When your child wants this and that...

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:17:23 GMT

smurf — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:17:23 GMT

Hi lovejesus,

I think I will try your method. deperate liao...hahha...will try the hugging until calm down method...but hor, sometimes, I did that, he will beat me leh...but I dun mind, as long as he can calm down...

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:07:04 GMT

lovejesus_2005 — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 07:07:04 GMT

Hi smurf...

Read this entire thread about your story with 4yo.....
Really empathise with you.
I'm with a 3yo boy and 15mth daughter....and my boy was also intensely jealous of meimei.
Before she was born, he was pretty ok with my big tummy.....and sometimes he will even \"love\" his meimei.....but sometimes he will also kick his meimei.....but then, meimei will also kick hard at him whenever he is leaning on my tummy!! scary hor? so early already know how to fight.....
After she was born, he starts to have tantrums and everthing....and I tried things like time-out, scolding, caning even!
Finally, I just got too heart-sick of punishing him, decided to try a different track....
Everytime he throws a tantrum, I will quickly take him to a quiet place (somewhere more private like the toilet stall) and then I will hug him until he clams down....then I will tell him what he did was wrong and then he needed to be reminded/punished. Sometimes I even let him choose his punishment! And once that is meted out, I will explain again the reason behind the punishment and get him to apologise to all relevant parties...
So far, this approach has worked best for my son and I!!!!
Hope this helps....

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:23:11 GMT

buds — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:23:11 GMT

You’re most welcome smurf!

I hope your efforts will help
improve the relationship with
both your bb’s, okay… Will
share more ideas if i chance
upon more.

Have a good Monday!

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:20:32 GMT

smurf — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:20:32 GMT

hey Buds,

thanks for posting the pics, will go and look for it! :thankyou:

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:01:43 GMT

buds — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:01:43 GMT

And while i was looking through my

puppets collection, i found this kind
bought from Mini Toons. Bigger and
nicer hand puppet @ S$5.90 each.
Different animal variety available.
Not sure about monkey, but if you
are investing in only one... this wud
be a good buy plus Mini Toons outlets
are mostly available within neighbour
hood malls.

http://www.postimage.org/

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:57:40 GMT

buds — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:57:40 GMT

Heyya smurf,

Here's the set from Learning Thru Play.
But it does not come with a monkey
finger puppet. All made from foam.
Bought around S$5.90 if i remember
it correctly.

http://www.postimage.org/

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:16:15 GMT

buds — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 03:16:15 GMT

Heyya smurf,

Once i find my set, i can put up the picture
here for reference… Gg for our weekend
swim now, you have a good weekend too!

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sun, 29 Mar 2009 01:04:57 GMT

smurf — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 01:04:57 GMT

forgot to go Ikea to check it out.hee. but kinda far for me too, and it's usually very crowded right? learn thru play also have huh, ok, I go check it out. :lol:

no lah, you sound far from an auntie leh.hee.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:52:48 GMT

buds — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:52:48 GMT

smurf:
today went to Motherworks, saw some puppets. costs $40 something for a small pack! goodness, that's expensive!

Buds,

yah yah, you are a super babe! hahha. :drool:

Wah, so ex! Must be puppets made from fantastic quality silk!
Hahahaa! I deinitely wouldn't buy that, unless mebbe its a whole
monkey costume/suit - from head to toe! Kekekekeh..

If you don't fancy the Ikea's puppets or if they are outta stock,
LEARN THRU PLAY also carries some different versions - ie. outta
foam material. 5 dollars for pack of ermmm 8 animals, i think.
Gotta check mine again.. The outlets i know of are at Bt Panjang
Plaza and IMM (Jurong).. Dunno if that's too far for you, but if you
are driving mei-wen-ti (no problem) lah..

By the way, i was just jesting with you
on the babe word lah.. :oops: Am just your
typical neighbourhood housewife auntie..

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:12:27 GMT

smurf — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:12:27 GMT

today went to Motherworks, saw some puppets. costs $40 something for a small pack! goodness, that's expensive!

Buds,

yah yah, you are a super babe! hahha. :drool:

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 23 Mar 2009 06:53:41 GMT

buds — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 06:53:41 GMT

You’re welcome, smurf!

And yes, I AM A BABE!
Hahak!

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 23 Mar 2009 05:41:43 GMT

smurf — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 05:41:43 GMT

I stay in Yishun.hahha. but I do drive sometimes. hmm, Ikea, ok, I try to find. thanks babe! :lol:

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:34:31 GMT

buds — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 01:34:31 GMT

Heyya smurf,

Which area you stay?
Mebbe can recommend
a few shops nearer to
you, so can skip the
long travel distance,
some more you with
two children in tow...

IKEA has some finger
puppets range around
$12.90 and bigger hand
puppets around $4.90.

