Relationship with parents and child

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Mon, 20 Nov 2017 16:08:34 GMT

Atiqah Azhari — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 16:08:34 GMT

Dear Sir/Mdm,

Mother-Infant Attachment Study
We are a group from the Social and Affective Neuroscience (SAN) Lab Nanyang Technological University (NTU). We are conducting a research study to investigate how mother-child attachment influence infant's emotional self-regulation. A secure mother-infant relationship is pertinent for the emotional development of the child. Hence, our research aims to uncover infants' physiological responses (changes in heart rate) when mother and infant are playing together, and when infant is presented with a mild social challenge where the mother goes out of the infant's field of view and the infant plays with the research assistant (i.e. stranger).

Our study consists of the following social interactions:
1. Mother and child play for 2min
2. Mother goes out of field of view of child for 2min
3. Mother reunited with child and play together for 2min

This procedure will be repeated twice and the infant will be wearing a non-invasive ECG device. The whole task will be video-recorded and together with device set-up, it will take approximately 45min.

Participant Recruitment
We are recruiting mothers aged 21 and above who have infants aged 8-12 months old to participate in our study. You will be reimbursed a total of $50 for your participation in the study. If you are interested, please feel free to contact us via the email or phone number provided in the flyer: nura0066@e.ntu.edu.sg or 96189095

Thank you very much for your time and we hope to hear from you soon!

Best regards,
Atiqah Azhari
PhD Student
Social & Affective Neuroscience Laboratory
Nanyang Technological University, Singapore.
https://s7.postimg.org/ignv9ah0b/Mother-_Child_Attachment_Study.jpg\">

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Thu, 25 Aug 2016 05:18:04 GMT

sharonkhoo — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 05:18:04 GMT

I don’t know anything about these cases, but I do feel that one of the issues in Singapore is the intense competition. Not just in academic matters, but also socially and materially (social media makes it so easy to compare and compete), parental expectations of behaviour etc. Added to that, many kids are very pampered in material things and are not expected to do much in terms of housework and responsibility for the home or others, and I believe many have the feeling that life only gets harder as they get older, and after they finish their education, the competition and challenges get even more intense. A lot of this is due to their setting their goals at high levels, which is good if it gives purpose and direction, but bad if they are unrealistic. Some may even fear independence, never having had much of chance to learn how to cope.

I think, when I was young, there was an understanding that one day we would finish with the stresses of exams, and life would be better because we would be independent. We would be able to choose what we wanted to do, ignore our parents, the world was out there waiting… we looked forward and were excited. Now I hear some young people talking like it’s only downhill once they leave home. There’s something wrong there. Maybe, as parents, we should encourage our kids to think about what they actually want to do (which may not be the "best" or "wisest" or "most successful" things) so they look forward to growing up, and we should spend time listening to what they want to do with their lives and not necessarily prescribe the "best route". And perhaps we can make their current lives more "difficult" in other ways (and take the focus off studies a bit) by giving them responsibilities for themselves, helping others, making them budget or earn their privileges and treats, so that they won’t be so fearful of becoming independent and will take pride in living within their means and managing for themselves. Just a few thoughts.

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Thu, 25 Aug 2016 05:00:33 GMT

MrsKiasu — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 05:00:33 GMT

Thanks catmoon for sharing..

We need to constantly remind ourselves/get constant reminders on this. This is what I told my sis when she called me crying recently for being heartbroken with my nephew. I told her that other things are not important so what if he needs double the time for the degree coz he still has a long way in front of him. The more important thing for us parents is to be given the opportunity and chance to guide them along...

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Thu, 25 Aug 2016 04:25:10 GMT

CatMoon — Thu, 25 Aug 2016 04:25:10 GMT

Feeling so troubled.....

Just heard from my friends that two bright kids from the same JC took their lives this month - the JC1 girl two weeks ago and the JC2 boy just some days ago. Is it study stress? Is it family issues? Is it emotional issues?

I read the girl's blog and she sounded so depressed and lonely. While reading the posts, I remembered my own \"growing up\" confused emotions too back in my JC days decades ago.

I'm troubled because I don't know if anyone could have seen the signs earlier? Friends? Teachers? Parents? Siblings? What could anyone have done to prevent them from taking their own lives?

As a parent, I am often distracted by so many \"to-do\" lists, my job, housework, getting my kids to keep up with their studies, etc, the lists go on and on. So overwhelmed am I that I forget to re-examine my relationship with my kids. Am I friends with my girl? Do I spend time chatting with my boy? Do I listen when they talk? Do I make an extra effort to get them to talk to me when they are moody and tired after school? They are both now teenagers and my girl is the same age as Tiff.

