SAHM to FTWM??

[mummy of 2]

PlayfulFairy:

Hehe what I really want is to be a tai tai,

This is my dream too!

[jedamum]

skunk:

Personally, for a household with 2 young children or more, I find that it's pointless for a parent to go to work unless the pay is more than $5K a month. Imagine going to work just to earn $4K or $3K, then using the money for maid, childcare, tuition...is it really worth it? Not to mention the expenses incurred for work itself, transport, eating out, etc.

Not to mention the things that cannot be quantified with money...precious time spent with the children, coaching them and guiding them personally. Kid raised by maids are very different from kids raised by parents themselves. For all u know, the money saved from working might be needed to bail them out of trouble in the future, all because of less time spent with them now, that's the irony.

skunk,
my recent conversation with my husband...
Part 1
me : wa..if i am still working, our combine income will be $XXX already.
dh : sure anot? i don't think you can command the kind of increment to hit that pay amount la.
me : :scared:

Part 2
dh : why on and off you think about going back to work?
me : so can have more money what....
dh : what are you going to do with that money that you earn?
me : keep in the bank.
dh : and bring to your coffin?
me : :torchme:

as a sahm, i do worry about retirement nest egg, but dh wants to live for the kids now.

[foreverj]

hi playfairy


y not convince your dh that each of u should specialise in what u r good at. my dh also at times, tel me i should go back to be a FTWM so that we can save money for a second property etc etc. but he is also very heartened to see our dd developing very well, and dh is basically free from any admin/household worries cos i can take care of everything else since i work PT and we engage a PT maid that comes in once a week.

end of day, dh leave it to me to decide if i want to go back to FT work. given that u r so good at giving love, think your 3 kids will lose the most if u choose to go back to work... so think hard and fight for what u think is best for the kids n for yourself!

[jedamum]

PlayfulFairy,

enjoy your new found status. FTWM can be great mums as well. it is never too late to take up the apron full time again next time.

[csc]

jedamum:

as a sahm, i do worry about retirement nest egg, but dh wants to live for the kids now.

Kudos to your DH..and don't forget to live for yourselves too. :lol:

[skunk]

PlayfulFairy:

Hehe what I really want is to be a tai tai, with my mum helping me at home(no maids please!).


Well, DH argues that we will need lotsa money for 3 kids, pay for their education etc(save for 3 overseas education in case). He says that even if we sell our houses, we will still need lotsa money.

Sigh he is the one with financial acumen, with all the investment portfolios whereas I'm a financial idiot. Haha I'm only good in giving love and spending money...

ha...a typical man LOL

Tell him, after selling the houses, and u going back to work, money will STILL not be enough hehe....when is it ever \"enough\"? Since money will never be enough, don't even let it influence your decisions.

When my wife had a pregnancy scare at 6.5 months, the hospital came up with a contract, saying if my wife gives birth that prematurely, the bill will come up to $160K++ with subsidy already given. My wife said, with that kind of bill, who wants to have children, in case give birth prematurely? Everyone will abort at the slightest sign of trouble.

I told my wife, don't worry, just give birth. At most don't pay lor, what can they do? Kill us? hehe. FYI, i was born 3 months premature. In the old days, my mom paid a mere $1K. Even extrapolated to todays' money, it's only around $10K. If they had taken the decision to abort, I won't be typing now hehe. Don't let money influence your decisions. It's never enough for anyone, so why care?

So he has alot of \"investment portfolios\" and wants his wife to work? Typical man. Let me tell u what he's thinking, since I'm a man also. He wants u to work, so your income will be used to feed the family, while his income can be used for \"investment\". Then years later, when he's very rich, and the family's a mess (hopefully not, just assumption), he will blame u for not spending time with the kids. That's what 90% of men are thinking.

If i were him, i will sell my \"investments\" and invest in my family instead, and not let my wife work for others, work for the family, in the family instead.

