All About Autism
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tyeogh:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do.
:goodpost: Excellent sharing and approach to parenting a ASD child!!mashy:
I think if after the doctor's assessment that our kids can go mainstream, we should just go. Even if they say no, they can't, there have been so many cases that they are wrong. Eg Jacob Barnett.
For me, I didn't treat him any differently. He is to me, my son. ASD is just a part of him.
In P1, I watched over him more closely since there are so much more adjustments to be done. After the first 2 weeks, I met up with the AED and form teacher. We discussed about his condition, how they could help, his pet peeves and everything the occupational therapist had advised on. Eg for him to sit near the teacher, tap him if he starts dreaming etc. I'm also in close contact with the teachers to address any issues.
I PVed in school for the first 2 years so that I could get to know his classmates and his classmates' parents who are PVs. Having a network of parents allows me to know what's happening in class from more vocal kids and even something as simple as what to bring for art class.
For recess, I packed for him. Coz he's so slow eating and doesn't talk much. Packing his recess food helps skip this extra hurdle he needs to overcome. When he became more confident in p2, I let him have 1 day a week to buy food from the canteen. In p3, it became 2 days and now in p4, we give him a weekly allowance and he buys food in school for recess and a lunch before CCA.
He requested to join CCA in p3 but it wasn't such a good experience, so in p4, I asked him to change his CCA. He did and he's very happy in his new CCA.
In p1, he faced a bully in class and was hurt a few times. After many consultations, the school changed the bully's class in p2. His other classmates were very protective of him, so I'm very thankful for that. During birthdays and sports day etc, remember to 'bribe' them. Hehehe.
Acad wise, we had few probs with maths and science. It's mainly compo and compre. He handed in only 3 sentences for his first compo exam.
it's coz he couldn't decide how to name his characters. So we had to work on that. Compre wise also practice and practice. Glad that he is now able to finish writing a whole compo and can pass his comprehension. His ST also helped him for his compo and compre.
I think it's so important to have good teachers. I'm very glad and thankful that my son had met the best teachers for the last few years. It's important to build a good rapport with them. Be nice to them.
He is now exempted from Chinese and it helped raise his overall results. So if yours isn't proficient in it, just drop it. A lot less stressful that way. He still attends Chinese class but happily now.
He is still one messy boy with messy handwriting. But all in all, he has improved tremendously. Academically and socially. He has friends now!
He also has a goal now and we helped him along. He can lose focus frequently and we will then bring him back. Otherwise, he is just like any other boy. His teacher is also happy and congratulated me that he has overcome a lot. He talks a lot more and shares with me some things he learned in school.
Most importantly, he has to want that for himself. Without the inner motivation to overcome his weaknesses, there's only so much we can do. I've been frustrated frequently when he didn't seem to care. But once he is back on track and he gets the acknowledgement when he does well, he gets more motivated.
I'm sure your children can do so too, if not better. A lot of things are trial and error just like other kids. What works for one may not work for others. So just keep on trying until you get the right formula. With the love you have for your children, I'm sure they will be perform even better than what the doctors predicted.
This is a fantastic example of what one can look forward to in mainstream. A role model parent. :udawoman:
Feel like kicking that bully though.... -
mashy:
Seriously?! Got such parents?! Then let me spend 1 minute with their son. I am a boy too. Just 1 minute will do. :mad:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do. -
tyeogh:
Mashy
Seriously?! Got such parents?! Then let me spend 1 minute with their son. I am a boy too. Just 1 minute will do. :mad:mashy:
Haha, me too. And his parents too. His parents thought that it's no big deal that his son hit mine. Said it's what boys do.
Thanks for the sharing , very useful and true about bribing! My fren also thought me that. I have been doing it since my son is in Kindy.
Yah, the bully and the parents need to be taught a lesson!. If the son is ignorant, I can understand cos still a kid, but the parents? tsk tsk tsk!! -
mashy:
Same. Agree with you. I cane too. I'm afraid it is unavoidable. Discipline and boundaries are important.[/quote]Me too. Cane ! because sometimes talking to them just won't help. To me , they need to know the consequence of their misbehaving, be it cane or other type of punishment such as sitting in the naughty corner until they are allowed to leave.
