All About Autism
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nugget:
I 2nd that. :goodpost:
:goodpost: jiayou!ImMeeMee:
[quote=\"mel2sg\"]Hi HelplessMum34
I am SAHD because of son condition. i just want to share with you my similar experience. My boy was also diagnosed with GDD at 2. He attended Rainbow and we went through many therapies.
Through the years, I have work very closely with the therapies & teachers, so as to better guide him at home. for example, we used to have a Speech-therapist from SPD, an Indian-national, many parents would not prefer him as he has strong Indian-English accent. However, he give good advices & materials. Based on these, I work on my boy daily without fail.
Today, my boy is 8 (going 9) attending P3 in mainstream neighbourhood school. He is a very talkative (fluent English) & have many friends. Well, not all rosy though, academically still struggling (below average) - but never fail. My wife and myself are very pleased & proud of him. We see him as a vehicle travelling at 20km/hr while others are speeding at 100km/hr, but so what eventually he will still get there
We only start to work on my son academic stuff mid last year. Esp his chinese, he really is lagging behind. He is still at nursery grade for his Chinese. But I told his tutor, it is ok. Our end game is PSLE. For any subjects, pass or fail doesnt matter for now, as long as he passed PSLE 6 years later, we are happy enough.[/quote]Hi hi,
I third that! We need to prioritize our goals for our darlings. Like for my son, his current N1 playgroup class doesn't do much 'academic' stuff, just playing, singing etc. I decided not to change to another school that is more academically inclined as I felt he needs an environment where he can play and hopefully pick up some social cues from his friends. If need be, I will defer him one more year to catch up academically when the time comes. -
I suppose most of us r more "relax n forgiving" when comes to academic stuff n focus more on therapies. But how about to our NT primary school children? Do you also adopt the same attitude? I find myself trying very hard to strike a balance between my two kids. On one hand, I take it very easy though I know my son is lagging far behind in terms of speech, academic n even motor skills. I know where his level is n I manage my expectation rather well. Every tiniest improvement brings me joy n if he regressed, I will still be more "forgiving".
On the other hand, I realized I couldn’t help it but naturally have higher expectation on my NT girl n will get frustrated when she couldn’t understand a concept or question and her carelessness in school work. She just started P1 n I have been thinking what kind of a approach am I taking. Do I go easy on her or do I let her join in the race of Singapore school system, a route that we all know lots of classes n revision involve.
Sometimes, I have guilt feeling like " oh, I am spending way more on my son than on my girl due to the therapies, is that unfair to her?" or " how can I have higher expectation of her just because she is NT"
May I ask any of the mothers here having the same issue towards your NT kids? -
jme:
I have it quite easy because my NT daughter is quite a model daughter in all ways - well-behaved, good-natured, academically strong, kind to her Aspie sister. I did have some guilt feelings about spending so much energy on my Aspie girl, but I realised that my NT girl, being 2 yrs younger, was also benefiting in some ways as she was learning alongside (and mastering the things faster!). It has also taught her empathy and the ability to accept differences between people. I do set different standards for them, but I don't think I push my NT girl hard - if anything, I push less because she manages by herself. I think I appreciate her patience and abilities more because of the contrast.Sometimes, I have guilt feeling like \" oh, I am spending way more on my son than on my girl due to the therapies, is that unfair to her?\" or \" how can I have higher expectation of her just because she is NT\"
May I ask any of the mothers here having the same issue towards your NT kids? -
Hi Jme,
My 2 kids are only 1 year apart, so the allocation of time/expectation/resources mentally ‘torture’ me every day! I get my older NT daughter to model a lot of things to her brother and sometimes she don’t want. She goes to a full-day cc while my son goes for 3hrs class and she asks why? She gets jealous when we applause our son for all the right things he achieved and she gets jealous. Gosh, can you imagine my inner struggle everyday? But yet if I don’t help my son now, he will lag more and more behind. The developmental pediatrician told me if I had not started therapies so early at 22 months, he can only achieve his current speech/social abilities at 36 months or older instead of now at 27 months old.
I do set much higher academic standard for my NT girl. Following Double E’s example, I sit down for 30mins every night to do handwriting with her. She is in N2 this year. -
Couragemom:
Do you also praise your daughter for what she does achieve? If you make it as effusive as for your son, and maybe she won't compare so much. To make the comparison less stark, I usually don't praise for achievement, but praise for effort, and say so clearly. So even if the achievements are different, they get the same amount of praise.Hi Jme,
My 2 kids are only 1 year apart, so the allocation of time/expectation/resources mentally 'torture' me every day! I get my older NT daughter to model a lot of things to her brother and sometimes she don't want. She goes to a full-day cc while my son goes for 3hrs class and she asks why? She gets jealous when we applause our son for all the right things he achieved and she gets jealous. Gosh, can you imagine my inner struggle everyday? But yet if I don't help my son now, he will lag more and more behind. The developmental pediatrician told me if I had not started therapies so early at 22 months, he can only achieve his current speech/social abilities at 36 months or older instead of now at 27 months old.
