All About Bullying

[auntieM]

Sly bully with parents in denial another big headache too.. ..

There is this boy in my DS's enrichment class that bullies.. ..and scream away loudly before the victims can cry or complain..
Everyweek he repeats his dirty tricks... hit others, plot stuff so others get injured when they fall over... .etc.. He gets away everytime cause he will turn the story around..
He is my DS's classmate for now.. Last week at PE he asked my boy: \"Your cartwheel is improving huh.. ..just don't forget I'm queuing right behind you okay..\"..I really blood boil de :mad:
To me he's a really sicko bully I want my DS to stay far far away from..

[Enbin]

Call in police to the school. Even police is not going to take any action but he kowns that what he did is wrong and police presence is a good warning to the bully not to fool around.

[Snow Crystal]

deminc:

Recently he was bullied again by a much older boy. He was grabbed by the neck and pushed to the floor of the bus. I could tell something was wrong when the bus arrived because there was a deadly silence instead of the usual singing and shouting. He cried and cried after the bus dropped him off and didn't walk home by himself. I had to go and fetch him and calm him down.

What did the school bus uncle do in this case? He's not aware or chose to ignore and drive away? A lot of big bullies attack and sprout vulgarities in school buses bcos there's no teacher around to supervise :rant: So far the bullies my DS encounter are mainly senior bus mates. Must teach our DS how to handle the situation and stand up. Most bullies target the very young or timid or small sized type Parents, please don't undermine school bus bullying or brush aside your kid's complaints. They may be genuinely crying for your help :gloomy:

[SHMILYLOVE]

Snow Crystal:

deminc:

Recently he was bullied again by a much older boy. He was grabbed by the neck and pushed to the floor of the bus. I could tell something was wrong when the bus arrived because there was a deadly silence instead of the usual singing and shouting. He cried and cried after the bus dropped him off and didn't walk home by himself. I had to go and fetch him and calm him down.

What did the school bus uncle do in this case? He's not aware or chose to ignore and drive away? A lot of big bullies attack and sprout vulgarities in school buses bcos there's no teacher around to supervise :rant: So far the bullies my DS encounter are mainly senior bus mates. Must teach our DS how to handle the situation and stand up. Most bullies target the very young or timid or small sized type Parents, please don't undermine school bus bullying or brush aside your kid's complaints. They may be genuinely crying for your help :gloomy:

Hi parents,

Yes i do agree. Pls do not brush aside your child's complaints about bullies... they may grow up being traumatised... there should be proper education of the children as to how to handle bullies. Usually the bigger sized children bully others because they themselves feel insecure and feel the need to extend their 'power' to the weak ones..

[cnimed]

Snow Crystal:

What did the school bus uncle do in this case? He's not aware or chose to ignore and drive away? A lot of big bullies attack and sprout vulgarities in school buses bcos there's no teacher around to supervise :rant: So far the bullies my DS encounter are mainly senior bus mates. Must teach our DS how to handle the situation and stand up. Most bullies target the very young or timid or small sized type Parents, please don't undermine school bus bullying or brush aside your kid's complaints. They may be genuinely crying for your help :gloomy:

The bus uncle didn't do anything. He's a grumpy harrassed elderly man and I think all he can do is keep his sanity and concentrate on the road. He just have two eyes glued on the road and drives grimly on and personally I think that is really all he can do. I don't expect more and I prefer he concentrates on road safety (very hard with a busload of very loud children).

We should definitely guide our children on what to do with bullies, and intervene discretely as required. But I do think it's equally important to not over-react (at least not in front of the kids, haha. I may be going goggle-eyed inside), because we may not understand the situation fully.

I often wonder what it is that can make one person react to a bad event calmly, while another can be completely shattered. What gives people like Natascha Kampusch and Jaycee Lee Dugard their resilience while many others would have allowed the events to destroy their lives. I realise it's the word \"allow\". Horrible though some things can be, our individual response is the thing that is within our control. I want my children to have that resilience and ability to reframe negative events in a positive way. (And I am in no way putting a bus bully on the same league as a child kidnapper).

