<![CDATA[very demoralised]]>Dear kkmama, you are not alone in this situation. We as mama needs to know and distinguish when to give praise and when to be strict.


I came accross this workshop, not sure if it can help. Perhaps you would like to attend and see if there is something you can learn and apply. http://bit.ly/2S4ptYL

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/topic/92408/very-demoralisedRSS for NodeFri, 01 May 2026 14:04:51 GMTSat, 17 Nov 2018 09:28:12 GMT60<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Fri, 16 Nov 2018 08:39:00 GMT]]>I second ElvChen!

I'm nicer to others' kids than my own. I'm still working on myself šŸ˜ž

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883849https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883849Fri, 16 Nov 2018 08:39:00 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 14 Nov 2018 06:19:43 GMT]]>Start a bedtime stories routine to build an interest in reading.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883483https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883483Wed, 14 Nov 2018 06:19:43 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Mon, 12 Nov 2018 15:28:06 GMT]]>Hey, kids bring out the best and worst in us, I can understand your frustrations. There were some findings saying that kids behave the worst when they are with their parents because they have no need to put on a mask with us. Isnā€™t it the same as us as adults? We tend to be a different person when we are with different people. I remembered once i was so upset with my daughter that i banged my hand so hard on the table the tableā€™s leg broke. That was when I realised the potential of anger I have in me. But strangely my daughter is very well behaved when she is with her tutor. Her tutor even praised her for her well behaviour and she even did better in her studies than when I was teaching her myself. I tend to get really frustrated when trying to convey a very simple theory, but i realised it all because we tend to lose our patience with our kids easily as well. We donā€™t lose our temper as easily when dealing with other peopleā€™s kids. Well, I count my blessings that I found a good tutor for my daughter. Anyone interested just PM me.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883255https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1883255Mon, 12 Nov 2018 15:28:06 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Fri, 09 Nov 2018 02:04:08 GMT]]>Hey dont get demoralised!


I believe everyone of us goes thru that, some more major, some minor. And we were once their age too, making the same careless mistakes and writing horribly and making our mums angry! šŸ™‚

Have faith in your kid. Continue to support and encourage him, cos if you dont, who will? Working with kids has many ways, if nagging doesnt work, try another. My boy is 9 too. For me i think rewards work, tho some may feel that this is spoiling the child. But whatever you think works, just do it. I dont have to bother about what other people has to say.

Let him have a blast this dec holiday. Let him know that we work hard, we play hard too. Even adults want to enjoy the fruit of labour (ie our BONUS).

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1882798https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1882798Fri, 09 Nov 2018 02:04:08 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Thu, 01 Nov 2018 15:56:11 GMT]]>so touched by all the advises given on this forum and thru pm.


Chen laoshi, thank you for your suggestion of this book, will go to the library to see if they have it, if not, will go online to find it and read this holiday. Thank you so much!!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881827https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881827Thu, 01 Nov 2018 15:56:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 16:16:51 GMT]]>Hi KKmama,


If your time permits, do have a look at this book: \"The Minds of Boys\" by Michael Gurian.
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51ikJGgjlnL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg\">

I was introduced to this book during my stint at a boys' school and it was a useful & relevant read (thought provoking and applicable, making it easy for me to 'transit' into the new teaching environment, having taught in a mixed SAP sch previously).

Press on! :rahrah:

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881654https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881654Wed, 31 Oct 2018 16:16:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:28:41 GMT]]>Thank you so much to all who have lend me your listening ears. Can really tell every one of you shared what you have shared here based on your own personal experience. Iā€™m really so grateful for all the advises all of you have offered to me here.


I personally find that parenting gets harder and harder as the kid grows older. was really very depressed yesterday, sat in the living room at the end of the day and just stone there l, wondering what a terrible mom I was to be tearing my boy down when I should be the one to build him upā€¦

am feeling better today after reading all of your posts. thank you all!!!

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881636https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881636Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:28:41 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:04:02 GMT]]>Careless mistakes for math is quite common even up till upper secondary level.


Careless mistakes in mathematics sometimes cannot be avoided just by "trying to be more careful". (If only it were so simple to avoid careless mistakes, it wouldnā€™t be a problem in the first place.)
The so-called method of "double-checking" can easily fail: if a student fails to spot the mistake in the first round, there is a high chance that he/she will not spot it in the second round of checking either.

