All About Autism

[ImMeeMee]

Double E:

Mummies


I have been reviewing my expectations of my boy last night and I wonder if my expectations of him are realistic.

He is 3.5 years old, 5 more months to 4 years old. I have started to expose him to writing. For now he can write about 70% of the alphabets in capital letters, the ones that he has issues with are G, M, N, Q, R, X and Y. As for small letters, he can only write a, b, c, e, f. I was practicing with him last night and he just can't get 'd' right. And I turned into a monster, shouting at him to focus and concentrate. I was angry because he could get it right the previous time.

I felt really bad after that, cos he was sobbing but don't dare to cry out loud. And I think, the more I shout at him, the worse he gets. But at that moment, I just can't help it. My emotions took over me and I became a tiger mum.

I think in my heart, I still want him to function like a NT kid though I know he is on the spectrum.

Double E, my daughter is 5 yo and I am also coaching her on tracing the alphabet. The process is :stupid: and :frustrated:

There are times when I also lost control and raised my voice. Same as you, emotions took over and I couldnt help it. I fall into the same trap of expecting her to know after a few successful trials, like all other NT kids, and that is the mistake. Somehow I still havent had it sunk in that its on their terms, not ours.

But while they fluctuate day to day, I look at her now vs couple of months ago, and I must say she has progressed. So its worth the blood sweat and tears cos they do move along.

And when I get really frustrated, I try to take a step back, and on certain days, I stop pushing and do other things with her like casual reading and playing toys ... but still with some hidden learning objectives embedded in the activities (see, die hard cannot let go ... :razz: )

I am still learning how to control my temper. When she frustrates me, I try to draw on my previous lessons and not repeat the same mistakes. I am getting better now but there are times still need more practice.

[ImMeeMee]

chibi:

hey ImMeeMee,

you are welcome
I guess what we do , is to make best use of our kids skills .

let me share with you someting quite trivial.
My daugher, tho she is in P1 now, she still refuses to take the lift up our void deck . :yikes:
luckily we only stay on the 4th floor.
Reason is: she is sensitive to strong smells. my neighbour near to the lift on our floor had their door painted last yr and my gal told me that , just walking past it can make her faint.
despite us telling her many times, the smell that make her faint would have been gone by now, she is still very persistent about not taking the lift.
so if we go out with her, we usually walk the stairs ( both up and down) as the staircase is actually just nxt to our unit.
but 2 weeks ago, my mother brought her out and my daughter actually came up on her own and started knocking the door n saying,\" mummy, i am home!!! plse open the door for me. \"
then i asked her , oh how come you are alone? where is grandma? you mean u walked up alone?\"
she told me \" Yes, because ahma bought alot of food from NTUC, and she has no strength to walk up the stairs with me carrying the food. so i asked her to take the lift and i walk up myself since i know my way around\"
:oops:

i just suddenly feel that at that point of time when she told me, my girl has grown up!!!
though she is still very afraid and reluctant to take the lift up, but at least another way round, she knows that she can walk up the stairs herself back home . haha :rahrah:

actually, chibi, I am impressed with how your daughter is progressing and what she can do at P1 as a special needs child. If I'm not wrong, she was the one to say 'sorry' after not wanting to put on uniform? (sorry if I get kids mixed up here). Looking at her level of communication and her logic in the lift episode, she is really doing well.

Cheers! and you must have been very proud ... :rahrah:

[chibi]

Hi ImMeeMee,

haha, yes she is the one that say sorry to me for not putting on the uniform.
she has been saying sorry when she knows she is wrong, and also, thank you very often .she even thank me when she see me scooping soup for her, she wil goes\" thank you for helping me scoop the soup, i appreciate it alot! \"
then if i wait for her outside the toilet when she is making big business\" she also goes\" thank you for waiting for me while i am shitting. \" :sick: :sick: :sick:

i did ask her, who taught you all these? she told me\" my teachers in school say all of us need to be polite,and even say this to me\" mummy, i realize you don't say thank you very often , please remember to do that and be a good girl ok?!!\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
i don't know to laugh or to cry.

