<![CDATA[Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth]]>I told my kids from a young age that if they do not do well in exams, I am OK with them re-doing the year (if they failed many of their exams). Same with their PSLE. One of my daughters is studying law at a local university, and my son decided to accept an offer from a leading British university. They are very active in sports, and made many friends throughout their schooling years.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/87741/exam-stress-among-the-young-when-grades-define-worthRSS for NodeSat, 02 May 2026 19:20:37 GMTSat, 25 Mar 2017 08:09:32 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Wed, 16 Nov 2016 17:19:41 GMT]]>

sleepy:
janet88:

is there such a thing as taking 7 subjects?


For dd's school, there are 7 subjects in Sec 1 and 2.
2 languages, 3 humanities, 1 math and 1 Science. Total 7 examinable subjects.

They have additional lessons such as art, music and home economics but these are not graded and not part of overall result.

So for my daughter's case, her subjects will be English, math, science, 3 humanities.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733621https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733621Wed, 16 Nov 2016 17:19:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 03:04:54 GMT]]>Thanks for starting this interesting thread and sharing and commenting on all the media stories.


As slmkhoo pointed out, the reason why our teens and young people feel stressed is multi factorial…some intrinsic and many extrinsic. And most of the extrinsic factors are related to the modern era with its increased connectivity, lack of emphasis on values and its really rather narrow definition of what constitutes success.

Certainly, I believe the quest for success is worse in certain countries (mostly Asian?). In Singapore, there has always been an obsession with being the best not just in studies but in everything. It is very hard to get away from this. Believe me I have tried…very hard.

My parents raised me to be a perfectionist, I ended up in a profession that comprises of mainly perfectionists and now I realise I have at least one child who is pretty much a perfectionist himself. Did I set out to make him one? The answer is no. But I certainly role-modelled it and emphasised on values which encourage perfectionism ( like always giving your best in everything that you do).

Thankfully, I enjoy a very close relationship with my DCs and that I think is the single most important thing that protects my DCs from being overwhelmed by the stresses of modern life. We spend a lot of time together…talking…face to face.
Crazy working hours and crazy obsession with mobile devices gives many modern-day parents less time with their youth and signals to the latter that they are just not as important as their work and phones. Hence besides being less connected with their youth, what kind of role models are these parents for their children?

So, while we all feel that it’s important for our children to do well and acknowledge that life these days for parents and youth is really stressful, let’s remember to put them first and show them the love that they deserve so that they develop the resilience to better cope with both intrinsic and extrinsic pressures.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733200https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733200Tue, 15 Nov 2016 03:04:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 02:53:22 GMT]]>

janet88:
is there such a thing as taking 7 subjects?

For dd's school, there are 7 subjects in Sec 1 and 2.
2 languages, 3 humanities, 1 math and 1 Science. Total 7 examinable subjects.

They have additional lessons such as art, music and home economics but these are not graded and not part of overall result.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733196https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733196Tue, 15 Nov 2016 02:53:22 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 02:05:09 GMT]]>Usually, the well formulated MCQs use the phrase "most similar to" and teachers use that to defend the answers. Afterall there is always atleast some degree of similarity between any two objects. So technically any of the options should be right.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733188https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733188Tue, 15 Nov 2016 02:05:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 15 Nov 2016 01:54:41 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
pirate:

[quote=\"jetsetter\"]did u call Science HOD to clarify the definition of \"similar\" vs \"the same\"? Your dd is very bright. \"Similar\" = \"almost identical\" semantically. Haven't seen the exact question, but maybe your dd's choice wasn't even correct by that interpretation of hers? Better check and agree on what's SEAB/PSLE's scientific definition in case this same word appears again.