[MMM]

PlayfulFairy:

Well, DH argues that we will need lotsa money for 3 kids, pay for their education etc(save for 3 overseas education in case). He says that even if we sell our houses, we will still need lotsa money.

Hi,

Before I go on, my emphasis is different people think differently. I am just sharing my view from a FTWM perspective and probably a $ conscious one since that is my profession. But I sort of relate to your hubby.

It really depends on whether your houses are fully paid or not. Eg. if it has not been paid, will you make a loss if you were to sell it and is there sufficient to pay off the loan??? Remember that the bank owned the house until it's fully paid. These are some questions you need to be aware of. You probably need to be move involved.

It depends on the current lifestyle you have that's why he said even if you sell away the house, you still need income to support the lifestyle. Is it because of a expensive car and other commitments,etc...

In our case, we've 3 kids. It again depends on what kind of \"enrichment\" you want for your kids. Despite that we are going for average range, each child's class easily set us back by $1k per month. This is not including the education policy,etc.... to cater for their overseas studies (if need be one day).But some parents also don't believe in enrichment so there is no right and wrong here.

We own 3 private properties and only 1 has rental income. Due to this, I know I can never dream of being a tai tai. So we are working hard to sustain that. But being FTWM does not mean that I am not a good mother. But rather I've to work doubly hard. Eg. being home by 7pm each day to coach them in their studies and spending time with them. Spending my weekends with them. Only doing biz travels during school holidays so as to ensure I can coach them during school days. Fortunately, it work as I've understanding bosses and a co. that believe in flexible work plan. We are not measured by how long we stay in office but by our achievements.

Yes... going to work is scary especially if you've been a SAHM. Slogging and facing politics because of $$$. You could have been more productive spending time with the kids at home. Have a good heart to heart talk with your hubby, he must be very concerned on his job security now to ask you to do that. Our job is no longer secured no matter who we are in the org. On the other hand, there are still ongoing cost cutting exercises so even if you are spared now, what happens next????

[foreverj]

jedamum:

PlayfulFairy,

enjoy your new found status. FTWM can be great mums as well. it is never too late to take up the apron full time again next time.

agreed, but have to take into account what the mum actually wants for herself. my dh worries i wil be out-of-touch with society and when my dd grows up and has her own life, i wil be suffering from the empty-nest syndrome and lack of self-worth. i myself wil sometimes wonder, like if i never quit, i would be like this fren earning at least $xxx per mth. so have to decide myself if this is really what i want for my own life.

[foreverj]

based on playfairy's family situation, i feel, worse come to worse, they can sell one of the property and playfairy can then go out to work, should the \"worst case scenario\" - dh loses job happen (touch wood!).


so y should they worry abt something that has not happened yet? - unless the fear is very real, of course. in any case, its right for both the husband and wife to come to a consensus cos its a decision that affects the whole family. the rest of us r just sharing our own experiences and thoughts

[MLR]

My best suggestion would be to write down your thoughts, go through them and make an appt with your spouse to hv a heart to heart discussion about it. Like those times that you share all thoughts during those lovey courtship days. That was what I had advise my friends (male and female) whenever they try to make their decisions on their own or worst for their spouse. For the decision affects both, so its only fair that both should hv their say and make a honest beneficial decision that both can agree on. Make it an official meeting style, no bantering, names calling, blame shifting, finger pointing, etc, handle it like you would making a business proposal/decision call.


Listen, not only hear, but very well listen with an open heart and mind and most times, spouses find it rewarding to listen without interupting and gain a better insights into their spouse’s emotional well-being. Most times, we always think that we understand or know our spouse very well. But most times, you may find that its not always the case, especially those who are in the 1st 5 years of their marriage.

The "I hv been wanting to tell you this …", "I hv been supportive, but…", "You should know me well enough to…" that each hv been keeping in their hearts and not saying it out for fear of hurting the other or just didn’t want to kick up a quarrel. Well say them out, cos or else how would your spouse know? They don’t read your mind rite?

JMHO…