<![CDATA[Feeling sad and depressed]]>Stay strong, focus on what’s most important for your family and make firm decisions.


Not easy - have been through rough patches when I was left with just a few dollars in the bank. Talking things through with family, asking for help (from the correct sources) and taking bold steps to restructuring our lives/priorities certainly helped.

Most importantly stay strong and take care of your health!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/74685/feeling-sad-and-depressedRSS for NodeSat, 02 May 2026 08:00:18 GMTMon, 15 Dec 2014 13:57:59 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Tue, 09 Dec 2014 00:26:24 GMT]]>

Funz:
One step at a time.


Firstly, have you cancelled those credit card that your brother used your name to apply? That one can be cleared bit by bit once it is cancelled. Have you tried calling the bank to work out a repayment schedule? Please approach CSC if you have problems managing your debts. http://www.ccs.org.sg/ They may be able to help you work out with the banks a repayment that is more manageable for you. In some cases, the banks may even lower the interest rates. The banks will want to recover as much of the money as possible so in many such cases, they will work with you. You of course will have to play your part and keep to the repayment schedule worked out.

I maybe wrong but selling of house will only be the last option. Just bear in mind the cost incurred for buy and sell (even buy a smaller unit). 2% agency as seller, 1% as buyer, 3% of buying price minus $5400 for buyer, $2500 to $5000 legal fee, $500 to $800 mover cost, plus time and money spend on 1st and 2nd HDB appt as both seller and buyer, plus miscellaneous exp. such as transport for the HDB appts.......In addition, even the most minimum renovation easily cost a few k. Be it paid by cash or CPF all are your money.

Cut down your burden on your borther and your father in law. At this point of time you've no choice but to make tough decision. Take care of yourself first before you can take good care of others.


Why are you thinking of selling your house? Where will you stay if you were to sell your house? After selling, you will still need to buy if there is no where to stay. Have you checked if after selling and having to put aside the minimum sum in CPF, if you will have enough cash to buy a new flat? If your current house does not require you to fork out extra cash to service the loan, stay put as it is 1 less worry for you now.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1428943https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1428943Tue, 09 Dec 2014 00:26:24 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Sun, 07 Dec 2014 05:21:21 GMT]]>Hi sweet mummy, looking for other source of income? Pls contact me.

Thank you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1428287https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1428287Sun, 07 Dec 2014 05:21:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Fri, 12 Sep 2014 06:48:56 GMT]]>Dear SweetMummy


Chanced upon your post.

(1) Your Personal Minimum Credit Card Bills are your debts?
Are your husband’s debts separate from the credit card bills you mentioned?

At this point, is it possible for your to cancel all your personal credit card. Using credit cards just adds to your debt.

(2) Definitely cancel your brother’s credit card. At such situation, credit card is a no-no. There is a reason why there is a minimum salary requirement for credit cards.

(3) You mentioned shopping? I assumed it is for toiletries, groceries, daily living necessities.

(4) Rent out 1 bedroom for an extra source of income is a good idea. When your father in law comes, he can bunk in with your husband. Have a foldable mattress for him etc. Renting out instead of selling your house is a better option. Property is an appreciable asset.


(5) There are free tuition or if your child is able to study on his or her own and occasionally post questions here requesting for assistance?

There seems to be areas to streamline in your finances.
Work out an end date to paying our debts so that it motivates you towards that day.

Take care.




