Yngmng:

Recently, I caned my 5 year old DD when she forgot her addition and subtraction. I felt so guilty...bad mummy...

Yngmng:

Recently, I caned my 5 year old DD when she forgot her addition and subtraction. I felt so guilty...bad mummy...

rosemaryherb:

anyone here uses the zero tolerance and caning method? I think my two sons need that, now that both DH and I and teachers are giving up.

rosemaryherb:

anyone here uses the zero tolerance and caning method? I think my two sons need that, now that both DH and I and teachers are giving up.

FishFingers:

Katie73:

How did you manage to inculcate bible study into their regime? My kids are deeply unenthusiastic about church. Can't even sit still during sermon, much less even pick up the bible. Does your family do daily evening prayers too, and little things like saying grace before meals?
[quote=\"FishFingers\"]After the few run-ins with me,my girls knew what I expect of them.

Through teaching them about Character First and values from the Bible,their characters are slowly changing for the better day by day.

Eg They themselves woke up earlier than us recently as early as 7am,auto had their Bible reading for the day until 730 and did their holiday homework and revision after that until I woke up and prepared breakfast for the whole family.

They did all these without me telling them to do so.

Katie73:

How did you manage to inculcate bible study into their regime? My kids are deeply unenthusiastic about church. Can't even sit still during sermon, much less even pick up the bible. Does your family do daily evening prayers too, and little things like saying grace before meals?

FishFingers:

After the few run-ins with me,my girls knew what I expect of them.

Through teaching them about Character First and values from the Bible,their characters are slowly changing for the better day by day.

Eg They themselves woke up earlier than us recently as early as 7am,auto had their Bible reading for the day until 730 and did their holiday homework and revision after that until I woke up and prepared breakfast for the whole family.

They did all these without me telling them to do so.

FishFingers:

After the few run-ins with me,my girls knew what I expect of them.

Through teaching them about Character First and values from the Bible,their characters are slowly changing for the better day by day.

Eg They themselves woke up earlier than us recently as early as 7am,auto had their Bible reading for the day until 730 and did their holiday homework and revision after that until I woke up and prepared breakfast for the whole family.

They did all these without me telling them to do so.

FishFingers:

One of my cousins who visited me recently commented my house resembles an army camp.Need to ask permission to do anything.Just that nobody is marching eg from the kitchen to the bedroom.


I calmly answered that my girls now know what can be done and what cannot be done.Limited freedom depends on how hard and fast they can play by my rules.

I once praised them for having integrity for coming straight back from the coffeeshop after buying their takeaway lunch when they alighted from the schoolbus after school.I have a CCTV in my living room.They are supposed to be back by the latest at 230pm in the afternoon after alighting from the schoolbus.

They were back by 220pm or even as early as 205pm. They were even spotted quickly eating their lunch after showering and doing their homework quietly at the coffee table before falling to fatigue.This happened for 2 weeks in a row.Praised the girls for having integrity and for doing the right thing even though no one was watching them.

janet88:

at 13 and 17, the cane cannot be used on the kids anymore. but if i have to, the foundation in disciplining them in their early years would have been wasted. now, they know there is no need to ask whether it's yes or no.

slmkhoo:

FishFingers:

If you ask me,I cannot bear to lay my hands on my girls esp DD2.


But I have to do the dirty work because my wife wouldn't do it.She is always the soft hearted kind.If I am not prepared to discipline them,then I must be prepared for my daughters to transform into monsters.

Problem with me is I am a very bad loser and don't like to lose.In my daily handling with my daughters,ranging from disciplinary problems to complying with basic instructions,I must win the battles for them and make them secure and stable.

If I did not win those battles,they will become wild horses and there will be lawlessness in my house and everywhere they go.

My wife will have a lot of work to do in establishing her authority over them.

Unfortunately, they are getting too old for you to \"win\" as easily as when they were little. Now, \"winning\" will be trickier in that you have to take more care not to damage their self-esteem, deprive them of independence, and affect their very new relationship with you (living in your household full-time). At this age, I think it is more important to win their respect, especially in showing that you can impose rules and consequences without losing your temper. Any loss of self-control will look like a weakness to them, and weaken the respect they have for you. Remember that the aim is to get them to eventually change their behaviour willingly and habitually, not just because they fear you.

There are lots of arguments for and against corporal punishment, but most will agree that it should be confined to the earlier years, for the worst behaviour (eg. dishonesty, blatant disobedience), and not carried out in anger. At 11yo, girls are nearly into their teens, and I think it would damage their self-esteem too much to receive corporal punishment. It would also make them lose a lot of respect for you if you, a man, even though their father, laid hands on them. So I think you should discuss with your wife a range of consequences for various degrees of misbehaviour, and let your daughters know what to expect. These consequences could range for removing phones for a couple of hours/days, limiting TV/computer time, extra chores, extra reading/maths etc. I always like to make the consequences match the transgression, so I would use the deprivation of phone/computer if my kids misused or overused those things, extra chores if they neglected their chores or created a mess, early bedtime if they repeatedly stayed up too late, extra book reports/maths if they neglected their schoolwork (so they got extra work in areas that needed improvement), extra outdoor activities if they were too glued to gadgets etc. Since you are not always around, your wife has to agree to carry them out; it won't work if the consequences are dependent on whether you are around or not.

FishFingers:

If you ask me,I cannot bear to lay my hands on my girls esp DD2.


But I have to do the dirty work because my wife wouldn't do it.She is always the soft hearted kind.If I am not prepared to discipline them,then I must be prepared for my daughters to transform into monsters.

Problem with me is I am a very bad loser and don't like to lose.In my daily handling with my daughters,ranging from disciplinary problems to complying with basic instructions,I must win the battles for them and make them secure and stable.

If I did not win those battles,they will become wild horses and there will be lawlessness in my house and everywhere they go.

My wife will have a lot of work to do in establishing her authority over them.