I really cannot be bothered. 😆

I saw the question and answer. She picked the one that was similar but not the same. Then again, what does one expect from an MCQ question? :rotflmao:

I think my daughter got caught out by this wording as well, but probably in class, not a test. The problem is that if the wording was \"the same as\" there could also be a misinterpretation as some would look for a choice that is identical in wording! I just told my daughter that for purposes of MCQ, \"similar\" means \"as close to, including the same\".[/quote]Perhaps a better choice of word would be \"identical\" or \"most similar to\" depending on what the setter had in mind. Isn't it good fun when primary school children require adults to be more precise in their use of language? I wonder whether the SEAB is aware of this kind of problem.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733185https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733185Tue, 15 Nov 2016 01:54:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Mon, 14 Nov 2016 23:40:59 GMT]]>

pirate:
jetsetter:

did u call Science HOD to clarify the definition of \"similar\" vs \"the same\"? Your dd is very bright. \"Similar\" = \"almost identical\" semantically. Haven't seen the exact question, but maybe your dd's choice wasn't even correct by that interpretation of hers? Better check and agree on what's SEAB/PSLE's scientific definition in case this same word appears again.


I really cannot be bothered. 😆

I saw the question and answer. She picked the one that was similar but not the same. Then again, what does one expect from an MCQ question? :rotflmao:

I think my daughter got caught out by this wording as well, but probably in class, not a test. The problem is that if the wording was \"the same as\" there could also be a misinterpretation as some would look for a choice that is identical in wording! I just told my daughter that for purposes of MCQ, \"similar\" means \"as close to, including the same\".

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733168https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733168Mon, 14 Nov 2016 23:40:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Mon, 14 Nov 2016 12:49:54 GMT]]>

jetsetter:
pirate:

Being merely exam smart is not going to prepare our kids for global competition.


Examinations tend to follow a fixed format, and there is certainly much more to preparing our children than school examinations, much less exam grades.

Every now and then, I remind myself not to focus too much on just the grades. This SA2, dd came out with another 'gem' or 'howler' depending on how you look at it. There was a multiple choice primary school science question with a diagram of some plant's life cycle. The question asked which other thing has a \"similar\" life cycle. DD purposely picked the choice that is not exactly the same as the diagram over the choice that was the same, and was naturally marked wrong. She explained that she was confused by the question because \"similar\" does not mean the same thing as \"the same\", and hence there must be some small difference as opposed to being exactly the same. Hilariously, Mr Shanmugam made exactly the same point just the other day in Parliament when he asked, \"I have heard the word 'similar' several times. To what extent would it be different?\" :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

A child like that reminds me not to get too hung up on exam marks. I feel that children need the free time and space to explore, ponder things, play and grow on their own; instead of trying to put them into a pigeon hole devised by us adults at such an early age.

There are many things that examinations are just not designed to measure, and when children exhibit these qualities that the exams are not designed to measure, there is a tendency for them to be marked down. No point getting the child stressed over something like that.

did u call Science HOD to clarify the definition of \"similar\" vs \"the same\"? Your dd is very bright. \"Similar\" = \"almost identical\" semantically. Haven't seen the exact question, but maybe your dd's choice wasn't even correct by that interpretation of hers? Better check and agree on what's SEAB/PSLE's scientific definition in case this same word appears again.

I really cannot be bothered. 😆

I saw the question and answer. She picked the one that was similar but not the same. Then again, what does one expect from an MCQ question? :rotflmao:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733105https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1733105Mon, 14 Nov 2016 12:49:54 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Fri, 11 Nov 2016 06:04:59 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
JJ_chua:

Don't go for competitive sports coz the training is probably thrice weekly..(My elder DS was in bball for 4 years)..very xiong.


For janet's daughter, since she obviously likes speech and drama, something like Drama or a performing arts CCA might be more suitable. Even if takes time, it can add to her portfolio for the future if that is her interest.

Slmkhoo is right...my daughter is the drama type. If she can take that cca, then I can save the money from sending her to media academy.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732464https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732464Fri, 11 Nov 2016 06:04:59 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:19:44 GMT]]>

JJ_chua:
Don't go for competitive sports coz the training is probably thrice weekly..(My elder DS was in bball for 4 years)..very xiong.

For janet's daughter, since she obviously likes speech and drama, something like Drama or a performing arts CCA might be more suitable. Even if takes time, it can add to her portfolio for the future if that is her interest.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732185https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732185Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:19:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:17:03 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
janet88:

[quote=\"slmkhoo\"]
Can you ask for special exemption for her to take only 7 subjects? Then she may have more time for her interests. Maybe choose a CCA which caters to her interests? I promised my older daughter when she was younger that as she progressed in education, the no. of subjects would decrease, and she could drop the ones she liked least - you can hold that promise out to your daughter too! I also tried to convince my daughter that sec school subjects were an important part of a basic education and she still needed to do them!

don't mean to be rude...but is there such a thing as taking 7 subjects? let's see, english/math/literature/geography/history/science/art. from 3 subjects to 7 subjects...next year will be a nightmare. as for her cca next year, i would advise her to take one that is not intensive.

