All About Autism

[scang]

slmkhoo:

Your son is too young for a formal diagnosis, in my opinion. If it's mild enough that they can't give your a conclusive answer, then there is a possibility that the symptoms are just part of his normal pattern of growth which is different from the typical. Too-early diagnosis can turn out to be wrong and cause a lot of unnecessary upset and treatment. Even if it later turns out that he has ASD, what difference does it make? He is still your son, and you are still his mother. He is still going to need you to help him learn, grow and cope with the world, whether he is ASD or not.


I was the opposite of you. I did notice a few 'oddities' in my daughter even as a toddler, but I didn't try to get a diagnosis. In fact, even though we self-diagnosed her to be Asperger's when she was about 6yo, we didn't take her for a formal diagnosis till she was 14yo (and were proved correct). We had been overseas all her school life, so didn't need a formal diagnosis as her school was willing to take our word for it and cope with her. But Singapore schools are not so accommodating without a formal report, so we got the diagnosis and informed her teachers here so they could cut her a bit of slack if necessary.

What I did was deal with every 'symptom' as it came up - taught her to look people in the face, taught her to greet and answer simple questions, taught her to play alongside other kids, taught her the required manners and social behaviour etc. She never really liked interacting with other kids, and other mothers could see that she was a bit of a loner and liked to do her own thing, even at 1yo! I just treated her like any other kid - talked to her, played with her, taught her whatever seemed to be right 'next thing' for her etc, but addressed her particular issues as we went along. Actually, what we found hardest to deal with were the non-ASD traits - poor motor skills, slow processing speed, auditory processing issues. The ASD traits just meant that she was less cooperative because she didn't see the need to try to work with us, and less able to explain to teachers and friends that she was finding something tough.

What I did was read up what I could about coping with a 'different' child and how to teach her what she needed to know at each stage (therapy sounds like it needs to be professional, but really, a good book and common sense is what is mostly needed unless the deficits are really severe). I didn't see that a label would be useful as every child, even with the same label, manifests differently. I believe that you should do the same with your son. Forget trying to get a label (unless you need it to get into a school or whatever later on) and just work on helping him learn the things he needs to learn now. He may always be different from the norm, he may learn some things later than the norm, but it's OK to be different as long as he can cope with normal life on his terms.

Just my thoughts and a different perspective.

Yes, totally agreed with slmkhoo.

It seems SG loves to label people and things, but it doesn't help nor improve what is more important, which is the physical, social, psychological and emotional well being of the child. It is also this labeling that denies them insurance from most insurance company w/o premium loading.

Have a change in mindset, and work on the important aspect which is to help the child develop. Be influential and supportive in their lives, work on their talents, potentials, character, personalities, Strengths etc.

Work on Positively interacting with your child, Motivating your child, and Aiding your child in various aspect of his life.

[Couragemom]

Hi Mashy and Simkhoo,


Thank you so vvvv much for your replies. Actually I also told myself to ‘suck it up’ and get on with life. You all are right, nothing will change the fact that I am his dearest mama and he is my very much loved and wanted second child. Actually I thought I was getting better because I started to feel more at peace with myself but this week I feel bad again. Haizz… I actually thought of seeing a psychiatrist (can prescribe medicine) but I need to be on my toes for my family. Talking to you mommies help a lot a lot as I can see that with persistence and diligent work from us, all our little ones will blossom in their own ways one day! Everyday I have this crazy wish that I have a time traveling machine to the future and all I want is a 10sec glimpse into my son’s life to see how he is as an adult to ease all the worries I have towards his future.

As ImMeeMee said, this autism journey is a marathon, not a sprint, so I can’t be in this state of mind forever or else I will let everyone down. I will monitor myself further and see how. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

[mashy]

Couragemom:

Hi Mashy and Simkhoo,


Thank you so vvvv much for your replies. Actually I also told myself to 'suck it up' and get on with life. You all are right, nothing will change the fact that I am his dearest mama and he is my very much loved and wanted second child. Actually I thought I was getting better because I started to feel more at peace with myself but this week I feel bad again. Haizz... I actually thought of seeing a psychiatrist (can prescribe medicine) but I need to be on my toes for my family. Talking to you mommies help a lot a lot as I can see that with persistence and diligent work from us, all our little ones will blossom in their own ways one day! Everyday I have this crazy wish that I have a time traveling machine to the future and all I want is a 10sec glimpse into my son's life to see how he is as an adult to ease all the worries I have towards his future.

As ImMeeMee said, this autism journey is a marathon, not a sprint, so I can't be in this state of mind forever or else I will let everyone down. I will monitor myself further and see how. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Hugs.

Understand how u are feeling. I also go on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes feeling at peace, sometimes having panic attacks, sometimes feeling that he has all the signs of an nT boy.

Don't worry after his future. We can't do anything other than dealing with each issue one at a time.

Recently read about Stephen Hawkings too. If he could overcome his severe physical disability to become one of the world's greatest scientist, I'm sure ours can also overcome theirs. Even if they don't achieve that much in their lifetime, at least be a useful person and be who they want to be.

I'm trying to look at the strengths and not focus so much in his weaknesses. If they learn something they like long enough, they can be an expert in it too. Amazingly, the advantage of our kids is that immense focus they have on their interests. Once they find their interests, they learn so fast and become an expert in their own right. Even for low functioning kids, I'm sure they have things they are obsessed about.

[Couragemom]

Hi Mashy,


Yes, I will celebrate his milestones and his strengths and work on his weaknesses and try not to worry too much about his future. Actually I am quite grateful of his advanced cognitive skill because he is only attending 3 days morning class now due to all his therapies!

