Growing apart

[BeContented]

3Boys:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"cwc\"]So dun neglect each other, try to spend some time together.

Easier said than done, esp when he works for long hours. Any balance time left, he also likes to do his own things. By the time he is free, it is my sleep hours liao.

Gosh...

Jennifer, if I may, on this front, you do need to put your foot down and insist on some quality time. It is very easy for a man to get consumed by his work and suddenly it becomes a convenient excuse to stay away from dealing with domestic issues, including keeping the wife happy. I have in the past drifted in and out of that mode and am thankful for my DW who pulled me back each time (she started gently and became more insistent if there was no change).[/quote]Coming from a man....I'm sure he knows his own species well enough
I think it's true too....they will have the mentality that BreadWinner deal with outside world, SAHM supposed to settle all the domestic issue and forget that we need to have time & life outside chores, kids, In-Laws, maids etc. My DH is basically a homely person but yet when left alone, yah, he'll blend into the HOME/SOFA/TV/INTERNET. That's why I start to chio chio him for simple little things like watching movie together (MioTV also can), supper, snack, a walk if weather is cooling etc.
Also try to do things within radius of 3m of each other.....make your presence felt (I used to hide in room for air-con.....)

I have read before \"Man like to give solution, solve problems\". If we everything ba-ke-liao....they see no need to help or interfere. Maybe sometimes mustn't be so MACHO-woman hee hee :celebrate:

[Jennifer]

cwc:

Coming from a man....I'm sure he knows his own species well enough

I think it's true too....they will have the mentality that BreadWinner deal with outside world, SAHM supposed to settle all the domestic issue and forget that we need to have time & life outside chores, kids, In-Laws, maids etc. My DH is basically a homely person but yet when left alone, yah, he'll blend into the HOME/SOFA/TV/INTERNET. That's why I start to chio chio him for simple little things like watching movie together (MioTV also can), supper, snack, a walk if weather is cooling etc.
Also try to do things within radius of 3m of each other.....make your presence felt (I used to hide in room for air-con.....)

I have read before \"Man like to give solution, solve problems\". If we everything ba-ke-liao....they see no need to help or interfere. Maybe sometimes mustn't be so MACHO-woman hee hee :celebrate:

I think the mentality is hard to break, both for him and me. His father was a self employed man who only rest on CNY period and May Day. It was all work. BUT then, there was no internet and computers and 3G mobile phones, only TV. He grows up in this type of environment, so he does not see anything inappropriate with his current lifestyle \"If I am not hardworking, who's going to give you allowance? who's going to pay for the boys' tuition, etc\". Money- sth we cant do w/o.

Now with this high tech lifestyle, I think it is very easier for a person to become a workaholic. More so for him now that he is into a partnership biz.

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Today's a PH. He is working.

His late nights on internet with overseas customers are taking a toil on his health. He claims his memory is poorer now. Told him not to sleep too late, but my advice falls on deaf ears.

I hv bn wondering whether I wld become like those dutiful wives (in drama) who finally passed away when the husbands decide they hv worked enough n now wish to spend more time with family but could not do so anymore becos the wife is dead and children all grown up and drifted away liao

[3Boys]

Jennifer:

I think the mentality is hard to break, both for him and me. His father was a self employed man who only rest on CNY period and May Day. It was all work. BUT then, there was no internet and computers and 3G mobile phones, only TV. He grows up in this type of environment, so he does not see anything inappropriate with his current lifestyle \"If I am not hardworking, who's going to give you allowance? who's going to pay for the boys' tuition, etc\". Money- sth we cant do w/o.

Now with this high tech lifestyle, I think it is very easier for a person to become a workaholic. More so for him now that he is into a partnership biz.

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Today's a PH. He is working.

His late nights on internet with overseas customers are taking a toil on his health. He claims his memory is poorer now. Told him not to sleep too late, but my advice falls on deaf ears.

I hv bn wondering whether I wld become like those dutiful wives (in drama) who finally passed away when the husbands decide they hv worked enough n now wish to spend more time with family but could not do so anymore becos the wife is dead and children all grown up and drifted away liao

Its your life Jennifer, so you have to make the choices. But if you feel you want things to be different (and I am assuming you are, since you started the thread), then you've got to take concrete action and not just wish for it. Personally, the most important thing about our short time on this earth is the relationships we form with people. Who wishes on his death bed that he had spent more time in the office or spoke with a few more clients? Its a crying shame to be with a life partner but not actually enjoying time together. Be the brave wife and make the change, don't be the heroic wife and endure the dissatisfaction.

