All About Autism
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Am glad that parents still use the cane these days. Not that I condone violence but I really thought I was the only ‘dinosaur’ in this world of new-fangled no beating/smacking/caning kind of parenting.
Though I sometimes piak piak them on the legs if they misbehave badly, they will usually comply within 5 seconds of brandishing the cane. (Hooray for Pavlovian conditioning). Although using this method is darn fast and effective, am also weary of using it too often lest it will a case of boy who cried wolf.
OT is probably effectivelyfor younger kids below 4yrs, my kids have stopped OT entirely but still have ST. Believe the activities they do on a daily basis already tunes their gross and fine motor skills. Can also kill two birds with one stone in picking up basic skills such as pouring their own drink from a jug, button their shirts and wear socks on their own. It helps that we have no maid so they are forced to be independent :boogie: -
Talking about OT.
It was actually quite hilarious when I think about about the times when we went for OT at KKH as well! Again, that time my boy was about 4 yo and offered 6 rounds of OT. Out of which we only managed to attend 4 sessions, the other two being we were unable to get DS out of the house.
Clueless us went for our first OT session and our jaws literally dropped when one of the activities was to make my boy play dolls. We sighed with relief when my boy stuffed a milk bottle into the doll’s mouth and put her into bed! (ke…ke…ke…!) Next, play birthday celebration. Again my boy knew what to do, stuff the toy candles in and blow out the candles, his favourite activity (phew!). Next, swing on the swing and jump into the ball pit (easy).
"Now I need him to transit to another activity", the OT said. Some kids have difficulty in transiting from one activity to another you see? OIC. Clueless me was trembling with fear that he would not "transit" and was really wondering what the OT would do. The OT whipped out a coin, wave it in front of my boy and when my boy’s attention was on the coin, literally lead him out like hypnotized into another room! Bingo! I got it!
So the next time my boy was caught in something and he would not go on to another task or place, I wave whatever I have on hand - banana, chocolates, toys, keys, get his attention and then lead him on! Wah…ha…ha…!
Anyway, after four rounds of OT whereby my boy actually managed to do quite a number of task, the OT gave us a very good report so no more OT from hence-forth.
However, I must say that my boy’s private early intervention centre which he attended from 2.5 yo to 4 yo helped him a lot. During this time they trained his fine motor skills, do threading, use scissors to cut paper, squeeze bubble wrappers, learn ABC, have fun and play, school routine, etc…etc… All these are daily OT activities. After we ascertained that his fine motor skills are OK, we don’t make him do such things anymore. -
Violence? Rough? Cry wolf? Aw come on. America has laws guarding against child abuse. Not here. Here, even our courts ordain it. LoL. Our Old Man wrote candidly his headmaster gave him his 3 best strokes and it didn’t do him any harm. So he endorses corporal punishment.
No, it is not the same as violence lah. In our case, it is called child training. To teach with reason and logic. Not pure bashing.
I suspect you ladies are more gentle. When the ST gave us a homework to practice the M sound, his mom tried and got nothing. I tried and the next week, the ST was glowing with praises on how he mastered the M sound. LoL. -
tyeogh:
So I cant help but wonder whether one can take it a notch higher to see if \"discipline can make a child do something he is not capable of\". Do such boundaries even exist?
Yes, they do, in my experience. My daughter has certain traits that even with our coaching and discipline, we have not been able to correct fully, and I don't believe that it's because she isn't trying or wanting to, but she just can't. For eg, she has a problem with eye contact, and she (since she's older and able to) has explained to me that when she makes eye contact, she can't focus on our words. So we have a choice to make her have eye contact or to listen to our speech. In the end, we have compromised on intermittent eye contact.
My daughter also has other issues such as poor coordination and balance (these are not strictly ASD issues, but comorbid). She couldn't walk down stairs without holding on until she was about 6yo. Even now, she has to be careful going down stairs and cannot be too fast, and cannot do it well in crowded areas. Those are things she can't do, not that she won't. And her gait is a bit unnatural. We still get her to keep practising, but I cannot force her to run down stairs or walk 'normally' because she can't. She is already 16yo, so I don't know if she will improve much more.
She also has slow processing speed (again, not an ASD issue). If we pressure her to think faster and answer quicker, she just collapses and stops being able to process at all. She's not being difficult, she just can't.
I think as parents, we have to read our child and see what might be correctable, and do our best to help them. You do it with a cane, I do it with other penalties, others employ therapists. But there comes a time, maybe only when the child is reaching adulthood, when a parent may need to come to terms with the fact that they have done what they can, and they have to accept that the situation is unlikely to improve any more. Just my thoughts. -
slmkhoo:
Ah. Thanks for correcting my views. Ever so often I need to be reminded that it is a spectrum disorder. What works for the goose may not work for the gander. Apologies.tyeogh:
So I cant help but wonder whether one can take it a notch higher to see if \"discipline can make a child do something he is not capable of\". Do such boundaries even exist?
Yes, they do, in my experience. My daughter has certain traits that even with our coaching and discipline, we have not been able to correct fully, and I don't believe that it's because she isn't trying or wanting to, but she just can't. For eg, she has a problem with eye contact, and she (since she's older and able to) has explained to me that when she makes eye contact, she can't focus on our words. So we have a choice to make her have eye contact or to listen to our speech. In the end, we have compromised on intermittent eye contact.