I'm not familiar with the sec school curriculum now, but I would expect that adjustments can be made for special needs. Perhaps she can take just 2 out of the 3 (lit/geog/hist), especially if you tell MOE that she will be doing some extra classes outside.[/quote]Don't go for competitive sports coz the training is probably thrice weekly..(My elder DS was in bball for 4 years)..very xiong.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732182https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732182Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:17:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:08:02 GMT]]>

janet88:
slmkhoo:


Can you ask for special exemption for her to take only 7 subjects? Then she may have more time for her interests. Maybe choose a CCA which caters to her interests? I promised my older daughter when she was younger that as she progressed in education, the no. of subjects would decrease, and she could drop the ones she liked least - you can hold that promise out to your daughter too! I also tried to convince my daughter that sec school subjects were an important part of a basic education and she still needed to do them!

don't mean to be rude...but is there such a thing as taking 7 subjects? let's see, english/math/literature/geography/history/science/art. from 3 subjects to 7 subjects...next year will be a nightmare. as for her cca next year, i would advise her to take one that is not intensive.

I'm not familiar with the sec school curriculum now, but I would expect that adjustments can be made for special needs. Perhaps she can take just 2 out of the 3 (lit/geog/hist), especially if you tell MOE that she will be doing some extra classes outside.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732177https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732177Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:08:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:01:03 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:

Can you ask for special exemption for her to take only 7 subjects? Then she may have more time for her interests. Maybe choose a CCA which caters to her interests? I promised my older daughter when she was younger that as she progressed in education, the no. of subjects would decrease, and she could drop the ones she liked least - you can hold that promise out to your daughter too! I also tried to convince my daughter that sec school subjects were an important part of a basic education and she still needed to do them!
don't mean to be rude...but is there such a thing as taking 7 subjects? let's see, english/math/literature/geography/history/science/art. from 3 subjects to 7 subjects...next year will be a nightmare. as for her cca next year, i would advise her to take one that is not intensive.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732174https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732174Thu, 10 Nov 2016 05:01:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 04:44:09 GMT]]>

janet88:
slmkhoo:

Parents need to be realistic - if a child cannot do well in exams, let's look for what they will do well at, or at least enjoy doing. Even they don't become rich and successful, it should be enough if they can earn a living and enjoy what they do.


with psle results released in 2 weeks' time, the next stage in life is secondary school.
my daughter is not academically inclined...but her doctor and teachers do not advise IB program even though this girl wants to enter SOTA. it's too late also to build a portfolio now when kids start at 6 or 7 years of age.
o level results are important to have in order to do anything. with 7-8 subjects next year, even the idea of resuming speech and drama lessons at media academy is impossible.

Can you ask for special exemption for her to take only 7 subjects? Then she may have more time for her interests. Maybe choose a CCA which caters to her interests? I promised my older daughter when she was younger that as she progressed in education, the no. of subjects would decrease, and she could drop the ones she liked least - you can hold that promise out to your daughter too! I also tried to convince my daughter that sec school subjects were an important part of a basic education and she still needed to do them!

And from what I have heard about the IP program, I think it's best to stick to 'O' levels. Most IB programs (in govt schools) cater for the higher-achievers; I expect the international schools will cater for the less-academically able, but the fees are high.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732162https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732162Thu, 10 Nov 2016 04:44:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 03:46:09 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
Parents need to be realistic - if a child cannot do well in exams, let's look for what they will do well at, or at least enjoy doing. Even they don't become rich and successful, it should be enough if they can earn a living and enjoy what they do.

with psle results released in 2 weeks' time, the next stage in life is secondary school.
my daughter is not academically inclined...but her doctor and teachers do not advise IB program even though this girl wants to enter SOTA. it's too late also to build a portfolio now when kids start at 6 or 7 years of age.
o level results are important to have in order to do anything. with 7-8 subjects next year, even the idea of resuming speech and drama lessons at media academy is impossible.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732140https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732140Thu, 10 Nov 2016 03:46:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 03:27:13 GMT]]>

pirate:
Being merely exam smart is not going to prepare our kids for global competition.


