All About Full-Time Maids
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[quote] really? I find their lying and acting skills at best amateurish LOL when someone's obviously trying to cover up a mistake, it's so easy to spot the loopholes.
It's the same vibe u get when a little kid has his hand in the cookie jar, and he claims he's trying to get an ant out hehe[/quote]
It is correct to say that it easy to spot the loopholes, but they die die will never never admit it. They also like to use emotional blackmail on you too. Recently, my maid after making a mistake and was caught by me immediately placed the blame on me in my face. :x Thereafter, started crying very sadly that I could not bear to continue asking her. She knew she got away with it. She is just with me for barely 3 months and is already lying to me. Wonder how long I can tolerate her nonsense -
Hiccup:
Many women from backward countries are raised in this way. Taking a leaf from our own poor ancestral roots, 一哭二闹三上吊.
It is correct to say that it easy to spot the loopholes, but they die die will never never admit it. They also like to use emotional blackmail on you too. Recently, my maid after making a mistake and was caught by me immediately placed the blame on me in my face. :x Thereafter, started crying very sadly that I could not bear to continue asking her. She knew she got away with it. She is just with me for barely 3 months and is already lying to me. Wonder how long I can tolerate her nonsense
We should behave like the men in their country do, \"just do what i say and shut up.\" LOL -
My maid want to renew her contract with me and she is going back on home leave for 3 weeks.
I called the embassy and they told me that they need to validate the contract, issue exit pass and join dun know what club. total payable is $110.00
Help! so expensive to go back home leave? :? -
Yes, I remember it was something like this when I renewed the contract.
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Hi Mods,
Perhaps you may want to consider merging this in the \"All about Full Time Maids thread? -
autumnbronze:
Hi autumnbronze and blobbi,minnie2004,
Yes, I agree with Blobbi abt seeting your expectations with this issue. You shd tell her that she needs to check with you first before taking something that is meant for the family. I started strict with her with regards to food, but now I have relaxed. She does have relative freedom to cook what she wants to eat on the days I am out. And we give her a share of everything we eat too, like cod and salmon or goodies. However, my helper so far has not pilfered food that is not hers. Instead, she will ask first, esp with regards to leftover food.
We generally share all our food with her. We even let her take out some food for herself first before serving us so she doesn't have to eat leftovers from us. But she abused it and used to take out the best pieces for her. My DH told her off once, saying she shud save the best for the kids first. She cried (she always does that whenever my DH tells her off) and doesn't dare to do that ever since.
Also, i have a feeling she doesn't want me to know what she's cooking for herself when we are out. There's one day we all went out and she cooked her own lunch. I came back home unexpectedly and saw something (looks like some kind of congee with green beans) she cooked for herself in the kitchen. When I went back seconds later, the food in the pot was gone. Later I found out she put the leftover food in a plastic container in her room instead of the fridge. It's as if she's hiding something :|. She's one of those quiet type and doesn't talk much so it's very frustrating for me to guess what she's thinking. :? -
minnie2004:
Pt 1 - in blue
Hi autumnbronze and blobbi,
We generally share all our food with her. We even let her take out some food for herself first before serving us so she doesn't have to eat leftovers from us. But she abused it and used to take out the best pieces for her. My DH told her off once, saying she shud save the best for the kids first. She cried (she always does that whenever my DH tells her off) and doesn't dare to do that ever since.
Also, i have a feeling she doesn't want me to know what she's cooking for herself when we are out. There's one day we all went out and she cooked her own lunch. I came back home unexpectedly and saw something (looks like some kind of congee with green beans) she cooked for herself in the kitchen. When I went back seconds later, the food in the pot was gone. Later I found out she put the leftover food in a plastic container in her room instead of the fridge. It's as if she's hiding something :|. She's one of those quiet type and doesn't talk much so it's very frustrating for me to guess what she's thinking. :?
I will take out the portion for her first b4 serving the family. This was when she first started. Only after 1 and a half yrs, I occasionally let her take her own. I don't know whether it will be possible for you to implement this. I did this to set the tone. What your helper is doing is really wrong, as in taking the best pieces for herself as yes, they shd be for the kids.
Pt 2 - in green
My helper also cooks meals for herself when I am out. But she only cooks vege and rice. I have noticed that my rice finishes v fast but I don't question cuz I look at the overall pic. As she does not skive, I just close one eye.
Pt 3 - in purple
She may be doing this because she knows that her actions won't be accepted??? I am speculating because I don't know how long she has been with you, but you need to have a talk with her about this.
One thing I have learnt and this is our method which we use and which others may not agree, is not to accuse them directly. For instance, if I had found food in my helper's room, I will tell her \"oh you have food in your room, what abt putting it in the fridge?\" I will explain that it will attract cockroaches and encourage her to keep in the fridge. My tone will be matter of fact and casual.
I suppose you need to find a method in which your maid will respond positively to. I find that they are like kids sometimes and have to treat them as such. She might also be quiet because she might have pre-conceived notions of how you might react to certain things. Maybe you might want to update the house rules and go thru them with her again.
