A Father's regret over his daughters....

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Mon, 31 Jul 2017 02:42:22 GMT

buzzkoony — Mon, 31 Jul 2017 02:42:22 GMT

Thank you for sharing your family experience. i also hope when my kiddo grows up, i will be able to open up and have a heartful conversation with her.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sun, 30 Jul 2017 17:03:57 GMT

FishFingers — Sun, 30 Jul 2017 17:03:57 GMT

foodie4stuff:
FishFingers:
To top off the weekend,I am extremely excited and happy to see my daughters living with us.

Just felt sorry for them that they have to sleep before 10pm on Saturday night.

We asked the girls to come into our room,had them sat down on our bed and had a long talk with them.

I told the girls...

Daddy and Mommy made some serious mistakes many years ago when we were young that caused all of us to stay apart from each other for so long.Adults and children are not perfect.We make mistakes sometimes.What's important is to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them again.

I want to say sorry to both of you and Mommy for not loving you enough,not being there for the 2 of you,not bringing you back to SG after birth and I asked you to forgive me.Gave them a big hug each and told both girls I loved them very much and they are Daddy's little girls and delight.Missed you girls when you were not around us.The girls cried when I hugged them. We are going to start today as a reunited family and I am very happy and excited for them to be living right here in Singapore.I also said had been very edgy because I had a bad tiff with their grandfather and in a way,my rage had a negative impact on the family in the last few days.I will settle whatever there is in my heart with grandfather soon once and for all.

I don't roar at people all the time.I am actually a normal person who can love and cares for the girls and ladies in my family.I want to make up to both of you for whatever they lost and grow up with you from now on into your teenage years into secondary school.We will be one happy family living together right here.Daddy and Mommy will be with all of you all the time no matter what happens.Daddy will protect and love you always.Teach you to have good character by the way which the Bible has taught us.We will love you just like how God has loved us.Whatever decision is made in this home,we will talk over and explain to you.

I don't expect you to be top students but just do your best in your studies.You girls told me that you want to continue attending Malaysian primary and in future secondary schools in future.I am fine with it.But if you want to attend Junior Colleges in Singapore which Mommy and I attended and go to university in future,you must work hard to reach the goal.Grades don't matter to Daddy but your characters must come first and they are important to me.

Always be joyful and stay healthy always.I held their hands and stroked their hair tenderly.The girls hugged me and my wife and promised not to make us sad by their behaviour ever again.

I presented them each with a Adidas schoolbag that brought smiles into their faces.Wished them well in their new school with teachers and friends.They left our bedroom with smiles on their faces after saying good night to us.

I am proud and happy that I have these 2 girls as my daughters.
thanks for sharing your style of parenting. I definitely can take a few cues for my DS. I like how you've established a trust in your family. It's important for effectivce communication

No lah,I am not that great...Just glad that my girls gave me a second chance to make it up to them for the last 11 years.Used to run the house like an navy camp just like my workplace but realised that it might not work out because I have 3 women including my wife in my home and they might not be receptive to a military-like environment.

Relaxed my iron like grip on the women and became more flexible/understanding with situations,requests and mistakes.But I am ultimately in control and the final decisions in all matters lies with me after consulting together with my wife.We will then explain our decisions to the girls carefully during family meetings.

Now I can really celebrate Father's Day haha.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sun, 30 Jul 2017 03:56:49 GMT

foodie4stuff — Sun, 30 Jul 2017 03:56:49 GMT

FishFingers:
To top off the weekend,I am extremely excited and happy to see my daughters living with us.

Just felt sorry for them that they have to sleep before 10pm on Saturday night.

We asked the girls to come into our room,had them sat down on our bed and had a long talk with them.

I told the girls...

Daddy and Mommy made some serious mistakes many years ago when we were young that caused all of us to stay apart from each other for so long.Adults and children are not perfect.We make mistakes sometimes.What's important is to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them again.

