<![CDATA[Measuring success of mum with children’s results]]>Dear parents


I attended my child’s secondary school parenting work shop. The speaker shared her experience with us.

Her younger son didn’t do well in primary school. But he is a fast runner. The speaker, chosen to recognise his son strength in running. Her primary school son was also well aware “ I am not doing well in school. But I can run fast”.

His PSLE result was average 220+. But because of his speed, he was invited by both RI/ACS for their respective rugby team via DSA. He chose ACS. His speed in running was well sorted after in ACS. He was invited to join a 2nd CCA in Athletics.

Of course in life things will not always be smooth sailing. His son experienced losing rugby matches: whole team boys cried after losing games. The son was also taunted because he got “hairy” armpit - the usual everyday life dramas.

He moved on to study medicine in NUS.

My take away from this workshop was: if you focus on your strength, the positivity may spill over to other domain of your life too, in 1 way or another

Take good care of yourself too parents. I am sharing an article that teaches us how to be more at peace

https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/art

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/91093/measuring-success-of-mum-with-children-s-resultsRSS for NodeMon, 18 May 2026 21:03:00 GMTWed, 09 Dec 2020 23:53:08 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 09 Dec 2020 06:54:15 GMT]]>Measuring the success of mum should not be based on children’s results… being there for them guiding them the right way and seeing they are on the right path is more fulfilling

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2007355https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2007355Wed, 09 Dec 2020 06:54:15 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Sun, 08 Nov 2020 05:11:42 GMT]]>Fyr https://www.daniel-wong.com/2019/05/13/motivate-children-to-do-well-in-school

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2001847https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2001847Sun, 08 Nov 2020 05:11:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Sun, 08 Nov 2020 01:46:41 GMT]]>

hercules\" post_id=\"1944001\" time=\"1572496962\" user_id=\"14947:

Intelligence ranges from 1 -100%
Attitude ranges from 1 -100%

I tend to assess kids from their young ages with the above scales and sort them accordingly by the age of 7.

My girl (currently late 20s) is high intelligence (85%) with good attitude (80%) – this one l left her 95% alone when she was young (showed maturity at 7 yo)

My son (currently late 20s) is 70% intelligence with below average attitude (40%) – this one I left him 80% alone and waited for him to mature during his school years (showed maturity at end of Sec 3)

My nephew (currently 16 yo) is 90% intelligence with 30% attitude – this one I left him 85% alone and also waited for him to mature since P1 (showed maturity at mid of Sec 3). This is the one I showered with the most patience (without nagging).

My niece (currently mid 20s) is 60% intelligence with 80% attitude – I left her 90% alone as I could see she could mug and mug whenever there were big exams and always could produce reasonably good results for her to ‘choose schools’ (showed maturity at 12 yo).

My GN is 35% intelligence with 90% attitude – this one I put beside me to help her more closely (starts to show maturity but limited by her mental capacity).

My personally experiences show me that if a child is with above average intelligence, the child can grow well as long as the child doesn’t go astray with bad companies, meaning the family needs to be a tight one regardless of academic results when waiting for the child to mature.

Coz there is no ‘intelligence’ issues or attitudes are good enough in the first four, I didn’t coach them in their studies nor sent them much to tuition. Only GN requires a lot of help that I attend to her personally since I feel outside tutors may not be able to understand her special needs and may end up ‘destroying’ her instead.

I yet to deal with a child with a low intelligence + poor attitude. Maybe if I have to deal with such a child, I will find a skill that he or she is good at and lead him or her towards that direction and forget about academics as soon as possible. From there, maybe the child then can see ‘light’ with a higher possibility of attitude changes from negative to positive (this will minimise the risk of child goes astray with bad companies).

Parenting kids is a long haul journey. The temp state of how many As and Bs and Cs etc doesnt really matter as long as the kids grow up to be confident adults who know how to choose happier lives for themselves.
Hello hercules, how are you? I hope you are still subscribing to this thread.

