All About Autism

[Gifts from Heaven]

Hi fluttershy,


Just to share that a lot of kids, whether NT or otherwise, do not attend N1. So for your case, if you feel that your boy is not ready and u want to delay starting school to let your boy ‘grow up’ a bit more, it should be ok. Both my kids (1 NT and 1 asd) did not attend N1. They started school in a church kindergarten only in the year they turned 4 at N2, and academically, I don’t think they are in any way behind the kids that started school in N1. If you are really anxious about your boy falling behind, maybe you can try those enrichment classes once a week for 1-2 hours kind.
But really, in my opinion, 3-year-olds are too young to be sent to school.

[lavendery]

Hi fluttershy,


Before she entered her nursery, she would come to us when she need something. She don’t invite us to play with her. If she needs help, she would drag me there or if the object is reachable, she would bring the object to me and then place it in front for me. Subsequently it depends on me to figure out what she wants as she was preverbal at that time. She was more on echolalia when she tried to talk.

At that time, I occasionally noticed her running round in circles herself laughing silly at home. She was also scared of sudden loud sound (flushing toilet, vacuum cleaner, hair dryer, hand dryer etc) and and certain TV commercial. She exhibits poor motor skills. She could not stand anything on her head (hat, tie up her hair, hair band etc). She would pick up anything on the floor and put into her mouth.

When she was young, her pointing was inconsistent too. During that time, she also played with saliva and spread it over her hands, face and legs etc. She did not really play much with toys at that time, even if she played, she usually played repeatedly with just a few toys despite the large variety of toys around her. She mostly played with her colour pencils instead, lining them up in straight line.

Till now her eye contact is still inconsistent.

[pinkamoon]

Hi fluttershy,

My son was also displaying classic autism symptoms like running in circles, linning toys, poor eye contact, high tolerance to pain, sensitivities to sounds, throwing himself onto sofas, echolalia, scripting, repetitive movements etc. I put him in school when he was four but he still was not able to blend into the environment or socialise with friends. My helper and I had to shadow him. I also opted to delay him for 1 year into P1 as he was still not progressing enough based on my observation last year. To me, I am thankful for the choice of delaying him as he will look less childish among peers younger than him. It gives him extra time to develop on his own. He has progressed so much this year and definitely socialises more as compared to his 3 years in preschool. Back then he didn't care a hoot abt his friends, was more interested in objects than human being. Now he plays with his sisters and follow their cues.
I think he learns more at home than in his preschool as teachers did not have time for him. My intention back then was for him to socialise. Except for a terrific learning support teacher, he learnt little in preschool as his awareness was very low. I used to get loads of negative feedback.

[sharonkhoo]

pinkamoon:

I think he learns more at home than in his preschool as teachers did not have time for him. My intention back then was for him to socialise. Except for a terrific learning support teacher, he learnt little in preschool as his awareness was very low. I used to get loads of negative feedback.

My experience with my daughter was the same. I found that she learned much more at home in all ways (academic and behavioural) than in school, but school was still useful for exposure. When she became more aware as she got older (from around P1), she started asking questions about why people said or did certain things, and why school was organised in certain ways, and I then used those opportunities to explain to her. She has learned a great deal that way although it can seem strange to have to be so explicit about so many things - most kids learn it more naturally. We also try to pre-empt the sorts of things we think she is likely to encounter and might cause difficulties, and we explain them in advance if we can. And not to make you more concerned, but this kind of teaching and explanation has to go on for years. My daughter is now 17yo and I still have to do it, but of course, on different aspects and topics as she moves on.

I have never expected the teachers to do much of that kind of teaching as they really don't have the time or capacity; and they are responsible for all the other kids too. I only ask that they be tolerant of her differences, try to include her (but not to force if she doesn't want to), don't let her be bullied or teased, and to let me know any difficulties they face with her so I can address them at home. My daughter was, and still is, a quiet and introvert type, so she doesn't cause disruptions in class. At worst, she will do her own thing quietly.

[MummyOats]

I think he learns more at home than in his preschool as teachers did not have time for him. My intention back then was for him to socialise. Except for a terrific learning support teacher, he learnt little in preschool as his awareness was very low. I used to get loads of negative feedback.

