All About Autism
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nugget:
Hi nugget,Mummies who kids are already in Mainstream Primary school.
Can I ask:
1. Do you approach the AED before you enroll your kids into that school Or after you enroll then you approach the AED? Or do we wait for AED to contact us after enrollment?
2. Do we need to submit all the psy report and IQ test upon enrollment of the school?
Thanks so much.
My boy going P1 next year and I just attended a talk organized by the KKH-CDC and the Q&A touched on these two questions.
The advise given by the panel of advisers were:
1. Contact the AED only after the child got assigned to the school. The recommended timing would be around Sep/Oct to prep. the kid for P1 by bringing the kid to the school to orientate him and be familiarize with the environment. It is also the time to start communicating with the schools about the learning support necessary for the child.
Of course parents can contact the school about AED support BEFORE the actual enrolment but that would be more to find out if the school is supportive and whether it would be the right school for us to choose for the child.
2. At the P1 registration, no need to submit such reports. We were told the P1 registration process is very strictly adhered to and schools do not have the right to deviate from it. The school has no right to reject special needs kids hence the child will not be disadvantaged in this way. If the child could not get into the school of choice, it would purely be because of chance that occurred during the balloting process.
However, such docs. will be needed in order to obtain AED support or chinese deferment.
That's what I gather from the talk! -
Good night, all!
:snooze: -
Thanks for sharing the KKH feedback on AED support DessertWind.
Like the parents here, am concerned that though mainstream schools legally cannot reject special needs kids, that doesn’t mean that they will not be socially isolated by their classmates or ignored by teachers. AED support can only go so far especially when there are so many to take care of.
An ex-teacher friend in a mainstream school once told me in confidence that whenever there were dyslexic, ADHD or ASD students assigned to her class, she would merely leave them alone to do whatever they wanted and only intervene if the behaviour disrupts the rest of the class. There is no effort to try and engage the child in learning nor encouragement given to participate with peers.
Was of course quite sad to hear such things but realistically, a teacher’s job is like any other, cannot expect them to go the extra mile for special need kids when it is so much easier to do nothing.
Sometimes wonder why we bring kids into this world to face such challenges heartache -
belachanbabe:
Don't say that! The kid is in this world to fulfill greater things than we can ever imagine! I feel so sad to read that.Thanks for sharing the KKH feedback on AED support DessertWind.
Like the parents here, am concerned that though mainstream schools legally cannot reject special needs kids, that doesn't mean that they will not be socially isolated by their classmates or ignored by teachers. AED support can only go so far especially when there are so many to take care of.
An ex-teacher friend in a mainstream school once told me in confidence that whenever there were dyslexic, ADHD or ASD students assigned to her class, she would merely leave them alone to do whatever they wanted and only intervene if the behaviour disrupts the rest of the class. There is no effort to try and engage the child in learning nor encouragement given to participate with peers.
Was of course quite sad to hear such things but realistically, a teacher's job is like any other, cannot expect them to go the extra mile for special need kids when it is so much easier to do nothing.
Sometimes wonder why we bring kids into this world to face such challenges *heartache*
I've always believed that an autistic child has gifts and talents not understood by us NT people, and perhaps they are even more gifted and talented in their areas, that other areas have to 'give'. Of course I have no proof, but there are many savants who are all autistic.
It is true that the mainstream folks will have no time or resources to manage a child with special needs, and they will likely be set aside not benefiting from the classroom. I remember my son's sound therapist once told me, that school might be tough for my son, because he is socially not capable of the school environment.
Since he is German, he gave the analogy of his Chinese level. He said he was very good with Chinese, but if he were put in a country that speaks only Chinese, then he will not be able to function since he would be overwhelmed. A better option was to slowly immerse him into the environment until he is ready.
I am still not very sure if my son was misdiagnosed with Asperger's or not, but his inability to cope with the social demands in a mainstream school was stressful for both him, the teachers and us. With the years in primary school, his social skills, instead of improving became worse and worse and it accelerated to anxiety and he was on the brink of depression.
