Angry with son's form teacher

[Blobbi]

KoalaMummy:

Hi Blobbi & autumnbronze,


i was thinking of cc'd the principal with the email too.

Blobbi, u mentioned :....which is why this sort of communication cannot be symmetrical. Looking back, perhaps I should have spoken to her first rather than (in our case) do nothing for 2 mths until I burst. Everything would have been resolved in a more even manner.

What do you mean by this?? can share your experience so that we also can learn from you??

Hi Koalamummy,

This is what happened. My son loves to ask questions. Apparently the first day of school, he asked some questions that maloo'd her. After that day, he persisted in asking questions - he's clueless like that, but aiya, only P1. Her response was to throw his book on the floor down for him to pick up when she returned the assignments, complaining furiously that he'd forgotten this or that segment, or that he did some wrongly. This happened very often. I found out later that she didn't throw it down the floor for other kids when they got it wrong, so it was obviously \"revenge\". I knew about this for 2 months, but I wasn't sure what to do because teachers during our time were fierce too. I'm also new to school as a parent. I kept telling him - maybe try not to get work wrong? Just don't ask so many questions in her class?

Then there was this poetry recital where, to cut the long story short, she penalized anyone who volunteered and got it wrong. My son ah, insisted on trying repeatedly. :roll: He was the only volunteer after awhile! The final straw was, he stumbled, she took away grp points and made him apologize to his classmates to humiliate him. That's when I :x cos, how can anyone discourage kids from trying?

Anyway, the upshot was, she changed her methods and started organizing one or two activities that encouraged trying. I was really very happy that she was so responsive. And she stopped throwing his books on the floor.

By symmetrical, I meant that I cc'd the principal on the complaint, but I didn't cc him on the thank you note so he gets to hear one side of the unfolding story, because that has usually reached serious levels.

In contrast, one of my son's classmate's mummy is super - she emails the teacher on anything she doesn't understand. The teacher explains and all is well. Everything is nipped in the bud. The teacher is aware that the mother is on the ball and, because there is an ongoing conversation, the teacher is less likely to take things out on the son. I still don't email often. But next time I hear about something that sounds off, I'll email to ask politely, \"why\". I won't let my anger build up.

Koalamummy, I know you're angry, and now it seems this is not her only time too! But you may want to meet her and make sure you bring up these incidents because no parent appreciates being scolded. She may give you some crap reason (mine did), but once she knows you're on to her, she may change her attitude anyway. If you're still unhappy with her response, then it's definitely not too late to press all the buttons and alert the principal. The principal can see that you've tried to give her a chance, so this will lend even more support to your case if it comes to that.

Good luck!!!

[autumnbronze]

Hi koalamummy,


I just re-read your first post. Here’s another perspective … and I am assuming here.

Some schs have this practice - every end/beginning of term, teachers would review pupils’ work progress previously, with their mgt, and discuss whose parents need to be informed (because child is not maximizing his/her potential), apart from the usual progress card procedure etc …

Okie, if the FT indicated to you to talk to the P if your DS’s work doesn’t improve, then it may be highly probable that both the HOD and the P are in the loop abt this.

Do you know what she meant by saying that "your son is not ready for pri sch?" Its a pretty strong statement to make for a child at Pri 4. I really think that you need to find out what is it that the teacher wants out of your DS, and assess whether you agree with her, and perhaps work together to achieve that or arrive at some form of compromise.

Now, its already established that the FT was wrong to have used such a tone with you. But you did mention that the FT is the concern type, that is why I am suggesting that you try one last time (since in your latest post you mentioned that this is not the first time the teacher has shown ‘bad attitude’) b4 going to the P. And I refer to Blobbi’s rationale to this in the last para of her post.

[autumnbronze]

Blobbi:

Tks for this, Autumnbronze. I just had a recent experience and I think that I was justified in being angry, like Koalamummy. But I jumped the gun and cc'd the principal.

In short, the teacher responded in a very positive manner, changed her behaviour (it was undeniable - she was in the wrong), and I wrote her a thank you note. But it just didn't feel right to cc the principal on the improvement, which is why this sort of communication cannot be symmetrical. Looking back, perhaps I should have spoken to her first rather than (in our case) do nothing for 2 mths until I burst. Everything would have been resolved in a more even manner.

I learn everyday. :oops:

Blobbi, you did what you prob thought was the best at that point of time. That is why I specifically indicated to koalamummy that ultimately she'll be the best person to decide how to go abt sorting out this issue mah. We can only provide some food for thought from our experiences.

That said, I always believe that its good for both parents and teachers to have an open communicative r/s with one another :celebrate:

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

Hmmm…I have quite a similar experience too recently. I did draft out an e-mail attention to the principal to provide feedback. But the e-mail was never sent which I’m glad I did not. I’m not one for confrontational unless force to. I have been hearing my child (who is extremely sensitive) telling me how the teacher throw books on the floor, hit students head with books, pinch the students ear and some other corporal punishments. But seeing how adversely affected my child is by the situation in class, with his mentor aggravating the situation (haha it’s the dreaded second language class), I decided against writing to the principal but instead had a good talk to the teacher. Join force with dh because we do compliment each other in style of approach/confronting.


The talk had been a pleasant one. Positively taken by the teacher. I have not even mentioned about him doing the corporal punishment on the students. But I hinted on how my child will tell me daily what happen in class, how sensitive my child is to the surrounding and how he has the tendency to walk up to another adults if injustice has been done.

There that just done it. The corporal punishment stop, the teacher now treats the students nicely, treat them with sweet treats, souvenirs.

I would definitely go for a good talk with the teacher. Before the meet up, prepare what you would like to discuss about, stir around any negativity, seek clarifications, conjur a different kind of scenarios so that you are mentally prepared to switch the way you approach the teacher and the points that you want to bring across.

[vlim]

I was wondering maybe some teachers do not like interaction or complaint through email especially through the school webmail as the mail might be read by MOE or the school principal??? :?

[KoalaMummy]

Hi all, :imanisland: thanks for all your feedback and suggestions. I really appreciate it. We've (hubby and me) decided to go ahead and send the email, rather than 'wait' for the next call from the teacher \"to go see the P.\" I can't stand that kind of 'wait'??!! :stupid: We feel we're being 'threatened' by the PT. We're going to target the teacher's attitude towards us (as parents). Just hope things won't 'backfire' .

[hquek]

hi koalamummy,


You’ve been very good to give it a couple of days before sending out that email.

Don’t wait for teacher to take initiative (ie make appointment for you to see P) - seize it and go have a good talk with her. It’s not good to let this fester since she’s seeing your child on a daily basis.

I think she has to know that both sides have to work to resolve the issues together.

Good luck!!

[KoalaMummy]

Hi hquek,


Yes, thanks. :thankyou: Must let the teacher know that she cannot anyhow \"bully\" the parents...

[autumnbronze]

KoalaMummy:

Hi all, :imanisland: thanks for all your feedback and suggestions. I really appreciate it. We've (hubby and me) decided to go ahead and send the email, rather than 'wait' for the next call from the teacher \"to go see the P.\" I can't stand that kind of 'wait'??!! :stupid: We feel we're being 'threatened' by the PT. We're going to target the teacher's attitude towards us (as parents). Just hope things won't 'backfire' .

Okie, good you came to a decision. All the best :celebrate:

[KoalaMummy]

autumnbronze:

Okie, good you came to a decision. All the best :celebrate:

:thankyou: that everything will go smoothly..