All About Autism

[Double E]

DesertWind:

Double E:

Happy Monday everyone.


Just a quick question. If you are offered a new job with a 20% increment but you will need to travel out of Singapore frequently, work late nights and sometimes weekends, will you take up the job given that you have a special needs kid to coach and take care? How prepared are u to sacrifice the time? With the 20% increment, you can probably save more money to send your son to more therapies.

Hello Double E and all mummies here!

A long time no \"see\", now that I am on leave I have time to go through all the postings in the month of May and am really tempted to reply to some of them so here goes!

My answer to your question? A very definite NO. For the amount of flexibility you have and especially you are already a FTWM (which means whatever time left is really precious for you to spend time with your kids!).

Also forgive me for saying this but to be able to afford SGD2,500 of educational and therapies a month between you and hubby, I would say you do not need the additional 20% pay increment at the expense of all the flexibility that you now have.

Yes, 7 years is a long time and granted work would be a bit jaded. But it also means you can perform your job with (possibly) one-eye closed .
Finished work and then zoom home!

Why I say this? Because I am in the same boat as you. Already worked for 6+ years in my current job. Currently I would say I have work-life balance ie. no need OT and no need to travel. At this stage, the ambition and the \"itch\" is biting. I too found myself thinking if there is a better offer to come along, I would jump ship! But it is also a real possibility that I might not be able to fit so well into another organisation anymore and after a short while may have to quit.

Which would be even worst because then becomes zero-pay! :sick: :moneyflies:

My boy going P1 next year and his needs is taking up a lot of our time as it is already. Cannot afford to pursue career, not even higher pay to \"fund\" more therapies.

I have already told my peers work-life balance is very important to me since I have two pre-schoolers. I may have to speak to my bosses very soon about job and pay expectations. My struggle is how to tell them without giving them the wrong impression that I am going to \"backslide\" in my work....

All the best!
:celebrate:

Desertwind
Welcome back. Where have u been? lol.
Anyway, I wasn't offered the job as I showed my 'worried face' during the final round of the interview. I believed I would have clinched it if I didn't cast doubt on the working hours and traveling. So yes, I am still at my current job but I have not stopped searching. While I agree with you that the flexibility fits well into my demands at home, I still want to feel rejuvenated and happy at work because I am not happy with where I am now. But I have to find one that doesn't require traveling and work late nites too frequently. I will put my faith in God to open the right door for me :). However, my wish is to work part-time eventually when my boy enters P1 so that I can spend time to coach him. But like you say, so many bills to pay, education, therapy, parents' allowance and daily necessities, I am not sure if I will get what I wish for.

Regarding sending our kids to Pathlight, after reading the recent posts about how ASD kids are being neglected and stressed out at mainstream, I am beginning to be doubtful of my initial decision to send my son to mainstream. I think I really have to consider the Pathlight option as it does seems to provide a better learning environment for our kids. I suppose if they can do well in Pathlight and gain enough confidence, they will still have the chance to transfer to mainstream but it will also mean they will have to adapt to the environment all over again.

Hiaz, such a tough choice.

Anyway, something happy. My boy has started to ask lots of questions lately. All the why, what, where, who questions. Asking me whole day till I find it a bit too 'irritating'. Haha! when he didn't ask questions, I was worried and now, I find it too much.

[buds]

buds:

Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.


More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.

When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.

When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.

The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.

If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"

Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.

Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).

Have a blessed week ahead.

Dino-Craze:

Hi Buds,

Thanks so much for sharing.

Your posts reminded me that we all have our own set of problems and i believe sometimes, i am so tired (after work and silly office politics) that i could not contain but shout and spanked my boy on the bottom if he behaves badly.

Daddy usually gives in to everything he wants and when i tried to explain \"No, because...\" son will run away ahead of us and show signs of anger, folding arms, etc. When this happens and if in the night after a day's work, i will be very crossed.

Above scenario just happened last night at a parsar malam near our place - my son wanted to eat hotdog (but he claimed he couldn't finish dinner as he was too full !) and i refused to buy him one (he has been eating one consecutively over the weekends) explaining it is not healthy food and if he cannot finish dinner, he can't possibly be wanting a hotdog.

