if we divorce, if fate permits, we can have another chance at marriage. But we only have 1 father and 1 mother in the entire world/universe...I must do the right thing to take care of my mom.
I am not trying to sound like a purist and I may sound extreme...but once I have this principle, I become more at peace with myself and it becomes clear what needs to be done.
I told my wife that her parents are healthy now...when her turn comes to take care of them next time, will she want me to nag at her? I believe in karma...those spouses who instigate their other half against their parents...you will grow old one day, how do you want your children to treat you then?

Harlequin:

nightlone:

[quote=\"kiasimom\"]Hi insider,


I fully agree that the wife will determine if the son will be fillial.

If you have a good DIL, you will have half a daughter, if you have a bad DIL, you will lose your son.

how about if you are a good MIL, u will have a good DIL.
works both ways, methinks.

nightlone:

kiasimom:

Hi insider,


I fully agree that the wife will determine if the son will be fillial.

If you have a good DIL, you will have half a daughter, if you have a bad DIL, you will lose your son.

how about if you are a good MIL, u will have a good DIL.
works both ways, methinks.

kiasimom:

Hi insider,


I fully agree that the wife will determine if the son will be fillial.

If you have a good DIL, you will have half a daughter, if you have a bad DIL, you will lose your son.

strawapple:

Hi, this is my first post, just thought i would share about my family. i'm in my 20s and i have a elder brother and younger sister. we grew up in a middle-upper class family and my parents have always been very loving. till today, i still share a very close r/s with them. (i still hug and kiss my parents!)


however, they are also traditional in the sense that they emphasize a lot on academics. my brother has always been playful and didn't do very well in school so my dad disciplined him a lot (but not excessively) to try to keep him in school and make sure that he at least ends up in poly. thereafter, my parents thought he was old enough and stop monitoring his academics. well, in his 3 years in poly, he partied a lot and played a lot of computer games, i have never seen him studying. he graduated, but i don't think he was ready to work or knew anything about it. so he requested to further his studies, but because he did badly, he can only go to private unis. my brother is the only boy in the paternal side of my family so he has been very spoiled all his life, local private unis are not good enough for him (ironic), so he requested to study overseas. despite knowing that my brother is not serious is his studies, his wish was granted, he is now studying in overseas. he doesn't even know what he wants to study (i figured he just doesn't want to work), he switched between many courses from IT related -> psychology -> political science -> law. i really don't know what is going on in his mind.

at the same time, i got accepted into a prestigious course overseas and my parents also agreed to allow me to study overseas. however, while we were doing pretty well, this was around the same time when my dad's company was doing very badly and my mum nearly had to close down her company. nevertheless, my parents wanted to sponsor our education and they had to mortgage the house. now, my brother doesn't even want to come back to visit my parents and wouldn't even call unless he is running out of money. during his holidays, he goes on vacations. he returned once so far, but all he did was play computer games and party, not making any afford to spent time with the family. he once told me that after he graduates, he will just get a PR there and never come back.

my parents had the sense that my brother won't be coming back but my mum still told me that they think it is their responsibility to provide us with a good education and they cannot hope to depend on us in future. i felt really sad when i heard that because my parents are so willing to spend $ on my brother even though they know that he will never repay them.

when the both of us graduate, it would have cost my parents approximately 1m for our tertiary education. i know i will be able to support my parents and my family in future and i would want to live close to them. however, i feel very sad and angry that my brother has decided to treat my parents in this manner.

thank you for reading. sorry if i talk too much, just feeling frustrated.

strawapple:

Hi, this is my first post, just thought i would share about my family. i'm in my 20s and i have a elder brother and younger sister. we grew up in a middle-upper class family and my parents have always been very loving. till today, i still share a very close r/s with them. (i still hug and kiss my parents!)


however, they are also traditional in the sense that they emphasize a lot on academics. my brother has always been playful and didn't do very well in school so my dad disciplined him a lot (but not excessively) to try to keep him in school and make sure that he at least ends up in poly. thereafter, my parents thought he was old enough and stop monitoring his academics. well, in his 3 years in poly, he partied a lot and played a lot of computer games, i have never seen him studying. he graduated, but i don't think he was ready to work or knew anything about it. so he requested to further his studies, but because he did badly, he can only go to private unis. my brother is the only boy in the paternal side of my family so he has been very spoiled all his life, local private unis are not good enough for him (ironic), so he requested to study overseas. despite knowing that my brother is not serious is his studies, his wish was granted, he is now studying in overseas. he doesn't even know what he wants to study (i figured he just doesn't want to work), he switched between many courses from IT related -> psychology -> political science -> law. i really don't know what is going on in his mind.