In our day to day, most children are guided by our response. I treat bullying as something that is wrong, but also something that does happen everywhere in different forms. I do this because I do not want my children to have a victim-mentality. It's not a \"poor me, they always pick on me,\" but rather, that there are people like these for various reasons, and this is how we handle them. I go through scenarios with ds and we discuss appropriate responses. If the situation persists, he will THEN bring it to his teacher. I will usually send a discrete email to the teacher as well. There are some incidents when he will tell me that it's ok, no need to tell teacher, I can handle it. I also make an effort to know his classmates and busmates, or at least, they know my face. As the saying goes, \"da gou ye yao kan zhu ren\". Conversely if my son misbehaves, they will bring their complaints to me.

I also do not tell my children that anger is wrong. I believe that when you make anger unacceptable, the alternative is helplessness. We can learn to manage and harness anger, or channel it into action, but helplessness is debilitating emotionally and mentally.

This particular incident crossed the line of acceptability, and I explained to ds why - because the boy was much older than him, and the boy had grabbed his neck and pushed him down. He has a cut on his shoulder to show for it. I told him to tell his teacher the very next day but I'm glad to know that the other boys in the bus felt the same way as I did. There is a natural sense of righteousness even among children. In the end, the incident reinforced this sense of what is right and ds1 is very cheered by the camaraderie. In fact I think the entire incident bolstered his confidence and gave him something to chew upon. The fact that it was his peers who made the stand, rather than Mummy knocking on the office door, made it all the more significant to both him, and the boy who grabbed him. I took the opportunity to also point out who are good friends, and that this is an example of a good brave friend who knows right from wrong. (I'm starting early on how to tell good friends from bad ones.) I also wrote an email to commend the older boy and the teacher will relay that to his class teacher. We should always blurb the good things loud and clear.

The new boy definitely leaves him alone now that he knows so many eyes are on him, in and out of the bus.

I would like to add that my son is not a shy wallflower. He is very sociable and outspoken and mingles easily with older children. For a shyer child, a parent may need to be more proactive. But this proactivity should not be just dealing with the bullying incident at hand, but also include encouraging the child to have circles of friends, to identify figures of authorities they trust and feel comfortable with, and also taking measure to bolster confidence like joining a self-defence class. Some children are very shy, and the parents should actively help the child to identify and make friends by getting to know classmates, drawing the children together with activities and snacks, pointing out similarities and suggesting topics for discussion. Do this consistently for a period of time until the kids are comfortable with one another. They don't need to have many friends, just one or two good friends can make a difference. A lone sheep is always more vulnerable and we can't possibly follow them everywhere.

[Chenonceau]

deminc:

Snow Crystal:

What did the school bus uncle do in this case? He's not aware or chose to ignore and drive away? A lot of big bullies attack and sprout vulgarities in school buses bcos there's no teacher around to supervise :rant: So far the bullies my DS encounter are mainly senior bus mates. Must teach our DS how to handle the situation and stand up. Most bullies target the very young or timid or small sized type Parents, please don't undermine school bus bullying or brush aside your kid's complaints. They may be genuinely crying for your help :gloomy:

The bus uncle didn't do anything. He's a grumpy harrassed elderly man and I think all he can do is keep his sanity and concentrate on the road. He just have two eyes glued on the road and drives grimly on and personally I think that is really all he can do. I don't expect more and I prefer he concentrates on road safety (very hard with a busload of very loud children).

We should definitely guide our children on what to do with bullies, and intervene discretely as required. But I do think it's equally important to not over-react (at least not in front of the kids, haha. I may be going goggle-eyed inside), because we may not understand the situation fully.

I often wonder what it is that can make one person react to a bad event calmly, while another can be completely shattered. What gives people like Natascha Kampusch and Jaycee Lee Dugard their resilience while many others would have allowed the events to destroy their lives. I realise it's the word \"allow\". Horrible though some things can be, our individual response is the thing that is within our control. I want my children to have that resilience and ability to reframe negative events in a positive way. (And I am in no way putting a bus bully on the same league as a child kidnapper).

In our day to day, most children are guided by our response. I treat bullying as something that is wrong, but also something that does happen everywhere in different forms. I do this because I do not want my children to have a victim-mentality. It's not a \"poor me, they always pick on me,\" but rather, that there are people like these for various reasons, and this is how we handle them. I go through scenarios with ds and we discuss appropriate responses. If the situation persists, he will THEN bring it to his teacher. I will usually send a discrete email to the teacher as well. There are some incidents when he will tell me that it's ok, no need to tell teacher, I can handle it. I also make an effort to know his classmates and busmates, or at least, they know my face. As the saying goes, \"da gou ye yao kan zhu ren\". Conversely if my son misbehaves, they will bring their complaints to me.

