Stay At Home DAD
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Dora1:
yes i m giving allowance to my parents. i may sound unfilial but i dun intend to give if i have no income. till i manage to find some income or something, then i will give.Do you have to give allowance to your own parents? If so, is your wife willing to pay for the allowance, esp since you mentioned she is not so ok with your idea of a SAHD?
I was a SAHM for abt 2 years when DD was born. I had to cut the allowance to my dad significantly (mum already passed away). My dad is a very thrifty guy so he told me not to worry abt it. I have DH's full support, however, he has to maintain the allowance to my PIL because they both have chronic illness and need long term medication and treatment. My dad is still healthy, but i tot if he were to fall sick, we'll be in serious trouble financially. My bro is not well educated and he is struggling to cope with his own family.
I think for you, the expectation for you to provide for your parents is even greater as a son. And how would your parents feel abt getting allowance fr a DIL? My dad is a very traditional man so he doesn't feel comfy getting $ fr SIL. So many months he even rejected the allowance that I gave him when I wasn't working. He only started to accept when I returned to work.
Of cos I returned work with a lower pay than my peers, but my workload is no diff.
These are the considerations that you need to make.
More importantly, if your wife is not ok, I'll advise you not to do it. It's no use staying at home with the kids but with an unhappy dad
yes, there is also a possibility that my parents will not take mine if i m not working. but i think they prefer me to give and them to reject than I not to give at all.
yes, ur last point is very impt. all parties involved had to be supportive in this role. otherwise i will be unhappy and future problems or resentment issues would arise.
:goodpost: Dora1. -
SBKS:
'like'
.......i think they prefer me to give and them to reject than I not to give at all.
I like the fact that you can see this
Some ppl that i know do not hv this line of thought … tsk… tsk…… -
SBKS:
those SAHD i know some of the DW choose to work and not need to work to support DH/DC/parents...... anyway the job is short/flexi hr, low/no stress and not that high pay, basically to kill time.....KSP:
to me SAHD are those who already achieved financial independent.... i know a few who are in their 30s, 40s and 50s.....
yes, in a way my DW can support us financially provided we tighten everything which to me is still doable. -
CloudeeDaz:
thanks. kena a few times from them liao so learn it the hard way. :sad:
'like'
I like the fact that you can see this
Some ppl that i know do not hv this line of thought … tsk… tsk……KSP:
So you are saying that SAHD not working, their DW work to kill time with low pay job? sorry dont really get what you are saying.those SAHD i know some of the DW choose to work and not need to work to support DH/DC/parents...... anyway the job is short/flexi hr, low/no stress and not that high pay, basically to kill time.....
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SBKS:
sorry for digging up the thread...
No need to be sorry. SAHD's or SAHD wanna-be are a rare group of parents who dare to be different who are considering/willing to give up a life of a normal working dad/husband for the benefit of the family...SBKS:
I have taught a good number of SAHDs whilst teaching Montessori Education when i was still working back then. Apart from learning how to guide their preschool children in school and picking up a tip or two about how to complement a similar teaching style in their own homes, making DIY materials for home use.. they also get to learn more about child development as a whole.but are there more SAHD or WAHD that can comment on the lifestyle he is in right now and are things the same as what you expected before becoming SAHD or WAHD?
trying to explore this option right now?
They engage with other SAHDs and SAHMs to exchange routine details, arrange play dates outside the playgroup and even have drop-off arrangements in case any one of them needs to take a few hours off to settle work stuff (if they are still working on the side).SBKS:
While some men do move up eventually after they settle in nicely at work and surpass the womenfolk in the industry, there are others as well who may not have had similar rewarding experiences to share. Especially now in the dog eat dog world, where it is even more highly competitive with the influx of cheaper options of FTs who can do the same job for lower pay.given the current society, its difficult to change the mindset of man working and woman staying at home.
and also i believed that given a fair comparison where same industry, similar scope of work, same age, the women will still have higher pay than men due to women coming out to work earlier than men who are serving NS.
that is to assume that nothing wrong or bad comes along at work to the 2 on the above example. I am not in that example as my career took ahit. Instead of 2yrs experience, my wife gt 4.5yrs more experience than me. so as mentioned in prev posts, i should be the one staying at home to be practical.