at the same time, i got accepted into a prestigious course overseas and my parents also agreed to allow me to study overseas. however, while we were doing pretty well, this was around the same time when my dad's company was doing very badly and my mum nearly had to close down her company. nevertheless, my parents wanted to sponsor our education and they had to mortgage the house. now, my brother doesn't even want to come back to visit my parents and wouldn't even call unless he is running out of money. during his holidays, he goes on vacations. he returned once so far, but all he did was play computer games and party, not making any afford to spent time with the family. he once told me that after he graduates, he will just get a PR there and never come back.

my parents had the sense that my brother won't be coming back but my mum still told me that they think it is their responsibility to provide us with a good education and they cannot hope to depend on us in future. i felt really sad when i heard that because my parents are so willing to spend $ on my brother even though they know that he will never repay them.

when the both of us graduate, it would have cost my parents approximately 1m for our tertiary education. i know i will be able to support my parents and my family in future and i would want to live close to them. however, i feel very sad and angry that my brother has decided to treat my parents in this manner.

thank you for reading. sorry if i talk too much, just feeling frustrated.

sall:

rosemummy:

Pardon me if I sound callous, but I think Granny deserves it. I don't think it's fair to the elder son to have to bear the responsibility of housing his mum after she willingly hand over all she had to the younger son. It's a different matter if she had nothing to begin with and need looking after.


I think she should go to the Tribunal to get the money back from the younger son.

A lot of old people are like that. Their favourite son does not need to contribute to expenses, and will get the share of the sale of house or whatever. One of my aunt has a joint account with her favourite son, who never gives her a cent. The money in the account is actually given by another son.

kiasimom:

I will like to share a real life story that I have witnessed.


There is this 60 yo granny with 4 children. She has two daughters and two sons. They are all married.
When this granny was young, she worked as a samsui woman to support her in laws and the family.

She saved up enough to buy a 4 room flat for her family. Her youngest son stayed with her and was fillial to her till he had a girlfriend.

This girlfriend was quite nice to the granny and eventually became her DIL.

Granny's nightmare began from the day this DIL married into her family.

Her son made her sell the 4 room flat they were staying in and persuaded her to downgrade to a 3 room flat. No matter how the rest of the children objected, this granny listened to her favourite youngest son and sold the 4 room flat away.

She then bought a 3 room flat and put it under hers and her son's name.

Her son then persuaded granny to hand the profit from the 4 room flat to him and open a joint account with granny.

He used part of the money to do a simple renovation of the 3 room flat and kept the rest in the bank.

Granny, his son and DIL then moved into the new flat.

Just barely a year, the DIL began to show her true colours. She gave birth to a baby boy and made Granny take care of her son.
She began to be very hostile to the granny, scolded her and did not take care of the granny.
When the DIL bought meals for her hubby, she did not buy a share for the granny.
She will make granny do all the housework and she didn't help.
The DIL also bad-mouthed her MIL to her husband.
As time passed, granny's son also treated her very badly and coldly.
He will locked himself up in the room whenever he comes home and hardly speak to granny.
He did not contribute to the household and used the money in the joint account.
He even used the money to buy a van for himself without informing Granny.

One day, the youngest son called up his elder brother and complained that he cannot make ends meet and wants to sell the 3 room flat and that Granny will have to stay with his elder brother.

The youngest son then told Granny that he can no longer afford to pay for the flat as all the monies in the account is used up. He had to sell the flat and rent a room for his own family.

Granny, as usual, agreed to selling the flat despite countless persuasion from the rest of her children.

3 months later, Granny is officially homeless.

Her youngest son pocketed the sales proceeds from the sale of the 3 room flat and left Granny alone.

Her eldest son couldn't take her in as his wife objected to having her. She threatened to divorce him if he allowed his mother to stay with them. She was furious as Granny did not give her husband a single cent from the sales proceeds of the flat.

Granny is now working as a cleaner and is sharing a room with another old lady.

Granny cries everytime when she thinks of her sons.
She feels sorry for herself. Although she has two sons, they abandoned her because of their wives. Now she is left all alone to fend for herself.

This is only one of the few stories that I have witnessed.

There are many guys out there who treasure their wife more than the mother who painstakingly brought them up.

Take Valentine's Day for example.

many guys are willing to spend a bomb on Valentine gift but will only spend a meagre amount on Mother's Day.

You may say it is the thoughts that counts, but what is a thought worth thousands as compared to a thought that is worth a hundred?

There are many elderly who are abandoned by their children once they are married.

In the olden days, people will say 养儿防老, but in this era, I seriously doubt so.

Nothing against gentlemen, but out of the 5 incidents that I have seen, 4 are abandoned by sons.

I hope I didn't offend any gentlemen here

kiasimom:

Hi autumnbronze,


In the olden days, most women have to go out to work to support the family.
So granny did not have the luxury to stay at home to nurture her children.

In the past, people are not so well-educated and do not understand the importance of bonding.

Maybe if Granny had the luxury to spend time with her chilldren, maybe her sons won't treat her in a inhumane manner.