My 2 cents

Cheers

[Fairy]

Jennifer:

I think the mentality is hard to break, both for him and me. His father was a self employed man who only rest on CNY period and May Day. It was all work. BUT then, there was no internet and computers and 3G mobile phones, only TV. He grows up in this type of environment, so he does not see anything inappropriate with his current lifestyle \"If I am not hardworking, who's going to give you allowance? who's going to pay for the boys' tuition, etc\". Money- sth we cant do w/o.


Now with this high tech lifestyle, I think it is very easier for a person to become a workaholic. More so for him now that he is into a partnership biz.

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Today's a PH. He is working.

His late nights on internet with overseas customers are taking a toil on his health. He claims his memory is poorer now. Told him not to sleep too late, but my advice falls on deaf ears.

I hv bn wondering whether I wld become like those dutiful wives (in drama) who finally passed away when the husbands decide they hv worked enough n now wish to spend more time with family but could not do so anymore becos the wife is dead and children all grown up and drifted away liao

Jennifer,

It may not be of any consolation to you, at least your husband is at home with you, right? Just that he has been busy doing his own things and in his case, it's work that occupies him.

I have a friend whose hubby's social life is so packed from Mon to Sun that she has been feeling very insecure and unhappy. Her hubby works full time and has a side line. He claims the entertainment is necc for networking purpose. Like yours, her hubby also feels that he is working so hard to provide well for the family. Whenever he's at his out-of-work activities, be it just a game of tennis or a drink at the pub, her imagination would run wild. She has been harping on this issue for almost a decade already but without fail, it leads to more quarrels every time the topic was broached. She has learnt to accept it while enjoying the wealth her hubby has created for them.

[BeContented]

Jennifer:

I am not a clingy wife, quite independent in working around the hse and the children. Since babyhood, toddlerhood and even now, my boys will only look for me when they need sth. I am like what cwc said \"ba-ke-liao\" type. My late granny taught me this : do not think of depending on others if you can do it yourself.

Hi Jennifer,
I am not clingy and quite bo-chap actually....as long as he's not pubbing/drinking etc, I'm fine doing my own stuff. But too much ALONE time made me feel lonely Since we are in a marriage, I want to age together & have things to talk about..... as sooner or later, the kids will setup own nest. There was a period when both my DH and myself would just do our own stuff & we both took it for granted. It took me a while before I voiced out & only then, DH realised and started responding & made some effort...it helped. Per what 3Boys said, need to put to action and sometimes if DH too blur to sense :stupid:, TELL HIM.

I ever heard this song and I like the lyrics.....something like this....
我能想到最浪漫的事， 就是和你一起慢慢变老 .....

我能想到最浪漫的事，就是和你坐在摇椅慢慢聊 ...

老到哪儿也去不了， 我还依然是你手心里的宝

[Jennifer]

cwc:

There was a period when both my DH and myself would just do our own stuff & we both took it for granted. It took me a while before I voiced out & only then, DH realised and started responding & made some effort...it helped. Per what 3Boys said, need to put to action and sometimes if DH too blur to sense :stupid:, TELL HIM.


I ever heard this song and I like the lyrics.....something like this....
我能想到最浪漫的事， 就是和你一起慢慢变老 .....

我能想到最浪漫的事，就是和你坐在摇椅慢慢聊 ...

老到哪儿也去不了， 我还依然是你手心里的宝

Really appreciate 3boys and your sharing. Yes, sth needs to be done before things get out of hand.

Other than this grouse, he is basically a good husband and father.

[Jennifer]

Had a talk with hubby ytd. Hopefully, we "improve".

[BeContented]

Jennifer:

Had a talk with hubby ytd. Hopefully, we \"improve\".

Hope things are getting better .......:love:

[Jennifer]

cwc:

Jennifer:

Had a talk with hubby ytd. Hopefully, we \"improve\".

Hope things are getting better .......:love:

:thankyou: he's still working hard, but talk to me more often these days.

U take care too.

[Mum1113]

Did not know can connect with pple here....like late night supper , late night NTUC shopping, rounder me x 4 ..


One thing about mine who likes to chat chat but only at night.....I tell myself must endure and tahan the late owl nights and sacrifice my sleepy eyes...

Takes 2 hands to clap and in order to clap louder , then both must work harder and in the same direction. Don't give up