I want to say sorry to both of you and Mommy for not loving you enough,not being there for the 2 of you,not bringing you back to SG after birth and I asked you to forgive me.Gave them a big hug each and told both girls I loved them very much and they are Daddy's little girls and delight.Missed you girls when you were not around us.The girls cried when I hugged them. We are going to start today as a reunited family and I am very happy and excited for them to be living right here in Singapore.I also said had been very edgy because I had a bad tiff with their grandfather and in a way,my rage had a negative impact on the family in the last few days.I will settle whatever there is in my heart with grandfather soon once and for all.

I don't roar at people all the time.I am actually a normal person who can love and cares for the girls and ladies in my family.I want to make up to both of you for whatever they lost and grow up with you from now on into your teenage years into secondary school.We will be one happy family living together right here.Daddy and Mommy will be with all of you all the time no matter what happens.Daddy will protect and love you always.Teach you to have good character by the way which the Bible has taught us.We will love you just like how God has loved us.Whatever decision is made in this home,we will talk over and explain to you.

I don't expect you to be top students but just do your best in your studies.You girls told me that you want to continue attending Malaysian primary and in future secondary schools in future.I am fine with it.But if you want to attend Junior Colleges in Singapore which Mommy and I attended and go to university in future,you must work hard to reach the goal.Grades don't matter to Daddy but your characters must come first and they are important to me.

Always be joyful and stay healthy always.I held their hands and stroked their hair tenderly.The girls hugged me and my wife and promised not to make us sad by their behaviour ever again.

I presented them each with a Adidas schoolbag that brought smiles into their faces.Wished them well in their new school with teachers and friends.They left our bedroom with smiles on their faces after saying good night to us.

I am proud and happy that I have these 2 girls as my daughters.

thanks for sharing your style of parenting. I definitely can take a few cues for my DS. I like how you've established a trust in your family. It's important for effectivce communication

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 11:22:05 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 11:22:05 GMT

To top off the weekend,I am extremely excited and happy to see my daughters living with us.

Just felt sorry for them that they have to sleep before 10pm on Saturday night.

We asked the girls to come into our room,had them sat down on our bed and had a long talk with them.

I told the girls…

Daddy and Mommy made some serious mistakes many years ago when we were young that caused all of us to stay apart from each other for so long.Adults and children are not perfect.We make mistakes sometimes.What’s important is to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them again.

I want to say sorry to both of you and Mommy for not loving you enough,not being there for the 2 of you,not bringing you back to SG after birth and I asked you to forgive me.Gave them a big hug each and told both girls I loved them very much and they are Daddy’s little girls and delight.Missed you girls when you were not around us.The girls cried when I hugged them. We are going to start today as a reunited family and I am very happy and excited for them to be living right here in Singapore.I also said had been very edgy because I had a bad tiff with their grandfather and in a way,my rage had a negative impact on the family in the last few days.I will settle whatever there is in my heart with grandfather soon once and for all.

I don’t roar at people all the time.I am actually a normal person who can love and cares for the girls and ladies in my family.I want to make up to both of you for whatever they lost and grow up with you from now on into your teenage years into secondary school.We will be one happy family living together right here.Daddy and Mommy will be with all of you all the time no matter what happens.Daddy will protect and love you always.Teach you to have good character by the way which the Bible has taught us.We will love you just like how God has loved us.Whatever decision is made in this home,we will talk over and explain to you.

I don’t expect you to be top students but just do your best in your studies.You girls told me that you want to continue attending Malaysian primary and in future secondary schools in future.I am fine with it.But if you want to attend Junior Colleges in Singapore which Mommy and I attended and go to university in future,you must work hard to reach the goal.Grades don’t matter to Daddy but your characters must come first and they are important to me.

Always be joyful and stay healthy always.I held their hands and stroked their hair tenderly.The girls hugged me and my wife and promised not to make us sad by their behaviour ever again.

