All About Bullying

[lclee]

I’m still contemplating about this issue. I really need someone to advise me. His final exam is next week. If I take him out, does that mean I’m giving in to something that he did not commit…A bad lie? He had been sick (viral fever) since last Tues… still recuperating @ the moment. His next tuition schedule is tomorrow. Sigh.

[lclee]

I’m still contemplating about this issue. I really need someone to advise me. His final exam is next week. If I take him out, does that mean I’m giving in to something that he did not commit…A bad lie? He had been sick (viral fever) since last Tues… still recuperating @ the moment. His next tuition schedule is tomorrow. Sigh.

[hersheys]

the tuition centre is very irresponsible!! all they want is just to earn $$??? education is important but it is not life & death! bullying is not right!! how come the teacher and the centre be so irresponsible?? maybe I will go tuition with him and might even sit in with him in the class, even thou the centre do not allow, I wld then tell them, well, u mentioned u cannot guarantee anything ma rite?? so here I m lor, w me around, I can guarantee my son will not get bullied lor.


anyway so what did u do in the end?

[Blessedwife]

Which tuition centre is that?


I will report police right away if there are bruises on my child. Isn’t this the evident ?

We have to stand up for our child since they are too young to know what to do

[hquek]

hi iclee,


First thing tuition center should do is to change seats. Whether true or not, they should allow a change of seats. Get that done and go look into the classroom (if the school allow access). Be very firm and I’m sure they will accede - I would tell them that if they continue like that, I am not responsible if my kid starts to fight back. I would be ok even if my kid ends up sitting at the teacher table.

Unfortunately in SG, being soft spoken may not get you anywhere. I usually start off nice but don’t try me further - although I won’t confront the other child directly also cos there are 2 sides to a story.

I don’t see why your child has to feel intimidated in such a setting. Tuition groups supposed to be smaller and you ARE paying fees.

Guess I have my issues to deal with. Was told recently that one kid in a tuition class likes to take and don’t return my kid’s stationery. not sure how true, but have told my kid to change seats, or loudly proclaim when that kid tries to paw his eraser or what not the next time so teacher is aware. Tuition center I’m paying a premium so the teacher should be in better control of the class.

[lclee]

The tuition teacher had called me last week & wanted to inform me that she will keep me in the loop with regards to her reply to CC.

Since I cannot get a satisfactory answer, I had no choice but to suggest to RC through our MP in our estate.
She had received an email from the other parent that his son had felt agitated &  only "stepped" on my son’s feet because my son’s feet had blocked his walkway when they were seated (not blocking from the back with his chair pushing out but in front instead)
This is so ridiculous. Why would someone not walk the proper way out of their seat & purposely choose to walk across in front of the person instead??
In the tuition teacher’s opinion, it is really all part of a child’s play, not an assault at all! Kids pushing around, poking each other… etc…
Now, I know that my son had no physical bruises to prove to anyone or witnesses that he was punched & kicked during lesson but does that mean that my son had to tell such a bad lie that he had the courage to stand up & point out to me the person that had hurt him in class?? Does that mean that he had to suffer in silence because he was gullible (as per what the teacher had described him)?
Since she cannot assure us that he will not be bullied again, she suggested that I should take my son out of the tuition class / withdraw for a while since i felt so worried & anxious about his safety.
I can always re-register him again when he’s ready & comfortable.
It is also very unhealthy to install the CCTV in her class.
So, i had taken my kid out of tuition temporary till I get a reply from the RC… hopefully soon while I coached my kid @ home for the time being.









So, maybe this is the best solution to close up this chapter by withdrawing him out of the class & everyone will be relieved in this manner.
Teacher will continue with her lesson & I may probably hv to start looking for another tuition centre for my son then.

[lclee]

The tuition teacher had called me last week & wanted to inform me that she will keep me in the loop with regards to her reply to CC.

Since I cannot get a satisfactory answer, I had no choice but to suggest to RC through our MP in our estate.
She had received an email from the other parent that his son had felt agitated &  only "stepped" on my son’s feet because my son’s feet had blocked his walkway when they were seated (not blocking from the back with his chair pushing out but in front instead)
This is so ridiculous. Why would someone not walk the proper way out of their seat & purposely choose to walk across in front of the person instead??
In the tuition teacher’s opinion, it is really all part of a child’s play, not an assault at all! Kids pushing around, poking each other… etc…
Now, I know that my son had no physical bruises to prove to anyone or witnesses that he was punched & kicked during lesson but does that mean that my son had to tell such a bad lie that he had the courage to stand up & point out to me the person that had hurt him in class?? Does that mean that he had to suffer in silence because he was gullible (as per what the teacher had described him)?
Since she cannot assure us that he will not be bullied again, she suggested that I should take my son out of the tuition class / withdraw for a while since i felt so worried & anxious about his safety.
I can always re-register him again when he’s ready & comfortable.
It is also very unhealthy to install the CCTV in her class.
So, i had taken my kid out of tuition temporary till I get a reply from the RC… hopefully soon while I coached my kid @ home for the time being.