I have written some tips for avoiding careless mistakes (google "How to avoid Careless Mistakes for Maths mathtuition88"). It is more geared towards secondary level students and above.

A general guideline would be to solve the problem using two different methods. If both methods give the same answer, it is virtually guaranteed that the answer is correct. Note that time is required for this, so speed becomes an important factor here.

Overall, things tend to get better with age, as the child becomes more mature the carelessness usually reduces.
(Two of my students with quite severe carelessness - one with ADHD, and another left-handed, managed to score As for O Level Mathematics eventually.
Left-handed students tend to have poorer handwriting which is not really their fault as the entire writing system is geared towards the majority right-handers.)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881633https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881633Wed, 31 Oct 2018 14:04:02 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 09:11:11 GMT]]>I totally agree that those marks, esp. due to careless mistakes, are not worth to affect the child parent bond. If the child can understand the concept, parent can count yourself more fortunate than kids whom cant even understand.

A principal of a pri sch once said, what the child is experiencing during his preschool years, will determine how the child is during primary sch years, what the child is experiencing during his primary sch years, will affect how he is during his teens in sec school. Hence, it is more important to build his character to be resilient and confident, than any exam results.
This comes from one who know another parent who is experiencing the lost of her teen child. There are parents who have lost their kids due to many reasons and the numbers are raising.

A happy and confident child can be better prepared for the harsh teen years and beyond. Itā€™s our role as parents to make sure our kids are prepared for whatā€™s coming.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881603https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881603Wed, 31 Oct 2018 09:11:11 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 06:22:51 GMT]]>Not sure if I could offer some ā€˜consolationā€™ for kkmama.


In my observations, most active and boisterous boys are closer to parents (esp mums) after they grow up IF their parents manage to maintain the bonds and accept their nonsense during their younger days and the reverse also seems to be true that most guai guai boys tend to be more distant from their parents esp after forming their own families. I actually quite scared of guai guai boys and I encouraged boys under my care to be a bit 坏坏地 (serious!).

This is true for my case. Son was capable of driving anyone up the wall when young but now fully settled down at mid 20s and would cook for me and ordered online clothing for me on my birthdays when he is away, giving me my monthly ā€˜pocket moneyā€™ too without me asking (not that I need the money but I will keep).

How difficult it is for your son not to repeat careless mistakes despite nagging will be the same as how difficult it is for you not to lose temper (if you can imagine this, you perhaps can empathise your son more as it is not easy to ā€˜changeā€™). As an adult, you need to practise control first in order to reap the meaningful long term rewards later (those marks are really not so important as long as he understands his work at P3 level).

åå¹“ę ‘ęœØļ¼Œē™¾å¹“ꠑäŗŗ. Have a longer view of building your son into a ꠑäŗŗ from this current 9 yo ꠑęœØ.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881579https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881579Wed, 31 Oct 2018 06:22:51 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 04:36:58 GMT]]>Btw, there was a parenting workshop in the uk, offered free to new mums, named "About boys" which was very enlightening. By the name you can tell that there are reasons why we are facing such challenges. It did qualify that not all boys exhibit exactly the same and it may apply to some girls too. The target group is a spectrum.


By understanding the differences, we can feel more assured. Generally, girls at younger age do things to make mums happy. Generally, boys at younger age do things to make themselves happy. As they grow older, things may swop.
The above on about boys, is very accurate for me. But please do not flame me if it is not for you.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881562https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881562Wed, 31 Oct 2018 04:36:58 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 04:21:03 GMT]]>Hi kkmama,

You are not alone, there are kids who need more time to accustom to sg demands from a child. We must acknowledge that children were not born to be writing neatly. In the uk, the age to suggest a child to start holding a pen only at 6yo. Before that, it more about introducing to kids on leaving a mark, using a stick in the sand etc.
Why only introduce holding a pen at 6yo? Because, out of all kids, there will be some who are not developed yet in fine motor skills or other capacities to write properly. So "forcing" these kids may result in lower self esteem and develop bad habits etc. Same thing with reading alphabets and words. Not all kids are ready by p1. So by introducing these at younger age, their eye sight or fine motor skills may be affected. Once we understand that the child may not be doing or not doing things correctly on purpose, we would not blame the child and in turn ourselves.

