Maris Stella High

[seestar]

CharleneX:

Thanks. Does the school group the students based on their ability or its a mixed and if there is so-called a better class (A-E) in their level?

The Sch says it doesn't. They mixed them. But we belief that in P5 / 6 there are better classes, but not in alphabetical sequence.

[mossie]

Updates in my situation… I inform the form teacher on Monday morning. She called me bk within 1hr and I told her I will wait for the sc to give me a reply. Afternoon when I pick him up, the vp was there and assure me that she will investigate. I saw the boy today and the boys made up, and I have given the form teacher the p3 boy name and hope that that school will have a record and make sure he won’t do it again. Meanwhile, I’m not sure if the vp will let me know what she will do on her side,

[flyboy744]

Mossie,


Sorry to sound negative about the response and reply given. It is as good as nothing is done.

IT HAS TO BE OFFICIAL. Don’t hope. Insist. Letter with the school letter head send to the parents and etc…

I might sound vindictive towards the bully but he should have know better when he decides to carry out the misdemeanor.

Adopt a zero tolerance to violence and bullying when dealing with this matter.

Then again, it’s your prerogative and decision to how you want to resolve the matter.

Hope you and your boy has gotten over this episode and continue to enjoy his stay in MSHS.

God Bless!

[cindyll]

With \"official letter\" from school, does that give parent the assurance that the boy will not be bullied again? :skeptical:

[flyboy744]

With the official letter, it serves several purposes :-


1) The school means business, ie if ever this punk try to be funny again, the punishment will have to get harsher! The parents,the boy, MOE, MP or even PM will have no case for any subsequent punishment or expulsion!

2) The parents would have been officially informed and thus have to take the necessary actions. I strongly parents are the best people to get involved. I don’t know about you, but I will be so embarrassed, angry and bloody concerned, I will jolly well make sure my kid will receive the ‘adequate’ punishment! The kid might not know the seriousness of the problem but I am quite sure the parents do! And something has to be done before it is too late.

3) It sends a clear message that the school adopts a zero tolerance to such behaviour. This is a civil society with laws and regulations, no one is above it and gets away with it. The students will have to be indoctrinated with this understanding. If this bloke is given just a verbal warning and a slap on the wrist… trust me, we are not helping him. There are very serious psychological implications with bullying, both for the bully and the victim.

Anyway, I think I have said enough on this issue…

Cheers!

[Angel Mamma]

Hi all,


I'm new but not new to bully case!!!
My boy was involved in a bully case last year.
Life was tough for us for at least 6mths.
I must say we have been very patient for the 1st 2 mths & I deeply regretted being \"nice\" cos the situation got worse. More punches & kicks..ya and a head injury. Went in & out of A&E cos we were so terrified of any hidden injuries.My boy was so traumatized that he refused to go to school. I could see he was so so down & even told me he don't understand why his friend did that to him. He was soooo hurt.
I see that MS is very tolerant towards the bullies. Displaying lots of love & patience. At one point they made me feel that my boy is bullied bcos he is dumb!! I demanded to see the VP cos the Principal is too busy most of the time. I demanded solutions!!! and actions!!! I told them to bring that bully for professional help. The best thing is the teachers did not inform his parents always giving him chances. For so many times I complain they didn't take me seriously :snooze: . It was during the F2F mtg that I was told his parents seemed to be very relax about this. I was like..... :mad: :stompfeet:
Was told this boy cannot control his emotions well and he also goes around hitting his other classmates.
I suggest giving him a written warning and make sure this get recorded in his file...then I'm sure his parents will feel something. Oh apparently this boy is 1 of the top boys in class. This explains why he was given privileges??!!

Anyway wanted to advice anyone who encounter bully cases to seek help immediately. Do not hesitate. All bullies need to be taught and I totally agree that MS shld take all bullying case SERIOUSLY. If my boy punch someone in school I would want to be the 1st know too!

[emdad]

While I agree that we (i.e. parents and the school) should not let off bully cases easily, I do think that we should not over react. Will we/Parents always be there during National Service? My advise to my DS has always to defend himself (i.e. block) and report such cases to his teacher.


Honestly, my boy had very bad reviews about his behaviour during his pre-school days i.e. he being a bully in his class during his pre-school days. Yes, pre-school! His teacher even took the effort to write us a long complain letter. Well, I too took some pain to pen down my response to his teacher. My key points were as follows (note these were in relation to his preschool days and not at MSHS. Again, I am not saying that bully cases should be let off easily) :-

(1) While we are sorry for what had happened, the teacher/school should take this up directly with my boy, i.e. asks him to apologise to the kid that was purportedly bullied by him (if found to be true) and even to the parents of the kid. We make no apology on behalf of my boy because he should take personal responsibility of his own actions. And the school should emphasize this instead of saying things like "I will tell your mommy or daddy". As a parent, I will discipline him at home and explain to him, which I do. And I authorise the school to impose the necessary disciplinary actions on him.