Appreciate the different view. Wrong person to tell to though. LoL. For something as important as parenting, I do not go by logic or opinions. I go by the word of God. The Creator's instruction manual.tyeogh:
[quote=\"scang\"]
Just a different view, or another view.
All kids are different, esp. the defiant ones, who tends to end up being rebellious if use the hard/tough approach, esp. in the long term.
Usually, the soft and reasoning approach will help to manage their behaviour, and reduce their defiance in the teenage years.
It is all the more tougher for special needs children, who has even more challenges, and although they may be compliant when they are young, smaller size, and not able to \"fight back\", or even forced to behave or \"give in\" due to fear of the punishment, when they have to with the hard/tough approach.
In the long term, the inner pent up resentment, defiant behaviour and negative thoughts etc may give rise to the rebellious behaviour and problems esp. in the teenage years, and even adult life. It may lead to a much tougher, negative and defiance person.
Lots of patience and the soft, reasoning but firm approach may be a better choice in the long term for the development of the child.
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
It is quite explicit. A father who does not cane is viewed as one who hates his son.
I don't agree with the \"pent up resentment, defiant behavior and negative thoughts\" in the long term. That's human logic. Not in my instruction manual.
In my instruction manual, it says when a child is trained in the way he should go, he will not depart from it when he gets older.
In this case, it so happens that a culture with 5,000 years history agrees too. Here is the 3 Word Classic.
养不教,
父之过,
教不严,
师之惰。
子不学,
非所宜,
幼不学,
老何为。
玉不琢,
不成器,
人不学,
不知义。
Basically, it means it is the father's responsibility to be strict in teaching a child. Else the child will not learn righteousness when he is older (Chinese version of a good upbringing).
Both bible and Chinese wisdom agree a disciplined child will not deviate when older. Both are time tested. There must be some truth.
I have 2 elder NT daughters. Both were caned. Both are prefects now. One won a MOE Edusave Character Award, given to the top 2% in each cohort. She is the only one in her school at her level to get it. I remembered she had to be interviewed by her Principal, VP and a panel in the final round. They assessed her character and upbringing, and found it tops.
My other NT boy is also turning out to be a fine gentleman.
You may have wrongly pictured a naggy mother chasing after her child caning him unreasonably, or a parent being always angry at the child. I show my kids a lot of affection, play with them often and hug them to sleep every night. But when it comes to discipline, my cane is non-negotiable. They know it.
So nope. It's still the cane for me. Proven, tested, working. Others here may appreciate your view. Thanks for sharing. -
Hi Marshy,
Thanks for sharing! Talking about bully, this is the what I am worrying. I definitely will join the PSG hope can go in during recess time and any events. I like to do anything to make his life a bit more smooth. -
Hi Mashy
Thanks for sharing.
I think pack food for recess time is a good idea this will settle the unstructured part. Buying of food from the foodstall might be stressful for the child in the beginning as child need to queue up and wait, plan what food to buy, how to order , pay money.
Would the school teacher guide the child to line up at assembly area after recess as I not sure how the child will be able to know recess is over and he need to line up and go back to classroom.
On holding hands with another classmates 2 by 2 would be another headache as my child doesn’t like to hold his classmates’ hands when lining up in the childcare.
How to teach child to tell teachers he need go toliet
How do we facilitate and guide our child in the primary school if we are not allow to visit the primary school after the first day of school?
Anyone whose child in mainstream primary school in the classroom does the school teachers help to redirect your child to go back to his seat. -
Snow24:
How do we facilitate and guide our child in the primary school if we are not allow to visit the primary school after the first day of school?
Can you remember what Pr school is like? I don't think it has changed a lot since our time - bells will ring to mark periods, raise hands to ask questions, sitting at desks is the norm etc. So brief your child and practise at home. If he finds it really hard to verblise requests, I have read that some parents prepare a card with various standard requests on it so the child can point at it and show the teacher. For toileting, I just impressed on my daughter that she should make it habit to go at recess so she wouldn't need to ask at other times other than emergencies. I also told my daughter to follow her classmates when in doubt, and I actually asked the teacher not to put her in the front row but in the second so she had someone in front to watch and follow.