My own experience is also similar. At one stage my son (then 4yrs) was attending Special Needs Nursery (5 kids to 1 teacher ratio) in the morning, followed by alternate EIPIC & regular Nursery in the afternoon. His day was really packed and I could not work with him after his school because he was already so tired. However progress was still slow and (horrors) seemed to have plateaued.

I then asked him which school & teacher is No. 1 and he actually wanted the regular Nursery. I pulled him out from the SN Nursery & EIPIC and started him on 5 days regular Nursery. He also joined his elder brother in enrichment classes like gym & swimming (for typical kids). We then had time to \"revise\" what he learned in Nursery. I used to get materials from his teachers and pre-teach him because he is weak in auditory learning. So things like songs may be revised at home so he knows what he is singing and not be so \"blur\".

Interactions between him and the family increased greatly due to him being at home and going out with us more. My typical son effectively became his \"play therapist\". Slowly he blossomed and I am really happy with his progress. He is now in K2 and is definitely interested in friends. Some kids accept him and some do not. Social skills is something we are working on

In hindsight (I think) his progress came partly because he had a lot more time spent with the family. We understand his condition and play/teach him in a way he could understand. He was also lucky that he had great Nursery/Kindy teachers who are kind and would include him in all class activities.

PS (edited) : I forgot to add that I did not forego therapies. He continued on private Speech Therapy once a week. Also complimented by KKH's OT & ST every few months (gotta queue, 4 visits every few months).

[Double E]

Hi Fluttershy,


I hope our different views will not confuse you. But just sharing my two cents here.

The doctors at KKH have always advised us to let him be exposed to a mainstream environment on top of his therapies so that he gets the opportunity to apply what he learns and also for him to observe his peers and learn appropriate behaviour. So to me, whether or not he is ready for mainstream depends on your objective, if is for him to catch up with his academically, then maybe not to force him yet. But if the purpose is to let him be exposed to a mainstream setting and learn from his peers, then I would say try it but start with 2-3 times a day first and see if his teachers are able to manage him.

I know there are mummies who prefer to follow the kids' timing and do certain things when they are ready. I am for it too but there are occasions that I will use the 'force' method. Some mummies may not agree with me as it will traumatize the kids but my mentality is no pain no gain. Take for instance, going to the cinema. My boy used to hate to go to the cinema and he will have a major meltdown outside the hall, screaming, crying and rolling on the floor, given such circumstances, one may just decide to not force him and leave the cinema. But I choose the other. I let him throw his tantrums (got to be thick skin, no choice) but at the same time, keep assuring him that the movie is interesting and is like watching TV. I keep him calm and reward him with snacks and carry him into the hall despite him mumbling to my ears that he wants to go out. He will continue to sob and asks to leave but gradually he will settle down after about 30mins into the movie. And now, he has overcome it, no more tantrums but of course, I do prep him and let him know in advance that we are going to watch a movie and will show him the trailer on Youtube. It takes us about 3 movie trips for him to get over his fear. I am very proud of him when he followed his kindy to watch a play, the teachers told me he went into the hall without fuss but they try to keep him close to them just in case there are sudden loud noises.

I am not saying here that my method is the best but like we always say, no one ASD kid is different, and is up to us parents to find the best way we can to help them overcome their challenge. I may seem very 'cruel' to subject my kid to such distress and not everyone agrees with me, this I understand. But when I see my boy enjoying his movie, smiling, I know is worth it because he is entitled to enjoy it like anyone else. To add on, the therapists that are working on our kids are also persevering isn't it? They do not give up and keep trying to make sure our kids complete the task set out for them. I have seen them being firm with it because they know our kids have to overcome it before they can progress to the next stage. And my boy is the type that needs firm and fierce teachers.

As I walk on this ASD journey with my son, I know what I can do within my control to make him overcome it and what is beyond me, like socializing and making friends. Yesterday, at a playdate, my friend's daughter told me she don't really like my boy, so I asked her why? Her reply is my boy don't really talk to them or play with them. Of course, I was upset to hear this and despite my effort to arrange play dates for him, this is one area that I am helpless, to think I have been arranging weekly playdates with the same group of friends whom this girl is part of.