Examinations tend to follow a fixed format, and there is certainly much more to preparing our children than school examinations, much less exam grades.

Every now and then, I remind myself not to focus too much on just the grades. This SA2, dd came out with another 'gem' or 'howler' depending on how you look at it. There was a multiple choice primary school science question with a diagram of some plant's life cycle. The question asked which other thing has a \"similar\" life cycle. DD purposely picked the choice that is not exactly the same as the diagram over the choice that was the same, and was naturally marked wrong. She explained that she was confused by the question because \"similar\" does not mean the same thing as \"the same\", and hence there must be some small difference as opposed to being exactly the same. Hilariously, Mr Shanmugam made exactly the same point just the other day in Parliament when he asked, \"I have heard the word 'similar' several times. To what extent would it be different?\" :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

A child like that reminds me not to get too hung up on exam marks. I feel that children need the free time and space to explore, ponder things, play and grow on their own; instead of trying to put them into a pigeon hole devised by us adults at such an early age.

There are many things that examinations are just not designed to measure, and when children exhibit these qualities that the exams are not designed to measure, there is a tendency for them to be marked down. No point getting the child stressed over something like that.
did u call Science HOD to clarify the definition of \"similar\" vs \"the same\"? Your dd is very bright. \"Similar\" = \"almost identical\" semantically. Haven't seen the exact question, but maybe your dd's choice wasn't even correct by that interpretation of hers? Better check and agree on what's SEAB/PSLE's scientific definition in case this same word appears again.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732132https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732132Thu, 10 Nov 2016 03:27:13 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Thu, 10 Nov 2016 00:47:39 GMT]]>Exams work for some, and for those who can do well and don’t have anything else they would prefer to focus on (music, sports, business, arts etc), I would encourage them to do so. Although we blame the "system" for making exams so crucial, it is also partly our fault - as parents, are we placing too much pressure on kids who are by nature not academic of exam-smart? I am speaking to myself here - when my daughter, having tried her best, still does poorly in an exam, I find I have to bite my tongue in case I say anything that makes her feel that her best is not good enough for me. Parents need to be realistic - if a child cannot do well in exams, let’s look for what they will do well at, or at least enjoy doing. Even they don’t become rich and successful, it should be enough if they can earn a living and enjoy what they do.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732064https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1732064Thu, 10 Nov 2016 00:47:39 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 09:40:06 GMT]]>Being merely exam smart is not going to prepare our kids for global competition.


Examinations tend to follow a fixed format, and there is certainly much more to preparing our children than school examinations, much less exam grades.

Every now and then, I remind myself not to focus too much on just the grades. This SA2, dd came out with another 'gem' or 'howler' depending on how you look at it. There was a multiple choice primary school science question with a diagram of some plant's life cycle. The question asked which other thing has a \"similar\" life cycle. DD purposely picked the choice that is not exactly the same as the diagram over the choice that was the same, and was naturally marked wrong. She explained that she was confused by the question because \"similar\" does not mean the same thing as \"the same\", and hence there must be some small difference as opposed to being exactly the same. Hilariously, Mr Shanmugam made exactly the same point just the other day in Parliament when he asked, \"I have heard the word 'similar' several times. To what extent would it be different?\" :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

A child like that reminds me not to get too hung up on exam marks. I feel that children need the free time and space to explore, ponder things, play and grow on their own; instead of trying to put them into a pigeon hole devised by us adults at such an early age.