He threw tantrums and ran off leaving us to chase after him (as there is a road ahead)... sigh. I couldn't contain my anger and flare up when i caught up...

I think your method of a hug and telling him \"I Love You\" is a good idea as after i cool down, partial reason for me being so angry was because i was worried he ran too fast onto to road... and i am worried because i love him. But at that point, i just burst... felt like a lousy mummy afterwards... :sad:

It happens babe.. it happens to all of us.. whether we have special needs children or normal children.. it happens to us all. :hugs: It could also be those \"one of those days....\" where anything can spark something huge.. could've been something else or someone else that got to us.. but guess some days it was unfortunate that it had to be him. :hugs:

I like these quotes that i chanced upon a couple of days ago.. will share it here..


http://i39.tinypic.com/2zylhcx.png\">


http://i42.tinypic.com/5dkk7b.png\">


Hang in there, Dino-Craze.. :hugs: We know it is really because we care and love our children so much that we are afraid.. that we are forever worried.. that we are always thinking about even though the challenges keep coming at us..

Here's your days ahead will be better...

[belachanbabe]

Heads up! PL will be making their first round of screening on 24-25th June for the 2014 intake.


Got a session for xiao bao on 25th which fell in the middle of our overseas holiday plans. Called the school and they said further assessments will depend on the success/take up rate of this round so they were unable to determine when the next one will be. Needless to say, holiday out the window!

Now my question is what do they do during these assessments? They throw them in a classroom and observe behaviour? Can we or should be prepare him? Am wondering if parents are present during the screening, my boy tend to be very sticky if we are around. He didn't score well during the psychologist testing resulting in a low IQ score which bias me felt was totally unjust. :mad:

Though we've been though plenty of assessments in the past, can't help being nervous each and every time :faint:

[KK6]

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[ImMeeMee]

belachanbabe:

Heads up! PL will be making their first round of screening on 24-25th June for the 2014 intake.


Got a session for xiao bao on 25th which fell in the middle of our overseas holiday plans. Called the school and they said further assessments will depend on the success/take up rate of this round so they were unable to determine when the next one will be. Needless to say, holiday out the window!

Now my question is what do they do during these assessments? They throw them in a classroom and observe behaviour? Can we or should be prepare him? Am wondering if parents are present during the screening, my boy tend to be very sticky if we are around. He didn't score well during the psychologist testing resulting in a low IQ score which bias me felt was totally unjust. :mad:

Though we've been though plenty of assessments in the past, can't help being nervous each and every time :faint:

my doter is going for this round of screening. I am told that there are 3 components to the screening - reading, doing worksheet, and playing group games. I suppose school's objective is to assess the cognitive and social skills of the child. Try playing board games like snake and ladder.

Hope this helps.

[ImMeeMee]

Double E:

Regarding sending our kids to Pathlight, after reading the recent posts about how ASD kids are being neglected and stressed out at mainstream, I am beginning to be doubtful of my initial decision to send my son to mainstream. I think I really have to consider the Pathlight option as it does seems to provide a better learning environment for our kids. I suppose if they can do well in Pathlight and gain enough confidence, they will still have the chance to transfer to mainstream but it will also mean they will have to adapt to the environment all over again.

Hiaz, such a tough choice.

Double E, I am also hopeful that my doter can blend into mainstream one day. While there will be some adapting to do, I believe that as they grow and mature, their learning curve will not be as steep.

So take heart!

[2ppaamm]

If we were more fortunate with schools, I should still be ferrying him around between therapies, special needs school and classes to ensure he picked up the essential skills to survive this world. Like most mums with special needs children, I was less worried about his academic success, more worried about his ability to keep friends and a job. I wanted him to have a future like every normal child.


I did what the experts told me to: brought him for Occupational Therapies, Behavioral Therapies, Sound Therapies, School-ready classes and counseling sessions, once or twice a week each. During intensive periods, everyday. These were expensive, there was no subsidy from anyone, and we were always rushing from session to session without much thought.