So I told her because he is special and will need time to learn but I take the opportunity to also teach her that everyone is different and if next time, if people tell her they don't like her, will she be sad too? But she is not my child and I know is not her responsibility to like my son, so I have to accept this as part and parcel of life. I know my son is already trying to ask his friends to play with him, now he can ask other kids to play catching with him just that, that is all he likes to play and he is still unable to engage in meaningful conversations with his peers. He will still talk to them sometimes but on strange topics that the other kids catch no ball :P. So yes, my week didn't start out too well either.

[pinkamoon]

slmkhoo:

I have never expected the teachers to do much of that kind of teaching as they really don't have the time or capacity; and they are responsible for all the other kids too. I only ask that they be tolerant of her differences, try to include her (but not to force if she doesn't want to), don't let her be bullied or teased, and to let me know any difficulties they face with her so I can address them at home. My daughter was, and still is, a quiet and introvert type, so she doesn't cause disruptions in class. At worst, she will do her own thing quietly.

Exactly, I just hope that the school and teachers can be more understanding to these children. My son is beginning to be more 'cooperative'. Hopefully he can sit in class without causing too much disruptions too. :xedfingers:

[pinkamoon]

Double E:

Hi Fluttershy,


My boy used to hate to go to the cinema and he will have a major meltdown outside the hall, screaming, crying and rolling on the floor, given such circumstances, one may just decide to not force him and leave the cinema. But I choose the other.

I was upset to hear this and despite my effort to arrange play dates for him, this is one area that I am helpless, to think I have been arranging weekly playdates with the same group of friends whom this girl is part of.

Double E, You are a hardworking mummy. Arranging play dates for your child every weekend is really something great.

For me, it is more of myself playing with him because I can follow his lead better than children. Children are more unpredictable, so my son was only interested in watching them. To me, it doesn't really bother me if he has no friends. I can wait for him to grow up and he can always make friends when he is ready. Ya, you are right. I don't push him in this aspect and prefer to wait till he is ready.

I only started to bring him to the cinemas 2 weeks ago, watching \"into the storm\" and \"Ninja turtles\". He was okay, not resisting, watch for a while, then towards the later part of the show, he slept as it was abt midnight. For me, that is good enough.

Saturdays are normally family outings to beach, parks and fun places for kids. We went to the Little Big Club on Sat and the children had great fun. My son sat down to watch Barney Show, Hello Kitty Show while my husband and I sat at the waffle store eating our waffle. He did not participate in the activities during the shows but to me, that is again good enough.

I have run tests on him and his tension was high. When he cannot relax, all other energy is channelled to the \"fight or flight\" mode and he has low energy for other things. So, I try to make environment less threatening and more enjoyable. He goes to playgrounds and play with other children. If he can play with them (mostly older ones can play better with him), it is fine. If there is no one he can 'click' with, he plays on his own.

I try to allow him to develop on his own but is still firm on what he has to accomplish and what he is not suppose to do (like fighting)

Whatever we parents are doing, we are just doing everything for the good of our children. I think it really depends on each family and each child. We can only give advise based on our experience of our children.

[fluttershy]

mummies, thank you so much for your feedbacks :please: all these posts mean a lot to me since I'm new in this journey :snuggles: I truly believe that every kid (be it typical or asd) is unique & different in their own way. They also learn at different pace & speed.


Therefore, I've decided that I will see how he's progressing by end of november and if the therapists, consultant, husband & myself think that he's not ready for N1, we will delay him. I will not rush him for something that he's not ready for just because other kids at his age are doing it

But if by any means, he shows tremendous improvements within this 4 months, I will put him in N1 maybe 2x a week just like one of the mommies here suggested

On a happier note, before I drop him to the centre today for his afternoon session. I waved bye bye at him, he actually waved back at me! :scared: I tried 3x and he waved back 3x to me consistently :oops: :love:

[pinkamoon]

A good start.