My daughter also has other issues such as poor coordination and balance (these are not strictly ASD issues, but comorbid). She couldn't walk down stairs without holding on until she was about 6yo. Even now, she has to be careful going down stairs and cannot be too fast, and cannot do it well in crowded areas. Those are things she can't do, not that she won't. And her gait is a bit unnatural. We still get her to keep practising, but I cannot force her to run down stairs or walk 'normally' because she can't. She is already 16yo, so I don't know if she will improve much more.
She also has slow processing speed (again, not an ASD issue). If we pressure her to think faster and answer quicker, she just collapses and stops being able to process at all. She's not being difficult, she just can't.
I think as parents, we have to read our child and see what might be correctable, and do our best to help them. You do it with a cane, I do it with other penalties, others employ therapists. But there comes a time, maybe only when the child is reaching adulthood, when a parent may need to come to terms with the fact that they have done what they can, and they have to accept that the situation is unlikely to improve any more. Just my thoughts. -
My child's doctor at NUH CDU once asked me.
\"Mr Xxx, therapies administered by private vendors can be done pretty quickly. Therapies administered by the public sector, like NUH, may take a while. You have to queue a month or so for each session.
If you have a choice, which will you choose? \"
I replied \"Er.... private?\"
She stared at me with the \"are you stupid look?\" and snapped back \"No, BOTH!\"
\"You just chiong in every direction\", she continued.
From that moment, she made me realize there is no prescribed methodology and no fixed permutation. One just needs to explore every conceivable avenue. The message I got was that I can change my child and I had to do it quick with early intervention. Caning or coaxing? Both! Or whatever it takes to get him to comply. In my case, caning works, so yea. Mainstream or EIPIC kindy? Both!
Whoever is reading this, I hope this helps you
Night people! -
tyeogh:
Just to add another facet to the discussion - I found that stress and fatigue reduces the ability of both the child and parents to benefit from therapies. Although I did not use any professional therapies for my daughter, the thought of running around from place to place, fitting sessions into our schedule, helping my child to deal with different therapists ... it just makes me so tired! Even at home, I found that my daughter benefited much more when we could choose times when she was less tired and more relaxed, and when we could work various types of 'training' into her normal day's activities rather than have a fixed time ever day/week or whatever. In some ways, I am glad that we were forced to DIY as we could do the 'little and often' approach and be more flexible. It would have been good for us to have had some professional help, but maybe too much can be counter-productive?My child's doctor at NUH CDU once asked me.
\"Mr Xxx, therapies administered by private vendors can be done pretty quickly. Therapies administered by the public sector, like NUH, may take a while. You have to queue a month or so for each session.
If you have a choice, which will you choose? \"
I replied \"Er.... private?\"
She stared at me with the \"are you stupid look?\" and snapped back \"No, BOTH!\"
\"You just chiong in every direction\", she continued.
From that moment, she made me realize there is no prescribed methodology and no fixed permutation. One just needs to explore every conceivable avenue. The message I got was that I can change my child and I had to do it quick with early intervention. Caning or coaxing? Both! Or whatever it takes to get him to comply. In my case, caning works, so yea. Mainstream or EIPIC kindy? Both!
Whoever is reading this, I hope this helps you Night people! -
tyeogh:
Ah. Thanks for correcting my views. Ever so often I need to be reminded that it is a spectrum disorder. What works for the goose may not work for the gander. Apologies.
Don't worry about it. It's good to share different perspectives. -
I can understand where Mr tyeogh and Ms simkhoo are coming from.
For my boy, speech delay is a problem compared to his peers. If the cane (and rough treatment) can do the job to make him miraculously speak up, I would use it!
However, if the cane and the stress just make my boy clam up and stutters instead, OMG, no amount of caning or threathening is going to help.
I now found another way to reach out to my boy regarding ST. At home using the flash cards does not work for me, can vomit blood. However, should I bring him outside one on one or just on the way home from school and talk to him, I found that he was more responsive! So using the environment, indirectly and unconsciously both of us communicates more. Recently I asked my boy outside the kindy waiting for taxi: "Is there any taxi coming?" (not really expecting an answer since he usually does not answer). He actually replied "NO." To my great delight (ke…ke…ke…).
So yes, try whatever strategy we can find, desperately or not, the training must not stop!
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DesertWind:
Waaa.....you make it sound like I am some child abuser. LoL! No lah. Like I wrote, I am v selective when it comes to caning. Only to teach. For DS4, I don't cane him to make him talk. I wave the cane at him and shout \"Come here, sit down, SAY Mmmm\". He complies. \"Mmmm\". Then runs off. Sigh.I can understand where Mr tyeogh and Ms simkhoo are coming from.
For my boy, speech delay is a problem compared to his peers. If the cane (and rough treatment) can do the job to make him miraculously speak up, I would use it!
However, if the cane and the stress just make my boy clam up and stutters instead, OMG, no amount of caning or threathening is going to help.
I now found another way to reach out to my boy regarding ST. At home using the flash cards does not work for me, can vomit blood. However, should I bring him outside one on one or just on the way home from school and talk to him, I found that he was more responsive! So using the environment, indirectly and unconsciously both of us communicates more. Recently I asked my boy outside the kindy waiting for taxi: \"Is there any taxi coming?\" (not really expecting an answer since he usually does not answer). He actually replied \"NO.\" To my great delight (ke..ke..ke..).
So yes, try whatever strategy we can find, desperately or not, the training must not stop!
Flashcards worked for a while for mine. The single syllabus words. He could mimick. Very hard to find single syllabus flashcards. I searched all Populars and Toys R Us. Give him multi syllabus cards and he gives up. Runs away.
Yes you got it. Try whatever that works.
Btw, don't mind me asking. Is your child talking now?
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