Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 07:32:02 GMT

sharonkhoo — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 07:32:02 GMT

ngl2010:
We have been watching House MD videos since late last year. DS is Sec 1 this year. A lot of mature topics are part of the show such as gay, bisexual, extra-marital affairs, STD, condoms, teens pregnancy, etc. We viewed it as an opportunity to explain to DS on what they are and what our views are. But we were caught by surprise 2 days ago when the show was about a patient that has an open marriage. Sigh... Such a difficult topic :roll: . Anyway, we told him what we think about the issue and our family values.

To us, it is better to explain it now to DS rather than he gets wrong answer somewhere else.

Agree. We do/did that for our kids too as we feel it's appropriate. But that's OK when we sit with them and get to give them our input immediately after the show. And we also get to skip the more steamy or gory scenes! I'm more worried about their reading material because I can't monitor as closely, and readers can get more involved in a story, especially as the books are often written in first person.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:52:05 GMT

ngl2010 — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:52:05 GMT

We have been watching House MD videos since late last year. DS is Sec 1 this year. A lot of mature topics are part of the show such as gay, bisexual, extra-marital affairs, STD, condoms, teens pregnancy, etc. We viewed it as an opportunity to explain to DS on what they are and what our views are. But we were caught by surprise 2 days ago when the show was about a patient that has an open marriage. Sigh... Such a difficult topic :roll: . Anyway, we told him what we think about the issue and our family values.

To us, it is better to explain it now to DS rather than he gets wrong answer somewhere else.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:46:37 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:46:37 GMT

Trust me, it is not just any erotic novel. Even erotic novels have their subcategories. Maybe mods should remove my posts since there are young curious minds lurking.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:43:08 GMT

sharonkhoo — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:43:08 GMT

ammonite:
No need to read it, just google for some excerpts and you will be torn between laughing your head off and thinking OMG.

Content wise, this is literary porn. Writing wise, it makes Twilight looks good.

I just looked it up on wikipedia, and the first para already says that it is an 'erotic novel'. Definitely not for teens!

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:35:42 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:35:42 GMT

No need to read it, just google for some excerpts and you will be torn between laughing your head off and thinking OMG.

Content wise, this is literary porn. Writing wise, it makes Twilight looks good.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:28:13 GMT

ngl2010 — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 04:28:13 GMT

ammonite:

:salute:

You will doubtless be as shocked as I was to know that some parents actually gave their preteen kids 50 shades of grey. I assume they did not actually go through the content otherwise I really don't know what to think!

Ammonite, I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey but my sister had read it. She said the thing *ehm* is so often until she, a married woman herself, felt :sick: so I don't think the book is suitable for preteens or teens.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 03:11:50 GMT

Funz — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 03:11:50 GMT

http://i57.tinypic.com/51psfm.png\">

I bought the above for DD at the start of last year. So this year when she started her menses, she was pretty ok with it. DD is also 11.

I read what my kids are reading. May not be the entire book for all, scan through enough to see if there are any inappropriate contents. Some books are really not appropriate or I find that DD may be emotionally not ready to handle some subject matters.

DD does come to me about her friendship woes. Things like someone stole her best friend and also issues with her frenemy. So I just listen, and give her some advises on how to deal with certain situations. Told her be nice to everyone, do not hold grudges and always have a listening ear ready for a friend in need. Assured her that it is normal to feel whatever she is feeling and she should always let me know if there is anything causing her upset or for that matter anything that she is unsure about.

Of course sometimes do I :roll: at some of the stuff she tells me and tell her to just suck it up and not go all emo over small small matters.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 03:04:40 GMT

sharonkhoo — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 03:04:40 GMT

ammonite:
You will doubtless be as shocked as I was to know that some parents actually gave their preteen kids 50 shades of grey. I assume they did not actually go through the content otherwise I really don't know what to think!

I haven't even read it myself, but I do recall thinking that it was unsuitable for teens when I saw some reviews. The other ones I have real issues with are the vampire-supernatural books but that's as much from a religious perspective as a dislike for the horror genre. Girls are already so easily scared, why add to it? But I've seen 12yo girls in church with such books, and their parents don't seem to have any problems with them reading such books. I will ask my kids to list some of the books they enjoyed at the 11-14yo stage which were 'passed' by me!

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:58:16 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:58:16 GMT

slmkhoo:
I was very disturbed by quite a lot of the pre-teen/teen reading material I saw. A of it was really unsuitable in the sense that my kids were not yet interested in boys in that way, and I didn't want to start them thinking that way so early. Some, even for teens, are really quite explicit in their descriptions! A far cry from the romances (historical and contemporary) I read in my teens where all the 'action' was discreetly off the page. I also totally disapprove of the obsession with appearance and fashion and being in the 'in' group. My kids were in an international school overseas, so I don't know that much about the influences here in Singapore.

My girls were quite OK with me monitoring their reading material, and although there were some complaints, we would explain why we were so strict. There were the usual \"but so-and-so's mother lets her read this\", and we had to explain that every family has different yardsticks about what is appropriate. I also convinced them (I think!) that I was doing it to protect their childhood, not because I was mean. The teen years are such great years for developing in so many ways that I think it's sad that so many 'grow up' and get into BGR and worrying about looks so early. I really blame US TV and book series for that.

When selecting books, I generally ruled out books where the main plot was about getting a boyfriend, winning a popularity vote etc. I didn't rule out any book that had some romance or focus on appearances as these are also a real part of life, but would look out for books where the main plot involved something more 'meaty' and worthy - saving the world, overcoming some difficulty, or protecting a friendship type of thing. Time to get off my hobby horse!

:salute:

You will doubtless be as shocked as I was to know that some parents actually gave their preteen kids 50 shades of grey. I assume they did not actually go through the content otherwise I really don't know what to think!

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:54:26 GMT

sharonkhoo — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:54:26 GMT

I was very disturbed by quite a lot of the pre-teen/teen reading material I saw. A of it was really unsuitable in the sense that my kids were not yet interested in boys in that way, and I didn’t want to start them thinking that way so early. Some, even for teens, are really quite explicit in their descriptions! A far cry from the romances (historical and contemporary) I read in my teens where all the ‘action’ was discreetly off the page. I also totally disapprove of the obsession with appearance and fashion and being in the ‘in’ group. Till now, my girls do not wear makeup or paint their nails and couldn’t care less about fashion. I do sometimes nag them to pay a bit more attention to dressing-up for special occasions, but I am happy for them to be more focused on CCA, friendships and other activities than worrying about how they look. My kids were in an international school overseas, so I don’t know that much about the influences here in Singapore.

My girls were quite OK with me monitoring their reading material, and although there were some complaints, we would explain why we were so strict. There were the usual "but so-and-so’s mother lets her read this", and we had to explain that every family has different yardsticks about what is appropriate. I also convinced them (I think!) that I was doing it to protect their childhood, not because I was mean. The teen years are such great years for developing in so many ways that I think it’s sad that so many ‘grow up’ and get into BGR and worrying about looks so early. I really blame US TV and book series for that.

When selecting books, I generally ruled out books where the main plot was about getting a boyfriend, winning a popularity vote etc. I didn’t rule out any book that had some romance or focus on appearances as these are also a real part of life, but would look out for books where the main plot involved something more ‘meaty’ and worthy - saving the world, overcoming some difficulty, or protecting a friendship type of thing. Time to get off my hobby horse!

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:28:09 GMT

ESTA — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:28:09 GMT

Hi Pen 88n,

Yup, I will look for the chicken soup series for preteens. Hope it will help put things in perspectives for DD. Thank you.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:26:52 GMT

Pen88n — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:26:52 GMT

ammonite:
Pen88n:
I think teens are generally curious - it's good to ensure appropriate reading materials, but must be also prepared to give a little leeway for some teen reading materials. They will have friends reading the latest movie books that has a little more boy-girl relationship contents, but if parents object and stop that totally, they are going to feel left-out and also \"kill\" their reading interest. I can understand because we girls were \"hooked' on historical romance novels in sec schools too.

Having said that, I find introducing some appropriate books will help them too - sometimes teens do not want parents to \"nag\" / advise them too much and it might be easier they read some of these too. Chicken soup has some preteens and teens books that are touches teen issues and stories that teaches them to have a heart and be more considerate. Short stories, easy to read so I introduce these to my kids.
Chicken soup series is a good idea!

The book I was told of was Fifty Shades of Grey...

Fifty Shades of Grey is really adult reading, not teen reading

Teen reading that has some boy-girl relationship in there would be like Twilight / Eclipse series, or City of Bones series type.

Now suddenly Times / Kino will find their Chicken Soup teen series flying off the shelves :rotflmao:

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:19:41 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:19:41 GMT

Pen88n:
I think teens are generally curious - it's good to ensure appropriate reading materials, but must be also prepared to give a little leeway for some teen reading materials. They will have friends reading the latest movie books that has a little more boy-girl relationship contents, but if parents object and stop that totally, they are going to feel left-out and also \"kill\" their reading interest. I can understand because we girls were \"hooked' on historical romance novels in sec schools too.

Having said that, I find introducing some appropriate books will help them too - sometimes teens do not want parents to \"nag\" / advise them too much and it might be easier they read some of these too. Chicken soup has some preteens and teens books that are touches teen issues and stories that teaches them to have a heart and be more considerate. Short stories, easy to read so I introduce these to my kids.

Chicken soup series is a good idea!

The book I was told of was Fifty Shades of Grey...

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:16:14 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:16:14 GMT

Ngl2010,

Oh it does bother them! Height and hair are a very big deal to them regardless of age. In fact a young man shared with me that the steroid jabs he received as a child for ezcema depressed his height and it affected his self esteem very badly such that his mother decided to stop the jabs. He told me till today, he wished he did not take the jabs and rather live with the eczema, so to not take up this option as far as possible for ds2. I appreciated his frank sharing of something so personal.

Esta,

There is no harm giving your daughter the supplements as long as within reasonable amount. I don’t think it is nutritional factors, but vitB, primrose oil and fish oil are all good stuff anyway.

Maybe you can approach the class teacher to see if there is any subtle bullying or ostracizing going on. You can just tell the teacher that you are concerned by the change in her and if the teacher can observe for a week and give you her input.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:10:52 GMT

Pen88n — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 02:10:52 GMT

I think teens are generally curious - it’s good to ensure appropriate reading materials, but must be also prepared to give a little leeway for some teen reading materials. They will have friends reading the latest movie books that has a little more boy-girl relationship contents, but if parents object and stop that totally, they are going to feel left-out and also "kill" their reading interest. I can understand because we girls were "hooked’ on historical romance novels in sec schools too.

Having said that, I find introducing some appropriate books will help them too - sometimes teens do not want parents to "nag" / advise them too much and it might be easier they read some of these too. Chicken soup has some preteens and teens books that are touches teen issues and stories that teaches them to have a heart and be more considerate. Short stories, easy to read so I introduce these to my kids.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:58:14 GMT

ESTA — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:58:14 GMT

Hi all, thank you for sharing.

Thankfully, my girl and. I have an open communication system as I am a SAHM.

Presently, her worries are unrelated to academic. What started off as a worry if her friend would spill the beans on her crush developed into full fledged worries of if her friends are talking behind her, if her teacher dislike her, if she has misinterpreted her friends words, what if this and what if dat etc. She has all along excelled in her studies and teachers have written good feedback of her in report book and has had no lack of friends.

I am wondering if it is due certain vitamin deficeincy? I read dat anxiety and depression can be caused by lack of B complex vitamins. Also wondering if evening primrose oil and fish oil would help.