I presented them each with a Adidas schoolbag that brought smiles into their faces.Wished them well in their new school with teachers and friends.They left our bedroom with smiles on their faces after saying good night to us.

I am proud and happy that I have these 2 girls as my daughters.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:38:54 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:38:54 GMT

Ok,I see…

Just curious,does it really matter if my girls just take PR and remain status quo or is it really necessary for them to take up citizenship?

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:23:01 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:23:01 GMT

FishFingers:
I think my daughters have heavy Malaysian accents when they speak.Assuming they spend their secondary school years as well in Malaysia,is it hard for them to lose the heavy accent?

It depends on the individual. Some people change accents more readily than others. I know some people who, even after years in another country surrounded by people with a different accent, don't change. Others will adapt their accents in weeks.

You can encourage them to pronounce words more correctly once things have settled more, but it's probably not the best thing to start correcting them a lot now when there's so much going on. Correct pronunciation is more important than accent.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:15:01 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 10:15:01 GMT

FishFingers:
But why will the relationship between my wife and girls be strained if she teaches them?

Some parents find it hard to teach their own kids. When someone else's kid doesn't pay attention, doesn't learn fast enough etc, a teacher will not feel so emotionally involved or rejected, while a parent may. Also, sometimes it's good to have a distinction between teacher and parent; they fill different roles and sometimes the parent/teacher may find it difficult to switch from one role to the other, and the kids may also find the switch difficult. This is not always the case, but it often is. Since your wife and daughters already have a lot of catching up and adjusting to do, if your daughters need a lot of coaching (not just the occasional question), then the relationship may be strained.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:47:44 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:47:44 GMT

MrsKiasu:
FishFingers:
[quote=\"MrsKiasu\"]on outing straight from school. I will bring clothes and shoes along for them to change.

May I know why I should not bring my girls out directly from school wearing their school uniforms?Is there a reason for it?Just asking..

I thought I could avoid washing extra 2 sets of clothing.Maybe we could have fun time watching movie,a bit of shopping and dinner before heading back to SG.

i just feel that they will feel a bit more 'refreshed' and more comfy if that outing meant for relaxation, usually for many hours. if just a while like to run errands then no need change and I may just bring lunch for them to eat in car.[/quote]Oh I see...

I thought since they finish at 1250,we do not have much time because we need to reach the checkpoint by 4pm to avoid the crowd.Hence the decision to go out wearing their school uniforms.

Asked the girls and they are quite excited about the mini outing.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:37:01 GMT

MrsKiasu — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:37:01 GMT

FishFingers:
MrsKiasu:
on outing straight from school. I will bring clothes and shoes along for them to change.

May I know why I should not bring my girls out directly from school wearing their school uniforms?Is there a reason for it?Just asking..

I thought I could avoid washing extra 2 sets of clothing.Maybe we could have fun time watching movie,a bit of shopping and dinner before heading back to SG.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:32:09 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:32:09 GMT

kids_r_innocent:
Normally I will try to discuss wif my hb on the disagreements that we have in terms of guiding our kids, not in front of them. Agree on the same values and discipline then the kids wun be trying their way out wif the more giving party.

On the other hand, we shld try to hear the kids out on their opinions on things, like wat I have learnt, we shld choose our battles with them. Small tings or if it involves their pride or feelings, we shld think twice before saying no flatly. Oh and one more thing is that we shld try to hear/ask their opinions or feelings abt things rather than we r more of the talking party.

Maybe I am more dictatorial due to my job as a trainer in the Navy. And that dictatorial nature spilled into my home.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:25:06 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:25:06 GMT

MrsKiasu:
on outing straight from school. I will bring clothes and shoes along for them to change.

May I know why I should not bring my girls out directly from school wearing their school uniforms?Is there a reason for it?Just asking..

