SAHM to FTWM??

[skunk]

foreverj:

for some parents, they really could not care less that their kid is brought up by maids maybe due to the fact that they didn't understand the real responsibilities of parents. but honestly, there r many cases where its really can't be helped. wat if there r cases where the parents stil have to support their own old and sick parents? medical bills and medication can be a heavy burden on finances as well. i believe most parents, if they could afford it, would want to be able to bring up the children properly - on their own. but in reality, it's a luxury that not all can afford.

if can't be helped, it's really too bad

but seriously, i know of quite a few parents who rather not bring up their own children, and go out and earn some money so they can buy all the needless physical posessions hehe

[corneyAmber]

skunk:

foreverj:

for some parents, they really could not care less that their kid is brought up by maids maybe due to the fact that they didn't understand the real responsibilities of parents. but honestly, there r many cases where its really can't be helped. wat if there r cases where the parents stil have to support their own old and sick parents? medical bills and medication can be a heavy burden on finances as well. i believe most parents, if they could afford it, would want to be able to bring up the children properly - on their own. but in reality, it's a luxury that not all can afford.

if can't be helped, it's really too bad

but seriously, i know of quite a few parents who rather not bring up their own children, and go out and earn some money so they can buy all the needless physical posessions hehe

It takes all sorts to make the world...otherwise life is so peaceful and serene and nothing much to think about....

I have met all the various categories as well. Even those who choose not to look after themselves, I believe it may not be a bad idea. If they have no conviction in their hearts, they may end up abusing the kids. Some people just cannot cope with children's demands, unfortunately. So working and providing materially is like a form of escapism for them until the child is old enough to interact at a level they are comfortable with.

Not everyone is born with maternal and paternal instincts. Just my 2 cts.

[smurf]

minnie2004:

My biggest problem being a SAHM is the narrowing of my social circle. When my kids are in school, I have no one to talk to except the maid, and this one happens to be the quiet type. When my DH comes home at night, it's also hard to start a conversation with him as he's either too tired to talk or would rather watch TV.


I wanted to rejoin the work force at one point (already got an offer) but DS was still too young then and I couldn't leave my kids in the hands of a maid. Meanwhile, as the years go by, it may get more difficult to get back to work as I'd be \"out of the market\" for too long.

this is what I'm worried about. more and more difficult to get a job, age, years of experience, detach from the circle, etc.
especially when my degree is engineering...harder to go back to work...

I dunnno if I'm stilll able to clinch a job when ready to find 1...i doubt so.

[kaitlynangelica]

skunk:

kaitlynangelica:

I can understand where the concern for money lies. I have seen ppl out of job for 2 to 3 years and the kids really really suffer..........like they can't even have swimming lessons after that. Nowadays cannot compare to our grandparents time. Things are a lot more expensive. For eg, my dd now in p1, has compusory speech and drama, complusory this and compulsory that. It's a lot more expensive to raise a kid these days. Also, don't we have to take care of our retirement? I don't dream of making dd take care of me when I am old.

It's not true things are alot more expensive. Relatively speaking, food has become cheaper. I'm comparing my father's starting salary of $600 almost 40 years ago, and the price of a meal outside. Just that nowadays, humans \"cannot live\" with so many things. U r talking about swimming lessons and speech n drama LOL That's really funny. In the old days, kids learnt swimming from their dads, and speech and drama from the local kampong animals. I've seen children's drama class where they role-play as animals. So funny.

I've never felt insecure about my job, because I know, no matter what it takes, i will raise my family. If i have to scavenge in the dustbin, i will do it. In fact I've done it before....as a student, i saved up $300 to buy a diamond for my gf (now my wife). I ate leftover food on the school canteen tables and starved on certain days. I'm that kind of tough and crazy guy LOL my point is that feeling insecure is a waste of time n energy, it doesn't change anything. Life goes on, be tough.

Yes, i'm one of those who do not plan to save money for my children's future. A university education is something they have to achieve for themselves. I provide them food, shelter and love. They want anything else, they have to get it themselves. In not giving them everything, I have given them the best thing they can get : the spirit of self reliance and toughness. It makes them appreciate what they have and they will be better off than me providing everything.

I do not plan for my retirement either. I expect them to support me. If they don't, it's ok, i can forage in bins again lol.

Skunk,

1) The speech and drama and swimming lessons I am refering to were made compulsory by dd's school. No choice. We had to pay for it and i was shocked.

2) U say that u are not insecure about your job because no matter what, u will raise the family. May I know how does an individual raise a famikly if the day comes when both husband and wife do not have a steady stream of income for a long period? even paying school fees and utility bills becomes a problem.

3)U ate leftover food in the school canteem. don't u want ur kids to have a better life and not be subject to the same kind of difficulties. While I agree its no point being insecure, I do think that it is good to make some back-up plans because we do know that life is not perfect and things do happen.

4) I get your point about teaching your kids the value of resiliance and survival skills. But imageine how pissed the kids will feel if they had the means, talents and intelligence to go to uni but they couldn't because parents did not even plan for them.

5) u are one of the few ppl whom I know who expect the kids to support them in the future. As far as I know, all my friends since having had kids, have sacrificed on their lifestyles to give the children the best in terms of exposure. I am not talking about enrichment classes and the like, but at least they try to ensure that the kids can start work with a small sum of savings.

