Club SAHM
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buds:
Vinegar, don't let him pick anymore until no bones left. .
haha....indeed......no bone oredi...left skin...hehe...
now before serving his dinner,i always say,\"if too much rice/vege,then leave it there,i can eat tmr.\"
my DH does help out in housework.But i try to reject his help,coz i worry he tired,accusing me of not being supportive or later he keeps complaining. -
vinegar:
I never reject when DH offer to help with housework. In fact, I will only be too happy. :rahrah:buds:
Vinegar, don't let him pick anymore until no bones left. .
haha....indeed......no bone oredi...left skin...hehe...
now before serving his dinner,i always say,\"if too much rice/vege,then leave it there,i can eat tmr.\"
my DH does help out in housework.But i try to reject his help,coz i worry he tired,accusing me of not being supportive or later he keeps complaining. -
Yes. Never reject when your spouse wants to chip in. He is trying to \"support\" you by offering. Let him. This way you will feel supported and your load lightened. He gets to show you that as a hubby he is trying to be involved.
@ vinegar... i find that your case is more a communication problem more than anything. Because you have allowed the bone to be picked on far too long, you have resigned to what you think is your destiny. You have to think positive if you want to get out of the rut and of course you have to try something (or everything) if you truly want your relationship with your DH to improve over the course of the coming weeks and months and hopefully over the years as husband and wife. If you let it be how it is now status quo and accept your fate like it's jinxed then no matter who advises you or who tries to help you... it will never work because you are not open to actually solving the issues at hand. It will always be just ranting. Improve your quality of life. Try. Life is too short to throw it away just like that. Life can be better if you push forward positively. No one in this thread has not gone through rough times with our hubbies. Myself included. In fact, I should've got to know ammonite earlier so i would be privy to her pan idea.
I may have saved myself a couple of years of anguish and lost youth. But oh well... it's all done now and i cannot look back in regret. The only way is forward since this is still the man i chose to be with despite having a choice to get out. This time though i think i need to stock up on more pans. Is there a sale for pans this March hols?
:rubhands: -
vinegar:
You can also bring lunch to your DH (to his office) since cannot make time for it during other times. Can eat together in his office, not out in fancy restaurant or anything but still eat together mah.buds,
thks for offering help.For me,it is not the matter of having more time for myself,it is more of having more time wf my DH.
i can sneak out 1 or 2hours to do quick shopping or exercise when kid out for tuition.
but having meal wf DH is out of question coz no caregiver n DH not keen.
Share a secret with u.. I recall last time before i married hubs, ex-bf would cook fried rice and have it wrapped up nicely together with note for me left at the office. There were occasions where he'd place a stalk of flower too. I can be too busy preparing stuff sometimes that i just didn't wanna go out. Would tell him i packed sandwiches in preparation for a busy day. My boss would either take it up to my classroom like special delivery or page me to come down and they'd tease me to no end abt it. I love that boss, so motherly and super understanding. Sometimes they get little treats too.. since he got to bypass them to get the food to me.
Hokay.. all said and done though.. if your DH still doesn't actually fancy lunching with you at all, despite the efforts you put in.. i really have nothing to say. :sad:
Need 2 hands to clap. -
KSmom8:
KSmom8, i like to think that i try my best and hope that my best is good enough. I don't know if i can speak on behalf of all sahms but we are happy as long as we are loved and appreciated for the work we do around the house, the kids, the ILs and of course the big kid. Whatever else we get from our sahm arrangements are extras... like when buds_hubs was forced to take over the laundry cos i didn't want to do it no more (i mean all i ever do is housework? bbbuut it never ends!) to the point that now he's so auto with it we have more time for the kids or for each other and other time for ourselves like... for him to watch bola or me to surf. How i gao tim is by working my time around the children.. daily menu (ideas) done in my head.. volume processing of ingredients used to cook prepared in advance.. etc etc.. apart from all the nitty gritties, i suppose i am so used to intermittent sleep from breastfeeding and from being the insomniac since school days, i survive on little sleep and i'm ok. I am not a coffee person. If i drink coffee it might keep me up for days mebbe. :nailbite:This is my 2nd time as a SAHM.
My first time as a SAHM was when DS1 was a baby/ toddler. I was the bao ka liao mum, did all the housework, cooking and even took DS1 on walks to the supermarket / zoo / parks almost everyday. It was satisfying to be present to watch DS1 walk and talk, and even to sit for 1 hour plus to feed him ( though frustrating most of time ). But I was sooo tired and gave up as a SAHM.
Buds, it's still amazing to me that you can gao tim everything with 4 kids!!!
When DS2 came along, I knew I couldn't do it all as a SAHM. The maid does the housework and I don't try to cook every meal. Once every few weeks, I take a break and have lunch / tea with friends. My mum helps babysit or I do it when the kids are in school.