I thought I could avoid washing extra 2 sets of clothing.Maybe we could have fun time watching movie,a bit of shopping and dinner before heading back to SG in the early evening.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:21:41 GMT

MrsKiasu — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:21:41 GMT

on outing straight from school. I will bring clothes and shoes along for them to change.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:20:15 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 09:20:15 GMT

Grades were never in my consideration.I never want to stress them out.

But why will the relationship between my wife and girls be strained if she teaches them?

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:57:38 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:57:38 GMT

I think my daughters have heavy Malaysian accents when they speak.Assuming they spend their secondary school years as well in Malaysia,is it hard for them to lose the heavy accent?

For tomorrow,is it better for me to bring them out and spend time with them eg watch a movie and dinner until evening directly after school in their school uniforms or is it better to do so on a Saturday?

Just thinking of a family outing.

I will arrange for school bus to send them to school directly.You know,those typical Malaysian school buses?I will only be away for 2 weeks in Australia for training.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:54:06 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:54:06 GMT

You mentioned in one of earlier posts that your daughters speak "slang", I presume you mean with an accent? Kids will speak like those they have most contact with. As you have pointed out, your wife lost her accent after many years in Singapore, and your daughters’ accent will change depending on who they spend more time with. In their case, it is likely be their new schoolfriends and teachers. How different that will be from the typical Singapore accent, I don’t know.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:46:07 GMT

muska — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:46:07 GMT

I suggest applying pr for your gals…easier to come back to sg especially if they do take public transport some days…the q for chop passport is shorter. There’s nothing to lose in getting pr for gals…I hv male cols refused to let the sons to come sg to avoid army, but gals has no prob at all.

Then again, I don’t think traveling to jb n come back sg daily will work out…its v v tiring especially they r so young.

Also, I think msia education std hv dropped quite a bit compared to last time(it used to be only english lag behind, others r comparable…but now, all other sec subjects r lower std than sg)…so the longer u delay, the harder they could fit into sg sch system eventually.

For tomorrow, u can find some nice place for breakfast after dropping off your kids… johorkaki blog hv good compilation

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:34:17 GMT

sharonkhoo — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 08:34:17 GMT

Do consider family counselling. Your daughters have had a rough few months, and the focus should be on stability and bonding, not so much on academic performance. Not that you should let them get away with doing very little and playing all day, but set a good routine, encourage them to keep to it, and never mind the results for now. When we returned from living overseas after many years, I told my teenage daughters that I would not bother about results for the first 6 mths until they had adjusted and made friends, as long as I saw they were putting in a good effort (eg. a couple of hours study a day, asking when unsure, keeping deadlines etc). And they had much less upheaval and more preparation prior to the move than your girls have had.

Why do you assume that your kids will need so much coaching? At their age, they should be able to do most of it on their own. If they need help in languages, tuition may be the answer. I would also reserve the discussion about sec school until later. Let them settle more before asking them to decide something that is still some way in the future. In the midst of all this upheaval, it is no wonder that they prefer to stay in Malaysian school.

Privately, you can explore how to get them into Singapore school. There is an entrance exam for foreign students who want to enter Singapore schools, and you may want to take note of the dates and expectations. Information is available on the MOE website. But I would suggest that you don't raise this with your daughters if they are unwilling now, at least not for at least a year or so.
https://www.moe.gov.sg/admissions/international-students

It sounds as if you will be away quite a bit of the time. How will your girls manage the trip to and from school in your absence? Are they confident of being able to manage on their own? Perhaps you can arrange for a school bus?

For the first day of school, teach them how to start conversations. You could also ask the teachers to assign them a buddy for the first couple of weeks to show them around and explain school customs. Make sure they know your phone number so they can call if need be. Tell them that it doesn't matter if they are unsure and unfamiliar, or there is a bit of mismatch between what they did in Penang and what is expected in JB.

