All About Autism

[nugget]

BB3:

Also another note of caution - do not do what we did: from the moment we realised that DS2 was \"different\" we kept drumming into DS1 that he had to always love the brother and to look after the brother when we are no longer able to and we kept making sure that DS2 was involved in all activities. Eventually it got too much for DS1 and there was too much pent up in him and it exploded one day, I won't go into details but it involved seeing a couple of psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers (and spending loads of money along the way :moneyflies: ). Bottom line, don't put too much pressure on the NT siblings, they have enough to deal with already.

Thanks for sharing. This is very insightful. I used to think that my younger child should look after his elder bro when we are no longer around. But my hb stopped me. He said we should not impose on our younger kids to look after their special needs brother.

We should in fact train our ASD son to be as independent as possible so that when we are not around, he is still able to be on his own.

At the same time, we should focus of harnessing family values to all our kids. Family should love and watch out for each other even in adulthood. I do keep very close relations with my siblings and we often meet up. I hope my children next time will continue to follow our lead and meet up each other even when they have their own family.

It will be a bonus if my other kids keep a look out for my ASD child when we are gone. Looking after my ASD child is my hb and my responsibility. We feel it should not be passed on to my younger kids as they might have their own problems to deal with in their adult life next time.

I do share with my 4 year old why kor kor is different. I just told him \"kor kor think differently from the rest of us\" and \"kor kor can't speak so well like you, that's why sometimes he get so angry and did this.\"

Cos there are times my 4 year old try to mimic the way his ASD brother throw tantrums. He model his ASD bro :slapshead:

[sharonkhoo]

I also agree that we should not overtly place the responsibility for future care of ASD siblings on the NT siblings. The NT siblings are still only children themselves and it may seem overwhelming. Whatever we ourselves hope, it’s best to focus on developing a good relationship of empathy and caring between siblings, and leave our NT kids to voluntarily take up the responsibility eventually. That will make the commitment stronger too, if they do it willingly and not because we impose it on them. At the same time, we need to do our part to teach our ASD kids to be as independent as possible so they will not need as much help.

[Couragemom]

I used to ‘force’ my gal to model a lot of stuff for her younger brother and she resisted as she wants to play her own stuff sometimes. Now I no longer do that so often and she is the one who asks my son to play and she even welcomes the idea of her sharing a room with didi when he turns 3 this year-end.


My HB and me had done some financial planning and Nugget is right, we need to train our child to be as independent as possible. The only ‘friction’ I can foresee in future is maybe why DS gets to inherit the property when we passed on rather than splitting equally among the 2 siblings but that is a worry for another time in the future!

[sharonkhoo]

Couragemom:

My HB and me had done some financial planning and Nugget is right, we need to train our child to be as independent as possible. The only 'friction' I can foresee in future is maybe why DS gets to inherit the property when we passed on rather than splitting equally among the 2 siblings but that is a worry for another time in the future!

You can split the inheritance and set up a trust for your ASD child.

[helplessmum3]

This is what we going to face when our kids go mainstream ...pp will say poor upbringing n etc


http://therealsingapore.com/content/vid ... ral-online

[sharonkhoo]

helplessmum3:

This is what we going to face when our kids go mainstream ...pp will say poor upbringing n etc


http://therealsingapore.com/content/vid ... ral-online

Do you know that this child has ASD or some other disability? Or some other reason to excuse his bad behaviour? Because, to my mind, there is no question that his behaviour is unacceptable. If my Aspie girl behaved like this, I would ask for people to show compassion, but I would still say that it's bad behaviour.

[Double E]

Today, my husband asked maybe we should have a third kid so that my NT girl has someone to help share the responsibility of looking out for my boy when both of us are no longer around. Frankly, I am tempted but yet, I don’t have the courage to have another kid for fear that the kid may also be special needs. I had my NT girl before knowing my boy has ASD so that took the pressure off me. But now, I really don’t know if I have the courage to go through it. Furthermore, I also think is not very fair to the 3rd kid because the reason of having him/her is to help share responsibility.


What do mummies here think?

[ImMeeMee]

Double E, my DH too has been asking that we have a no. 4 so that the children could eventually spread out the responsibility of looking out for my ASD doter.


Personally I think that every child is born in his/her own rights, and not because they should carry any pre-assumed responsibility even before they are born. I also have the same fear that the next child will be special needs, and so my answer has always been No.

But having said that, I find that there is some validity in the perspective of having more sibilings to help out with the special needs sibling. We are in the real world, and while we will try our best for our special needs child to be as independent as possible, it may still remain a fact that the child will need some form of support into adulthood. So the next best support network will have to be siblings when parents are no longer around. The more siblings there are, the more spread out the support, and the less burden on the rest of the children.

[Double E]

ImMeeMee:

Double E, my DH too has been asking that we have a no. 4 so that the children could eventually spread out the responsibility of looking out for my ASD doter.


Personally I think that every child is born in his/her own rights, and not because they should carry any pre-assumed responsibility even before they are born. I also have the same fear that the next child will be special needs, and so my answer has always been No.

But having said that, I find that there is some validity in the perspective of having more sibilings to help out with the special needs sibling. We are in the real world, and while we will try our best for our special needs child to be as independent as possible, it may still remain a fact that the child will need some form of support into adulthood. So the next best support network will have to be siblings when parents are no longer around. The more siblings there are, the more spread out the support, and the less burden on the rest of the children.

What a hard decision to make right? But for you, at least u already have two elder girls, I think is enough and just nice. Who knows, I may have a 3rd kid when both my kids are already in upper primary.

[ImMeeMee]

yes, am grateful that I dont have a really hard decision to make on this, though how many is considered enough? I also dont know.