I also do not tell my children that anger is wrong. I believe that when you make anger unacceptable, the alternative is helplessness. We can learn to manage and harness anger, or channel it into action, but helplessness is debilitating emotionally and mentally.

This particular incident crossed the line of acceptability, and I explained to ds why - because the boy was much older than him, and the boy had grabbed his neck and pushed him down. He has a cut on his shoulder to show for it. I told him to tell his teacher the very next day but I'm glad to know that the other boys in the bus felt the same way as I did. There is a natural sense of righteousness even among children. In the end, the incident reinforced this sense of what is right and ds1 is very cheered by the camaraderie. In fact I think the entire incident bolstered his confidence and gave him something to chew upon. The fact that it was his peers who made the stand, rather than Mummy knocking on the office door, made it all the more significant to both him, and the boy who grabbed him. I took the opportunity to also point out who are good friends, and that this is an example of a good brave friend who knows right from wrong. (I'm starting early on how to tell good friends from bad ones.) I also wrote an email to commend the older boy and the teacher will relay that to his class teacher. We should always blurb the good things loud and clear.

The new boy definitely leaves him alone now that he knows so many eyes are on him, in and out of the bus.

I would like to add that my son is not a shy wallflower. He is very sociable and outspoken and mingles easily with older children. For a shyer child, a parent may need to be more proactive. But this proactivity should not be just dealing with the bullying incident at hand, but also include encouraging the child to have circles of friends, to identify figures of authorities they trust and feel comfortable with, and also taking measure to bolster confidence like joining a self-defence class. Some children are very shy, and the parents should actively help the child to identify and make friends by getting to know classmates, drawing the children together with activities and snacks, pointing out similarities and suggesting topics for discussion. Do this consistently for a period of time until the kids are comfortable with one another. They don't need to have many friends, just one or two good friends can make a difference. A lone sheep is always more vulnerable and we can't possibly follow them everywhere.

:goodpost: :udawoman:

[Nebbermind]

think it’s very common to see teasing or name calling kinda bullying, especially when the children are younger. Not that I condone it, but I feel it is more important to teach our children how to handle it than to simply stop it. This will go on and on in life, esp if one stand out among the crowd, eg, being obese, or extra tall, dark, fair…even as adult, there’s still that ‘bitchiness’.

[jedamum]

Nebbermind:

think it's very common to see teasing or name calling kinda bullying, especially when the children are younger. Not that I condone it, but I feel it is more important to teach our children how to handle it than to simply stop it. This will go on and on in life, esp if one stand out among the crowd, eg, being obese, or extra tall, dark, fair...even as adult, there's still that 'bitchiness'.

agree.
but same teachings may also reap different results cos kids are different.
ds1 will ignore teasing (then, some people said he is 胆小鬼); ds2 will punch/scold the teaser (then, some people said he righteous and stands up for his friends).
still trying to strike a balance in teaching these 2 fellows. :lightrod:

[sleepy]

jedamum:

ds1 will ignore teasing (then, some people said he is 胆小鬼)

Maybe your ds is truely not affected at all? Then he isn't 胆小鬼 la.

I read a book about making friends (can't recall book title now). One of the chapters talked about differentiating friendly or vicious teasing. If a child is too sensitive, then will easily feel hurt (unnecessarily) even when friends really mean no harm. Child will build walls & withdraw into protective shell & become a loner instead

Depends on the manner of teasing. If vicious one, of course must stand up & resist.

When that boy called dd names, he is teasing her. My dd is not very bothered because she is confident that she isn't fat at all, just not on the skinny side wat.
She said she read that boy's facial expression, he said it in a friendly & joking manner. dd told him to stop saying that anyway. And of course having other friends who rebute that boy when he called dd names helped a lot too. That boy talks a lot to dd everyday, so I gathered they're friends. Although nobody likes to be called names la

[Breadandmuffins]

FOr two days this week, my P3 boy was black-faced and looked very unhappy when I picked him up. I knew someting must have happened so asked him what happened. He said his fellow P3 schoolmate tried to strangle him on his neck. This happened when I read the news about the choking game…I asked if its so bad that he can’t breathe. He said its just painful. He said it happened a few times already and that the boy is just playing a fool…How should I handle this? This happened at the area where the boys are waiting to be picked up…very difficult for the school teachers to spot as quite chaotic…