Do your kids still sleep on your bed?

[worryfather]

Hi,


Do you let your kids to sleep in their own room? Is it good to do so?
And if you do, when you start to do that?

Thanks.

[sweetbaby]

Hi


I’m trying to get my 2.5 yr old boy to nap on his own cos I’m going to work soon. So far unsuccessful. Any tips to share. thx.

[The Little Cheng Mommy]

Hi all, it's really interesting to know that so many parents are facing the same problem.


Currently ..my son sleeps with us, with his cotbed parked against our bed. However, everynight he'll faithfully roll onto my bed, climb over me and kick + elbow + slap his daddy away. His poor dad has been sleeping on the window ledge (our bed is against the ledge) for the past 8 months..

A doctor friend insists that we should put him in seperate room before he turns 2. And she also suggests using the 'cry it out' method. Till now, me & hubby have yet to decide on a specific date to implement this (cos we know it'll be the beginning of a long hard battle).

[autumnbronze]

Hi The Little Cheng Mummy and sweetbaby,


I did that for my DS ie 'cry it out' method. He will be 2 and a half yrs in Feb.

By 6 mths, he was trained to sleep on his own ie, I put him in his cot in our room half asleep and if he tries to get up then and there, I just tell him firmly to go back to sleep.

By 8/9 mths, don't know why he would get up in the night wanting to sleep with us. Aft 2/3 nites, I let him cry it out. You have to have a heart of stone, I have to warn you. It gets really really pitiful and can last up to an hour... but I stuck it out and aft abt less than a week, he was able to sleep in his cot again. I also had a routine for him, ie brush teeth, change pyjamas, then read to him his fav books b4 singing him to sleep.

This went on well until abt 1 and a half yrs of age. Suddenly he refused to sleep in the cot and crying, would insist on sleeping with us. Same rigmarole for a few nites. Then, I decided enough was enough. Next nite, I brought him to the guest/play room when it was time to sleep and explained that he was to have his v own bed and that he can sleep on that from on. Surprisingly, he did not fuss, probably cuz he takes his aft naps there. Kept the same routine as above. And he slept blissfully.

We deduced later that perhaps he did not want to sleep on the cot cuz it was getting too small for him. Also because we noticed he moves alot in his sleep.

I also trained him NEVER to come down on the bed himself, but to call me/DH or helper in that order when he wakes up. He has stuck to that and does not leave the bed until I come in to get him. We have always used the logical way ie cause and effect way to explain things to him ever since he was a baby. We never used baby language. Perhaps thats why this works. But that doesn't mean that its too late for you to use this strategy. By two yrs, they shd understand instruction, if put across simply.

Just some reminders:

1.You and your DH must be united in this decision. My DH kind of interrupted the routine when he allowed DS to sleep with us again aft establishing the latest routine. He wanted to bond with DS and would listen to songs together and fall asleep on our bed. It took me a longer time to bring him back on track.

2.Be prepared for crying fits, you have to BEAR with it. DH couldn't and I told him to buzz off (sorri dear :love:) cuz I knew exactly what I was doing. I would wake up and move the cot out of our bedroom when DS starts crying to emphasize that he cannot sleep on our bed. Told DH to shut the room door if he couldn't take it. Of course, in the meantime, I would repeat calmly and robotically, \"you want mummi to sayang you, stop crying pls.\" Then when he had stopped, \"mummi will carry you, but you must go back to sleep in the cot after that\". Only when he acknowledged, then I would carry him, soothe him, put him to sleep and place him back in the cot.

3.Have a speaker so that you can hear if he wakes up in the nite.

4.Make sure the room is cozy ie fav posters, colours, books there and the bed is only used for sleeping. We pushed the queen size bed until it was against the wall. We placed pillows to form a protective barrier on the opposite side.

5.Have a stereo as you might want him to listen to some fav songs to help him fall asleep.

3.As he gets older, ard 2 yrs +, he will prob want to chat b4 sleeping. Indulge in him but you need to remind him that sleeping time is sleeping time aft a couple of mins.