Thank you for all your replies. Actually I had already reviewed my monthly expenses and I find that there are nothing can be eliminated. I need to pay for my minimum credit cards bills, my kids and my own insurance, share for maid’s salary for my mum as we all eat at her house and she look after all my kids and my nieces. My mum’s allowances and also need to help pay my brothers loan which he had use my name to apply for the credit cards. He don’t have any stable jobs so I got no choice have to pay for him or else the bank will keep calling to me. So basically every month I don’t have enough cash to go shopping. I don’t know there are free tutitions available. I shall take a look at the website provided. We are currently staying on our own and we cant stay with my mum as she is staying with my sister. We also thought of renting out 1 of our room but my father in law as and when will come back and stay so we dare not rent out. We had been trying to sell our house for the past few months but property market now is not too good. Maybe the first thing I should lookout for the free tuition and slowly cut down on the expenses.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1380991https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1380991Fri, 12 Sep 2014 06:48:56 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 07:01:50 GMT]]>For the credit card bills, if u pay the minimum, it will create another big headache for you in time to come. Use cash as far as possible.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310975https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310975Thu, 12 Jun 2014 07:01:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 07:00:40 GMT]]>SweetMummy, I think you are too softhearted. Sometimes we have to be able to say \"no\" to protect our core family. When you feel paiseh to turn down your brother's or FIL's request, just think of your children. You are rejecting unreasonable request for the sake of your children.


For the credit cards, you really need to terminate the credit cards your brother is using. If he needs the convenience of credit card, ask him to apply for Debit Card himself. I think Debit Card doesn't require salary slip to apply so he definitely can have Debit Card. I hope you are not paying the annual fees for credit card because we can always request for waiver and the bank usually approve it (now the annual fee waiver request is usually automated so we don't even have to speak to customer service).

Your FIL can sleep with your children or sleep in the living room if he visits. Or, he can sleep with your DH while you sleep with your children.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310971https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310971Thu, 12 Jun 2014 07:00:40 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 06:06:53 GMT]]>Don’t give up easily, most of the problems can be solved.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310908https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310908Thu, 12 Jun 2014 06:06:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:55:22 GMT]]>You mentioned about wanting to switch to another job but is worried because of your age? Have you tried looking? A couple of my friends who are older quitted without a job and were able to get another job within a month or so.


Selling your house should not be an option; selling it will create more problems down the road. Assets price in trending up globally and it may become even more difficult to own a home in the future.

Try to see if the banks can freeze your brother’s credit card, or if it is possible, stop charging you additional interest while you pay off the balance.

If your working hours are flexible, are you able to start work earlier so that you can take the MRT free?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310898https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310898Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:55:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:21:50 GMT]]>

SweetMummy:
Thank you for all your replies. Actually I had already reviewed my monthly expenses and I find that there are nothing can be eliminated. I need to pay for my minimum credit cards bills, my kids and my own insurance, share for maid's salary for my mum as we all eat at her house and she look after all my kids and my nieces. My mum's allowances and also need to help pay my brothers loan which he had use my name to apply for the credit cards. He don't have any stable jobs so I got no choice have to pay for him or else the bank will keep calling to me. So basically every month I don't have enough cash to go shopping. I don't know there are free tutitions available. I shall take a look at the website provided. We are currently staying on our own and we cant stay with my mum as she is staying with my sister. We also thought of renting out 1 of our room but my father in law as and when will come back and stay so we dare not rent out. We had been trying to sell our house for the past few months but property market now is not too good. Maybe the first thing I should lookout for the free tuition and slowly cut down on the expenses.

why are you paying your brother's loan ..you need to cut all teh CC ... if you continue to pay for all his debt he will take it for granted and will nver learn to be responsibility ..

let your FIL know your situation ...he cannot treat your home as vacation home ...happy come not happy go back... so that you can rent out the room ... as for selling the flat ...now is definitely not the market ...it is buyer market one ...seller will lose out ...beside it is easy to sell to encash but can you get back the same size flat in future ?

how about taking part time home based job ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310880https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310880Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:21:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:14:44 GMT]]>

SweetMummy:
Thank you for all your replies. Actually I had already reviewed my monthly expenses and I find that there are nothing can be eliminated. I need to pay for my minimum credit cards bills, my kids and my own insurance, share for maid's salary for my mum as we all eat at her house and she look after all my kids and my nieces. My mum's allowances and also need to help pay my brothers loan which he had use my name to apply for the credit cards. He don't have any stable jobs so I got no choice have to pay for him or else the bank will keep calling to me. So basically every month I don't have enough cash to go shopping. I don't know there are free tutitions available. I shall take a look at the website provided. We are currently staying on our own and we cant stay with my mum as she is staying with my sister. We also thought of renting out 1 of our room but my father in law as and when will come back and stay so we dare not rent out. We had been trying to sell our house for the past few months but property market now is not too good. Maybe the first thing I should lookout for the free tuition and slowly cut down on the expenses.