This is the season of getting the SA2 marks back again...I wonder if you have any tips to give about motivating boys with high intelligence but low attitude towards studies? Really leave them alone till they finally mature in secondary school? What was the turning point for your boys? Do you think those motivational seminars/workshops would help such kids?

I am very frustrated that DS is intelligent enough but answers well verbally only. When it comes to written exams, despite all our successful practices at home, he just did not write down all the template answers under exam conditions just because he finds it \"so boring\". No dyslexia or ADHD as far as I know. Memory is excellent with the strange exception of remembering Chinese characters (takes 200-400% longer than other kids).

Motivational problem or what, I still can't understand this kid...

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2001813https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/2001813Sun, 08 Nov 2020 01:46:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:10:11 GMT]]>

zac's mum\" post_id=\"1943913\" time=\"1572434573\" user_id=\"53606:[quote=\"zac's mum\" post_id=1943913 time=1572434573 user_id=53606]
I am counting down, tomorrow is the last paper! I discovered that I sprouted several new white hairs due to the stress. Within a couple of weeks only. And I just had a fresh dye job. Haizzzz
[/quote]
Never in my life I have been stressed over a kid's exams until my GN.

This final exam period was more stressful for me as my job was to try to 'spot questions' for her. In order to do this task well, I needed to plough through many questions to extract out only about 40% for her to study (getting rid of all questions that I don't think she can understand well).

Her last paper was ytd and so officially now all can rest and relax. Her Chinese written paper scored 40/45 (shows my 'spotting skills' are still as good as when I was in my school days. Kekeke...).

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944006https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944006Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:10:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:02:44 GMT]]>

PlayfulFairy\" post_id=\"1943907\" time=\"1572433006\" user_id=\"2120:

Just wondering how do you all handle with exam stress? Currently handling a 16 years old who realizes it’s too late to study hard at last min for O’ Levels...

Most kids need to have 'goals' (for the 'glory' of teachers or parents, for own career, for both, etc) first before they can find meanings and begin putting in real efforts. The sooner they can find such goals, the sooner their real engines can start.

Stay tight with them and just be thankful that they don't get astray with bad companies and meantime wait for them to 'see' such goals.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944005https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944005Thu, 31 Oct 2019 05:02:44 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 04:42:42 GMT]]>Intelligence ranges from 1 -100%

Attitude ranges from 1 -100%

I tend to assess kids from their young ages with the above scales and sort them accordingly by the age of 7.

My girl (currently late 20s) is high intelligence (85%) with good attitude (80%) – this one l left her 95% alone when she was young (showed maturity at 7 yo)

My son (currently late 20s) is 70% intelligence with below average attitude (40%) – this one I left him 80% alone and waited for him to mature during his school years (showed maturity at end of Sec 3)

My nephew (currently 16 yo) is 90% intelligence with 30% attitude – this one I left him 85% alone and also waited for him to mature since P1 (showed maturity at mid of Sec 3). This is the one I showered with the most patience (without nagging).

My niece (currently mid 20s) is 60% intelligence with 80% attitude – I left her 90% alone as I could see she could mug and mug whenever there were big exams and always could produce reasonably good results for her to ‘choose schools’ (showed maturity at 12 yo).

My GN is 35% intelligence with 90% attitude – this one I put beside me to help her more closely (starts to show maturity but limited by her mental capacity).

My personally experiences show me that if a child is with above average intelligence, the child can grow well as long as the child doesn’t go astray with bad companies, meaning the family needs to be a tight one regardless of academic results when waiting for the child to mature.

Coz there is no ‘intelligence’ issues or attitudes are good enough in the first four, I didn’t coach them in their studies nor sent them much to tuition. Only GN requires a lot of help that I attend to her personally since I feel outside tutors may not be able to understand her special needs and may end up ‘destroying’ her instead.

I yet to deal with a child with a low intelligence + poor attitude. Maybe if I have to deal with such a child, I will find a skill that he or she is good at and lead him or her towards that direction and forget about academics as soon as possible. From there, maybe the child then can see ‘light’ with a higher possibility of attitude changes from negative to positive (this will minimise the risk of child goes astray with bad companies).