I believe the stress in a mainstream school and GEP put a toll on him, and these schools expected a bright child to be socially good as well, which was not the case. In trying to meet the high social standards and unable to meet them, he had massive anxiety problems.
Today, I brought him to see the VP of his school, and what shocked me was his ability to articulate his future academic and future path, and he could tell the VP what he would like to achieve socially as well. Just a year ago, he would not be able to look the VP in the eyes.
Conclusion is that, if the child is not ready for mainstream, he will be overwhelmed there and his conditions might be worsened. If he were to be given a chance to cope socially, given no pressure, he will likely thrive. So, maybe Pathlight is better if the child wants to be there, or for our case, we homeschooled for 1.5 years and then went overseas. My son turned 13 this year.
I hope this gives young parents a heads up, don't give up, but plan. Mainstream may be good if the child is ready for it, and Pathlight may be good if the child wants to be there (my son did not want to be there). Most importantly, the home environment must be nurturing and we must keep believing that this is just a phase and the child will eventually find his gifts and be out of this situation.
Read about Stephen Wiltshire and keep that hope alive! :imcool: http://www.stephenwiltshire.co.uk/ -
Just feeling a touch melancholic is all, that’s why support and encouragement is so important. :lightrod:
I can’t imagine life without my 2 darling twins. It’s so easy to underestimate their abilities too. Like the recent parent-teacher conference, I was astonished to learn that my older boy was quite proficient in mandarin, both writing and comprehending words, at his age appropriate level. He literally fooled us parents completely with his westernized Chinese accent and complete refusal to learn mandarin when we tried to enroll him at Kumon Chinese. And here I was wondering if we needed to obtain MT exemption.
Younger one is completely uninterested in mandarin but that’s ok. That was within expectations and he will learn at his own pace. (at least that’s what I tell myself before imploding with worry and acute kiasu-ism)
Savants only account for less than 10% of ASD kids, it’s not a norm despite the myth. But Bill Gates has Asperger’s and it didn’t stop him from being a gazillionaire.
Taking it a day at a time and focusing on the positive :xedfingers:
This guy’s drawings are amazing btw! -
buds:
Hi Buds,Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.
More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.
When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.
When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.
The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.
If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"
Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.
Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).
Have a blessed week ahead.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Your posts reminded me that we all have our own set of problems and i believe sometimes, i am so tired (after work and silly office politics) that i could not contain but shout and spanked my boy on the bottom if he behaves badly.
Daddy usually gives in to everything he wants and when i tried to explain \"No, because...\" son will run away ahead of us and show signs of anger, folding arms, etc. When this happens and if in the night after a day's work, i will be very crossed.
Above scenario just happened last night at a parsar malam near our place - my son wanted to eat hotdog (but he claimed he couldn't finish dinner as he was too full !) and i refused to buy him one (he has been eating one consecutively over the weekends) explaining it is not healthy food and if he cannot finish dinner, he can't possibly be wanting a hotdog.
He threw tantrums and ran off leaving us to chase after him (as there is a road ahead)... sigh. I couldn't contain my anger and flare up when i caught up...
I think your method of a hug and telling him \"I Love You\" is a good idea as after i cool down, partial reason for me being so angry was because i was worried he ran too fast onto to road... and i am worried because i love him. But at that point, i just burst... felt like a lousy mummy afterwards... :sad: -
Awwww, hugs!
You aren't a lousy mum, just one that's bursting full of love for your child
Jia you :rahrah: -
crabbygal:
I had no problem getting appointment on the same day I called. Very immediate action, which I liked. Treatment scheduled and done just the day after too.
thanks for your kind reply, mamago! Yes, I tried calling, its not easy to get at appointment.mamago:
Hi,
Yes, Dr Ong Yean Sze, she is really gifted when comes to handling her young patients; thou my child is not autistic, but I have seen her soothing many young ones when we were at the waiting area. My child actually \"enjoys\" his dental checkup with Dr Ong.