I hope you don't mind me saying this. But I feel that the lady of the house has to set the tone with regards to the maid. I can understand why your DH stepped in, and you mentioned that she dared not do it again. But, in the long run, it may be detrimental to you as she may not listen to you. The crying - well, it could be an act or genuine. You have to assess. If the former, tell her straight that it has no effect cuz its done once too often. If genuine, that means she's scared of your DH?? My DH will tell me something that he is not happy abt the way she's done and I will in turn relay it to her, again using the analogy method, and concluding by saying that if Sir finds out, he may not like it.
Study the maid's character and act accordingly.
You can also refer to Tamarind's blog, a fellow forummer,
on 'How to' abt maids.
http://singaporemaid.blogspot.com/
My 2 cents
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Thanks autumnbronze for your comments. You seem to be very good at handling maids!
Pt 1: I think it’s too late for us to change the practice. We started doing this with our first maid and she passed on to the 2nd one, who in turn passed to this one. We usually have an overlapping period for old and new maids such that the old one can train the new one. So a lot of old practices are passed on to the new one.
Pt 2: I also notice our rice runs out very fast. But I think as long as she’s not stealing the rice to ship back to Philipines, I’m ok with that.
Pt 3: She’s been with us over a year. I actually asked her later that day what she cooked for lunch and she said it’s some filipino food. I didn’t ask her why she hid it in her room as I didn’t want her to know I’ve been checking out her room. I need to add that she even covered the container with some newspaper, so definitely didn’t want me to find out.
My maid indeed is like a kid. She is still 24 and single. She used to get into fights with my DD like a kid until we had a talk with her. My previous 2 maids were both married with kids so they were more mature. Sometimes when I asked her to do something or point out something she did wrongly, she’ll put on a long face the whole day. I guess I’m not articulate enough and not very good at handling confrontations. On the other hand, my DH is very straight-forward and outspoken. He’ll voice out his dissatisfaction without hesitation. He even told her once that he doesn’t want to see her black face when we tell her to do something. It’s very hard for me to say something like that.
I’ll definitely check out Tamarind’s blog. Thanks! -
Hi Minnie,
I generally agree with Autumnbronze in that you should set the tone of the household. Don't scared! You're the paymaster! And, things can change even if the tone has been set in the past. She's been with you for a year and you've already invested some time to train her, so if she's generally ok and you want to keep her, just think of it as continuing training. The interim period of change won't be comfortable for you cos you're not used to it, but heck, this is self training for future maids too :).
I think it's the secretive nature that you dislike - who would like this sort of thing in their own home? This incident of you seeing the food is over, so forget about it. Next time if it happens again, you might want to say loudly but cheerfully, \"What's that?\" Keep it open and friendly, discuss about the recipe even, to show that she has nothing to hide. You might even ask for a spring cleaning. Don't give her warning - just step into the room and say - \"Wah, so dirty - can you get rid of the nespapers?\" Stand around a bit so she feels uncomfortable, and then move off. Have to check later on to make sure she's cleaned it up - if not, just point to what's still annoying you and tell her to do it.
The long face bit and crying - sure to happen. Just keep moving away after you tell her, minimize contact, but don't stop your firm, cheerful attitude if you need to speak with her. Really, you're gonna have many maids ahead of you. So should get used to the idea now :). -
minnie2004:
No worries minnie2004,Thanks autumnbronze for your comments. You seem to be very good at handling maids!
Pt 1: I think it's too late for us to change the practice. We started doing this with our first maid and she passed on to the 2nd one, who in turn passed to this one. We usually have an overlapping period for old and new maids such that the old one can train the new one. So a lot of old practices are passed on to the new one.
Pt 2: I also notice our rice runs out very fast. But I think as long as she's not stealing the rice to ship back to Philipines, I'm ok with that.
Pt 3: She's been with us over a year. I actually asked her later that day what she cooked for lunch and she said it's some filipino food. I didn't ask her why she hid it in her room as I didn't want her to know I've been checking out her room. I need to add that she even covered the container with some newspaper, so definitely didn't want me to find out.
My maid indeed is like a kid. She is still 24 and single. She used to get into fights with my DD like a kid until we had a talk with her. My previous 2 maids were both married with kids so they were more mature. Sometimes when I asked her to do something or point out something she did wrongly, she'll put on a long face the whole day. I guess I'm not articulate enough and not very good at handling confrontations. On the other hand, my DH is very straight-forward and outspoken. He'll voice out his dissatisfaction without hesitation. He even told her once that he doesn't want to see her black face when we tell her to do something. It's very hard for me to say something like that.
I'll definitely check out Tamarind's blog. Thanks!
I won't say I know how to handle the maid lah ...
I have been fortunate with this one and my DH has instructed me not to unnecessarily scold/shout the maid as she helps to take care of our DS. He is in the legal line so I have to take his lead. So far, this strategy seems to be working, so we'll just stick with it.
Also, I do think selection and training by the maid agency also plays a part
Hope things work out for you ... whichever route you choose.
Anyway, you can always rant here if need be, though for your sake I hope not lah ...
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