The other factor could be childā€™s motivation to put in more effort. He needs to feel good about the task he is doing, and not rushing it in order to have more time to watch tv programmes or play computer games, distractions. The best rewards that work best (for us) is the quality time we give to the child, one to one date out. Once you have good relationship with your child, it becomes easier for him to do the tasks as they will make you happy and make himself happy too. Itā€™s a vicious cycle.

Better to understand the childā€™s needs first then easier to tackle it. My own experience then was to let go more. Spend more happy time with the child.

As I was about to submit my post, i realised that another mum sort of shared the same starting lineā€¦=)

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881560https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881560Wed, 31 Oct 2018 04:21:03 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 03:30:10 GMT]]>Just to add on a minor (but important) point: make sure your kids have a nice conducive study area for them to do their homework and revision. It will minimize distractions and indicate to them that that is their own personal space for doing work.


This was brilliant advice given to me by a furniture salesman a few years ago when I was shopping for a toddler bed. The guy noticed my preschooler and gave me free advice that we should get a proper study desk (he wasnā€™t selling those btw) for primary school. His own kids had their own study desk each, and now in secondary school, they would print out their own exam and revision timetables and stick nicely above their area, write motivational notes to themselves etc. It is hard for a young kid to be intent on his work if there are toys and other distractions lying around just within reach.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881544https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881544Wed, 31 Oct 2018 03:30:10 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 02:52:50 GMT]]>Dear KKmama,


I just wanted to assure u that u are not alone. I have a P2 boy and he is in an all-boys school. Many other mums around me also voiced the same frustrations about their boys.

Iā€™m not sure if u are aware of the difference in study attitudes between boys and girls? We Mums, being female, and typical girls, usually like being meticulous in checking and producing neat work. Even if some girls do not have this neat trait in their homework, if the teacher or parent corrects them, a typical girl will be happy to comply and improve.

This is NOT the case in boys. I have encountered first hand the same frustrations with my son. A math expert once told all of us parents in a workshop that lower primary kids always have trouble writing properly 0 and 6, writing 4 and 9ā€¦and end up confusing even themselves. Copying errors are similarly common for that age.

This ā€œcarelessnessā€ label is not being fair to our boys. Our nagging and scolding does not improve the situation either, because a typical boy simply does not care to be sitting down and doing boring seatwork. By nature, most of them would rather be outdoors running around kicking a ball. They also do not take auditory instructions and quickly learn to tune us out.

How to see some improvement? Visual incentive charts to track their neatness. Invest in those inexpensive smiley face stickers from bookshops. Every time u spot a neatly written word or number 0 or 9, award him a happy sticker. Discuss with him what he will receive after 5-10 stickers. Some little toy or maybe 10 minutes of iPad time.

Boys (males) are made to ā€œgo out and hunt downā€ a prize. Once u set the target, he will happily work towards that end goal. No male child I know will happily work towards neat work simply for the sake of neat work, period.

Do this over the holidays when he is doing light worksheets and minor revision work. If he is not already using a mechanical pencil or fine tipped pen, invest in those, they make neat writing so much easier.

I hope u see improvement with this technique. My boy is now happily writing neatly and without careless mistakes (I moved on to promising him 10 min iPad time for checking his paper 2x and making zero careless mistakes).

All this is extrinsic motivation. Later on we can move further to intrinsic motivation, but that is probably in upper primary.

Hope that helps.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881531https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881531Wed, 31 Oct 2018 02:52:50 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 01:56:57 GMT]]>Parenting is hard; if we think we know what parenting is, then it is more likely we donā€™t. Being a parent to a child is like being a friend - you never know what it means to be a good friend to someone. The best parent I came across, IMHO, is in Yamaha when I overheard a conversation between an elderly woman and her daughter - I could not tell by just listening that it was a conversation between a mother and her daughter. It was almost a conversation between 2 very close friends, not judgmental, just opening up the slate for opinions. It was an eye opener to see a mother and daughter share such close bonds.

Iā€™ve not seen a repeat of that incident, but I can imagine how the daughter would love the mother forever. People change depending on the environment they are in, for better or worse. What is most important is that we remain connected to the ones we love. It may take a few days, or months or years. But it will come to those that persist and wait.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881512https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881512Wed, 31 Oct 2018 01:56:57 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 01:08:48 GMT]]>

KKmama:
I have a 9 yr old boy.


He is very careless in his schoolwork. To make it worse, his handwriting is super untidy to the point that his previous Teachers once called it dreadful.