Parenting kids is a long haul journey. The temp state of how many As and Bs and Cs etc doesnt really matter as long as the kids grow up to be confident adults who know how to choose happier lives for themselves.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944001https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1944001Thu, 31 Oct 2019 04:42:42 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 01:54:29 GMT]]>

Imp75\" post_id=\"1943966\" time=\"1572483848\" user_id=\"2358:

can I just consult what is the learning style for your sec sch kids? I find my eldest will studiously create her own notes while internalizing the concepts which seem fine to me,. My 2 younger ones don't create notes and don't do anything much yet their results are not suffering, I don't know what kind of learning style they have. I am beginning to get worried if they progress to upper sec.
If they are fine, let them be? No point making them do notes etc. if they don't need it - it will just become busy work. When they start showing that they can't manage without some kind of notes (which will happen sooner or later), then help them decide what kind and how much they need. If will vary from person to person. \"Learning styles\" theories have been debunked by some educationists, and in any case, most people have a mixture, so it really doesn't matter if you can't identify a particular style.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943977https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943977Thu, 31 Oct 2019 01:54:29 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 01:04:08 GMT]]>can I just consult what is the learning style for your sec sch kids? I find my eldest will studiously create her own notes while internalizing the concepts which seem fine to me,. My 2 younger ones don’t create notes and don’t do anything much yet their results are not suffering, I don’t know what kind of learning style they have. I am beginning to get worried if they progress to upper sec.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943966https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943966Thu, 31 Oct 2019 01:04:08 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Thu, 31 Oct 2019 00:25:33 GMT]]>

PlayfulFairy\" post_id=\"1943907\" time=\"1572433006\" user_id=\"2120:

Just wondering how do you all handle with exam stress? Currently handling a 16 years old who realizes it’s too late to study hard at last min for O’ Levels, a 11 years old who is struggling with P5 exams but lack the momentum to push herself and a 9 years old who exerts too much stress on herself as she strives for excellence...

I find myself stress eating a lot during exam season...
Act cool, no matter what! Even if it's only an act, keeping the \"temperature\" in the home lower will help everyone in the long run. You have 3 different kids, so that's one more than I do. Treat each child differently according to what they need, and what they need to hear. For the older 2, make it clear that exam performance is directly related to their effort, and you are only playing a supporting role. Don't EVER take responsibility for their lack of effort or poor planning. For the youngest one, you have to take a different tack, and help her understand herself and her limitations. Find examples to show her the many paths open to those who are not necessarily top/excellent. Also find out who or what is putting such pressure on her as young kids usually learn those tendencies from somewhere; it's rarely innate. In practical terms, see if she has worked on the less difficult first, or whether she has jumped straight into the toughest questons. And get her some help if that's what she wants.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943962https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943962Thu, 31 Oct 2019 00:25:33 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 30 Oct 2019 15:11:20 GMT]]>zac's mum, you sounds so funny. White hairs and drums. I have loads of white hairs and my children are so happy to spot them. :sad: Drums? I don't think I want to vent on a drum because I will end up buying more new drums and going for massage for my poor arms.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943934https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943934Wed, 30 Oct 2019 15:11:20 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:31:46 GMT]]>On the subject title, some parents may get into depression le…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943920https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943920Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:31:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:13:52 GMT]]>Playing drums sound fine!


