All About Autism
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ImMeeMee:
First will be her sister, of course. After that, some relatives who we are closer to, and church friends and families. Unfortunately, she has no cousins close to her in age - they are either much older or much younger, but in a pinch, they should be willing to help, but must be asked. We encourage her to make friends in church and be involved in activities, and there are always kinder people in church who look out for those who may need help. Hopefully, there will also be closer school friends, but since we only returned to Singapore last year, and she will only be in this school for 3 yrs, I'm not sure about that. I really hope there will be some man who loves her for who she is - that would be the ideal!
slmkhoo, any thoughts on how you would be building a support network for your daughter into adulthood? This is one question that has been on my mind for a long time.slmkhoo:
Thanks! Just sharing since I've been down that road ahead of most of the people here. It took me a long while to come to terms with the slowness of the process, and I still don't know what the eventual outcome will be. At 17yo, my daughter is more like 14yo in terms of social understanding, independence etc. We see that this also affects her academically, especially in arts subjects where more maturity is required. She struggles with Maths as we think she is probably not mentally as ready for some advanced concepts (and has also inherited my non-Maths genes!). We are prepared that she may not reach full adulthood (in independence, knowing how to cope with social situations, changes etc ) until she is 25 or even 30! We just remind ourselves constantly that speed is not of the essence. Even when she is independent, she will probably always need family and friends around her to help when things are not going to plan. Anyway, we also take things a step at a time. She is going to take A levels in 2.5 yrs time, and we will see what seems best after that. -
nugget:
Hugs!
Thanks slmkhoo,slmkhoo:
He's only in P1, isn't he? It will probably take more time and practice. Don't give up! My daughter was like that too, and it does get better with practice. You will have to be stricter at home, put the timer in another room, refuse to talk to him etc. We actually had someone else come in to do that with my daughter every day doing homework, and after a semester, we could see that it helped. She still dreams, but is better at self-control now (but she's 17yo!).
I really lost it last week. Never felt so stress during my exams before. He can do all his work but because he cannot concentrate and end up all wrong or he just anyhow filled up answers and ended up fail. Not only fail, but fail badly. He feels making \"mistakes\" is okay because can do correction later.
I have been trying to condition him at home. I don't know how much he is taking in. I don't even know if he is trying at all.
I really feel like giving up. Sigh.. but if I give on him, the whole world will give up on him too. *cry* I am not asking for 90% scores or what. I just want him to pass, be average and blend in. I guess this is a new experience/next hurdle for me. I am still trying to manage my emotions.
When I share this someone close to me, she told me \"aiya your son is not very clever one, why you set your expectation so high?\". Very sad, my son is not normal like other people but it doesnt mean he is stupid.
Probably I feel my son is not stupid, at least can prove himself in someway. Yet he cannot concentrated and fail so badly at his previous paper made me feel frustrated.
After all the therapies, carefully planning everything for him, making all adjustments, requesting teachers help and giving them special instructions. I did the best I could, why doesn't he try hard enough? I feel so unjust for him yet I don't know how I can help.
I keep telling myself to push on. The end game is PSLE. And this is the first time he is taking test.. I should relax a bit. But I am just following everyone into this MOE kiasu pressure cooker parent mode. I can't stand myself also. Why am i like this
Is your son competitive in nature? Even if he feels that making mistake is not a problem, but if he is competitive enough, u can still train him to take it more seriously. Try with some games first, then see who wins. When I play games with my son, sometimes I let him win and sometimes I let him lose. When he wins, he feels proud and happy. When he loses, he feels sad. It's that kind of feeling that I wanted to let him realize the happiness of doing well. Once he gets that, I got him to do past year papers / assessment papers. I let him know the results after that. He has certain expectations of the different subjects and he knows himself well. Like for Chinese, he only expects a pass. For maths, he wants to score 90.
Results isn't everything. Perhaps you should also find out his gifts. If he is talented in music, go for it. If he is into art, go for it. Look for something he is passionate about and make him be so good at it. I don't think my son is clever. But his crazy driving force behind his passion drives him to read and learn a lot more than others. That's the advantage of our ASD kids. Their focus is so strong once you secure it, they will excel in their passion. This is really 傻瓜也可以变天才. My son memorized all the books he read about chemistry and astronomy. He isn't clever, it's his passion driving it. So I just bought as many books on those topics and just let him read. Now his knowledge has surpassed mine.
Try, find out what he likes he expand it. My boy started off just spinning balls and wheels. He likes all round things and those that spin. We expanded that interest to planets, then to molecules. U realize it's all balls right? Hahaha. That simple obsession with balls just grew and grew.
I hope you can find out what are his gifts. Don't just look at his weaknesses but hone his strengths. -
Nugget
Btw, have u offered him any rewards for doing well for the exams? It may work u know. I bought my son a molecule set when he did exceptionally well for his CA1. He’s so proud of himself and is working hard. -
slmkhoo:
First will be her sister, of course. After that, some relatives who we are closer to, and church friends and families. Unfortunately, she has no cousins close to her in age - they are either much older or much younger, but in a pinch, they should be willing to help, but must be asked. We encourage her to make friends in church and be involved in activities, and there are always kinder people in church who look out for those who may need help. Hopefully, there will also be closer school friends, but since we only returned to Singapore last year, and she will only be in this school for 3 yrs, I'm not sure about that. I really hope there will be some man who loves her for who she is - that would be the ideal![/quote]My son says he will buy a house and I can stay with him! Yippee!