4.Stick with the routine. For example, brush teeth, change pyjamas, read, talk for a few mins then tuck him in, let him listen to songs if it soothes him, sleep (This has become DS's mantra, he says that automatically now when we tell him its time for bed). Stroke his head or pat him.

5. Btw, the helper sleeps on the mattress in the same room, but she has been instructed not to do anything if he wakes him up in the nite, but to tell him to go back to sleep as I want him to be able to self-soothe himself back to sleep. I will wake up myself and assess the situation, if he is fussing alot, I will go and sleep beside him and then return to my bed later.

6.I compensate by trying my best to lie with him in the morns b4 he wakes up so that I am the first face he sees. I do that for his aft naps too. May not be possible always, but if I do that often, thats good enuff for me.

7.The only exception I make for him to sleep with us is when he is ill - that is a MUST and on some weekends, not always though.

8.Have a nite light.
(But I stopped using it aft a few nites cuz I wanted to train him not to be afraid. Initially he was, but we made light of the matter, not his fear, in the sense that we explained that light was coming from the lamposts outside and we played with the shadows on the wall. He caught on and sleeps with the lights off).

9.Get some nice pyjamas, like Thomas the Train which is my DS's fav so that he looks forward to wearing that to sleep.

10.Do anything to fulfill that goal, well almost . If it means singing to him then sing, reading then read, buying nice pyjamas, then buy, staying put in your decision, then stay put. But repeat repeat repeat the explaination as to why you are doing this to him ... its for his own good.

11.In the event he does have a crying fit after you have shifted him to another room, you may want to try this strategy which I recall watching in the Supernanny show. She instructed the mom to go lie down with the child, then 2nd nite, sit on the floor beside the bed. Then as the nites passed, move further and further away from the bed until she was sitting outside the room, near the door ... you get the drift. All the while, speak nicely and calmly but stay firm in her decision not to sleep with him or bring him to her room.

12.Be prepared for frequent 'hiccups' (getting up in the nites) initially and occasional ones later.

All the best

Ps.. I strongly believe that sometimes, one has to be 'cruel to be kind', more so esp when it comes to bringing up a child, but at the same time justify your actions to him as well :celebrate:

[schweppes]

Hi Chief! I think Autumnbronze's piece derserves to be selected for portal publication. They are great ideas for helping parents who are trying to wean their young ones to sleep independently. Hope u will consider :lol:


Cheers

[worryfather]

Hi Autumnbronze,


That’s some really amazing advice. I think it will work. Just if for me to do it, I guess it will really need a heart of stone.

my daughter seems like getting bad. Initially she can sleep on her own bed (same room with us). Now, she can’t sleep on her bed and will climb and sleep on our body. Then we will put her down to her bed when she is asleep.

Hopefully I can learn the way you did to your DS.

Wonderful post. Thanks…

[autumnbronze]

worryfather:

Hi Autumnbronze,


That's some really amazing advice. I think it will work. Just if for me to do it, I guess it will really need a heart of stone.

my daughter seems like getting bad. Initially she can sleep on her own bed (same room with us). Now, she can't sleep on her bed and will climb and sleep on our body. Then we will put her down to her bed when she is asleep.

Hopefully I can learn the way you did to your DS.

Wonderful post. Thanks..

Hi worryfather,

Thanks for the compliment. Glad you found this useful.

Don't worry too much okie ...

[autumnbronze]

schweppes:

Hi Chief! I think Autumnbronze's piece derserves to be selected for portal publication. They are great ideas for helping parents who are trying to wean their young ones to sleep independently. Hope u will consider :lol:


Cheers

Hi Schweppes,

PM-ed you ....

[schweppes]

autumnbronze:

Hi Schweppes,

PM-ed you ....

Hv replied, thanks

[worryfather]

autumnbronze:

Hi worryfather,

Thanks for the compliment. Glad you found this useful.

Don't worry too much okie ...

Thanks..
Will see how it goes. Think I wont be able to use the cry it out method for now. Cant bear to.

Hopefully she will understand when older.