Can leave your 4yr old
at the play area too, for
one hour so you can take
a breather...
SMALAND is fun for kids.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sun, 22 Mar 2009 14:31:44 GMT

smurf — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 14:31:44 GMT

Hi Buds,

Good idea! will try it, but where to buy puppets??? :?

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sun, 22 Mar 2009 07:44:51 GMT

buds — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 07:44:51 GMT

LITTLE MONKEY

Focus > Self-Control
Preps > Monkey toy or puppet

This idea invites the child or children to think
about negative behaviour and the need for
boundaries.

>Animate the puppet or toy, making it misbehave
say... during story time. You can make it - pinch
an adult, keep interrupting, knock things down,
throw things, hide under a chair, cover its ears
and refuse to listen.

>Ask the child or children
what they think of the
puppet's behaviour.

>What do they want to say to him?
>What should the puppet say now?
>Ask him if he's sorry.. (Puppet can nod and made to look sorry)
>What should the puppet do now?
:-Help to tidy up the mess? Or wish to sit quietly during the story?

>Praise the child or children and the puppet for listening to the
story so well. And make sure its a GOOD story!

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sat, 21 Mar 2009 07:10:48 GMT

smurf — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 07:10:48 GMT

thanks mincy for the link. have tried every way I can, including hugging, kissing, explaining. but dun help. the more I use these, the more he will hurt bb. and I can explain to him now, and 15 mins later, he will do it again.

punishment seems to be more effective in prolonging the period of him doing that, but I know that is not a long term solution. gotta find a way.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:13:59 GMT

mintcc — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:13:59 GMT

[quote]punishing him, either by aking away his favourites or telling him again and again not to do that, etc, but he still doesn't listen[/quote]
Hi smurf, have you consider that he is rough with his little brother because he is feeling hurt that this little baby take his mummy's attention away? If so, punishment will only make him dislike the baby more.

perhaps, try to model how you want him to treat his little brother e.g. if he hurt baby and baby cry, explain to him baby feels pain and lets make baby feel better... hug him and sayang him, try to get him to want to make baby feel good.

I recently come across the book \"http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/positive-time-out-and-over-50-ways-avoid-power-struggles-home-and-classroom\" and attended a talk last week which advocate that instead of punishing kids for their misbehavior we should try to find ways to empower and work with the kids to solve the root of the problem. You may find some of their techniques useful.
-http://www.advancedparentology.com/FREEpreview.htm

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:37:01 GMT

smurf — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 00:37:01 GMT

My elder keeps bullying bb! I tried talking to him, punishing him, either by aking away his favourites or telling him again and again not to do that, etc, but he still doesn't listen.

Just this morning alone, he hurt bb twice. he used his fists to press bb's stomach and I know it's a very strong press while bb is on the mattress. I refused to give him his favourite milk, he cried and cried for a while, then I talked to him said cannot do that, blah blah...

after that, I gave him something to drink in a bottle. he happily took the bottle. and then, bb was blocking his view, he just push bb's forehead.luckily, it's not a strong push else, bb would have landed on the floor.

Does he really hate bb so much???

whenever, he sees me hug/kiss bb, he will ask me to do the same to him. :stupid:

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:24:37 GMT

jedamum — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:24:37 GMT

clarabella:
She suggested that I hand the newborn over to hubby and walk into the house sans the baby, so that the older kids will see that the Mummy who went to the hospital is still the same Mummy who came back.

That's what i did.
Another point to note (read it somewhere but forgotten where)....when the elder kid is visiting you in the hospital, ensure that the baby is returned to the nursery prior to his visit. Then spent some time with the elder kid (chatting, give him a gift or such) before asking the dad to bring him/her to the nursery to fetch the baby.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:36:53 GMT

winth — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:36:53 GMT

clarabella:
When I had my second kid, my friend advised me to tell everyone around me NOT to tell my firstborn that it is his duty/job to take care of his younger sibling and that he must 'grow up' now etc etc. Of course, helping out like passing the diapers etc is great for participation, but her advice was essentially not to constantly make the firstborn feel like he is responsible for the younger one; all the 'setting a good example stuff as a big bro/sis' thing can come later. It's already hard enough for the kid to cope with a new sibling without everyone else highlighting the fact that he is now no longer number one. Made sense to me... though all the old folks at home thought I was mad to tell them not to say that!

I'm guilty of that though. Thot it's a good way to intro him to baby and in a way implying that he's a responsible big boy now. He did have a tough time trying to adjust to DS2, but glad that the phase is over.

clarabella:
She suggested that I hand the newborn over to hubby and walk into the house sans the baby, so that the older kids will see that the Mummy who went to the hospital is still the same Mummy who came back.

