@theraretea Did you expressly set rules and expectations when you gave him the phone? And spell out consequences if he did not keep to the rules? If not, it’s not too late to do that now, or refine the rules/consequences.
My children reached sec school age in the early days of smartphones, for which I’m thankful. But we still set out strict rules and a common understanding. You may not want to follow all these exactly, so just adapt to suit.
The phone is OURS (parents’), not YOURS. We reserve the right to set rules and limits, inspect what you have been doing on it, and confiscate it if it’s misused.
The time limit for scrolling on the phone is no longer than 40 mins at a stretch, 3 times a day. You may check messages once an hour, for no more than 5 mins. [You may need to be flexible on certain days, but start strict and then relax once the rule has been established. On schooldays, this may be reduced depending on homework, activities etc]. If there is a special need to use the phone longer, you need to get permission from us first.
No data plan [maybe not so feasible these days? Alternatively, build a small amount into his allowance for a basic plan, and he needs to pay the excess if he exceeds]. You can use free wifi at home, and in school, libraries, malls etc if there is free wifi.
You may not download any app without our express permission. And we reserve the right to say ‘no’ or set limits on who you follow, what you watch, etc. Betray our trust and we will replace it with the dumbest phone available.
No using the phone (or computer) in your bedroom - sit in the common areas of the home where we can see what you are doing. The phone stays in the living room overnight.
We had to confiscate their phones at least once for each girl, usually for the rest of the day, or some limited period. Do it once, and you rarely need to do it again when they realise you mean it. It seems very draconian, but it sets the tone that parents have control. We explained the reasons for the controls, and my girls accepted (with some complaints, of course). As they grew older and we saw that they were generally responsible, the rules were relaxed. By the time they were in JC, we weren’t really monitoring already, and neither of them were or are constantly glued to their phones.
At the same time, find some reasonable alternatives that he can do apart from his phone. Depending on interest, it could be books, sports, music, hanging out with friends (you can’t control phone use when with friends, but what to do?), cooking, arts/crafts, hobbies, DIY, housework…
Hope this helps.
