All About Autism

[ImMeeMee]

Mdm Koh:

I have recently started teaching a special needs student. Sadly, I discovered that he is capable, but the people around him are holding him back. It has been a very frustrating experience. :frustrated: In fact, the student is similar to all my other students, albeit he has some learning difficulties. He is disciplined, he does his homework and he starts and ends the lesson on time. He's no different from other kids in that sense.


It's the people around him, however, who request to be treated differently and want to have special privileges... such as switching lesson slots as and when for no good reason, reducing the number of tutoring hours even though it was already agreed upon, telling me to refrain from saying too much so that the child doesn't irritate them with questions about what I say.... It appears to me that the child is not asking for special treatment, but the people around him are.

And it's really sad, I feel. The student is not doing well in his studies.... but the people around him aren't helping and are instead more concerned about getting their own needs met.

Mdm Koh

Thanks for your sharing coming from the perspective of a teaching professional handling special needs children. As parents to special needs children we also need to remind ourselves to keep our feet grounded to make sure that we do not take advantage of any privileges where there are.

To add on, maybe open communication is something to work on between parents and professionals helping the special needs child. I strive to maintain open communications with my ASD doter's teachers by giving them feedback on what happens at home, and asking them periodically on what happens in school. And I would love it for the teaching professionals to be equally open about how my child is doing.

Maybe you want to talk to the parents and hear their side of the story? Things may not be as apparent, and its good to hear their views and see how to come to common ground for the benefit of the child.

My two cents worth.

[Mdm Koh]

Hi slmkhoo,


Thanks for sharing. To a large extent, after cooling down, I understand how the parent feels. I was also told that she was having a toothache... so the pain from her toothache was made worse when her child asked her repetitive questions.

Still, that doesn't explain the actions of the senior tutor? It's only been two weeks and he has already made several changes to the schedule. He also forbade me from communicating directly with the parent, which resulted in misunderstandings. For example, he had told the student about a pending change in the timetable. The student asked me if it was true, so I replied in the affirmative. However, when the parent complained angrily about why the change was revealed to the student, the senior tutor blamed it on me and sent me a long email telling me how \"shocked\" he was that I had spoken with the student about the timetable change, even though - and he later admitted this via text message - he was the one who had told the student first. It seems like double standards. If the parent did not want the student to know about it, perhaps nothing should've been revealed in the first place?

I am uncomfortable with such an arrangement where there is a \"middle man\" co-ordinating all the tutors, as I don't want my words to be misrepresented. Mis-communication can lead to unpleasant situations. As a private tutor, I would like to communicate directly with the parent. After all, she is mostly at home during the tuition hours.

And that's just one example... There are other issues as well... I can understand why stressed-out parents may prefer to leave co-ordinating of homeschooling to one tutor, but a lot then depends on whether this co-ordinator can do a good job...

The student, thankfully for him, seems to be oblivious to all this unhappiness going on around him. But I am sure it affects him to some extent... I don't claim to be an especially caring tutor. But I feel that the whole point of home tuition is so that we can have a more conducive environment that is more child-centered. There's no point complicating matters by having an internal micro-manager in the form of another tutor. I have taught tuition to so many students and this is the first time that I've encountered issues with a \"tutor manager\".

[sharonkhoo]

Mdm Koh:

I am uncomfortable with such an arrangement where there is a \"middle man\" co-ordinating all the tutors, as I don't want my words to be misrepresented. Mis-communication can lead to unpleasant situations. As a private tutor, I would like to communicate directly with the parent. After all, she is mostly at home during the tuition hours.

I have never heard of such an arrangement before! So the child doesn't go to a school? Looks like the issue is more with the \"tutor manager\" than the parents? If you are really unhappy with the situation, I guess you should speak to the manager and parents to change the arrangement, or as the last resort, quit. I suppose the parent feels that she is not able to manage or is too busy to manage the various tutors? As a parent, I would definitely want to have direct contact with the people teaching my child and not go through a middleman.

[Double E]

Same here. I would also like to hv direct access toy kids’ teachers.

So when u are tutoring her kid, she doesn’t talk to u at all to get feedback even if she is at home? That’s weird.

[Mdm Koh]

Yup, I was told not to say a word about the child to the parent. She doesn't talk to me, except to say hello. Also, if the child persistently asks me questions, such as about why there was going to be a change in schedule, I was told to ignore him. I feel that this policing of what to say, and what not to say, by the parent and senior tutor, is too controlling. I had no idea that I couldn't even answer questions related to tuition. :? I think that it stifles the tutor, and it is not helping the child, who is by nature a curious person.


I sympathise with the parent who had to answer her kid's questions while nursing a toothache, but that's not a good reason to get the senior tutor to send me a negative accusatory email.

The unpleasant email and subsequent text messages were surprising also because the senior tutor said that the child seems to get along well with me and enjoys my lessons. I guess they did not try to be nicer, because they believe that tutors are easy to come by?

Anyway, I have given up the assignment. As the senior tutor has told me that he's also experienced in my field, he can take over my subject for the time being until they find another tutor.

Peace.

[Double E]

Is the child from a well-to-do family? Cos I would think is more expensive to get a ‘middleman’ right? cos I am sure this middleman will need to earn commission from all this coordination.

[sharonkhoo]

Mdm Koh:

Anyway, I have given up the assignment. As the senior tutor has told me that he's also experienced in my field, he can take over my subject for the time being until they find another tutor.


Peace.

I guess it's for the best. It sounds like a very strange arrangement. If the senior tutor teaches the child and talks to the parent, that may be better.

[Mdm Koh]

Double E:

Is the child from a well-to-do family? Cos I would think is more expensive to get a 'middleman' right? cos I am sure this middleman will need to earn commission from all this coordination.

Yup the student appears to be from a well-to-do family. The commission part didn't occur to me at first, as I was not told that the senior tutor was employed as a \"middle man\". He gave me the impression that he was only hired as a tutor and was doing extra work for the parent out of goodwill.

It was only after the latest incident - when I questioned his rude email - that he told me that I was working for his company (so I had better listen to him), and that the parent was his client. If he was earning a commission, I was not told about it.

Whatever it is, to each his own. Nothing wrong with his biz. I guess in this industry, which is unregulated, there are many ways to go about it. I just feel that whatever is done should ultimately be in the child's interests.

[Double E]

Apparently April is Autism Awareness Month.

There’s an event on Sat at Ion to commemorate the awareness mth

[Mdm Koh]

slmkhoo:

Mdm Koh:

Anyway, I have given up the assignment. As the senior tutor has told me that he's also experienced in my field, he can take over my subject for the time being until they find another tutor.


Peace.

I guess it's for the best. It sounds like a very strange arrangement. If the senior tutor teaches the child and talks to the parent, that may be better.

Yes, think so too... Thanks.