Hi mommies,

I am very happy to report that my son finally knows how to initiate joint attention (look at object, look at me look at object again and me again) after I taught him for about 2-3 weeks. This is different from sharing joint attention (we point to something and our child look at the object together). Hopefully he can generalize this skill in his school.

[Double E]

Couragemum


If you ask me, I wouldn’t want the 10 sec to see what my son will be when he is adult, I may end up worrying more if is something that I do not want to see. I have learned to take each day as it comes and when therapist tells me what he is still lacking, I will tell myself, every child has their own issues, even NTs. Eg, my girl is NT but she is not as enthu in academics like my son and she gets distracted easily too , a term that therapists like to use on our ASD kids. So does that mean she also needs therapy? Hence, I have learned to take the comments with a pinch of salt and accept that no child is perfect, unless, the comment is about something that is of a real concern like he stims more or he starts hitting others. Other then that, I will acknowledge it and see how best to guide him.

[sharonkhoo]

Double E:

...I have learned to take each day as it comes and when therapist tells me what he is still lacking, I will tell myself, every child has their own issues, even NTs. Eg, my girl is NT but she is not as enthu in academics like my son and she gets distracted easily too , a term that therapists like to use on our ASD kids. So does that mean she also needs therapy? Hence, I have learned to take the comments with a pinch of salt and accept that no child is perfect, unless, the comment is about something that is of a real concern like he stims more or he starts hitting others. Other then that, I will acknowledge it and see how best to guide him.

I think you are very wise. I feel that too many set the standard too high for all kids, ASD or NT, and will not be satisfied until the kid has reached near-perfection. Whereas I think we will all be happier if we aim for a realistic 'normal'.

[Couragemom]

Hi Double E,


Thanks for your advice! My daughter is just like yours, not too keen on her academics. Mine loves to talk! I will moderate my expectation of my son. But recently I got complained by his principal that he cannot hold a scissors properly to cut dough, then I was like 'duhhhh, ooooookkkkk, I will practice with him at home. Gosh!

[ImMeeMee]

Couragemom


Glad to see that you are OK now.

My doter was three yo when we realized that we needed professional help, and almost immediately we were given the diagnosis. So I had no experience of going through the unknown and letting thoughts run wild about is it or is it not.

But I do understand how you feel in terms of the dark and weak moments. Not being too engaged with the child in the initial part could just be a way for us to protect ourselves from further hurt and anguish - we need time to self-heal and to learn to cope too. It does not just come naturally with a snap of a finger.

4 years on, things have normalized somewhat for us, and we have learnt to cope with it. My doter still has her areas of challenge, and we are still addressing these areas. I am not sure whether her issues will be addressed sufficiently in time to come, but we have learnt to be optimistic.

So take heart, it will be the same for you in time to come. And when you look back, you will realize that the experience has made you a stronger and better person. Its a marathon, not a sprint, and its a marathon that can be full of roses (though quite a lot of thorns too) - sometimes its really how we choose to look at things.

Take care.

[sharonkhoo]

Couragemom:

Hi Double E,


Thanks for your advice! My daughter is just like yours, not too keen on her academics. Mine loves to talk! I will moderate my expectation of my son. But recently I got complained by his principal that he cannot hold a scissors properly to cut dough, then I was like 'duhhhh, ooooookkkkk, I will practice with him at home. Gosh!

This is a case in point. Your son is 2yo, right? Then why should he be expected to use a scissors?

From the US National Institutes of Health website:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency ... 002013.htm
Fine motor development milestones should include:

At about age 3:
Drawing a circle
Drawing a person with three parts
Beginning to use children's blunt-nose scissors
Self-dressing (with supervision)
At about age 4:
Drawing a square
Using scissors, and eventually cutting a straight line
Putting on clothes properly
Managing a spoon and fork neatly while eating
At about age 5:
Spreading with a knife
Drawing a triangle

Please don't let misguided teachers and therapists set unrealistic targets for your kids and make you worried. Check for yourself. Just because one child can do it doesn't mean all kids should be expected to do it. In your place, I wouldn't even bother to teach the boy to use scissors yet.

[Double E]

slmkhoo:

Couragemom:

Hi Double E,


Thanks for your advice! My daughter is just like yours, not too keen on her academics. Mine loves to talk! I will moderate my expectation of my son. But recently I got complained by his principal that he cannot hold a scissors properly to cut dough, then I was like 'duhhhh, ooooookkkkk, I will practice with him at home. Gosh!

This is a case in point. Your son is 2yo, right? Then why should he be expected to use a scissors?

From the US National Institutes of Health website:
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency ... 002013.htm
Fine motor development milestones should include:

At about age 3:
Drawing a circle
Drawing a person with three parts
Beginning to use children's blunt-nose scissors
Self-dressing (with supervision)
At about age 4:
Drawing a square
Using scissors, and eventually cutting a straight line
Putting on clothes properly
Managing a spoon and fork neatly while eating
At about age 5:
Spreading with a knife
Drawing a triangle

Please don't let misguided teachers and therapists set unrealistic targets for your kids and make you worried. Check for yourself. Just because one child can do it doesn't mean all kids should be expected to do it. In your place, I wouldn't even bother to teach the boy to use scissors yet.

Agree. only 2 years old leh. Do teachers really think all the kids are so smart? even teachers have good and bad ones. And at this moment, what is more impt? using a scissors or other areas like joint attention, speech? Tackle the more impt and crucial ones first, I say.