It's quite difficult to book a slot with her, you may have to call for appointment as early as 2 months in advance.
-
DesertWind:
Desertwind
Hello Double E and all mummies here!Double E:
Happy Monday everyone.
Just a quick question. If you are offered a new job with a 20% increment but you will need to travel out of Singapore frequently, work late nights and sometimes weekends, will you take up the job given that you have a special needs kid to coach and take care? How prepared are u to sacrifice the time? With the 20% increment, you can probably save more money to send your son to more therapies.
A long time no \"see\", now that I am on leave I have time to go through all the postings in the month of May and am really tempted to reply to some of them so here goes!
My answer to your question? A very definite NO. For the amount of flexibility you have and especially you are already a FTWM (which means whatever time left is really precious for you to spend time with your kids!).
Also forgive me for saying this but to be able to afford SGD2,500 of educational and therapies a month between you and hubby, I would say you do not need the additional 20% pay increment at the expense of all the flexibility that you now have.
Yes, 7 years is a long time and granted work would be a bit jaded. But it also means you can perform your job with (possibly) one-eye closed
.
Finished work and then zoom home!
Why I say this? Because I am in the same boat as you. Already worked for 6+ years in my current job. Currently I would say I have work-life balance ie. no need OT and no need to travel. At this stage, the ambition and the \"itch\" is biting. I too found myself thinking if there is a better offer to come along, I would jump ship! But it is also a real possibility that I might not be able to fit so well into another organisation anymore and after a short while may have to quit.
Which would be even worst because then becomes zero-pay! :sick: :moneyflies:
My boy going P1 next year and his needs is taking up a lot of our time as it is already. Cannot afford to pursue career, not even higher pay to \"fund\" more therapies.
I have already told my peers work-life balance is very important to me since I have two pre-schoolers. I may have to speak to my bosses very soon about job and pay expectations. My struggle is how to tell them without giving them the wrong impression that I am going to \"backslide\" in my work....
All the best!
:celebrate:
Welcome back. Where have u been? lol.
Anyway, I wasn't offered the job as I showed my 'worried face' during the final round of the interview. I believed I would have clinched it if I didn't cast doubt on the working hours and traveling. So yes, I am still at my current job but I have not stopped searching. While I agree with you that the flexibility fits well into my demands at home, I still want to feel rejuvenated and happy at work because I am not happy with where I am now. But I have to find one that doesn't require traveling and work late nites too frequently. I will put my faith in God to open the right door for me :). However, my wish is to work part-time eventually when my boy enters P1 so that I can spend time to coach him. But like you say, so many bills to pay, education, therapy, parents' allowance and daily necessities, I am not sure if I will get what I wish for.
Regarding sending our kids to Pathlight, after reading the recent posts about how ASD kids are being neglected and stressed out at mainstream, I am beginning to be doubtful of my initial decision to send my son to mainstream. I think I really have to consider the Pathlight option as it does seems to provide a better learning environment for our kids. I suppose if they can do well in Pathlight and gain enough confidence, they will still have the chance to transfer to mainstream but it will also mean they will have to adapt to the environment all over again.
Hiaz, such a tough choice.
Anyway, something happy. My boy has started to ask lots of questions lately. All the why, what, where, who questions. Asking me whole day till I find it a bit too 'irritating'. Haha! when he didn't ask questions, I was worried and now, I find it too much. -
buds:
Hi Double E.. I'm am very happy that the method worked out for you and of course your son. :snuggles: I find that it is easy for us to get agitated when something frustrates us and the inclination to scream at a child is an almost natural reaction, whether we are handling or working with special-needs children or normal children. It takes a lot from us.. a more conscientious effort, to ensure that we do not do that.. but it is just really hard.
More often than we may realize, we seem to focus more on being upset at the child than the real issue at hand.. the \"why\" it happened. I found through repeated trials and errors that it was harder to work on the issues first then the child because the anger within us takes longer to dissipate. It is a natural human response to certain situations that get to us.