When one has fully decided on being the stay home parent, forget about those looks.. forget about the snickering tsk tsk tsks behind your back.. and the potential lost of opportunities you may have had if you stuck your gut in the industry.. because the relationship will slowly suffer and the children will become the brunt of unhappiness when they are the innocent parties. While no one can boast they had a breeze easing into the stay-home position, it is possible to maintain harmony if both parties maintain their end of the bargain and try not to harbour negative thoughts about each other/each other's roles.
Both the working spouse and the staying home one has equal responsibilities for the family in their own way. Always.SBKS:
Yes it is true.So for wat I foresee for me becoming a SAHD, I think I might get bored soon doing all these stuff over and over again. Any SAHD can help to determine if its true?
Especially the initial years. Even for the women.
Which is why many SAHDs try to engage in some work be they part time or freelance or just something from home. The hours the children spend in primary school is longer than preschool so it is good to build up a good base of the kind of work that you are good in or are interested in working on. Research on this initiative should begin early so can work out the Math from what is available in the bank to start things up and running (this can happen before the official stay home period too).SBKS:
Just throwing some norms other SAHPs chat about..any other things that I need to prep myself if i were to be SAHD?
1. Reserves.
(Preferably at least 3yrs to 5yrs worth if available) For unforseen circumstances. Housing. Bills. Reserves that can sustain the household management even if you don't work for the next few years.
Bills like handphone bills and cash-out for housing (if any) plus other installments that can be paid forward prior to the stay home stint can work towards less/no worries on the SAHD who is planning not to resume work as yet or for one who has some new initiatives in the pipeline.
2. Delegation of chores.
Even if the wifey is the only one who works she still should help out around the hours just like if the situation were reverse. Some SAHDs i know select the chores they know they can do well in first and bao everything all at once. Some of them love cooking but detest laundry let's say... they work on an agreement with their spouse on these details.
3. Maintenance.
Discuss if this will be a contribution on the wifey's end and the amount. While some SAHDs have spouses who can easily maintain the household finances without the men chipping in, there are other couples who don't have this luxury. So especially if the wife earns just enough then there is a need to sit down to list the cuts to be made from some corners of the usual monthly bills. It is possible to live simply and happily. We are living examples. 6 of us on one person's income and not talking 5 figure or median.
4. Time
Don't revolve your entire waking up hours around the children.
5. Appreciation
Appreciate one another. (husband and wife) For the little things each of you do. Be there for one another in times of need and solace. You are the support pillars of each other. Be in love (always) and this love will transcend to a happy household with happy little children as well.
6. Flexibility
Be flexible in your routine. Be flexible in managing the accounting. As long as there's enough to spread out wherever is most important, pat yourselves on the back for a successful partnership.
7. Be happy
Be happy and comfortable with whatever decisions made. Don't look back in regret and meddle the millions what-ifs.... -
Reserves are very important for any stay home parent, especially in case of medical emergencies.
And try to stay groomed. I have seen 2 WAHD turning unshaven and unkempt. Both have no maids and have a bit of help from grandparents. One has writing projects to do at night, the other does trading. It happens to stay home mums too. But even if the only place you are going to is the playground, or the only outsider you will see is the postman, you will feel better if your hair is combed and your T-shirt looks fresh. -
buds:
:thankyou:
No need to be sorry. SAHD's or SAHD wanna-be are a rare group of parents who dare to be different who are considering/willing to give up a life of a normal working dad/husband for the benefit of the family...buds:
yes, i do aim to try to be a friend to my DDs rather than a discipline master. the 2nd part is interesting. helping each other out. NICE!I have taught a good number of SAHDs whilst teaching Montessori Education when i was still working back then. Apart from learning how to guide their preschool children in school and picking up a tip or two about how to complement a similar teaching style in their own homes, making DIY materials for home use.. they also get to learn more about child development as a whole.
They engage with other SAHDs and SAHMs to exchange routine details, arrange play dates outside the playgroup and even have drop-off arrangements in case any one of them needs to take a few hours off to settle work stuff (if they are still working on the side).buds:
yes, stay home ones is also considered as working at home for 8hrs too. some more most of the time OMO. office still gt colleagues to help and stuff.While some men do move up eventually after they settle in nicely at work and surpass the womenfolk in the industry, there are others as well who may not have had similar rewarding experiences to share. Especially now in the dog eat dog world, where it is even more highly competitive with the influx of cheaper options of FTs who can do the same job for lower pay.