I do set much higher academic standard for my NT girl. Following Double E's example, I sit down for 30mins every night to do handwriting with her. She is in N2 this year. -
Personally I think there is nothing wrong in setting different expectations for different kids, but the expectations must be based on the potential of the child, and we as parents must be open-minded enough to moderate our expectations as we work our way through with our kids, cos kids change along their growing up years.
I have different expectations for my gals, and its true that I expect more from my two elder NT gals cos their potentials are different. But i think my expectations for my two elder gals are still within reasonable levels - they go to mid-tier primary school, they do not go for tuition, their enrichment programs are based on their interest. The only thing I ‘force’ upon them is swimming class, as we think that is an essential survival skill.
At times I fall into the same trap of flaring up at my gals when they make careless mistakes or when they do not know their work well enough when I expect them to, and those are the moments when I remind myself to go back to fundamentals and I try to improve at the next occasion.
At times I tell myself that if my kids can be healthy and independent into adulthood, the rest of their achievements is a bonus. When I take that perspective, I tend not to be too uptight. As parents our role is to support and guide them in what they do. It is not an easy balance, and I am still learning. -
Couragemom:
Ironically, I actually have higher academic standard for my ASD boy than my NT girl!!! Am I the exception here? I think the main reason is because, i find it easier to teach my boy academics than my girl. He can read and have good memory, hence, after he mastered a topic, I can add on. Whereas for my girl who is NT and doesn't have the kind of memory that my ASD boy has, getting her to remember the sequence of numbers like 1-30 and learning how to write numbers 20 and above is way more difficult than my boy. But the blessing is that, she picks up the skill of writing much easier than my boy, but can't remember how to write the numbers. For my boy, due to his motor skills issue, I had to spend a lot of time on his writing skills.Hi Jme,
My 2 kids are only 1 year apart, so the allocation of time/expectation/resources mentally 'torture' me every day! I get my older NT daughter to model a lot of things to her brother and sometimes she don't want. She goes to a full-day cc while my son goes for 3hrs class and she asks why? She gets jealous when we applause our son for all the right things he achieved and she gets jealous. Gosh, can you imagine my inner struggle everyday? But yet if I don't help my son now, he will lag more and more behind. The developmental pediatrician told me if I had not started therapies so early at 22 months, he can only achieve his current speech/social abilities at 36 months or older instead of now at 27 months old.
I do set much higher academic standard for my NT girl. Following Double E's example, I sit down for 30mins every night to do handwriting with her. She is in N2 this year. -
Double E:
Ironically, I actually have higher academic standard for my ASD boy than my NT girl!!! Am I the exception here? I think the main reason is because, i find it easier to teach my boy academics than my girl. He can read and have good memory, hence, after he mastered a topic, I can add on. Whereas for my girl who is NT and doesn't have the kind of memory that my ASD boy has, getting her to remember the sequence of numbers like 1-30 and learning how to write numbers 20 and above is way more difficult than my boy. But the blessing is that, she picks up the skill of writing much easier than my boy, but can't remember how to write the numbers. For my boy, due to his motor skills issue, I had to spend a lot of time on his writing skills.
I had higher standards for my Aspie girl in earlier years as she was a good reader and has a good memory for things that interest her. Her weaknesses are in social and physical skills, and later on, in Maths and general comprehension. My NT girl was a late reader but good at other stuff. Once my NT girl started reading, her ability quickly caught up and she surpassed her older sister in overall comprehension. We've got past the comparison stage now as both have realised that they are just very different. -
Hi Simkhoo,
Yes, I praise my daughter when she does something well too but I think she feels insecure. For example, my son can kick a ball to daddy when we instructed him to and we praised him for that and my girl goes and imitate the same move and expect praises as well. Nowadays after her cc, I will pay attention to her for the rest of the evening and leaves my son to the maid and daddy. As she grows bigger, she understands better and sometimes even asks me ‘mommy, are you bringing didi for therapy today?’ -
Couragemom:
Why not praise her for that too? Even if you feel she can do more, you can still praise her and then encourage her to go further. I have never had a maid, so I haven't practised separating my kids. Anyway, I feel that having them together teaches them to adjust to each other and take turns. Just my thoughts.Hi Simkhoo,
Yes, I praise my daughter when she does something well too but I think she feels insecure. For example, my son can kick a ball to daddy when we instructed him to and we praised him for that and my girl goes and imitate the same move and expect praises as well. Nowadays after her cc, I will pay attention to her for the rest of the evening and leaves my son to the maid and daddy. As she grows bigger, she understands better and sometimes even asks me 'mommy, are you bringing didi for therapy today?'
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