One day, I decided to just drop everything and stop. After more than two years of therapies, my special needs son had not improved but regressed and nobody could reach out to his heart or mind to understand him. He would cave into his own world and none of us knew his thoughts.

Even the therapists were giving up. Nothing (except one sound therapy) was working, and he was on the verge of depression from trying so hard to please people, meet their expectations, yet failing all the time.

It was amazing how autism and the rituals of a family with an autistic child could rob me of my son. For the last few years, I had spent time screaming at him whenever his teachers complained about him: his shoes hitting the ceiling fan (endangering other children) when he swung his legs, him sleeping during assemblies, and him complaining that music classes were useless since most of his classmates had music lessons at home.

Instead of picking on his inadequacies and inabilities, I decided to focus on his strengths. Since everything had failed to make him behave the way they wanted him to, the schools decided not to tolerate his unending questions and explorations, they wanted him out. I decided to take him out of the agony he was in, and filled his life with his own passion: books and more books, programming and math.

I had forgotten to enjoy him as a child: his love for reading and telling me his studies of psychology, the wonders of the consternation, his version of evolution and business management styles. I did not have time for his weird programming style and simple mathematical methods.

I was busy, and forgot he told me (intuitively) how the rain was formed and the water cycle when he was just one year old, and I forgot that he read at three through reading Captain Underpants. Most importantly, I forgot he is a child like others, with gifts and talents. Instead, I treated him like an object with imperfections I needed to deal with.

Instead of begging for support, I dropped all therapies and worked with educators who wanted to work with him to bring out the best in him.

Even after two years off therapies, I still wonder if I had done right with respect to his social growth. He was in his High School VP office yesterday, and as he discussed next semester’s university and high school plans with the VP, I marveled at his confidence: he could make himself clear respectfully. He knew his limits with his work load and asked for appropriate support. Maybe it is normal for other 13-year-olds, but for mine, it is a miracle.

I realized that since we got into his world and allowed his gifts to prosper, his confidence grew and he was more willing to get into ours. So he decided to learn the social rules instead of challenging them. I also methodically taught him how to bring his different points of views up in appropriate ways, instead of telling him his thoughts were all wrong.

I am still unsure which psychologist is right, whether my son is autistic or not, but does it matter? I would have brought him up exactly the same way. Through the years, I have come to understand that learning disabilities are real and they do impair children, but more tragic than learning disabilities is the loss of the children’s passion and childhood.
Complementing Special Needs School And Therapies

I am sure the folks at the Special Needs school are well-meaning, and they have probably put up the best programs for our special needs children. I am also sure these programs are effective as well.

Yet as parents, we should do more than just sending our autistic children to therapies. We should do something even more important that only we can do: to look into our children’s other needs and passion, then help them find themselves. We should not believe when any expert or educator claim that they know our children’s learning styles and passion better than us.

And, no matter how deficient we think our children are, high functioning or low functioning, we should never, ever believe that they have no unique gift. It is our job to look deeper.

The journey is tiresome, and our job as a parent is the same no matter what kind of kid we are given: we are to bring the best out of them.

[Nebbermind]

:thankyou: for sharing, 2ppaamm! :udawoman:

[2ppaamm]

Nebbermind:

:thankyou: for sharing, 2ppaamm! :udawoman:

Wah, paiseh... Thanks and most welcomed!

[One Voice]

ASD Mother's support Group at OTDC


We have a mother's support group for moms with children with Autism and SN that meets every 1st and 3rd Tue of the month during lunchtime. Call 62525200 for details.
SOCIAL THiNKING And SKILLS June Holiday Program for children with ASD & SN

We also have many request from parents to organise a social skills group this june holiday - last week 26-29 June , 3 days, 2 hours, $290 early bird registration before 12 June.

10am-12pm session - Preschoolers
2-4pm - Lower Primary Children

Therapist : Jocelyn Sulit, OTRP and ABA Behavioural Therapist
Trained in Hong Kong in Social Thinking, Brain Gym, Integrated Play Group. etc

To register, contact [email protected], tel 62525200
179A Thomson Road, Goldhill Center (Novena MRT)
http://www.olive-tree.sg