When working with these issues with the children, if we try to focus on them first.. ie. how we love them as they were, BEFORE we tackle that something they just came up with, we can help ourselves be less angry (at the child.. the mess.. perhaps the nonsense you think it was at the time..) and of course, less angry at the world.. and i dare say even less angry at God sometimes. We can help the child better by not modelling the unwanted behaviour.. i mean after a few hollers, the child just copies us cos they thought it'd work, since we were doing it. They don't know better. Yet.
When we are less angry, (or better still not angry at all) we are calm enough to restrain the child in gentle ways (rationalize) so that the child is more relaxed (less angry himself).. more willing to listen to what you are going to say next be it an advice or an instruction.
The younger the child, the simpler and the more direct the words should be used. For more verbal children, we can speak to them like little adults.. and for special-needs who are not verbal yet, come up with simple yet concise phrases and phrases that you can repeat should something similar blows up.
If a mess was caused, invite the child to clean it up together with us, as opposed to instruct. To a child, it sounds welcoming and almost already forgiven, hence they may be more willing. For example, \"It would be nice if you could help mommy with this, so do you think you could? I could really use your help.\" or \"Do you think you can help mommy pick this up, because we can clear this up faster if we do it together?\". With my daughters, I tell them, \"More hands make lighter work, so I really appreciate all the help I can get.\"
Shouting seems like an easy way out at the spark of the moment, but a long way and a difficult way to change if we don't remind ourselves to maintain composure. I still have a long way to go in improving myself in this area. I don't wish to keep using the, \"I have so many children and so many things to do!\" as an excuse.
Apart from breathing countdowns as relaxation, if you are from a faith group, you could also use some verses/chants your faith has taught you as another measure of keeping your cool. This way it can benefit both sides - mom and child - for you are sowing all the good seeds of love two-ways for the love you show and the love you allow your child to feel will be reciprocated in similar ways if not the same. From yourself and the God that each of you believe in (if any).
Have a blessed week ahead.Dino-Craze:
It happens babe.. it happens to all of us.. whether we have special needs children or normal children.. it happens to us all. :hugs: It could also be those \"one of those days....\" where anything can spark something huge.. could've been something else or someone else that got to us.. but guess some days it was unfortunate that it had to be him. :hugs:Hi Buds,
Thanks so much for sharing.
Your posts reminded me that we all have our own set of problems and i believe sometimes, i am so tired (after work and silly office politics) that i could not contain but shout and spanked my boy on the bottom if he behaves badly.
Daddy usually gives in to everything he wants and when i tried to explain \"No, because...\" son will run away ahead of us and show signs of anger, folding arms, etc. When this happens and if in the night after a day's work, i will be very crossed.
Above scenario just happened last night at a parsar malam near our place - my son wanted to eat hotdog (but he claimed he couldn't finish dinner as he was too full !) and i refused to buy him one (he has been eating one consecutively over the weekends) explaining it is not healthy food and if he cannot finish dinner, he can't possibly be wanting a hotdog.
He threw tantrums and ran off leaving us to chase after him (as there is a road ahead)... sigh. I couldn't contain my anger and flare up when i caught up...
I think your method of a hug and telling him \"I Love You\" is a good idea as after i cool down, partial reason for me being so angry was because i was worried he ran too fast onto to road... and i am worried because i love him. But at that point, i just burst... felt like a lousy mummy afterwards... :sad:
I like these quotes that i chanced upon a couple of days ago.. will share it here..
![](\"http://i39.tinypic.com/2zylhcx.png\")
http://i39.tinypic.com/2zylhcx.png\">
![](\"http://i42.tinypic.com/5dkk7b.png\")
Hang in there, Dino-Craze.. :hugs: We know it is really because we care and love our children so much that we are afraid.. that we are forever worried.. that we are always thinking about even though the challenges keep coming at us..
Here's
your days ahead will be better...
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