As what others said, cut your brother's credit card.

As for tuition, if can't get free tuition maybe can enrol in cc tuition programme or switch to a cheaper tuition centre.

What do you mean when you said that your father in law as and when will come back and stay? Does he has his own house to stay? He come to visit you and stay a few days? Or he has no place to stay and comes to your house to stay as and when he needs?

If he has his own house and only come to your place to visit, then tell him your situation and rent out the room. The rental income makes a lot of difference to your financial situation. Makes no sense to keep an empty room that will be occupied for just a few days. If he has no place of his own, no choice but to share a room with your kids or sleep in living room.

Hope things work out well for you. Worse come to worse downgrade to a 3 rooms flat. You are in your 40s, you need to have ownership of a roof over your head.

You can't sell your place, use the money to settle all your debts.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310872https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310872Thu, 12 Jun 2014 05:14:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 04:43:30 GMT]]>Actually there is another way of cutting down monthly household expenses such as buying the house brands of the supermarkets as opposed to "branded" names for day to day items such as dishwashing liquid, toilet/tissue paper etc.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310849https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310849Thu, 12 Jun 2014 04:43:30 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 02:11:31 GMT]]>One step at a time.


Firstly, have you cancelled those credit card that your brother used your name to apply? That one can be cleared bit by bit once it is cancelled. Have you tried calling the bank to work out a repayment schedule? Please approach CSC if you have problems managing your debts. http://www.ccs.org.sg/ They may be able to help you work out with the banks a repayment that is more manageable for you. In some cases, the banks may even lower the interest rates. The banks will want to recover as much of the money as possible so in many such cases, they will work with you. You of course will have to play your part and keep to the repayment schedule worked out.

Why are you thinking of selling your house? Where will you stay if you were to sell your house? After selling, you will still need to buy if there is no where to stay. Have you checked if after selling and having to put aside the minimum sum in CPF, if you will have enough cash to buy a new flat? If your current house does not require you to fork out extra cash to service the loan, stay put as it is 1 less worry for you now.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310749https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310749Thu, 12 Jun 2014 02:11:31 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 02:07:36 GMT]]>This is a tough situation. Sounds like a substantial amount of family obligation is involved too. Have you cut off the credit cards to your brother? Right now the job market is quite good, as long as he is able-bodied, he should have no problem getting a job. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to say no to a relative.


I am not sure if it is a good idea to sell your house in the first place unless it is seriously beyond your means or you have a realistic alternative. To me a roof of my own is so very important. I have seen examples of hardworking nice people who sold their homes, money gone in no time (to other relatives who cannot spend wisely and always lose the money somehow) and they are left camping from home to home. Don’t let that happen to you no matter what.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310744https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310744Thu, 12 Jun 2014 02:07:36 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Thu, 12 Jun 2014 00:43:49 GMT]]>Thank you for all your replies. Actually I had already reviewed my monthly expenses and I find that there are nothing can be eliminated. I need to pay for my minimum credit cards bills, my kids and my own insurance, share for maid’s salary for my mum as we all eat at her house and she look after all my kids and my nieces. My mum’s allowances and also need to help pay my brothers loan which he had use my name to apply for the credit cards. He don’t have any stable jobs so I got no choice have to pay for him or else the bank will keep calling to me. So basically every month I don’t have enough cash to go shopping. I don’t know there are free tutitions available. I shall take a look at the website provided. We are currently staying on our own and we cant stay with my mum as she is staying with my sister. We also thought of renting out 1 of our room but my father in law as and when will come back and stay so we dare not rent out. We had been trying to sell our house for the past few months but property market now is not too good. Maybe the first thing I should lookout for the free tuition and slowly cut down on the expenses.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310702https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310702Thu, 12 Jun 2014 00:43:49 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:49:47 GMT]]>How about renting out 1 of your bedrooms? Or, maybe rent out your whole house and stay with your parents or parents-in-law for 2-3 years so your husband can reduce his debt faster? I am assuming that currently you are staying in your own house. I know people that did those.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310233https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310233Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:49:47 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:36:39 GMT]]>How about trying this tuition :