So often they come home with monosyllabic answers when I ask them about school, I then feel irritated and tired and so I walk away - thinking about trying again later during dinner, BUT often forgetting about being extra patient about listening to them talk and too busy telling both of them what they should do instead. Sigh!

I must do something today - This evening, I'm going home early. I'm going to be home when my girl gets back at 5pm. I'm going to give her a hug (bet she'll think I'm crazy) and I'm going to be patient when she talks. I must remember not to be critical of her but to be SUPPORTIVE! Wish me strength!

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Fri, 08 Apr 2016 04:27:37 GMT

Gemom — Fri, 08 Apr 2016 04:27:37 GMT

zbear:
Gemom:
i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

Both my kids have been in co-Ed Primary and Secondary schools. They are also in UG n have been to camps. They are very used to mixing with the opposite gender and know how to behave.

I have also been practising mutual trust n open communications with my kids. I also practise what I preach. Maybe I am quite open minded n my kids are quite conservative (based on our meal conversations n sharing our views on social issues), so I don't have a problem letting go. I told my kids that because I know they are sensible kids, they cannot betray my trust. If betrayed, they will have to bear the consequences.

My DS went for 2n/3D chalet (celebration after O levels) with his classmates n the group includes both gender. But there was no hanky panky n they enjoyed bonding since they would be going separate ways.

I guess you need to know the character of your child n to what extent you can let go. There is no hard n fast rule n it will always be trial and error. But this is what parenting is all about, rite? We learn through experiences n mistakes n make better decisions in future.

Such is everything in life parenting and life in general.
Mutual trust between our loved ones and believe that things will work out.
If they don't we'll have to learn through these mistakes and bad experience!

Cheers zbear thx for sharing

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Tue, 15 Mar 2016 04:42:54 GMT

zbear — Tue, 15 Mar 2016 04:42:54 GMT

Gemom:
i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

Both my kids have been in co-Ed Primary and Secondary schools. They are also in UG n have been to camps. They are very used to mixing with the opposite gender and know how to behave.

I have also been practising mutual trust n open communications with my kids. I also practise what I preach. Maybe I am quite open minded n my kids are quite conservative (based on our meal conversations n sharing our views on social issues), so I don't have a problem letting go. I told my kids that because I know they are sensible kids, they cannot betray my trust. If betrayed, they will have to bear the consequences.

My DS went for 2n/3D chalet (celebration after O levels) with his classmates n the group includes both gender. But there was no hanky panky n they enjoyed bonding since they would be going separate ways.

I guess you need to know the character of your child n to what extent you can let go. There is no hard n fast rule n it will always be trial and error. But this is what parenting is all about, rite? We learn through experiences n mistakes n make better decisions in future.

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Tue, 15 Mar 2016 03:42:41 GMT

Gemom — Tue, 15 Mar 2016 03:42:41 GMT

slmkhoo:
Gemom:
i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic
How old is your child? I believe in letting go gradually. I don't believe there is a particular age when we should cut the apron strings completely and just let go. It also depends on how sensible and reliable the child is. My girls are 16 and 19, and I am a fairly strict parent in many ways. My policy is the explain my rules to them, and so far, they have been accepting, even if they sometimes find it a bit restrictive. They understand that I have their best interests at heart.

The chalet thing you mention - well I would not allow them to spend a night in a chalet with friends (especially a mixed group) if there is no responsible adult there. I don't have to be there myself, but would want a teacher (if it's a school thing) or a trusted leader (if it's a church thing) there. If it's only a day event, well, I think I would probably let them go now if I trusted the group they were with, but maybe not if they were only 13, say.

Appreciate your viewpoint on this!! Thx! I think as you mentioned kinda need to do this slowly...
Probably as an update, I eventually allowed my child to go for the chalet with her friends. Though I did drop by on the second day. I got a really positive outcome to that decision I believe, there seems to be an increased trust level between us now. She seems to seek for permission and have discussions now more often as maybe it feels that I'm slightly more open and agreeable to things as Long as it makes sense and doesn't harm them in any way
So generally a positive thing for me I Guess

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Sat, 06 Feb 2016 06:40:55 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 06:40:55 GMT

Gemom:
i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

How old is your child? I believe in letting go gradually. I don't believe there is a particular age when we should cut the apron strings completely and just let go. It also depends on how sensible and reliable the child is. My girls are 16 and 19, and I am a fairly strict parent in many ways. My policy is the explain my rules to them, and so far, they have been accepting, even if they sometimes find it a bit restrictive. They understand that I have their best interests at heart.

