How to tell if a child is gifted?

[cnimed]

EN,


someone recommended me the book Mindset by Carol Dweck for dealing with perfectionism. It is available in the library and I have found it useful. You may want to check it out.

My 2 kids are also sensitive kids, but in different ways. I have to add disclaimers to my words sometimes, and also tell ds1 not to misinterpret my tone or facial expressions, and to just ask me point blank if he's not sure.

Littlefly,

there are also sensory sensitivities that some people experience. If the parents also share some traits, the parents may automatically make adjustments at home so the kids are ok at home, but not so in school when the surrounding become overwhelming and they come home cranky and upset. An OT can do an assessment and make recommendations for remediation or simple coping mechanisms. The child can be taught to monitor himself, and to make appropriate adjustments BEFORE things get overwhelming.

Some children are also physically not well-coordinated, and they find the rough and tumble of other kids very intimidating. Again, this can be remedied through physical work.

Your brother can see if it fits his child's profile by looking up \"sensory integration\" and the book The Out of Sync Child. This is a neurological issue. I sent my child for half a year of gym (serious gym, not play gym), a few sessions of OT, and we also worked on self-monitoring and how to respectfully make requests for breaks. All these plus coaching on social interaction (with peers and authority figures) have made a world of difference. If the child is innately chatty and social, this is even more important. The introvert does not feel rejection as keenly as the extrovert. My son has really turned into a social creature since we worked on all these things, and he would also ask me to enroll him into all sorts of classes that he's interested in now.

The whole idea is to help the child interact successfully with the world around him so that he can meet his needs independently. He will then feel proud of himself and comfortable dealing with others, instead of feeling like an outcast. The strategies are simple, but need to be implemented consistently and consciously. But once the child masters them, they will serve him well for years to come.

[2ppaamm]

[Editor's note: Topic selected for http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/what-gifted-child-really-needs.]


Hi, my son is in GEP and enjoying the program. This week, the MOE folks are telling me that he is of a different level, and he will be going to join one level higher for certain subjects as recommended by the school. He will also be doing some advanced subjects at 3-4 years ahead.

Thing is, being #4, I had no time for him. He did not attend K2, just sat around the house, because he was so bored. No enrichment class, no flash cards, no nothing. But, he reads at 3, spoke at 6 months, and could do most things earlier. I believe he learnt to read through the comics at 3, and he learnt secondary school maths by reading his siblings text books. I still have not figured out how he learnt negative numbers and simultaneous equations when he was 7.

Now, a proud mother? No. THere are just so many other issues a mother has to handle with such kids. Jealousy from his classmates, expectation of him since he has the brains, his immatured behavior due to his other disabilities and sensitivities.

I know many parents put in that extra effort to ensure their kids get to be in the 'gifted' rank. Honestly, giftedness is really what it is, from God. I look at some GEP kids and pity them - for their lack of ability to live with themselves. Being told they are gifted from young, being groomed from young to give smart answers, being always ahead of their peers, have given them an expectation for themselves they sometimes cannot meet.

Friends, if you are grooming a gifted child, or you have a naturally gifted child, do your child a favour, give him lifeskills to live with the world as one. Teach him to be just one of the guys. He will thank you for it. Don't focus on having him branded 'gifted'. It is not important, trust me.

For me, I did neither. I did not think he was special (1st mistake) and I did not groom him (not a mistake - he was natural), I did not help him integrate with the world (big mistake). I now have to reteach him what he should have learnt 5 years ago....

But, I'll do a good job now. It's late, but not too late.

A gifted child does not need more pushing and more enrichment class. He needs love and know how to co-exist with the world.

[autumnbronze]

2ppaamm:

I know many parents put in that extra effort to ensure their kids get to be in the 'gifted' rank. Honestly, giftedness is really what it is, from God. I look at some GEP kids and pity them - for their lack of ability to live with themselves. Being told they are gifted from young, being groomed from young to give smart answers, being always ahead of their peers, have given them an expectation for themselves they sometimes cannot meet.

Friends, if you are grooming a gifted child, or you have a naturally gifted child, do your child a favour, give him lifeskills to live with the world as one. Teach him to be just one of the guys. He will thank you for it. Don't focus on having him branded 'gifted'. It is not important, trust me.

For me, I did neither. I did not think he was special (1st mistake) and I did not groom him (not a mistake - he was natural), I did not help him integrate with the world (big mistake). I now have to reteach him what he should have learnt 5 years ago....

But, I'll do a good job now. It's late, but not too late.

A gifted child does not need more pushing and more enrichment class. He needs love and know how to co-exist with the world.

2ppaamm,

Thank you, again. :goodpost:

I highlighted some of your statements because your thoughts are so universal, they apply to each and every child, gifted or not.