http://www.cdac.org.sg/eng/programmes/t ... centre.htm

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310225https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310225Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:36:39 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:15:41 GMT]]>Hi SweetMummy. There are free tuition. Just google Free Tuition Singapore and you will see several organisations offering free tuition.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310205https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310205Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:15:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:01:21 GMT]]>Talk to your child’s school counsellor. First she can help highlight to the school that you are financially strained and get the teachers more actively involved with your child so that you don’t have to get external tuition help, thus the money saved from tuition can be used for your daily needs.


Secondly, when the school gets to know about your financial situation, the teachers will not inadvertently give your child the stress of donating money if the school is having fund-raising. My child faced some discrimination from a particular teacher who used a very condescending tone on her when she did not donate many years ago and the emotional impact can be very longlasting.

Thirdly, she should know where to direct you to the appropriate channels to help you manage your debts.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310195https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310195Wed, 11 Jun 2014 07:01:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 06:09:32 GMT]]>http://www.sgdebtbuster.com/counselling


it really boils down to how you manage your expense... you really need to find out which of your expenses are needs and luxury / wants

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310169https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310169Wed, 11 Jun 2014 06:09:32 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 05:30:17 GMT]]>I believe that there are credit counsellors who may be able to advise you how to trim your expenses. Maybe someone else here can provide some contacts?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310151https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310151Wed, 11 Jun 2014 05:30:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 03:12:18 GMT]]>

SweetMummy:
I myself also don't earn much and my monthly expenses also quite high. So every month after 1 or 2 weeks later after getting our pay, both of us will become very poor. Sometimes I still have to borrow from my sisters. I thought of changing for a much highly paid job but at my age of 43 I am worry. I am becoming more and more tired of this kind of life. I am looking for a home base part time job so that I can earn extra but until now I cant find any. I am very sad as every month I need to settle my bank debts, sisters loan and tuition fee. I don't know what to do in order to make more money and pay up all the loans.

Agree with rac555 that you will need to relook your monthly outlays. It is hard to gauge without knowing your spending pattern, lifestyle and monthly income. Even things like bringing your own water along instead of buying drinks outside can make a difference when done on a daily basis. If it is just your own money, you can make a difference quite easily with self-discipline and some sacrifices. If it is also your husband's money issues, he will have to be on board for this to work.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310084https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310084Wed, 11 Jun 2014 03:12:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Feeling sad and depressed on Wed, 11 Jun 2014 02:46:54 GMT]]>Hello SweetMummy,


I can fully understand how you feel. I was in your situation a few years back… we (me and hubby) were in debt for almost 10 years but we managed to clear it off. It was a 6-figure debt. There were times when we were left with only $1 each in our saving account… and days when we had to share our meals.

We never borrow from anyone (our parents were not aware), just manage the available $ that we had. But we do take up loan from one bank to pay off the other banks. We have loan accounts with ALL banks in Singapore!! This is not a wise choice as we were paying interests and interests. I took up tuition on top of my day job to supplement our income even when I was heavily pregnant with 1st child. I only stopped tuition when my 2nd child was born.

What we did was I took over full control of our family finances and income. I kept a record of all our income and expenses in an excel file - a clearer view of what can be eliminated (dun need to spend). We can’t afford anything else other than daily meals, no new clothes and shoes. All our clothes/shoes are wore till torn before we bought new one to replace. No branded goods. My hubby still need to support his parents (that time, we only gave his parents $100 each but I stopped giving my parents for about 1-2 years). We feel bad but now with the debt gone, we give them much more now.

The sacrifices we made are worth it cos we managed to clear off all debt (except for housing) within 10 years.

I am not sure how to help… perhaps you need to re-look at your family monthly expenses…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310069https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1310069Wed, 11 Jun 2014 02:46:54 GMT