Not everyone enjoys being sahm for varying reasons but it's ok. We are what we are. There is no right and wrong. Some of us were never the domesticated cats type.. some of us are.. Others may thrive under pressure and there will be others who can't multi-task.. A few may be able to take it easy close one or two eyes but some seek daily perfection.. We may have some amongst us who are selfless and all sacrificial but like it that way.. Even if there are amongst us as well who don't want to do it all because we don't see it as our way of life in the long run... it is all ay okay.. No right and wrong. We do what we do in whatever ways we can and if we have tried our best. Our best should be good enough.
Your household your rules.. own time.. own target.
As for the lazy ones... well, you know who you are too. -
buds:
Not possible...nid to cook n pick up kiddo ard noon.
You can also bring lunch to your DH (to his office) since cannot make time for it during other times.
Also share a secret wf u....ex bf always brought me supper n b/fast too.Ex bf n DH totally different.DH is more individualistic,it is difficult to get into his world coz he is very conservative n sensitive.
Yes indeed,comm is prob.i feel what TheAnswer feels,can't bring myself to talk to him.I dislike the way he handles disagreement....following me n argue all the way...so i've no choice to ignore him by going out.
perhaps i've given in too much,coz i always think that he is stress out fr. work so i try to help n support.
Occasionally i let him help out in hsework.But i couldn't stand his grumbles coz he keeps saying he has too many things to handle n start blaming me for not able let him focus in his job.Also,i wanna him to spend more time wf kid,thus,i try to complete all hsework. -
Housework wise, he mops, keeps/fold clothes. Used to iron...but since I took over, he hands off...so what I do is, iron on Sunday night. Then after I am done half way while he watches TV, I complain having backache :evil:
When he can rest in the afternoon, he chooses to watch tv or surf net...or else go to IT shows or Funan centre. Then evening he complains he is very sleepy. His logic is that he has no time for ME time. -
vinegar:
Hey Vinegar,buds:
Vinegar, don't let him pick anymore until no bones left. .
haha....indeed......no bone oredi...left skin...hehe...
now before serving his dinner,i always say,\"if too much rice/vege,then leave it there,i can eat tmr.\"
my DH does help out in housework.But i try to reject his help,coz i worry he tired,accusing me of not being supportive or later he keeps complaining.
Try not to eat leftover food all the time. My DH will try to finish the dishes cos he knows I will throw them away. He hates to waste food. Now only occasionally some soup left over which sometimes he will drink up before leaving for work the next morning or I will have it for lunch. -
vinegar:
Usually I can't talk to him for 1-2 days. Quarrels blow over very quickly for us. We usually do not have very bad quarrels. I think if I were to share what we fight about, I will be the butt of all jokes. I hold back when DH is angry or upset cos if I speak further it becomes worse. As long as I remember to hold back, DH will not continue the quarrel. He will just back off and we will proceed to do our stuff or change topic to talk.
Not possible...nid to cook n pick up kiddo ard noon.buds:
You can also bring lunch to your DH (to his office) since cannot make time for it during other times.
Also share a secret wf u....ex bf always brought me supper n b/fast too.Ex bf n DH totally different.DH is more individualistic,it is difficult to get into his world coz he is very conservative n sensitive.
Yes indeed,comm is prob.i feel what TheAnswer feels,can't bring myself to talk to him.I dislike the way he handles disagreement....following me n argue all the way...so i've no choice to ignore him by going out.
perhaps i've given in too much,coz i always think that he is stress out fr. work so i try to help n support.
Occasionally i let him help out in hsework.But i couldn't stand his grumbles coz he keeps saying he has too many things to handle n start blaming me for not able let him focus in his job.Also,i wanna him to spend more time wf kid,thus,i try to complete all hsework. -
TheAnswer:
I eat leftover food for lunch.DH is small eater,doesn't eat a lot.
Hey Vinegar,
Try not to eat leftover food all the time. My DH will try to finish the dishes cos he knows I will throw them away. He hates to waste food. Now only occasionally some soup left over which sometimes he will drink up before leaving for work the next morning or I will have it for lunch.
frankly,i am kinda sianz over on & off quarrel.All along,my DH cannot stress well,i know he is trying.I can't help him much except to load him off fr. hsework n coaching for DC.Other than that,i don't know how i could help him coz i nid help for myself as well.I am actually \"bitting my lips to pull thru\".
perhaps this is a typical trait of mummy's son.He is very well-protected in the terms of emotionally,financially,physically since young.While i am the one being threw inside the jungle n survive by myself....
i feel my DH has prob to ask for help n make decision. He has a capable mother who handles everything for him.....so i always remind myself not to do so for my DC,if not,they'll follow their father footstep n lose survival skills.
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