Adhoc Study Group

[heyhoe]

My ds1 (11 years old) just called to ask permission to join his friends for a study group. He said 3pm at the playground.


I told him "No" as:-
1) I do not know his friends (they walk home together).
2) I’m not sure if this is safe as there’s no parent supervision.
3) The word "playground" doesn’t sound convincing. I mean what can they study at the playground? There is no proper table/chairs. I think they’ll only ended up playing.

Now, he’s mad with me! Most of all, I’m really worried that he might go out without me knowing since there’s no one at home. I need to talk to him tonight. Please give me some suggestions.

Thanks!

[sharonkhoo]

Is your son the sensible type? Your 3 reasons all sound very sensible to me. Maybe you can ask him whether he truly thinks any serious studying can actually be done in a playground? Ask him how they will do it, whether they will be too distracted/hot etc, are these kids serious about studying etc. If you guide him through the reasoning, maybe he will come to same conclusion as you in the end.

[heyhoe]

Hi slmkhoo,


Thanks for your response.

I think he understands my intention but not willing to accept it. I guess he’s been spending a lot of time with this group of friends since they walk home daily after school.

Will try to have a heart to heart talk to him tonight.

Thanks again.

[sharonkhoo]

heyhoe:

Hi slmkhoo,


Thanks for your response.

I think he understands my intention but not willing to accept it. I guess he's been spending a lot of time with this group of friends since they walk home daily after school.

Will try to have a heart to heart talk to him tonight.

Thanks again.

If he already spends time with them daily, then he really doesn't need to spend extra time with them! My younger daughter is very sociable and loves hanging out with friends. However, over the years, with talking about things and telling her our own experiences when we were students, she has realised that it is much more effective and efficient to study solo, then take time to just play. We have convinced her that mixing the 2 just means that she will feel as if she has been studying non-stop (because kids will forget that they played half the time or more) and feel tired and resentful rather than refreshed. Hope you can guide your son towards that conclusion too.

[heyhoe]

Just an update on my heart to heart chat with ds last night. I realize that he might felt lonely staying at home (since he quit student care). Thus, I propose to let him have time to meet up with friends at our place or at the playground during one of the weekend. (An excellent idea from one of the mum here)


This way, he gets to play with other friends of the same age. I guess this is good since his companion are usually his online friends or his brothers.

slmkhoo, thanks for pointing out the benefits of solo study. I’ll find time to convince him too. Also, to try out adhoc study when his friends come over.

Cheers,

[cherrygal]

Hi heyhoe

Is there a reason why you took him out of student care? There is no one at home to watch him?

I asked my boy if he wanted to quit student care since I am mostly at home now. But he prefers to go there. He said he’ll be really bored at home.

I pm-ed you regarding an idea to discourage group studying. It’s unconventional so I didn’t want to post here.

[heyhoe]

Hi cherrygal,


After years of request, I couldn’t turn him down anymore. I agree provided he adhere to our rules. Plus it doesn’t make sense for him to go student care anymore since he stay back about 3-4 days a week.

He’s all alone at home. No choice, as I a FTWM without maid or anyone to offer help. Anyway, I’ll take it that he needs to learn to cope on being independent. Positive thoughts. Ha…ha.

By the way, I’ve received your PM. Thanks!