(2) The school should first investigate before jumping into any conclusions. There were instances whereby my boy was wrongly accused, simply because he was the most active, most outspoken and frequently got into "trouble". And in such instances, when we asked him at home, he would tell me that actually he had jumped into help one other kid that was bullied. Now, bear in mind, he is a kid, so I had to teach him the appropriate way of intervention is to surface the matter to his teachers instead of taking things into his own hands. After reprimanding him, I would praise him for having the sense of justice, but to use it in an appropriate manner. I do not want my boy to grow up being a whimp walking away when his friends get bullied. I am glad that I grew up in MSHS where I was surrounded by the so called "pai kiang" and was never bullied once. In fact, they watched out for us from the "pai kiang" of other schools nearby. Btw, some of the most notorious "pai kiang" during my batch are now in Police, CID, NCB … I have not heard of any MSHS "pai kiang" turning into secret society.

(3) The teachers (particularly the form teacher) should invest their time to understand the uniqueness of each child’s character. I am glad that my boy’s Chinese teacher (from mainland) told us that my boy was mostly misunderstood. When he loves someone, his way of showing affection is to hug the kid hard and play with him/her, I mean really play hard/rough. In fact, as it turns out, my son mostly only listens to this particular Chinese teacher Why? Because he feels that she is the only one that understood him. Also, we soon realised that my boy is one of the most popular kid in his class/school. Erm, contradictory? Yah, we felt the same too but as we soon learned, boys will be boys and kids will be kids. They fight and they make up faster than parents’ anger subsides over their precious child being bullied. Now in saying this, again, I am not suggesting that we should downplay the seriousness of bully cases. I am urging parents to first cool down and not over-react. Especially, don’t take things into your own hands without letting the school investigate.

(4) I highlighted to the said teacher that very interestingly, my son had never complained about any of his classmates bullying him. Even though, at times he came back with some pretty bad blue blacks. Btw, he was studying in one of the expensive pre-school. When I asked him the reasons of having such bruises, he always explained that he can’t remember or that he knocked into something or that his friend(s) had apologised to him. He never refuses to go back to school.

(5) In fact, his school ranks him within the top cohort as he learns things very fast and extremely very focused. I am not suggesting that he has no weaknesses, he does! He is careless (always has careless mistakes from his TLL assignments) and has to be reminded about controlling his emotions (Erm, don’t we parents at times?!) and improving on his social skills; the school had the same assessment. In fact, his teachers told us that he is so emotionally detached with people around him, except his family. When he graduated from K2, he basically graduated and didn’t miss his classmates/teachers at all! We think his behaviour also stems from the fact that he gets bored in class easily and needed new learning excitement and challenges more frequently than others.

To us, he has improved tremendously. It takes great effort to bring up a kid. How a kid turns out, good or bad, is up to the parents and the child himself. But showering your child with a cosy and overly protective environment is probably doing more harm than good.

And on a side note to those parents complaining about not allowing them to tag along for first few days of school … erm … I think you will have bigger problems when he goes National Service. We as parents need to grow up and let go. I am saying this not because I don’t feel the pain, because my boy just joined P1 (MSHS) this year, so I know full well how it feels like. In fact, my heart hurts so much that on his first day of school, I pen a facebook message to my son (posted on his fb wall) about how daddy felt watching him carrying that God know how many Kg heavy bag walking into the unknown. I wrote about the sudden realisation that he has grown up, and that he is brave. Guess what, after he read it, he hugged both of us and cried … and cried … simply because he felt loved and was touched. I think that was a major milestone for both my wife and I as much as it was for my son.

Parents, offering a way out for your child may not be the best way out. But walk with them, and at times, walk "behind" them. But never never fail to tell them how much you loved them and you are always there for them.

[emdad]

Namie:

At work, we shortlist scholars based on consistency in results from primary to college, and eventually scholars can get promotion and ranked as top performers even when they are not at work (on study leave), appointment holders get more medical benefits than rank and file staff, privileges in being able to claim for things that policy dictate are not claimable, etc. That is when we realised how important results are.

Erm ... actually when you join the work force. The more relevant criteria would be relevant degree and grades of that degree. Not so much emphasis about GCE 'A' and 'O' level results, least to mention PSLE!

[cherrygal]

Agree that kids need to grow up by managing their own challenges in school.


However, as a parent with bullied kids, it would help very much if parents of "rough kids" can put in more effort like Emdad to rein them in.

It doesn’t help when parents of rough kids just defend their offspring by saying "they are just kids who like to play". I don’t think these same parents will say that if it were their kids getting a head injury, have cuts inflicted deliberately by sharp objects or kicked in the abdomen repeatedly.

Sometimes I don’t know whether I should blame the rough kids or their parents for condoning it. So parents, please discipline your kids and make sure they play nice.

[seestar]

I can still recall the excitement I felt when my DS was in P1. This excitement quickly became nervousness in the following months…when he came home complaining that A punched him or on another day that B kicked him and yet another day that C pushed him . Sometimes other boys will also throw his pencils or break his ruler. There were days when he came home with long angry scratch on his cheek or a badly bruised shin.


I soon realised that boys in boys Sch are really rough. My heart ached. I told him not to play with these rough boys and also to give verbal warnings and walk away from those whom hurt him physically. My DH said I was turning our DS into a sissy. Of course my human instinct wanted my DS to retaliate… I was having a hard time controlling this instinct. But i dont want my DS to resort to violence in retaliation.

Blessedly his P2 male teachers were more observant. They kept an eye on the violent ones as well as keeping their ears open to the happenings that were out of the classroom.These boys were punished.

I hope my DS is tougher & more resilient this year.

So P1 parents, brace yourselves, prepare your DS as some boys may just suffer the rough play silently.