So, maybe this is the best solution to close up this chapter by withdrawing him out of the class & everyone will be relieved in this manner.
Teacher will continue with her lesson & I may probably hv to start looking for another tuition centre for my son then.

[Kate1]

lclee, that’s so horrible for your son! But safety is always more important than study. Especially when bullying is concerned, which can have long-term effects on children.


I used to work at a tuition centre. The classes had about 10 students each.

Even though it was not part of my job responsibilities, I always kept an eye on how students were working near each other. After all, if one student bullies another, then it slows the student learning. Even if the teacher doesn’t care about bullying at all, if they care about teaching and student learning, then they should try to stop it, because it can have such a bad effect. So I think any teacher who doesn’t try to stop bullying is a bad teacher who doesn’t really care about the education of their students. So, lclee, if his teacher is not being helpful with the bullying, then they are probably not a very good teacher. I would withdraw your son and look for a better teacher. At least that would show him that his mother takes his safety seriously, even if his teacher doesn’t.

Once, I had a boy who was very disruptive. He would often annoy the students seated around him (poking, etc.). Right after the first time I told him that he should do his work and if he had any questions he should ask me, but if he bothered other students again, he would be moved to somewhere where he cannot bother them.

The next time he bothered another student, I moved him to the very front of the classroom so I could see him closely, and made sure his desk was not next to any other students’. For that lesson, that was the end his disruption. I told him that he had to sit here every lesson until he showed he could behave well, and then he could sit anywhere again, like the other students.

The next lesson, the class was much fuller, and there were no empty desks. No matter where he sat, even at the front, there would be students near him. I was concerned, so I kept a closer eye on him.

Within 5 minutes of the start of the lesson, he had bullied another student (he scratched the girl next to him). I was very angry, but kept calm. It’s always important to show children that the best way to handle situations is not to lose your temper. I told him to come to the front of the classroom, to where I was standing.

It’s a small classroom, so all the students could hear what happened. They were all watching, of course. I think it is important, not just to stop the bully and teach him that his behaviour is wrong, but also to show the whole class that bullying is wrong and will not be tolerated. It also gives them trust, when they see it stopped immediately instead of being allowed to carry on for a while, that they can ask the teacher for help if any other bullying occurs. I think the reason a lot of children don’t report bullying to the teacher is because they know it is often a waste of time.

So the boy was at the front of the class, grinning rudely. I left him standing there and checked if the girl was immediately okay, and comforted her and gave her a box of tissues. I told, as softly and gently as I could, that I would first deal with the boy, and then come back to look after her. She nodded and said, "Okay."

I was still very angry, but did not shout or talk more loudly than normal. Normally I’m bright and bubbly, so when I started speaking slightly quietly, and very firmly and sternly, the students all stiffened a bit. They knew that this was very serious. I think it has a stronger reaction to just shouting or yelling, which they see every day.

I asked if he (the boy) was having fun when he bothered the girl. He didn’t answer, but just smiled more widely, so the answer was clear. I then said, for the whole class, that I would tell a short story, but it would not be a nice story. I made the boy stand against the wall, facing the wall, so he had nothing to look at or distract himself with. He tried a few times to turn around, grab something to play with, etc. but I physically put his arms back firmly and quickly, so he stopped trying.

The story, I said, was about myself. I said I liked to wave my arms around in big circles in the air (I showed them) because it was fun. I made the boy close his eyes and imagine me doing it for a few minutes. I asked him a few questions every so often about what he was imagining–enough so that he was forced to imagine it instead of daydream, or else he wouldn’t be able to answer the questions. Then, I said that I thought it was more fun to hit people with my hands while I spun them around. I made the boy imagine me doing this to him. I told him in detail how much it hurt him, how he asked me to stop, but how I kept going because it was fun for me, and how I laughed even when he started crying, and that there was nothing he could do to make me stop hurting him. The boy looked very, very shocked. He had stopped grinning. I knew he realised that this was a serious situation.