Very interesting advice you have there and it does make pure logic sense. Maybe I'll do that if I do have my third. Now still 2 minds about it.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:24:17 GMT

schellen — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:24:17 GMT

clarabella, this is very, very correct! :goodpost:

For the first piece of advice: Remind your friends and relatives who drop by to see baby to see your first child FIRST. If bringing gift for baby, also bring one for first child. And pass gift to child directly. Doesn't need to be expensive cos in this case, it's really the thought that counts. The child will not feel jealous or upset because the visitors are also here to see him, and they saw him FIRST!

For the second piece of advice: Did you know that this is what I read about introducing a new baby to the family pets? Besides bringing something belonging to the baby (e.g., clothes, blanket) back home first (by husband) for pets to get accustomed to smell, when you reach home, pass baby to husband and greet/hug pets first.

Well, sometimes, disciplining young children is kinda like training pets. However, if the discipline succeeds, then we should no longer have to treat the children as pets anymore.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:05:48 GMT

clarabella — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:05:48 GMT

[Moderator's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/mitigating-sibling-rivalry.]

This may be off-topic, but I just want to share something that a child psychiatrist friend once told me, since some of the posts were about behaviour related to sibling rivalry.

When I had my second kid, my friend advised me to tell everyone around me NOT to tell my firstborn that it is his duty/job to take care of his younger sibling and that he must 'grow up' now etc etc. Of course, helping out like passing the diapers etc is great for participation, but her advice was essentially not to constantly make the firstborn feel like he is responsible for the younger one; all the 'setting a good example stuff as a big bro/sis' thing can come later. It's already hard enough for the kid to cope with a new sibling without everyone else highlighting the fact that he is now no longer number one. Made sense to me... though all the old folks at home thought I was mad to tell them not to say that!
Oh, my doc also suggested that we try not to frequently say things like 'do this/don't do that so that baby won't trip/fall/can sleep etc', or the older sibling will feel that everything is now done for the benefit of the new baby.

When I was leaving the hospital with no. 3, a nurse gave me an interesting piece of advice (she claims it works for her six! kids). She suggested that I hand the newborn over to hubby and walk into the house sans the baby, so that the older kids will see that the Mummy who went to the hospital is still the same Mummy who came back. I did that, and I also tried to spend more time with them and not tend to the baby immediately/too much - a bit tough though cos my hormones told me to glue myself to the new baby. It didn't stop ds1 from asking when we will return the baby to the hospital, and it didn't stop dd2 from asking if ds2 will be here to stay 'forever and ever and ever??!!\", but I think it helps to set the stage a little. To date my three kids get along pretty well and I haven't (touch wood!) had any tantrums from them due to unfriendly feelings. In fact, I haven't had to deal with tantrums at all with the older two, so of course the joke now is on me with number 3... payback time for secretly congratulating myself that ds1 and dd2 never threw tantrums... Many thanks to the great dads and mums here, I've a learned a lot about dealing with tantrums!

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:02:10 GMT

sashimi — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:02:10 GMT

winth:
Actually I think it's better that we know that he's sad, then we can tackle his feelings rather than him keeping it to himself.

Ah, another good point. There was one time I thought DD had a nice day but I was surprised she drew a sad smiley for that day. So the calendar did its job bringing it to my attention, so that i could investigate why and she could share.

jedamum:
smurf:
Yup, I totally hate passer by staring at us when my boy cries. it's as if saying that u r a bad parent, why let your kid cries and I hate that kind of attention.:x
Why bother?
I don't mind people staring at me with my ds2 sitting/lying on the floor struggling when he is throwing a tantrum (one school girl even commented that he is so cute ). I just wait out the episode.
I don't mind the dirt too (people commented floor so dirty, i just smile smile). It is easier to go home to shower the boy than to undo the precedent you set when you give in to the tantrums.

As parents we could help! But of course, only if the parents are not complete strangers. I found it amusing on a couple of occasions when I stepped in for another family. Eg. I just dropped off my DD's barang-barang at childcare and there was a 2-3 year-old throwng a tantrum at the entrance, and the teacher was trying her best. I told the boy to shush and go play with his friends inside, your mommy will come back later. He stopped crying immediately and gave me this befuddlled look like \"Eh, how come got this strange uncle giving me instructions like my parents?\" - but then he followed my instructions.

Reply to When your child wants this and that... on Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:13:24 GMT

jedamum — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 05:13:24 GMT

smurf:

Yup, I totally hate passer by staring at us when my boy cries. it's as if saying that u r a bad parent, why let your kid cries and I hate that kind of attention.:x

Why bother?
I don't mind people staring at me with my ds2 sitting/lying on the floor struggling when he is throwing a tantrum (one school girl even commented that he is so cute ). I just wait out the episode.
I don't mind the dirt too (people commented floor so dirty, i just smile smile). It is easier to go home to shower the boy than to undo the precedent you set when you give in to the tantrums.