Club SAHM

[nerov]

Thanks all for your advice! Really glad to have this community of SAHMs who are ever so encouraging!


Do you worry that someday perhaps the hubby will face issues at work, e.g. retrenchment which could derail the family since it’s on single income? There are so many cases of PMETs losing their jobs once they are above their 40s…

Maybe I am just thinking too much… But while I really want to be a SAHM, I have so much worry. Need to contemplate fully before taking the plunge

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi,


About the question of losing job, we have about 4mos of savings to cater for such an event. We do not need to service any loans, so there’s less worry because other stuff can reduce. touch wood touch wood

[SAHM_TAN]

Just to add on, as single income, you might also want to look into appropriate insurance/investment products.

[sleepy]

kero:

Sleepy, i do not understand why u not working ur MIL would object and hate u? Shouldn't she more happy that her grandchildren are well taken care off?

SAHM_TAN:

:? on the sharing about MIL's reaction.

My MIL had been taking of dd1 after my maternity leave ended. I guess her attachment to baby was strong. However it was not an ideal arrangement to let MIL babysit right from the start. We live too far apart and as a result, we could only bring baby home over the weekends. Besides missing baby, lack in bonding time, baby also had problem adjusting to our home, kept waking up to wail multiple times a night due to the change in environment. Dh and I hardly had enough sleep every weekend.

MIL insisted I should work because she knew I was drawing a good salary so she felt grossly unfair that my dh should shoulder the entire burden while I stayed home to idle. To her taking care of baby is an easy job. Just feed and clean poo. Place baby in front of TV. Simple la. Since she was perfectly capable of babysitting, she felt that there was no valid reason for me to stay home with baby instead of working.

Er... she also asked for overnight babysiter market rate to babysit dd1, on top of her usual allowance. Nevertheless we didn't cut her allowance after I brought baby home. Just revert to what we used to give her before she babysit for us. So maybe she also hated me for the loss in additional babysitting income :scratchhead:

How to explain to her that I did much more than cooking baby food and cleaning poo at home? Different generation and entirely different concept on how to raise kids. I endured her scarastic remarks & hostility for years.

After other grandchildren arrived, she was too engrossed babysitting them to continue hating me. And of course, the result spoke for itself. All her relatives asked how I managed to feed dd2 till so chubby :rotflmao:

We are on neutral ground now, phew!

[ectanz]

SAHM_TAN:

Hi,


About the question of losing job, we have about 4mos of savings to cater for such an event. We do not need to service any loans, so there's less worry because other stuff can reduce. *touch wood* *touch wood*

Same here. Both dh and myself make sure that our savings are sufficient to cater for any circumstance if arises.

We cut down our unnecessary items and also reduced the no. Of time dining out especially restaurant. Holiday trip reduced from twice to once a year. Anyway, dd2 is still very young for a holiday trip. This means that we won't on a trip until dd2 reaches 2 yo.

[ectanz]

kero:

ectanz,

Hugs... maybe ur hubby should express to ur MIL that it is HE who wants u to be at home to takecare of the kids. My hubby in fact is the one who always wants me to stay at home to takecare of my son since he was born, i delayed for a few years before i finally did it and of coz' we need to cut down on those WANT stuffs in life and bite our bullets.

Dh did not request me to quit my job but he supported my decision to stay at home to take care of my dds.

Due to his hectic work schedule, Dh was unable to look after both dds. He felt that it might be better for me to quite my job and concentrated on the kids. At that time, to juggle my job and taking care of my dds myself, I looked really strained and weary.

Being the only breadwinner, hb can't really provide the usual allowance to my MIL. This is the main cause of her spreading the \"vicious\" words behind my back. She herself was home maker immediately after she married to my FIL. Her daughter was also a SAHM after the birth of her first child.

[janet88]

kero:

Sleepy, i do not understand why u not working ur MIL would object and hate u? Shouldn't she more happy that her grandchildren are well taken care off?

The reason is that if the wife is not working, she sees her poor son having to support her. Super idiotic and selfish mentality. I remember before I got marrried, she told me that it's very poor thing for the husband alone to work. She doesn't see the point that children are in good hands if the mother doesn't work.

I want my kids to be clean and not see money as everything, unlike her.
My kids wash up before going to school, bathe when they return after school and before going to bed at night..especially after the SARS thing, I am even more particular about hygiene. If my kids are looked after by her, I dare not imagine what they will turn out to be like.

[happy to be mum]

help & advice needed from all experience SAHM


currently having maid issues, need to look for a maid or i need to go jobless.

how do SAHM cope (those wo maids) with being at home most of the times taking care of kids, sending them to school, doing housework, guide and teach kids to study, etc..& managing a single income & remain sane & positive!? one part of me seriously thinking to be a SAHM again (previous experience was completely different cause was overseas), one part of me so worried about DH cause DH is a worrier..about the income.. I am also worried whether I will be so lonely to be a SAHM

advice will be much appreciated.

[janet88]

happy to be mum:

currently having maid issues, need to look for a maid or i need to go jobless.


how do SAHM cope (those wo maids) with being at home most of the times taking care of kids, sending them to school, doing housework, guide and teach kids to study, etc..& managing a single income & remain sane & positive!? one part of me seriously thinking to be a SAHM again (previous experience was completely different cause was overseas), one part of me so worried about DH cause DH is a worrier..about the income.. I am also worried whether I will be so lonely to be a SAHM

On the contrary, you won't feel lonely. In fact, you won't even have 'me' time as a SAHM. If kids are in primary school, you would have to coach them in their school work and preparation for exams. Any pockets of time you have will be spent preparing the work to be done for the day and doing some housework...no time to be lonely as you will be looking at the clock all the time.
The main worry is finance though. So you will need to discuss the issue of finance with him first. It's not easy. My kids' tuition fees take up a huge bulk but we have no choice bcos it's so difficult now and we don't know how to teach (esp upp primary).

[Breadandmuffins]

Hi Happy to be Mum


The "lonely" part of a SAHM for me is the lack of pple I can talk to abt kids and others. Even if you manage to have some fellow SAHMs as friends, most of us are so busy that we could hardly spare time for ourselves let alone meeting up. After I stopped work, I only managed to meet my ex-colleagues/good friends once after two yrs and till now, its almost 6yrs already and we sort of lost contact . The emotional support would have to come fr yr DH then since nobody to "fa lao sao". DH have to bear my nagging abt kids, school work etc as he is the one I turned to when I had a bad day at home.

BTW, how many kids do u hv & how old are they?