When one has fully decided on being the stay home parent, forget about those looks.. forget about the snickering tsk tsk tsks behind your back.. and the potential lost of opportunities you may have had if you stuck your gut in the industry.. because the relationship will slowly suffer and the children will become the brunt of unhappiness when they are the innocent parties. While no one can boast they had a breeze easing into the stay-home position, it is possible to maintain harmony if both parties maintain their end of the bargain and try not to harbour negative thoughts about each other/each other's roles.
Both the working spouse and the staying home one has equal responsibilities for the family in their own way. Always.
EDIT: forgot to mention, my industry not the same as DW and its the industry that has the most FTs...to my knowledge. thus my pay is not that fast climbing...buds:
i was just thinking only be SAHD for these few years and once they are in primary, i hope i can go back to work then. but now their logistics and after school care is not even settled for primary. sigh.Yes it is true.
Especially the initial years. Even for the women.
Which is why many SAHDs try to engage in some work be they part time or freelance or just something from home. The hours the children spend in primary school is longer than preschool so it is good to build up a good base of the kind of work that you are good in or are interested in working on. Research on this initiative should begin early so can work out the Math from what is available in the bank to start things up and running (this can happen before the official stay home period too).buds:
thanks buds for the very good pointers.Just throwing some norms other SAHPs chat about..
1. Reserves.
(Preferably at least 3yrs to 5yrs worth if available) For unforseen circumstances. Housing. Bills. Reserves that can sustain the household management even if you don't work for the next few years.
Bills like handphone bills and cash-out for housing (if any) plus other installments that can be paid forward prior to the stay home stint can work towards less/no worries on the SAHD who is planning not to resume work as yet or for one who has some new initiatives in the pipeline.
2. Delegation of chores.
Even if the wifey is the only one who works she still should help out around the hours just like if the situation were reverse. Some SAHDs i know select the chores they know they can do well in first and bao everything all at once. Some of them love cooking but detest laundry let's say... they work on an agreement with their spouse on these details.
3. Maintenance.
Discuss if this will be a contribution on the wifey's end and the amount. While some SAHDs have spouses who can easily maintain the household finances without the men chipping in, there are other couples who don't have this luxury. So especially if the wife earns just enough then there is a need to sit down to list the cuts to be made from some corners of the usual monthly bills. It is possible to live simply and happily. We are living examples. 6 of us on one person's income and not talking 5 figure or median.
4. Time
Don't revolve your entire waking up hours around the children.
5. Appreciation
Appreciate one another. (husband and wife) For the little things each of you do. Be there for one another in times of need and solace. You are the support pillars of each other. Be in love (always) and this love will transcend to a happy household with happy little children as well.
6. Flexibility
Be flexible in your routine. Be flexible in managing the accounting. As long as there's enough to spread out wherever is most important, pat yourselves on the back for a successful partnership.
7. Be happy
Be happy and comfortable with whatever decisions made. Don't look back in regret and meddle the millions what-ifs....
I will consider these impt points with DW.
do keep the pointers flowing in....i really need to cover all aspects. wat to do? I am kiasu...
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You mentioned that your industry has the highest FTs. Have you considered the possibility that you can’t go back to your industry once you are out for a few years since there are FTs around that can easily fill your shoes? If you are mentally prepared to switch line and start fr scratch when u go back to work, then it’s fine.
For me, I enjoyed my time as a SAHM mum very much. However, when my hubby nearly lost his job, we realized that it is extremely risky to survive on single income in SG, unless the working spouse has a super stable job like a teacher.
It’s diff fr our parent’s time where my dad worked for the same co for 30 years and retrenchment is unheard of.
So this is stg that you need to consider. How vulnerable is your DW’s job in SG?
Also, I’ll suggest that you take up some part time work so that your résumé looks better.
I was teaching part time in poly, just a few hours a week. That is a fall back plan that you can consider. -
Sorry to digress but are there still part time teaching positions in the polys? I went to their website but nothing was mentioned
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Imp75:
Sorry to digress but are there still part time teaching positions in the polys? I went to their website but nothing was mentioned
I've taught part time in republic poly and ngee Ann poly. Republic poly was via their Internet application. Their part timers are called academic associates.
For ngee Ann, it was intro by a friend who was a lecturer there. Fr what I know NP only takes adjunct lecturers via internal intro. I know SP can still apply via Internet where they will keep your resume on standby and call you when they need you.
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