slmkhoo, any thoughts on how you would be building a support network for your daughter into adulthood? This is one question that has been on my mind for a long time.ImMeeMee:
[quote=\"slmkhoo\"]
Thanks! Just sharing since I've been down that road ahead of most of the people here. It took me a long while to come to terms with the slowness of the process, and I still don't know what the eventual outcome will be. At 17yo, my daughter is more like 14yo in terms of social understanding, independence etc. We see that this also affects her academically, especially in arts subjects where more maturity is required. She struggles with Maths as we think she is probably not mentally as ready for some advanced concepts (and has also inherited my non-Maths genes!). We are prepared that she may not reach full adulthood (in independence, knowing how to cope with social situations, changes etc ) until she is 25 or even 30! We just remind ourselves constantly that speed is not of the essence. Even when she is independent, she will probably always need family and friends around her to help when things are not going to plan. Anyway, we also take things a step at a time. She is going to take A levels in 2.5 yrs time, and we will see what seems best after that.
-
nugget:
Check with the OT during the next appointment too. Maybe she can suggest ways to increase concentration.
Thanks slmkhoo,slmkhoo:
He's only in P1, isn't he? It will probably take more time and practice. Don't give up! My daughter was like that too, and it does get better with practice. You will have to be stricter at home, put the timer in another room, refuse to talk to him etc. We actually had someone else come in to do that with my daughter every day doing homework, and after a semester, we could see that it helped. She still dreams, but is better at self-control now (but she's 17yo!).
I really lost it last week. Never felt so stress during my exams before. He can do all his work but because he cannot concentrate and end up all wrong or he just anyhow filled up answers and ended up fail. Not only fail, but fail badly. He feels making \"mistakes\" is okay because can do correction later.
I have been trying to condition him at home. I don't know how much he is taking in. I don't even know if he is trying at all.
I really feel like giving up. Sigh.. but if I give on him, the whole world will give up on him too. *cry* I am not asking for 90% scores or what. I just want him to pass, be average and blend in. I guess this is a new experience/next hurdle for me. I am still trying to manage my emotions.
When I share this someone close to me, she told me \"aiya your son is not very clever one, why you set your expectation so high?\". Very sad, my son is not normal like other people but it doesnt mean he is stupid.
Probably I feel my son is not stupid, at least can prove himself in someway. Yet he cannot concentrated and fail so badly at his previous paper made me feel frustrated.
After all the therapies, carefully planning everything for him, making all adjustments, requesting teachers help and giving them special instructions. I did the best I could, why doesn't he try hard enough? I feel so unjust for him yet I don't know how I can help.
I keep telling myself to push on. The end game is PSLE. And this is the first time he is taking test.. I should relax a bit. But I am just following everyone into this MOE kiasu pressure cooker parent mode. I can't stand myself also. Why am i like this -
mashy:
My son says he will buy a house and I can stay with him! Yippee!
Even if my daughter offers this to me, I don't think I want to! It will mean that she will keep depending on me. And realistically, there will come a time when I am not around, so it's best she gets used to that when I am still available for occasional emergency rescues. -
slmkhoo:
mashy:
My son says he will buy a house and I can stay with him! Yippee!
Even if my daughter offers this to me, I don't think I want to! It will mean that she will keep depending on me. And realistically, there will come a time when I am not around, so it's best she gets used to that when I am still available for occasional emergency rescues.
Lol. Good point. We will see how lah. Still long long way. -
mashy:
slmkhoo:
[quote=\"mashy\"]My son says he will buy a house and I can stay with him! Yippee!
Even if my daughter offers this to me, I don't think I want to! It will mean that she will keep depending on me. And realistically, there will come a time when I am not around, so it's best she gets used to that when I am still available for occasional emergency rescues.
Lol. Good point. We will see how lah. Still long long way.[/quote]
Hi Mashy,
So sweet of your son to say that! My husband and me are financially planning very hard to give our DS a roof over his head when he grows up. Don't want him to depend on his sister who will eventually marry and have her own family. I am praying hard that my son will grow up to be able to hold a job that can pay for his daily expenses and have some left over for savings. I really don't know what the standard of living in Singapore will become in 20 years. Now a bowl of fishball noodles soup cost $3, maybe 20 years down the road will become $5???? -
Couragemom:
Hi Mashy,
So sweet of your son to say that! My husband and me are financially planning very hard to give our DS a roof over his head when he grows up. Don't want him to depend on his sister who will eventually marry and have her own family. I am praying hard that my son will grow up to be able to hold a job that can pay for his daily expenses and have some left over for savings. I really don't know what the standard of living in Singapore will become in 20 years. Now a bowl of fishball noodles soup cost $3, maybe 20 years down the road will become $5????
It's already $5 in some places. Maybe $8 or $10?
I'm sure he will be able to hold a job, with such a dedicated mother like you. They are a lot better off with us to help them from young. Some aren't so lucky if their parents choose to deny it and refuse any help. -
Planning a roof for your child now??! Like seriously? Geez…
Please pardon my expression (and candidness) but from where I come from, it sounds so…how you say it…aloof?
Why the mollycoddling? What happened to self reliance? Even if a child is a special child, shouldn’t the priority be to teach him self reliance first, which ironically is inversely related to mollycoddling, IMHO. The more one mollycoddles, the less one is self reliant.
If it was me, I rather prepare to set up a Joan Bowen cafe to give my child a chance at being self reliant… than to buy a roof. It really sounds like an excuse to go out get another condo, in our property mad country. Sorry.
I dont even know how my child will turn out in 5 years, let alone 20…
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