[ImMeeMee]

chibi:

Hi ImMeeMee,

haha, yes she is the one that say sorry to me for not putting on the uniform.
she has been saying sorry when she knows she is wrong, and also, thank you very often .she even thank me when she see me scooping soup for her, she wil goes\" thank you for helping me scoop the soup, i appreciate it alot! \"
then if i wait for her outside the toilet when she is making big business\" she also goes\" thank you for waiting for me while i am shitting. \" :sick: :sick: :sick:

i did ask her, who taught you all these? she told me\" my teachers in school say all of us need to be polite,and even say this to me\" mummy, i realize you don't say thank you very often , please remember to do that and be a good girl ok?!!\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
i don't know to laugh or to cry.

hahaha, so sweet.

[Blokus]

Double E


If it’s any consolation, I think most moms go through it, whether their children are NT or not. Perhaps not in the same context as you, but most moms would surely be able to identify with you. So take heart.

As for if your expectation is too high, I guess only you know he’s abilities & limitation. The key is to gingerly push him if it’s within his ability but back off if it’s beyond him & try again when he’s ready. I think he’s right on target for a 3+ year old except that most would start writing small alphabets (coz we see/use small letters more often) than capital. My son only wrote at 4, I think a mother of an NT kid also shared with me, her son also only started writing at 4.

[Blokus]

Chibi


Wah, impress with your daughter! Yes, you must be very proud of her.

[chibi]

thnks Blokus

I am proud of her .
But there are also ups and down days .
i have to keep reminding myself too, since we have come so far, nothing can stop us

[Blokus]

Mums


My son’s autism test is next week. But after 2 social skills sessions at wee care, the therapist thinks if we can work on his social communication then maybe we can try to aim for language disorder rather than autism. So, it was suggested that I postpone the test while we give him some time to work on social skills. However, I found out that the wait list for the test is very long. So if I postpone it, it may drag till like next March or so. My hub thinks that’s fine. But I feel like so sayang. Yet, I don’t need any diagnosis now since we are still going to mainstream and so far he seems to be independent enough at school.

So how? It looks like I’ve to wait another 6 more months to know. What would you do if you were me?

[mashy]

chibi:

Hi ImMeeMee,

haha, yes she is the one that say sorry to me for not putting on the uniform.
she has been saying sorry when she knows she is wrong, and also, thank you very often .she even thank me when she see me scooping soup for her, she wil goes\" thank you for helping me scoop the soup, i appreciate it alot! \"
then if i wait for her outside the toilet when she is making big business\" she also goes\" thank you for waiting for me while i am shitting. \" :sick: :sick: :sick:

i did ask her, who taught you all these? she told me\" my teachers in school say all of us need to be polite,and even say this to me\" mummy, i realize you don't say thank you very often , please remember to do that and be a good girl ok?!!\" :stupid: :stupid: :stupid:
i don't know to laugh or to cry.

Lol. She's such a sweet gal!

[Double E]

Mummies

Thanks for all your encouragement. I will continue to try and maybe alternate the writing with some other stuff like jigsaw puzzle or ipad games so that it is not so dull for him. Yesterday, he sat at the table from 8.45pm till 11pm to practice his writing. So I think I should at least give kudos for him to be able to sit through the session without trying to run away. He was so tired after the session that he fell asleep within 20mins when it usually takes him 45mins to fall asleep on his bed.

I think I am pushing him so hard because I know that social wise and speech wise, he will never be as good as the NT kids but I hope he can at least catch up with them academically so that he will feel less inferior.

And yes, compared with say 3 mths ago, he has progressed in his motor skills and writing. He is also better in recognising phonics sounds too. I was playing scrabble with him last week and he can spell quite a number of words correctly after I read out the words to him.

Guess I just need to manage my expectations and learn when to take a break.

Oh, and one more thing to ask you mummies. My boy is slow when doing his task. He can do it but just slow. Do your kids have this problem? How do you help them to overcome it? just keep practicing?


chibi
Your daughter is really progressing very well. Couldn’t believe she has special needs. Her speech and thinking skills are good.

Blokus
If you are determined to enroll your boy to mainstream primary school, then think you can still postpone the diagnosis to next Mar. Let him go thru the intervention first, give him sometime.