From p1 till now, whatever I tell him to change, he absolutely does not take heed. One second I can tell him to avoid making such mistakes and the next moment the same mistake appears.

I can keep telling him to try and write neater but he simply doesnā€™t listen and never make an effort to write better.

When it comes to maths, simple multiplication, addition or subtraction can also be wrong. And because of his horrible handwriting, his 6 very often becomes a 0 and vice versa causing him to copy the wrong numbers and end up whole qn is wrong.

What I am trying to say is my boy simply doesnā€™t take heed to me and my hubā€™s advises. I had it the worst during these weeks of revising with him for his yr end exam.

Keep telling him what he should not do and what should be done to improve himself, he simply never listens. Ask him to tell me what I had just told him, he canā€™t evem tell me so.

These one week , i keep having severe outbursts at him whenever I see him repeat the same old mistakes until the whole house atmosphere was so tense.

After every scolding, I will hate myself very much and regret why I have such outbursts at him and scold him till he has no worth at all.

I hate myself and I feel I have destroyed his self esteem over the past few days of constant barking up his neck during this one week of exam period. I always tell myself not to explode at him but whenever the same old thing happens, I canā€™t control and explode at him again. Feeling so demoralised
KKmama

My DD also like your Son, Super careless . When P1 she make careless mistake on very simple question like 5-1 = 6 .when she already know to do difficult questions up to P2 . She misplaced many water bottles ..can not find own uniforms ... and now she is Sec 1 still misplaced water bottle, wallet, lost phone .leave her laptop in classroom. She don't like to tidy her room. Very messy . Me also very worried. But what to do as parent is our responsibility to continue to support them before they really become independent one day .

I also keep reminding her but still the same ! So I understand the feeling . I believed 90% of kid have the same problem. Parent angry and disappointed
especially on lose marks due to careless.As a parent we only can continue to ask them double check. One day they will know.

handwriting can be trained by practice don't worry. My Sec 1 girl handwriting still like P1 handwriting very big. So be patience wait for your child. Jiayou !

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881508https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881508Wed, 31 Oct 2018 01:08:48 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 00:40:19 GMT]]>carelessness is common with kids.

Even adults can be careless too.

Donā€™t take it too hard

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881506https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881506Wed, 31 Oct 2018 00:40:19 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Wed, 31 Oct 2018 00:17:52 GMT]]>I understand - my older daughter was like that too. But we soldiered on, and now sheā€™s in university! A few things we did which helped:


Handwriting - My daughter had poor fine motor coordination which made her handwriting bad. Even though she was 9yo, I got her to practise writing like a kindy kid - one letter at a time, writing slow, with guiding lines etc. Then we built up to words, phrases, sentences. But as she got tired quickly, I limited it to just 5 minutes at a time. After about 6 months, her writing was legible. Even now, her writing is not great, but only legible. Your son may have the same issue.

Carelessness - my daughter is not very organised in thought, even now. When she was small, we taught her to go through things step by step, and taught her how to check. Just telling your son to check may not be enough - you have to show him and make him practice the steps.

Having to repeat yourself - some kids, like my daughter, just couldnā€™t implement the advice we gave her. We had to show her, set up routines, make checklists, make her practice - for everything, even brushing teeth, packing a schoolbag, doing homework etc. And not just practise 5 or even 10 times, sometimes repeatedly for years. Not all kids can take an instruction like "donā€™t be careless" or "donā€™t be forgetful" and figure out how.

Hope this helps.

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881502https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881502Wed, 31 Oct 2018 00:17:52 GMT<![CDATA[Reply to very demoralised on Tue, 30 Oct 2018 23:58:24 GMT]]>KKmama, just sharing what I find useful to myself. My dh always remind me not to blame myself/condemn myself after burstingsā€¦be more forgiving of ownself. I remember some ksp members mentioned before, we must love ourselves first then only we can love other people. eg like your situation both will be ā€˜draggedā€™ down emotionally which is not very goodā€¦ Also, we must learn to acceptā€¦some kids need more time. Try to be neutral to your surroundings eg comparisons etcā€¦


In addition, you may want to work together with teachers or whoever to kinda rule out any ā€˜disabilitiesā€™ of the childā€¦just something worth thinking abt?

not sure if your condition just one offā€¦some parents find it difficult to teach own child too .

]]>https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881498https://forum.kiasuparents.com/post/1881498Tue, 30 Oct 2018 23:58:24 GMT