What should I do?

[Castle House]

Hi pinky


Just curious, what about the other child?

Now, her girl is so much older? Your sil can’t let her be alone at home? Since she had left them at home themselves when she went holiday?

[pinky]

ksi:

Think you make a safe decision as your niece sounds like a 计时炸弹 for your kids. i think she needs full time help, a family without other kids of their own to watch over her.

this girl is about 19 and quite rebellious (at this age I guess it's common but still.....)

[pinky]

Pen88n:

pinky:

I stood firm on my decision against the girl living at my house and finally my husband relented and told his sister. This was also due to the fact that he asked my son about the arrangement and he told his father he felt uncomfortable with it too. Anyway, I heard the mother had approached another of her sibling to take her daughter in.

It's good that you are firm in your stand. It's also good that your son has voiced his discomfort about the arrangement.

It seems weird that your SIL should go round \"approaching\" her siblings to \"take in\" her own daughter - how would your niece feel with a mother so eager to be rid of her? If she is lacking in discipline, shouldn't the mum be the one who set the rule and discipline her instead of passing the disciplining to someone else? I think if your SIL has personally talked /discussed with her sibling and his family about it, and they offered to help her by taking in the daughter to monitor, then it makes more sense. Now it seems like a \"shifting responsibility\" case.

base on what I heard personally during their chats, they also cannot tahan the girl's behaviour so I guess they were also reluctant to take such responsibility and worry about their own kids 'copying' the antics.
In addition, the mother is also those who like to 'shift responsibility' type for eg when she goes overseas for holidays, she will ask her sisters to tabao lunch/dinner for their children and dun even pay them back. Same as the way she used the supp card issued by my husband for her clubbing/dining/shopping and not paying back :mad: :mad:

[pinky]

phtthp:

you have a peaceful house, with just 3 of you.


Do not let outsiders come in, disrupt your peace and tranquility.
if need be, get YOUR own family members (your parents, your siblings, etc) to stand by you, support you in your firm decision, talk & convince your husband... do not let this girl come in.

thank you phtthp, I always maintain that I want a peaceful and quiet environment conducive for 3 of us so my husband branded me as selfish, self centred and inconsiderate :frustrated: but over the years, he kinda
accept it because I always told him : I dun trouble people so I dun expect people to trouble me.

[pinky]

sall:

Hi Pinky, good for you that you remain firm and refused to take that girl in. If you invite the devil in, you can never get her out! I'm sure it's one big load off your chest now!

At the moment yes, I am relieved but it's not confirmed if her other sibling's family is willing to take her or not because of space problem so I am keeping my fingers/toes crossed in case that mother come back and psycho my husband again (bec we are the only one with a spare half room). The reason why she chose the sibling is because they have a maid to do the washing for the daughter (I dun have). :xedfingers: :nailbite:

[pinky]

Castle House:

Hi pinky


Just curious, what about the other child?

Now, her girl is so much older? Your sil can't let her be alone at home? Since she had left them at home themselves when she went holiday?

the other son is in U now. She didnt quire trust them at home alone when she went holidays bec she will ask her sisters to buy food for them and conduct surprise visits at night :yikes:

[Castle House]

pinky:

Castle House:

Hi pinky


Just curious, what about the other child?

Now, her girl is so much older? Your sil can't let her be alone at home? Since she had left them at home themselves when she went holiday?

the other son is in U now. She didnt quire trust them at home alone when she went holidays bec she will ask her sisters to buy food for them and conduct surprise visits at night :yikes:

Wow.. she is already 19.. still schooling? and her brother is in U and the mother still need to spot check?

I don't think you can assist to control her kids at a age like this.. not even us as Mother is able to..

[snowball]

Hi Pinky,


I am glad you stand firm for not inviting your niece in ( even your hubby has accured you as being selfish !!!)

It surely will cause lots of problems if you have your niece stay with you and who know the "1 year" period could have "extended" without any notice !!!

[snowball]

yuanyuan mama:

Sometimes ago I was \"helping\" my dh's sister to take care of her young son for several months as SIL wanted her son to get a better exposure to learn English (they are from non-english speaking country). I was thinking to give dh and SIL a favor by welcoming this boy to my peaceful home, love, care and feed the same food to him and my dd, everything I gave my dd I prepared extra for him so that he won't feel left out.


I even scared to show affection to my dd openly as I used to before the boy came cos I dont want him to feel unfair treatment from me. I only gave my kiss and hug to dd when everyone was sleeping. Took the boy and dd to explore SG and join enrichment classes, all paid from my own pocket. Bought him souvenirs before he went back. Got a phone call from SIL the next day the boy arrived in his homeland asking me why I was not fair in treating my dd and her son; why I cooked lousy food for her son and causing him lost weight; why dd got to keep the PSB and not her son (PSB was given by my neighbour to dd for B'day gift), blah....blah....except \"thank you for taking care of my son, I appreciate it\"

Think twice before you take care of other's children, no matter how hard you try, people don't see the way we see it.

yuanyuan mama,

At least you could rest for sure that she will not be so \"thick skin\" to request for her boy to have another stay with you :hi5:

isnt this the BEST excuse :evil:

[bigsnoopy]

Hi pinky, I read through the posts and am very glad that the girl did not stay at your place. It’s easy to invite one in and difficult to kick them out.