Just now, the youngest cried as she said she is so dumb, not knowing how to do the other schools’ challenging questions… I was telling myself she doesn’t need to be first in class, she just needs to be happy…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943918https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943918Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:13:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 30 Oct 2019 11:22:53 GMT]]>I am counting down, tomorrow is the last paper! I discovered that I sprouted several new white hairs due to the stress. Within a couple of weeks only. And I just had a fresh dye job. Haizzzz


I think I eat less when I’m busier and no time to eat. No mood to eat also. I’m planning on taking up more drum lessons soon so that I can just vent my stress and exercise my arms lol.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943913https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943913Wed, 30 Oct 2019 11:22:53 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Wed, 30 Oct 2019 10:56:46 GMT]]>Just wondering how do you all handle with exam stress? Currently handling a 16 years old who realizes it’s too late to study hard at last min for O’ Levels, a 11 years old who is struggling with P5 exams but lack the momentum to push herself and a 9 years old who exerts too much stress on herself as she strives for excellence…


I find myself stress eating a lot during exam season…

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943907https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1943907Wed, 30 Oct 2019 10:56:46 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 07:18:17 GMT]]>

6thisnthat9:
Yes, there will be a few such parents, so far my encounters were from SAHM. They or their kids will ask the scores of other kids and accompanied by their kids scoring higher, without sharing their score though. Lol... i do wonder if they are true every time ...

Wow... people really dare to ask and don't share? :scared:
You should ask her how much higher.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881421https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881421Tue, 30 Oct 2018 07:18:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 05:45:21 GMT]]>Yes, there will be a few such parents, so far my encounters were from SAHM. They or their kids will ask the scores of other kids and accompanied by their kids scoring higher, without sharing their score though. Lol... i do wonder if they are true every time ...

How to response to that, if after sharing our views and sincerity, they continue to be inconsiderate and annoying, i wonder if its rude to say,
\"My pet dog can do toy fetching very well too!\" Lol... just a thought. That every being is talented in their own ways

Is ok for kids to discuss exam questions and their answers and views, but why need to compare scores ?

slmkhoo:
PlayfulFairy:

Wonder how will you all respond in this sitatuation-

My friend’s daughter and DD are in the same class. Her daughter always asks DD about her marks. DD feels offended whenever her friend says her marks are higher than her.
My friend says in front of me that there isn’t a need to compare kids’ marks but at home when she talks to her gal, she asks about all her classmates’ marks and asks her gal to do better than everyone.

If your daughter feels offended, then tell her she has the right to refuse to tell her friend her marks. She can say bluntly that she doesn't like it when her friend gloats, or she can just say she has decided not to tell. And if her friend is offended, then maybe it's time to make other friends.

You can't change the mother's thinking, and unfortunately her daughter is likely to pick up the same thinking. Not necessarily though - my parents were like that, but I chose to be different. If the daughter is willing to be different from her mother, she can refuse to ask about marks. That's what I used to do, so I could honestly say \"she didn't tell me\", but I was upper primary by then.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881407https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881407Tue, 30 Oct 2018 05:45:21 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 05:22:41 GMT]]>I noticed normally only girls (not all girls) said those remarks to their friends from my observations. As for my boy, he said the same thing as what GTGT and cherrygal mentioned. Most of his classmates will just congratulate one another and pat on their shoulders with “well done” or “u will be better the next time”. Not sure why ?

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881404https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881404Tue, 30 Oct 2018 05:22:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 04:57:17 GMT]]>Agree with GTGT. Boys are not so sensitive when it comes to these things. They just tell one another their scores be it fail or distinction. They just laugh it off. "Fail ah… play too much games rite!" They don’t look down on their friends who did not do as well.


As a parent, if I ask how the classmates did, it is only to put my kid’s score into perspective. Don’t want to scold my kid if the rest also scored Bs or Cs.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881396https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881396Tue, 30 Oct 2018 04:57:17 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 02:10:18 GMT]]>

PlayfulFairy:
Wonder how will you all respond in this sitatuation-


My friend’s daughter and DD are in the same class. Her daughter always asks DD about her marks. DD feels offended whenever her friend says her marks are higher than her.
My friend says in front of me that there isn’t a need to compare kids’ marks but at home when she talks to her gal, she asks about all her classmates’ marks and asks her gal to do better than everyone.
It is very common to compare marks in class. In my boy's class, the moment the boys receive their papers, they will ask around how others score.