I asked him to open his eyes and stop imagining. I then asked if he would like me to actually wave my arms around quickly and hit him. He, of course, said no. I said, "But why? It’s so much fun!" and he said that he wouldn’t like it. "So even if I think it’s fun, I shouldn’t do it because you don’t like it?" He affirmed. Finally, I pointed to the girl he had bullied a few minutes ago. "But you hurt her because it was fun for you. So I can hurt you because it’s fun for me!" He still said I shouldn’t hit him because he wouldn’t like it. So I explained, a bit gentler this time, that you should never hurt another person just because you find it fun. He finally understood, by imagining he was being hurt by someone bigger and scarier, what it was like to be on the other side of bullying.

To the whole class, I explained that bullying is very, very serious, and never okay. We should never hurt people or their feelings for fun. I said that if they ever see bullying, they should right away get a teacher or parent for help. I then explained that actually I would never hit anyone, and that my story was only a story, and was not real. I asked the boy if he understood why I told him the story. He nodded. I then asked him how he thought the girl was feeling. He said she was probably feeling scared and hurt. I asked him what he should do about that. So he apologised to her, looking very ashamed, and sat down quietly. I told the girl, loudly enough for the whole class to hear, that I will always try to stop anyone bullying her (or anyone else), but if she is ever bullied and I don’t see it, then she can tell me and I will always help her.

I kept a very strong eye on the boy and girl for the rest of the class, and was careful to give lots of specific praise and small, fun distractions here and there so he would not be left feeling scared. As long as he understood what he did was wrong and not repeat it, then there was no reason for him or anyone else to continue to be upset. And lingering fear can only cause bad things. By the end of the class, him and all the other students were bright and happy. I didn’t want to punish him, just to make him understand and change his behaviour. After all, that is the point of punishment anyway. If punishment doesn’t stop behaviour, then it’s a waste of time, and if behaviour can be fixed without punishment, then it’s best for everyone.

Although sometimes afterwards he was still a little disruptive in class, he did not bother or bully anyone else. I still watched him closely just in case. Maybe at heart he is still a bully, but as long as he doesn’t act on his bullying feelings, then that’s all anyone can ask for.

After the class, I told the boy’s parent what had happened. She said I should be more tolerant of her boy, but I explained that to not stop him was to allow other children to be hurt, and which would she prefer? She was unhappy but could not come up with a response. Finally, I explained that although he seemed to understand what he had done was wrong, if he bullied again, he would not be allowed back, because it was wasting the money of other parents (they pay for a full lesson, but only get part of a lesson because his behaviour takes up the rest of the teacher’s time–how is that fair?). I was very polite, and after her initial reaction to disagree, she seemed understanding.

So, I think that unless bullying is dealt with quickly and properly, then it is not stopped. Children are very short-term, so having a meeting with the teacher two or three days later is meaningless for them. Also dealing with it properly helps other children see that they are safe and that they can trust the teacher, which does a lot for their mental well-being. A child’s safety is more important than study because it is more long-term, so I would never waste time or risk a child’s safety with a teacher who did not take bullying seriously or deal with it satisfactorily.

Things like, "He was only playing/having fun," or, "He only bullied because xyz" are not excuses. And bullying can be unintentional anyway. It doesn’t matter what the reason is–the action is what’s wrong, not the reason, so the action still needs to stop. As soon as a child knows that they are hurting another person or their feelings, they need to stop, no matter what the reason. A teacher who thinks such excuses are reasonable is a teacher who allows their students to be bullied and learn much less efficiently than they could be learning. They are not a good teacher, in my opinion, and actively damage a child’s mental well-being. Even having no teacher is better than having one who teaches a child to feel helpless and afraid by allowing bullying. I hope your son is alright, lclee.

[lclee]

Hi Kate,

I’m so relieved to know that I had made a right decision to withdraw my son from the tuition centre. All this while I had been thinking if my decision was too hasty but now that after I read your comments coming from a tuition teacher’s point of view, I know I did the right thing. You made a good teacher if u r still teaching. Kids under yr care will be in good hands for sure . Thank you.

[Chloe0312]

School just reopened. My dd is in new class with only some classmates from last year.There is something that is happening among these students at the canteen.


On Monday, my dd bought her food and sat with 4 of her classmates. A girl told my dd nicely to go away. She said "These are our seats, can you go away?" Then Another girl suggested my dd can sit for 5 mins with them.

Yesterday, when dd wanted to eat together with 4 of them again. All of them asked her to go away. Then they discussed among themselves and said " Let’s go somewhere else." They moved to another table and left my dd alone. So she cried alone at the table. Her friends from other class saw this and comforted her.Friendship always mean a lot to her. So I think this hurts her some way. She actually does not want me to feedback this incident to her form teacher, worrying that they will ignore her more. One of them is closer to her when in P2 class, the other 3 are top 3 people in class, a bit proud. Please advise how to help her get through this situation. I hope she could get new frens soon.