But I suspect 2ppaamm, for some parents, only when they understand that the giftedness is from God, will they then understand what you are trying to say here.

And yup, as the saying goes, better late than never ...

[2ppaamm]

How true, autumnbronze, most people probably don’t know, a child who is already gifted by nature wants only one thing. Not to be special, but to be normal. To be accepted by friends is a gift itself. To be able to understand how the ‘common’ people think is a pleasure. To have true friends is the greatest honor.


Why are we anxious to brand our kids gifted? For them, or for our own ego? Have we put our hands to our hearts and ask ourselves honestly?

And, what’s wrong with being just normal?

There was never a single time I needed to teach him anything or present him any information or show him any flash card or cd or dvd. He is also the kid I never had time to read to. He created every learning opportunity by himself up till now, because I had no time for him, he dug things out and asks questions and answer each and every one of them himself. But now, he needs me to enlighten him, "Why do people get angry?" He doesn’t know…

To many and sometimes to myself, I have ‘wasted’ my son’s talent to a large extent. However, looking at all the burnt out kids even at 10 years old, I might have done him a great favour. Which would you choose to believe?

[tamarind]

2ppaamm:

Why are we anxious to brand our kids gifted? For them, or for our own ego? Have we put our hands to our hearts and ask ourselves honestly?

Not many families are like yours. There are many familes that do not speak English, and do not have a single English book, or Secondary maths textbooks lying around the house. Parents too busy to even bring him to the library. Do you think that a child who is born into a family like this, can learn to read in English or know secondary maths all by himself ? I live in the HDB heartland, and I can tell you that many families are like this even now. Gifted kids are not only born to highly educated parents.

There are also many highly educated parents who put their kids with babysitters who do not know how to speak English (or speak bad English). Parents with A-levels or diploma holders may not even have a single book at home.

I do not believe that a child, no matter how gifted, can learn to read entirely by himself, without any external help. He must have been in an English speaking environment, and with lots of English books lying around, and someone must have been reading books to him. This is all the teaching that a gifted child needs. Anyone heard of a child growing up in a Hokkien speaking family who learns to read all by himself ? Or have you heard of a child growing up in a completely English speaking family, learn to speak and read Chinese all by himself ? If the child is really so amazing, why can't he learn Chinese by himself ?

While I totally agree that a gifted child is born and cannot be trained, I strongly feel that a gifted child must be identified early, taught to read, and given all the resources that he/she needs at his/her level. A gifted child can be identified from as early as 1 to 2 years old. It is not about labeling him for the sake of glory. It is about being fair to him and his abilities.
For example, a child who is able to read and understand Gulliver' s Travels at 6 years old, but when he enters P1, the teacher teaches only very simple books with one or two sentences. Is it fair to him ? During the maths lessons, he completes all his work in 3 mins, while the rest of the class takes 30 mins to complete. What is he going to do during the 27 mins ? Stare at the ceiling and daydream.

I absolutely agree that such a child must learn to live with the rest of the world. So I think it is essential for him to learn to cope with boredom in primary schools. If parents don't realize his abilities, they may not even bother to find him any other books outside of school textbooks. Then they are really killing him with boredom.

[2ppaamm]

Tamarind's points are true and good.


And, I do agree that there are parents who will not have books and resources in the house. I guess at the end of the day, what's best for the kids.

I reflect upon my own children and what I see in other children, and my consensus are drawn from these. Hence, I might have a different view from a child educator.

I have seen kids who are bright but pushed to the limit by their goodwilled parents unknowingly. They will do well in primary and secondary schools. But when the real test come, in tertiary institutions, they will crack and finish off. By finishing off, I mean finish off. It's really sad.

So I guess my point is, not that each parent should not nurture their kids, but whether they should push their kids BEYOND what they really are, in order for them to be branded 'gifted'.

Even in GEP classes, there are kids who will finish their work in 3 minutes and waiting for the rest for the rest of the 27 minutes. What do we do then? Kids might have to learn to be bored sometimes. That's reality, isn't it? And for me, I felt I didn't teach my kids how to get bored, because they are never bored at home, even without television. We never had a need for television, since there are already so much stimulation unknowingly.

I do not object to parents putting all they can to nurture their children, but, I ask that parents consider whether that would be an advantage for them, or setting them up as failures later in their lives.

I teach in tertiary institutions, I have seen enough to be saddened by so many stories. Education cannot be short termed. It has to be sustained long term. You can interest and hot house a kid (like reading non stop to him) for just how long? 15 years max. After that, it MIGHT (not WILL) be a road that you cannot reverse if burnt out set in.