The chalet thing you mention - well I would not allow them to spend a night in a chalet with friends (especially a mixed group) if there is no responsible adult there. I don't have to be there myself, but would want a teacher (if it's a school thing) or a trusted leader (if it's a church thing) there. If it's only a day event, well, I think I would probably let them go now if I trusted the group they were with, but maybe not if they were only 13, say.

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:43:12 GMT

Gemom — Sat, 06 Feb 2016 04:43:12 GMT

i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc…

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Wed, 07 Oct 2015 09:19:59 GMT

starlight1968sg — Wed, 07 Oct 2015 09:19:59 GMT

Man, 41, charged with murder of 5-year-old son

http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/c ... ar-old-son

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Fri, 04 Sep 2015 06:49:09 GMT

ashana — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 06:49:09 GMT

dolphinsiah:
When we bring a child to this earth...it does not come with a Guide Book...no manual... every Child is special...

There is no Perfect Parent Guide book...we just learn day by day to be a parent to nuture our child....to be someone good ...

Do not worry too much....

Just enjoy your relationship with your child....it is a special bond...
When you look at your child ...as they grow up, you give yourself a pat...wow - my product....not bad..hor... :evil:

I won't be worrying if is not my product. Toddler growing older day by day and I can't help to question what kind of parent can I be?

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Fri, 04 Sep 2015 03:41:03 GMT

dolphinsiah — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 03:41:03 GMT

When we bring a child to this earth...it does not come with a Guide Book...no manual... every Child is special...

There is no Perfect Parent Guide book...we just learn day by day to be a parent to nuture our child....to be someone good ...

Do not worry too much....

Just enjoy your relationship with your child....it is a special bond...
When you look at your child ...as they grow up, you give yourself a pat...wow - my product....not bad..hor... :evil:

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:44:28 GMT

ashana — Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:44:28 GMT

dolphinsiah:
I belong to Generation X , my Children are both Generation Y.

My relationship with my children is like Mentors ...we share all thoughts - everything under the sky...

My relationship with my parents who belongs to the generation after world war 2...not very close..
Because parents mentality is -children and parents cannot be friends.
Parents status is always one level higher than the children.

They brought me up ,so I must take care of them...
I told my parents when I am old , I do not want my children to take care of me....they said I crazy...

So you see the difference. :xedfingers:

Thanks for sharing!

Singapore advanced too rapidly in 50 years. Many parents born before the WW2 and in the early independence years are unable to catch up with the Generation X & Y.

The child is still a toddler so I can't say much. I look at the relationship between my grandparents and my uncles, aunties and my parents, and I look at the relationship between my uncles, aunties and my nieces, nephews, cousins, I could see a reflection of the older generation. I look at the relationship between my nieces, nephews and cousins, I could see similarities between my uncles, aunties and my parents.

If the parents are being deprived of material comforts from childhood, they will make sure their children material needs and wants are more than sufficient. If the parents are being deprived of communication with their parents, they will make an effort to communicate with their children. If the parents are neglected by their parents, they will make sure they are always available for their children. If the parents have over controlling parents, they will want their children to grow up with more freedom. If the parents have over dependent parents, they will want to be independent from their children. If the parents missed out on education, they will push their children to excel academically. Parents try to over compensate their children what was being missed out by their parents. The act of over compensating is itself a reflection of the older generation. The cycle repeats generation over generation.

My relationship with my parents have been very good when I was young. The relationship gets more straining in my teens. The generation gap is more apparent as I grow older.

I've been questioning myself my capability to raise a child. How can I see my child as who they are but not a reflection of my relationship with my parents? I feel like a failed person. If I can't be a balanced and happy person, how and what can I teach my child? Is it common for new parents to think about this?

Reply to Relationship with parents and child on Thu, 03 Sep 2015 03:33:05 GMT

dolphinsiah — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 03:33:05 GMT

I belong to Generation X , my Children are both Generation Y.

My relationship with my children is like Mentors ...we share all thoughts - everything under the sky...

My relationship with my parents who belongs to the generation after world war 2...not very close..
Because parents mentality is -children and parents cannot be friends.
Parents status is always one level higher than the children.

They brought me up ,so I must take care of them...
I told my parents when I am old , I do not want my children to take care of me....they said I crazy...

So you see the difference. :xedfingers: