Advice - Divorce or Not to Divorce

[pink_daisy]

hi,


would like to find out more abt divorce proceedings.
if a couple has decided to divorce, what happens to the flat?
sell back to hdb?
if one party wants to buy over the other party’s flat share (to buy over the flat), does he/ she buy from hdb, according to the current market price?
does the hdb loan also follow the current rate?

thank you.

[LovelyKellynn]

I am a mother with a five year old kid. Thinking of getting a divorce but hubby dun agree to it. We no longer have sexual intimacy and is no longer sleeping together on the same bed. He is now sleeping on the floor. He used to have an affair with his assistant two years ago. I wish to divorce him now, what should I do ?

[zbear]

cfan:

Every family has their own story (Direct translation from chinese saying)


For those who are happy, please count your blessings and always remember to not take one another for granted.

For those who are unhappy, life is too short to focus on the unhappy stuff.
There are more important things to look at. Focus on that which is important and happy.

\"Before you complain about life, think of someone who died too early on this earth\"

Very well said. I couldn't agree more!!!! :goodpost:

[macrotrust]

If you really want to divorce is so simple just ask the man to sleep separately on another room within the same household.


Within the separation period of > 4 years you can file for divorce with total annulment even if he disagree with you.

You better be sure you are financially sound, that your kid 5 years old is not sufferring with you.

[insider]

Long-term friend called crying, talking about divorce, common issue of 'Small Three'. Two primary school kids. A housewife.


Tried to get myself 'updated' with divorce and cost and found the below quite useful info for 'straight forward' case (friend's case likely to be straight forward as her husband wants a divorce and she can have all the things, incl kids, that she asks for as long as he can afford):


Extract from http://www.wwlegal.com/posts/macdivorce ... singapore/

If your case satisfies all the above, then this is how your matter is likely to proceed if you engage a lawyer:

Step 1: Set up an appointment with a lawyer to brief him/her of your case (1-2 hours)

Step 2: The lawyer will write to your spouse informing him/her that you intend to commence divorce proceedings based on 3 or 4 year separation. The letter (“the Letter”) also sets out the terms of settlement where issues like maintenance, assets and legal costs (i.e. who bears how much) are concerned. The Letter will seek your spouse’s consent to the divorce and the settlement terms by asking your spouse to sign the enclosed Consent and the Letter and then returning both documents to the lawyer. (1-2 working days)

Step 3: Preparation of the court documents will commence and drafts will be sent to you for your approval or confirmation (1-5 working days)

Step 4: Upon receipt of the Letter, duly signed by your spouse and after all the drafts have been approved by you, the papers will be filed with the Family Court through the Electronic Filing System (1 working day)

Step 5: When the Court returns with the suit number of your writ and the filing date, your spouse will attend at the lawyer’s office to accept service of the documents and to sign the Draft Consent Order (setting out the terms of settlement stated in the Letter) (3-5 working days depending on spouse’s schedule)

Step 6: You will then attend at the lawyer’s office to sign the requisite documents so that you can apply for a hearing date for uncontested divorce. The hearing date given is usually about 3-6 weeks from the date of application. Draft Consent Order will be filed at the same time.

Step 7: Attend the hearing. Your spouse need not attend the hearing if he/she does not want to.

Step 8: Your lawyer will extract the Interim Judgment (3-5 days after the divorce hearing)

Step 9: 3 months later, your lawyer will apply for the Interim Judgment to be made final and the divorce is officially completed.

Conclusion

Most law firms will be prepared to fix their costs and disbursements for divorce matter of this nature. In my practice, the cost range for this kind of divorce matter is my firm’s lowest for divorce matter.

Total time taken from the day you are ready to meet your lawyer (all ingredients met) to Final Judgment is about 4 ½ – 5 months (see proviso above).

[ndzgirl]

Hi all,


I have just been sent an sms to go to his lawyer’s office to discuss divorce proceedings. Till now, he has threatened the following:
1. He will divorce on grounds on adultery. God knows what kind of evidence he can produce as I have not done anything. I go home from work daily and hardly ever have a date with my girlfriends for the past few years. Our kids are 6 & 5 and I had barely had a date since then. However, I do suspect he might have committed it himself as I found intimate pictures of him and girls in his phone. He denies and claim they are just club girls and his clients insists to take their photos. Well, I did keep harping on it for a few days but rest my case as I was thinking about my kids. Divorce is not never on my mind but I always think for my kids first. Especially my elder girl who will look up to her daddy though both girls does not ask much about daddy when he travels.
2. He say he will fight for custody and he claim he is sure he will get it.

He likes to taunt me with such words and when he sent me the text, he told me that I must attend, otherwise it will be very disadvantageous to me. But my thought is if that is HIS lawyer, then isn’t it more disadvantageous for me to go?

We have a flat under the names of him, myself and his dad. I had no choice but to relent when we bought the flat as he was paying cash upfront to make up the difference that our CPF is short. He is currently under bankrupt status so I am wondering what is the implication if we have to sell the flat. It is taken under bank loan.

My in-laws are staying under the same roof with us. I also have a maid who looks after my kids although they go to full-time childcare. I have a full time job which pays above 4k a month. He is considered to be employed as his friend needs a local name in order to employ foreign workers so his friend will contribute to his cpf monthly at the rate of $1k per month though he is not actually paid anything expect for the cpf portion. Otherwise he is jobless always making his dreams of doing big business.

Everyone, please give me your advises as I just need to ensure that I get my girls and I have a roof over our head eventually. I do not have much savings as I have been the one paying for the children’s school/supplementary fees, maid and our other expenses. As I cannot afford it, his parents are paying for the utilities and marketing expenses.

TIA!

[BlueBells]

If your financial allows, consider getting a lawyer to visit his lawyer with you to ensure you are not on losing end?

[POA Teacher]

Make sure you are accompanied by your own lawyer.

His lawyer is not going to have a nice chitchat with you.
You need protection of your own lawyer.

[Jarol Lo]

Hi ndzgirl,


Let me share my thought with you:

1) Any adultery needs strong and concrete evidence beyond reasonable doubt. If he claims you’ve committed, let him prove it. Meanwhile you can ignore him;
2) Since you found picture of him with another girl, take down the evidence to secure your position in the case of law. Even if not very strong as mentioned in (1), at least can give impression to the judge that he is the evil one, and let him explain to the judge if he dare to lie;
3) The fact that you’re looking after the 2 kids with your own income, it proven that you’ve the capability to custodian them on your own which is at your full advantage;
4) Moreover, he is undischarged bankruptcy. Legally speaking he can’t even maintain himself, how could be able to look after the kids and win the custody. He said for sure he can? You can ignore him. He simply putting smoke to you. Not too worry;
5) You still let his father stay with you and needless to say, you’re the one taking care of him. I pity him that at the end of the day he has to bear the cost of no where to live. His son has to bear the risk of taking over him if still going harsh with you.
6) Do you know his friend by contributing $1K into his CPF account every month for the sake of FW quota employment has actually violated the law? If you want to go all the way (which I suggest you think twice), both your hubby and his friend will be in deep trouble. This is not only a fine but also subject to imprisonment punishment. Hold this golden card tightly and use it appropriately when you need it.

To summarise, not to worry of what he told you. Get a good solicitor and fight the case for you. Base on your descriptions above, your chances of winning the case is VERY HIGH, inclusive of keep your kids with you.

Good luck.

[dolphinsiah]

ndzgirl:

Hi all,


I have just been sent an sms to go to his lawyer's office to discuss divorce proceedings. Till now, he has threatened the following:
1. He will divorce on grounds on adultery. God knows what kind of evidence he can produce as I have not done anything. I go home from work daily and hardly ever have a date with my girlfriends for the past few years. Our kids are 6 & 5 and I had barely had a date since then. However, I do suspect he might have committed it himself as I found intimate pictures of him and girls in his phone. He denies and claim they are just club girls and his clients insists to take their photos. Well, I did keep harping on it for a few days but rest my case as I was thinking about my kids. Divorce is not never on my mind but I always think for my kids first. Especially my elder girl who will look up to her daddy though both girls does not ask much about daddy when he travels.
2. He say he will fight for custody and he claim he is sure he will get it.

He likes to taunt me with such words and when he sent me the text, he told me that I must attend, otherwise it will be very disadvantageous to me. But my thought is if that is HIS lawyer, then isn't it more disadvantageous for me to go?

We have a flat under the names of him, myself and his dad. I had no choice but to relent when we bought the flat as he was paying cash upfront to make up the difference that our CPF is short. He is currently under bankrupt status so I am wondering what is the implication if we have to sell the flat. It is taken under bank loan.

My in-laws are staying under the same roof with us. I also have a maid who looks after my kids although they go to full-time childcare. I have a full time job which pays above 4k a month. He is considered to be employed as his friend needs a local name in order to employ foreign workers so his friend will contribute to his cpf monthly at the rate of $1k per month though he is not actually paid anything expect for the cpf portion. Otherwise he is jobless always making his dreams of doing big business.

Everyone, please give me your advises as I just need to ensure that I get my girls and I have a roof over our head eventually. I do not have much savings as I have been the one paying for the children's school/supplementary fees, maid and our other expenses. As I cannot afford it, his parents are paying for the utilities and marketing expenses.

TIA!

ndzgirl , :imsorry: to hear what you are going through.
You didn't talk too much why the marriage is not working well.
You mentioned that DIVORCE is not in your mind. This shows that you are willing to forgive,forget and restart.

You are staying with your In-laws -it means you have good relationship with them.
Are your In-laws aware about their son behaviour.?
Let your In-laws ,your spouse siblings help to discourage him for filing divorce.

If your spouse is in wrong . Get everybody to support you not to Divorce but punish him by making stay away from home for weeks until he realised his mistake.

I know this always work...do consider. Take Care