But these are just my opinions and observations. Kids who grow up not 'gifted' go on to do great things as well! So let's not be in a hurry. Let's let nature take its course. Whether you are a professor, or just a hawker selling chicken in the market. The kid will find his natural and own path.

Just my own opinion, and I do not think mine is the best.

[tree nymph]

i guess we also have to nurture the gifted ones to see the 'gifts', or to give him a start and being a gifted one, the child will then be able to pick up from there? I think certain amount of nurturing for kids is still needed, the only difference is some parents push their kids very very hard so that they qualify for GEP (i've heard and know parents doing this, sending them to 'guaranteed entry to GEP' classes!) and teaching the kids to love learning. For the former, its killing the child softly. For the latter, its loving a lifelong journey to learn. and for the gifted ones, i think this is all 'push' they need. For normal ones like myself, i just wanna learn to read the books i like, and heheheee, to past exams.

[corneyAmber]

:? I thought a kid is identified gifted because of things they can do without pushing? They actually do not need to be taught but they need to be exposed.

[2ppaamm]

ks2me:

:? I thought a kid is identified gifted because of things they can do without pushing? They actually do not need to be taught but they need to be exposed.

Unfortunately, having interacted with many, I don't think this is 100% true anymore in our GEP classes. Many very gifted children are not identified for these reasons:
1. Parents don't even put them through the GEP screening tests.
2. Children are not good test takers.
3. They are not 'gifted' in the areas MOE want to nurture. i.e. they are good in sports, music, very good EQ etc.

Hence, I think about 10% (just my own estimate) get through because they are hot housed. Some hot housed ones don't even get through. Easily identify them: the ones that have good results in school, and don't do well in the screening.

Thing is, I feel that there are pros and cons in calling your child 'gifted' too young. They might have the wrong expectation of their own abilities, thinking they are really special, when they had all the privileges, and then as they move on with their education, e.g. into the tertiary institutions, it is no longer about how hot housed you are, but some situations and some problems need a lot more brains. At that time, when the child realizes that he cannot solve those better than the 'inferior' ones, they will go into a state of denial or depression. They will somehow lose their identities. Very dangerous. Some even become suicidal.

For those that go through hothousing and still don't do well, they will grow up hating their parents for all the 'pains' they had to go through and lost their childhood or adolescence. I have many students who are like that. They simply keep all their 'secrets' from their parents. Also quite sad.

That's why, while I do believe giving a child help is good, if a parent becomes the lead in the education process rather than the child, then it could be counter productive in the long term.

On the flip side, if the child is by nature a gifted one, he needs that intellectual stimulation. You will know, and he will find his ways to get that, he needs no books. (I am honest here). I know of a child who had no books all her life. She had only 1 set of 12 story books all of her primary school years. She learnt by observation and questioning. Her parents are illiterates. She went on and became a professor.

I might have a very different view to things because of my exposure, and I am not against buying and nurturing your kids. In fact, I do that too. But my heart goes out to children whose parents cannot wait to call them 'gifted' because I know that's not what they want. They want to be normal and mix with their friends. They don't need to walk around and multiply 10 numbers by 10 numbers. They need to walk with friends and catch a movie together.

That's again my view lah. And, like I said many times, it is probably not the best.

[autumnbronze]

I think what is being said here, as I understand, is that a gifted child should be nurtured and parents should 'show' the way to the child via engaging stimulus so that to encourage/further develope his ability.


However,

The parents should not 'lead' or take the 'lead' in the direction (key point being stressed here). It is the child who has to take the lead once shown how and parents should monitor the child's progress and provide necessary intervention accordingly.

At the same time,

Parents should be mindful that they (the child) have to attain life skills so that the child will be able to mingle in society with ease and not feel as if he is 'a thorn among the roses'.


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Okie, the comments below are JMOHO ... as I am not an expert ... just using my common sense, no stats or research to back up. Also not trying to stir up anything here

A truly gifted child will thrive well in any 'healthy' environment. Also, this doesn't mean that he can't develope his giftedness in other ways ie using his hands like in art, puzzles, fixing things, be musically inclined etc... or asking questions and trying to find out the ans (that is one highly visible trait) ....

You see, I believe that because they are gifted, they can still thrive in EL or CL (if they lack in either one or any of the the lang skills) when they are given the opportunity, no matter when. They will pick it up by listening, interacting and thru exposure to reading, and v quickly too. Thats the edge they have compared to the others.

Yes, a gifted child must be exposed to stimulus where his giftedness is given the opportunity to develope, but it doesn't always have to start in the academic or in a specific lang area . And a gifted child can only be identified young if the parents are aware what signs to look out for.

Ultimately, the attainment of lifeskills should complement the need to further nurture a child who has been identified/thought of as gifted.