To make this work, you have to see things from their point of view. When kids are stressed and faced with lots of upheaval, academic performance will be last thing on their minds. Help them get settled and the family well-bonded, then you can start thinking about the academic aspects. Their bad behaviour, such as rebelliousness or shop-lifting, may well be an act of attention-seeking, or distracting themselves from their unsettled situations. Consequences must be meted out, but also look for the causes.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 06:10:03 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 06:10:03 GMT

Yeah thanks,maybe I should ask the girls how is their day in school each day when they come back from school.

They indicated that they want to attend Malaysian secondary school in future(2019)What’s your opinion on this?

Was thinking of letting them just chop their Malaysian passports as they attend school in Malaysia and come back to SG at the end of the day saving the hassle of applying PR.Some people advised me to apply PR for them too.

There are even some people who advised me to let them remain Malaysians and remain status quo.

I don’t really like shopping but are there any interesting places to visit while I am at JB tomorrow waiting for my girls to be released from school at 1250?

For a start,I am thinking of organising a weekly family badminton game for the whole family and also bringing them to the pictures to watch the latest Minion movie.

I really hope my older girl can change for the better.When she was staying with her grandparents earlier this year,she was caught for shoplifting with her younger sister in tow in their school uniforms after school instead of going straight home.They were brought to the police station and detained there.My older girl was quite tight lipped and refused to reveal my in-law’s address and contact information until the police called up her school and eventually my SIL went over to get them out and they were released with a stern warning from the police officers.

When I heard about it,I immediately rushed up with my wife and had a bad tiff with my FIL and my girls got punished by me as well.

My FIL thought that the incident was typical children’s mischief and took it rather lightly.Since then,I had plans to bring them back to stay with me.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:54:45 GMT

zac's mum — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:54:45 GMT

The mum who wrote the article also has discipline tips on her blog. More stuff u can read while waiting for school to finish tmr

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:54:22 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:54:22 GMT

zac's mum:
Hi Fish Fingers,

I understand you are worried about their grades. But for the moment do give the girls time to settle into their new school environment and new house first. I agree with your decision to have them stay with you and your wife in SG rather than your SIL. Despite the tiring commute daily. It shows that you are committed to making this reunion work out.

Suggestions on what can you tell your girls tonight before they start their first day in their new school in Malaysia tomorrow? Pray with them To have a smooth start and to have an easy time making new friends. Tell them you will be there to support them and listen to any comments they will have about school without judgement. While waiting for them maybe u can go to a bookshop and browse James Dobson books

I heard that there is a major difference between parenting boys and parenting girls. If I can find the link I'll post here. I am a mother with a son, the article opened my eyes that males take short & sharp (barking) instructions much better. They prefer straight to the point communication and do not take offense. This turned out to be very true for my boy. Military style works well with boys. Even more so in a group of boys.

Females, on the other hand, need a gentler touch. If u do not convey your instructions with please...could u maybe, I suggest...what do u think...type of language, they will burst into tears (younger kids), or feel very hurt and turn sulky (older kids, wife). Maybe this explains what is happening.

Yep,I saw the girls turn sulky or cry a bit when I spoke to them like my soldiers.Maybe I could get my wife to come with me when I fetch them at 1250 tomorrow.

Spoke to a staff from ICA yesterday and found out that my girls are not really Singaporeans as I thought before.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:52:22 GMT

zac's mum — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:52:22 GMT

I found the article!

http://www.mummyweeblog.com/2014/05/lesson-14-how-to-talk-to-boys-vs-girls.html?m=1

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:48:36 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:48:36 GMT

Of course,their marks are mostly in their 80s and 70s which is good enough for me.

My wife is a Chinese teacher but I think the girls will take advantage of her due to her soft nature.Just that both of us cannot teach Malay haha.

Reply to A Father's regret over his daughters.... on Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:48:31 GMT

FishFingers — Sat, 17 Jun 2017 05:48:31 GMT

Of course,their marks are mostly in their 80s and 70s which is good enough for me.

My wife is a Chinese teacher but I think the girls will take advantage of her.Just that both of us cannot teach Malay haha.