Skunk,

your views are so extreme. You are so so so so so like one of my friends. She doesn't care that there are no savings for the kids. She takes the kids Ang Pow's given at CNY to be recycled. As much as possible, i will never do that. To me, its robbing my dd. She doesn't care that he husband does not want to move to another company for career progression, or that both husband and wife have barely any savings. They just wanted to have two kids for the sake of having two kids. They never thought so far. And then she gets stressed when she hears how other ppl have done this and that for their kids. That always leaves me speecless how clueless she is on what is happening out there.

[skunk]

kaitlynangelica:

Skunk,

1) The speech and drama and swimming lessons I am refering to were made compulsory by dd's school. No choice. We had to pay for it and i was shocked.

2) U say that u are not insecure about your job because no matter what, u will raise the family. May I know how does an individual raise a famikly if the day comes when both husband and wife do not have a steady stream of income for a long period? even paying school fees and utility bills becomes a problem.

3)U ate leftover food in the school canteem. don't u want ur kids to have a better life and not be subject to the same kind of difficulties. While I agree its no point being insecure, I do think that it is good to make some back-up plans because we do know that life is not perfect and things do happen.

4) I get your point about teaching your kids the value of resiliance and survival skills. But imageine how pissed the kids will feel if they had the means, talents and intelligence to go to uni but they couldn't because parents did not even plan for them.

5) u are one of the few ppl whom I know who expect the kids to support them in the future. As far as I know, all my friends since having had kids, have sacrificed on their lifestyles to give the children the best in terms of exposure. I am not talking about enrichment classes and the like, but at least they try to ensure that the kids can start work with a small sum of savings.

Skunk,

your views are so extreme. You are so so so so so like one of my friends. She doesn't care that there are no savings for the kids. She takes the kids Ang Pow's given at CNY to be recycled. As much as possible, i will never do that. To me, its robbing my dd. She doesn't care that he husband does not want to move to another company for career progression, or that both husband and wife have barely any savings. They just wanted to have two kids for the sake of having two kids. They never thought so far. And then she gets stressed when she hears how other ppl have done this and that for their kids. That always leaves me speecless how clueless she is on what is happening out there.

1) That's why i'm staying at home and raising my own kids, so they do not have to go for unnecessary courses. I will be home schooling them.

2) With my resilience and hands n legs, u think we will be without income for long? I know of people with disabilities raising families. A truly disabled person is one disabled by himself, not by external circumstances.

3) No backup plan is as good as God's. I believe He will provide everything for me, and I live my life as such. I do not force others to believe, though i hope they will.

4) I can mortgage the house if need be, or they can take a loan from the bank, or work a few years first. If all else fails, so be it. We believe God provides. If they're gonna be pissed at me, so be it. I don't live to please them. They want a degree, go get it themselves.

5) I've sacrificed lots to stay at home and raise my own kids. I do hope I can give them materially, but if I can't, it's just too bad. I'm not going to sacrifice the intangible and precious, for the tangible and worthless. Often, giving them more is giving them less.

Yes, I'm very extreme, and although i try to sway people to my views, I've always said that I can not, do not and will not force people. And yes, i will recycle the angbao money, that was what my parents used to do, what's wrong with that? I never felt resentful. I was told since young that we were born with nothing anyway. Anything we didn't have, we had to fight for it, anything we were given, it's a gift, not an entitlement. The result is that all 4 kids of my parents are strong n tough people, standing on their own feet at an early age. And no, I'm not stressed, it's a great way to live.

[kaitlynangelica]

skunk:

1) That's why i'm staying at home and raising my own kids, so they do not have to go for unnecessary courses. I will be home schooling them.


2) With my resilience and hands n legs, u think we will be without income for long? I know of people with disabilities raising families. A truly disabled person is one disabled by himself, not by external circumstances.

3) No backup plan is as good as God's. I believe He will provide everything for me, and I live my life as such. I do not force others to believe, though i hope they will.

4) I can mortgage the house if need be, or they can take a loan from the bank, or work a few years first. If all else fails, so be it. We believe God provides. If they're gonna be pissed at me, so be it. I don't live to please them. They want a degree, go get it themselves.

5) I've sacrificed lots to stay at home and raise my own kids. I do hope I can give them materially, but if I can't, it's just too bad. I'm not going to sacrifice the intangible and precious, for the tangible and worthless. Often, giving them more is giving them less.

Yes, I'm very extreme, and although i try to sway people to my views, I've always said that I can not, do not and will not force people. And yes, i will recycle the angbao money, that was what my parents used to do, what's wrong with that? I never felt resentful. I was told since young that we were born with nothing anyway. Anything we didn't have, we had to fight for it, anything we were given, it's a gift, not an entitlement. The result is that all 4 kids of my parents are strong n tough people, standing on their own feet at an early age. And no, I'm not stressed, it's a great way to live.

Skunk,

I think u are on the way to becoming the Duggars family of Singapore. you know, the one in American with 18 kids and still counting? The mother is already a grandmother herself. All the kids are homeschooled and they go by some buddy system.

[skunk]

kaitlynangelica:

Skunk,

I think u are on the way to becoming the Duggars family of Singapore. you know, the one in American with 18 kids and still counting? The mother is already a grandmother herself. All the kids are homeschooled and they go by some buddy system.

I'm only aiming for 4 kids.....6 if i happen to strike lottery lol