There are many things that examinations are just not designed to measure, and when children exhibit these qualities that the exams are not designed to measure, there is a tendency for them to be marked down. No point getting the child stressed over something like that.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731968https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731968Wed, 09 Nov 2016 09:40:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Wed, 09 Nov 2016 05:58:09 GMT]]>Though I agree that grades does not define worth however I believe that the education system should be competitive like it is now. Schools are meant to be a stepping stone to prepare the child for the future in the workplace. And with globalization everything is becoming more competitive. It doesn’t matter if its good or bad but that’s how the world is changing and we need to prepare every single Singaporean child to be prepared to deal and tackle all these issues. It is myopic to push for a less stressful and competitive system as we are not adequately preparing our child for the future.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731907https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1731907Wed, 09 Nov 2016 05:58:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Wed, 02 Nov 2016 12:34:16 GMT]]>education syllabus is very demanding year after year. if parents set high expectations, then the poor children suffer. but we parents are also stressed because the kids face problems with school work.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1730218https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1730218Wed, 02 Nov 2016 12:34:16 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Wed, 02 Nov 2016 07:18:19 GMT]]>

slmkhoo:
Are we sure that exam stress is the main factor in teen suicides? What about other factors like the \"instagram\" culture which makes looks and keeping up with the Joneses so important? Or the pressure to grow up into sexuality so early? Or parental divorce or other family breakdown? I'm not saying that academic stress is not a very common factor, but I think that it is often a combination of several factors that finally pushes a child over the edge. We shouldn't focus on academic stress alone.

Agreed. Difficult to be a child nowadays. Difficult to be a parent also.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1730147https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1730147Wed, 02 Nov 2016 07:18:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 01 Nov 2016 17:36:20 GMT]]>IMO we shouldn’t try to "push" them towards their powers and plus, we shouldn’t "push" them towards something they don’t want to. In fact, we shouldn’t "push" them at all, we just should point them the right direction… just my 2 cents…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1729983https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1729983Tue, 01 Nov 2016 17:36:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Tue, 01 Nov 2016 16:34:09 GMT]]>SINGAPORE: A child who acts up could be showing signs of delinquency - or of suicidal depression. So, are parents right to respond to misbehaviour with “tough love”?


Posed this quandary, Dr Ong Lue Ping, the Institute of Mental Health’s principal clinical psychologist, said: “Tough love is still love … A lot of times we find that it’s not really the method that makes a difference. It’s really the relationship.

“If the relationship is strong, even if it’s tough love, the child may see it as my parents having concern for me. But if the relationship is negative (from the) start ... then the tough love may have a negative impact.”

This question was raised at a Talking Point forum held at *SCAPE on Monday (Oct 24), just days after the State Coroner ruled on the suicide of an 11-year-old boy who had killed himself in May after failing his exams. The court heard that the boy’s mother would cane him “lightly” on his palm whenever he scored less than 70 marks in exams.

The case was fresh on the minds of the participants during the candid and sometimes poignant discussion about teen suicide with the panellists - who included Dr Ong, celebrity Irene Ang and Mr Chow Yen-Lu, a father who lost his son to suicide.

The recording of the forum aired in a special episode on Thursday on Mediacorp's Channel 5.

Catch the extended 50-minute version here on Toggle.

http://video.toggle.sg/en/series/talking-point-2016/ep22/455504

Last year, Singapore recorded its most number of teen suicides in 15 years - 27 teenagers (aged 10 to 19) killed themselves in 2015, up from 13 in 2014 and 19 in 2009.

According to the World Health Organization, suicide is the second leading cause of death among 15- to 29-year-olds globally.

Panellist Mr Chow talked about picking up the pieces after his son, who had suffered from manic depression since the age of 18, killed himself when he was 26.

“One of the first things that we did was not to blame ourselves or each other. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here today … we would have gone down the other path. Number two, is to accept what’s happened.

“Three, is to find meaning in what’s happened and to do something about it,” said Mr Chow, who went on to co-found Over-The-Rainbow, a support group to help youths deal with stress and mental health issues.

LISTEN, REALLY LISTEN TO YOUR TEEN

Dr Ong, who has spent 13 years counselling children and teens, emphasised how important it was for parents to listen without judgement.

“(Teenagers) tell me that when they feel like talking to their parents, they want their parents to listen to them empathetically at first, and not jump in too quickly with solutions or with judgements. Let them know … (that you) would be there to help them to solve the problem.

“They also appreciate if their parents can validate and not trivialise their feelings. Sometimes parents say, ‘oh this is just some friendship, you can always find new friends’. But for them, it is really a big thing,” said Dr Ong.