Slimkhoo, I hav oso considered the influence of reading material. You are right that the reading material for their age group focuses on BGR and friendships. But we do not have much other choices as they enjoy reading about things they can relate to.

I really hope my gal can overcome this soon. I have read some teenage gals go into depression partly due to the hormonal changes. Not sure if there is a need to bring her to the doctor...

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:51:51 GMT

ngl2010 — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:51:51 GMT

ammonite:
Well, mine is starting to be appearance conscious and worried about zits and balding - ?! He was counting the number of hair he lost every day, and that got ds2 started - !?

I dunno whether to be cracked up or what!

Anyway I took the opportunity to drill into them the basics for good skin and healthy hair (no oily food, wash scalp thoroughly etc) and got ds1 a face wash. Once his zit disappeared he relaxed again. I see a lot of nudging and jokes about chest hair and pubic hair among the prepubescent boys in my neighbourhood though and they are starting to be height conscious now.

And every time an older boy(14/15 year old) \"casually\" mentions \"my girlfriend\" they will all stop, look at one another and collapse in giggles.

:rotflmao:

Sorry, it is funny. I didn't know that boys will be concerned about zits, balding and height. No wonder my husband is so kancheong every time he saw a pimple on DS's face. Maybe it is a men's thing.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:31:56 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:31:56 GMT

By the way, I think simkhoo’s idea of checking reading materials is a good one. Beyond appearance, some stuff are too sexually explicit for this age. (or am I a prude?)

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:24:45 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:24:45 GMT

Well, mine is starting to be appearance conscious and worried about zits and balding - ?! He was counting the number of hair he lost every day, and that got ds2 started - !?

I dunno whether to be cracked up or what!

Anyway I took the opportunity to drill into them the basics for good skin and healthy hair (no oily food, wash scalp thoroughly etc) and got ds1 a face wash. Once his zit disappeared he relaxed again. I see a lot of nudging and jokes about chest hair and pubic hair among the prepubescent boys in my neighbourhood though and they are starting to be height conscious now.

And every time an older boy(14/15 year old) "casually" mentions "my girlfriend" they will all stop, look at one another and collapse in giggles.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:11:00 GMT

ngl2010 — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 01:11:00 GMT

How about boys? Would they experience anxiety too?

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 00:59:06 GMT

ammonite — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 00:59:06 GMT

ESTA:
Hi, my gal is 11yrs and just had her first menses. As of recent weeks, she has started worrying excessively about friendships, people's opinion of her and lots of other emotions. She is very affected and feels fearful about the worst all the time. She used to be a really cheerful gal. I would like to know if anybody has experienced this and if it is normal due to hormonal changes?

TIA.

Maybe it is accumulative stress? Ie too many things happening at the same time? I understand that P5 semester 2 is no walk in the park either. So academic stress,plus puberty changes, and maybe some recent issues with friends? How about her skin or any weight issues? Just some stuff to consider.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Fri, 04 Jul 2014 00:42:25 GMT

sharonkhoo — Fri, 04 Jul 2014 00:42:25 GMT

Both my girls (now 15 and 17yo) went through puberty without any issues. As osim said, maybe encourage her to talk about it with you, and maybe she will get things into perspective better? Also, check her reading material - I found that a lot of pre-teen and teen fiction for girls (especially from the US) tends to over-emphasise appearance and popularity. That can be a negative influence.

Reply to Help!!! Does your child suffer from anxiety due to puberty on Thu, 03 Jul 2014 16:50:33 GMT

osim — Thu, 03 Jul 2014 16:50:33 GMT

My kids went thru puberty okay.

At 11, she will start to get more self-consious, worrying what people think of her. This problem is worse if the child has low self-esteem. Pre-teens can get pretty nasty towards their friends these days, unaware that their behaviour can cause a lot of psychological stress to their friends. Girls like to clique and some use friendship as a threat to coerce others to conform to their ways or ideas.

The way to help her is to just give her a listening ear and you are lucky if she opens up and tell you things. As she talks about her problem, it will allow her to process her feelings rather than suppressing them.