They are not to gloat, rather they asked to see how well/bad they did compare to others. The teacher did not announce the average, scores highest scorer etc. And, if they find someone who did better than them, they will either congratulate or say \"well-done\". On the other hand, they will console or \"dont worry, you will do better next time\".if the other boy is of lower score.

The boys are able to handle this well becos the school and teachers have always been strict on discipline and good manners and behaviours.

So, all the boys share their scores, whether high or low. Nobody felt ashamed to share even if he failed.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881366https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881366Tue, 30 Oct 2018 02:10:18 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 00:16:37 GMT]]>

PlayfulFairy:
Wonder how will you all respond in this sitatuation-


My friend’s daughter and DD are in the same class. Her daughter always asks DD about her marks. DD feels offended whenever her friend says her marks are higher than her.
My friend says in front of me that there isn’t a need to compare kids’ marks but at home when she talks to her gal, she asks about all her classmates’ marks and asks her gal to do better than everyone.
If your daughter feels offended, then tell her she has the right to refuse to tell her friend her marks. She can say bluntly that she doesn't like it when her friend gloats, or she can just say she has decided not to tell. And if her friend is offended, then maybe it's time to make other friends.

You can't change the mother's thinking, and unfortunately her daughter is likely to pick up the same thinking. Not necessarily though - my parents were like that, but I chose to be different. If the daughter is willing to be different from her mother, she can refuse to ask about marks. That's what I used to do, so I could honestly say \"she didn't tell me\", but I was upper primary by then.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881339https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881339Tue, 30 Oct 2018 00:16:37 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Mon, 29 Oct 2018 21:24:27 GMT]]>

PlayfulFairy:
Wonder how will you all respond in this sitatuation-


My friend’s daughter and DD are in the same class. Her daughter always asks DD about her marks. DD feels offended whenever her friend says her marks are higher than her.
My friend says in front of me that there isn’t a need to compare kids’ marks but at home when she talks to her gal, she asks about all her classmates’ marks and asks her gal to do better than everyone.
If your DD is bold enough, I suggest she tell her friend the same thing which your friend supposedly believes: “There isn’t a need to compare marks.” And if she wishes to drive home the point: “Why are you always asking everybody’s marks? Only lower than you then can be your friend??!”

If there’s no correction to that girls’ behavior, then I suggest you and your DD both relook your “friendship” with these people. Maybe not good to be so close with them. Bad influence.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881330https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881330Mon, 29 Oct 2018 21:24:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Mon, 29 Oct 2018 14:03:27 GMT]]>Wonder how will you all respond in this sitatuation-


My friend’s daughter and DD are in the same class. Her daughter always asks DD about her marks. DD feels offended whenever her friend says her marks are higher than her.
My friend says in front of me that there isn’t a need to compare kids’ marks but at home when she talks to her gal, she asks about all her classmates’ marks and asks her gal to do better than everyone.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881308https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881308Mon, 29 Oct 2018 14:03:27 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to Measuring success of mum with children’s results on Fri, 06 Jul 2018 04:13:09 GMT]]>

xueyan:
Hugs to you Janet !

I can imagine the efforts and attention that you have given all these years to your kids.

Ds at P4 this year, we are still focusing on handwriting 😓
I have also lower my expectations. Just hope that he can go to normal academic. However, I still treat him as normal and encourage him to strive for good results.

Jia you!
when she was in primary school, I didn't have expectations. as long as she can make it to Sec 1 NA...i'm more than relieved. she is normal (in fact very street wise), just slow to absorb. when the psle results were released, she was one of the few who made big improvements from prelim results. I cried with joy when her name was flashed on the screen. till now, that 'most improved' list of names can still be found on the board in the primary school.
she is in normal acad...sec 2 and streaming end of this year :nailbite: however, she has improved in terms of memory.
it's possible to push a little now and set some expectations. academic wise, have to go back and forth - making sure she revises old topics and also what has just been taught.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1855679https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1855679Fri, 06 Jul 2018 04:13:09 GMT