janet_lee88:

someone told me this 13 years ago...i can still remember this advice vividly.

my son calls me mummy, not the opposite.

parents are the 'authority' figures that children have to respect...children are expected to respect authority...if i treat kids as friends, how am i able to set rules and make children obey? in the early years, i have to set rules and relax and 'be friends' when kids have grown up. i don't think this has anything to do with whether i work or stay at home.

i set the rules...work hard and play as well. a lot of times, hubby doesn't see them work and grumbles when he sees them watching tv or play games.
so i told him, 'i pass the baton back to you. you settle everything, ok?'

HAPPYH:

foreverj:

interesting topic. and i have an interesting answer too. my god-ma is the living example that FTWM can have it all! She's in her 50s now, worked in the banking industry all her life. she had three daughters, and she hired a good maid who spent her entire youth with the family. only a few years back -she went home. since the girls are all grown up, they did without a maid thereafter. but must be siong too since they were then living in a three-storey terrace house.


it was long hours for my god-ma all those years but she made sure to come home to spend time with her daughters everynight. she also took her bachelor's degree part-time while her girls were growing up, in primary school.

today, her eldest daughter is married and has a one-year old son who is in infantcare. my god-ma is still working in the banking line - private banking and drawing a good salary. when her husband went overseas to work a few years back and the first daughter got married, the second and third daughters bunked in with her in her room so that she won't feel so lonely. so sweet right? daughters!! :love: the eldest dd also brings her son back on weekends to stay all three daughters are graduates of local uni, btw.

so i tell my dh that my god-ma is the luckiest mummy i've seen. becos not only she has a great career, her three daughters are so close with her and care so much for her. and becos she's my god-ma, she has always shown lots of motherly love for me too, and my dd whenever we visit her.

as for SAHM, i can only say that for my cousins and even my own siblings, who enjoyed our mummies as SAHMs, we were brought up well, have good results and proper values. however, somehow the relationship with the parents r not even as good as my god-ma with her dds. could be the fact that there was a communication gap and lack of understanding between the parents and children.

so i guess end of day, it boils down to the character and personality of the mother herself. if she is a loving and warm person, not selfish nor self-centred, and she still affords quality time with the children despite the busy schedule, attempts to maintain communication and understanding (basically to connect) with the children thru their growing years, its still very much possible to have a great relationship between a FTWM and her children.

:goodpost:

Blokus:

I haven't read the full thread but diving straight into answering the question


I think there's no 'better' correlation between sahm & their kids vs ftwm. Personally, I think it depends a lot on the mother. Who she is, what she likes, in what environment she can be at her best. Some function better as a mom when working and some better when not. Ultimately, the mother who is happy, whether sahm or ftwm, produces happier & 'better' kids. I feel that moms themselves Must be happy & fulfilled first with whatever they are doing, for the kids to feel & be the same.

I'm kind of sadden whenever there's this kind of discussion. Because it subtley divides us moms & create this us vs them mindset. I think we should encourage each other, understand that there is really no right and no wrong, no better or no wrong when it comes to being sahm or ftwm. Because like I said, it lies on the mother herself- nothing to do with her working or not.

foreverj:

interesting topic. and i have an interesting answer too. my god-ma is the living example that FTWM can have it all! She's in her 50s now, worked in the banking industry all her life. she had three daughters, and she hired a good maid who spent her entire youth with the family. only a few years back -she went home. since the girls are all grown up, they did without a maid thereafter. but must be siong too since they were then living in a three-storey terrace house.


it was long hours for my god-ma all those years but she made sure to come home to spend time with her daughters everynight. she also took her bachelor's degree part-time while her girls were growing up, in primary school.

today, her eldest daughter is married and has a one-year old son who is in infantcare. my god-ma is still working in the banking line - private banking and drawing a good salary. when her husband went overseas to work a few years back and the first daughter got married, the second and third daughters bunked in with her in her room so that she won't feel so lonely. so sweet right? daughters!! :love: the eldest dd also brings her son back on weekends to stay all three daughters are graduates of local uni, btw.

so i tell my dh that my god-ma is the luckiest mummy i've seen. becos not only she has a great career, her three daughters are so close with her and care so much for her. and becos she's my god-ma, she has always shown lots of motherly love for me too, and my dd whenever we visit her.

as for SAHM, i can only say that for my cousins and even my own siblings, who enjoyed our mummies as SAHMs, we were brought up well, have good results and proper values. however, somehow the relationship with the parents r not even as good as my god-ma with her dds. could be the fact that there was a communication gap and lack of understanding between the parents and children.

so i guess end of day, it boils down to the character and personality of the mother herself. if she is a loving and warm person, not selfish nor self-centred, and she still affords quality time with the children despite the busy schedule, attempts to maintain communication and understanding (basically to connect) with the children thru their growing years, its still very much possible to have a great relationship between a FTWM and her children.

janet_lee88:

i am definitely not a friend to my kids, or else there is no chance for me to impose any rules once i lose that authority. kids need to know what authority is.

janet_lee88:

jh_mumloveu:

Hi JJXY Mum,


Thks for your reply.
We alrdy got home tuitor. But just find that if I'm stay at home at least he will follow my rule.
But I'm still can't really decide I want to send him to student care or I'm stay at home.

with PATERNAL grandparents, you can forget about imposing rules.

jh_mumloveu:

Hi JJXY Mum,


Thks for your reply.
We alrdy got home tuitor. But just find that if I'm stay at home at least he will follow my rule.
But I'm still can't really decide I want to send him to student care or I'm stay at home.

jh_mumloveu:

Hi JJXY Mum,


Thks for your reply.
We alrdy got home tuitor. But just find that if I'm stay at home at least he will follow my rule.
But I'm still can't really decide I want to send him to student care or I'm stay at home.

jh_mumloveu:

Hi, I am new here.


I am considering to be SAHM to take care my P2 son, due to he not doing well in the school. All the while he was taking care by my parents in law. But this few months is more worst like he don't litsen to grandparents and don't do homework and keep watching TV.

Any mummies can share their experiences and advise me, should I give up my work and be SAHM?

lovekidsverymuch:

foreverj:

concerned it wil become another MIL thread leh... :?

hmmmm..... then just relationship with parents?

toddles:

That also crossed my mind - what would the title be?


I would say something like \"difficult mother-daughter relationships\"?

And the aim would be to inspire each other to persevere and improve these relationships.

Cos I know that most times, once our parents pass away, we will regret not being nicer to them etc etc, and usually only remember the good things about them.