Mr Chow echoed this: “We need to talk less and listen more. All of us. And when we listen, (we should do so) not just with our ears, but with our heart.”

WANTED: COPING SKILLS

While 58 per cent of suicides in Singapore are associated with mental illness, a local study has found two other risk factors at play a lot of the time, Dr Ong noted. These are social factors - such as relationship problems and school stress - as well as psychological factors.

“What we know is that individuals who tend to be lonely, proud, secretive, and have a low self-esteem with a tendency to worry unnecessarily and with poor problem-solving skills, are at a higher risk of suicide,” he said.

He added that this is why we need to “go back to basics” and teach our teenagers certain life-skills - namely social, problem-solving, coping and adjusting skills.

Ms Ang, the CEO of Fly Entertainment, had tried to take her own life three times - the first attempt was when she was just 15, as she recounted in one recent interview.

“What stopped me was really myself,” she told the forum. “What I took away from the three failed attempts was, there’s so much courage needed to kill myself, why don’t I take that courage and try to live and solve my problem? What’s the worst can happen, I die right? But before I die, let me go and try.”

On what she does when she feels the symptoms of depression setting in, she shared: “I take a holiday, I pick up a sport - recently at the ripe old age of 48, I started playing tennis; I play three hours a week now.”



http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/singapore/at-teen-suicide-forum-parents-asked-to-talk-less-listen-more/3240750.html

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1729980https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1729980Tue, 01 Nov 2016 16:34:09 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Exam stress among the young: When grades define worth on Mon, 31 Oct 2016 09:23:38 GMT]]>http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/education/thoughts-of-a-student-on-the-need-to-excel

It is not just the local school system, sometimes it is just this will for perfection.

With a DD near that age, who pushes herself , I felt so affected by this lovely girl's journal. A beautiful life lost because she couldn't measure up,the enormous burden she felt to perform , all self driven , it is so :sad:

In April 2014, New Zealander Victoria McLeod fell to her death at a Clementi condominium where she lived with her parents.

The 17-year-old who was in her final year in an international school here had put great pressure on herself to get into university, even though her parents had told her that passing exams was not the only way to find her course in life.

Seven months after her death, her parents found her online journal. Here are several extracts:


JAN 14, 2014

Dear Friend,

I lost it. I just sort of keeled over and thought 'I can't do this'. Like, I've known that I will never have a dazzling life, what with the grades I get. But if I keep carrying on like this, I might actually end up snapping...

I don't know how I'm going to cope when I get back to school. Will it really help if I ask for it? Would I just be wasting my parents' money? But the whole point is that I can't ask for it anyway. How do you explain that you might have social anxiety... I just don't know. And it scares me.

JAN 15, 2014

Dear Friend; I was out yesterday and saw (). You know, one of those chicks that look like they have it all. Blonde. Lithe. Top grades. Popular. The whole jealously wrapped-up package...

st_20161030_amstress30_2705096.jpg

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It's kind of beyond me how someone can have their life so sorted. Maybe I should start comparing them allegorically to filing cabinets. Each file section is a subdivision of life. Academics. Family ties. Extra-curricular activities. Social stature. Looks. Boyfriends/ girlfriends. Socioeconomic state. Mental health. Physical form. With a person like (), not only is every section perfectly organised, but also each page has the right border, font, page number and grammar with A-pluses on each sheet of crisp white paper inside every pastel folder... I gave up on trying to be an () a long ago.

MARCH 30, 2014

I remember something J.K. Rowling wrote in the first Harry Potter book. That there were more important things than Hermione's affinity with books and cleverness. Like friendship. And bravery. But that's changing. One day, no one will know the meaning of courage or camaraderie.

Sadly, all that really matters, all that grown-ups are trying to drill into young minds, is success. If you are not successful, there is no point in existence. That's a pretty sad message to teach. But that is what's happening, whether we want it to or not.

It doesn't matter if it's at the cost of one's well-being. Even if you were reduced to something barely functioning, but you pulled yourself up and are sitting there, telling your story in an Armani suit, that's all that matters. That you became a success story.

A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on October 30, 2016, with the headline 'Thoughts of a student on the need to excel'.

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