From my experience, most P1 kids are fairly clueless at the beginning, so teachers are accustomed to having to give them instructions many times and watch them closely anyway. And if you've already informed the teachers of your child's needs, then they are likely to pay a little more attention to him.
You can ask for special permission to stay around for a day or 2 to take note of what's happening, but it may be better to speak to the allied educator and see what they suggest. Your presence may distract your child or other kids. -
Snow24:
During recess, there are PVs around to help the children. There are a lot of blur kids who don't know how much change to take back or some who left without taking the change. So don't worry, yours won't be the only one.Hi Mashy
Thanks for sharing.
I think pack food for recess time is a good idea this will settle the unstructured part. Buying of food from the foodstall might be stressful for the child in the beginning as child need to queue up and wait, plan what food to buy, how to order , pay money.
Would the school teacher guide the child to line up at assembly area after recess as I not sure how the child will be able to know recess is over and he need to line up and go back to classroom.
On holding hands with another classmates 2 by 2 would be another headache as my child doesn't like to hold his classmates' hands when lining up in the childcare.
How to teach child to tell teachers he need go toliet
How do we facilitate and guide our child in the primary school if we are not allow to visit the primary school after the first day of school?
Anyone whose child in mainstream primary school in the classroom does the school teachers help to redirect your child to go back to his seat.
I had to help zip a boy's shorts after he went toilet too! Many NT kids are actually ill prepared for school. I think it's coz they are NT, their parents took it for granted and never bothered to teach them. Whereas for our kids, I think we took more effort to teach them.
Don't worry about going back too. There will be prefects and PVs around to tell them to go back. Mine is always one of the last coz he eats so slowly.
Holding hands - not mandated. I don't see them holding hands at all.
U can teach them to tell the teacher before going toilet. But expect them not to do it. Mine dashed out to the toilet a few times and the teacher gotta send someone after him. He disappeared once and the classmates had to go around searching for him. So have to tell your kid cannot anyhow run about.
I know some schools allow parents into the classrooms. Mine didn't. We didn't even get to see the classroom until PTM. First day already gotta say bye bye.
I PVed for the first two weeks when they ordered food for the kids and helped him whenever I could. I think now most schools assign a buddy. If packing food, then no need to worry. Maybe pack something for the buddy too?
Yes, teachers will tell them to get back to their seats. First few days should be quite stress free coz it's the time the teachers get to know them and assess them. Those slower kids who can't read or calculate will be pulled out during lesson time for LSP. -
slmkhoo:
I agree it's better not to be around during class time. U will be amazed what they can do without you.Snow24:
How do we facilitate and guide our child in the primary school if we are not allow to visit the primary school after the first day of school?
Can you remember what Pr school is like? I don't think it has changed a lot since our time - bells will ring to mark periods, raise hands to ask questions, sitting at desks is the norm etc. So brief your child and practise at home. If he finds it really hard to verblise requests, I have read that some parents prepare a card with various standard requests on it so the child can point at it and show the teacher. For toileting, I just impressed on my daughter that she should make it habit to go at recess so she wouldn't need to ask at other times other than emergencies. I also told my daughter to follow her classmates when in doubt, and I actually asked the teacher not to put her in the front row but in the second so she had someone in front to watch and follow.
From my experience, most P1 kids are fairly clueless at the beginning, so teachers are accustomed to having to give them instructions many times and watch them closely anyway. And if you've already informed the teachers of your child's needs, then they are likely to pay a little more attention to him.
You can ask for special permission to stay around for a day or 2 to take note of what's happening, but it may be better to speak to the allied educator and see what they suggest. Your presence may distract your child or other kids.
Oh yes, some teachers don't allow children to go toilet during lesson time. Heard about it. It's probably disruptive to the class. So you may wanna prep them on when they can go like recess or between change of lessons. -
mashy:
True. My 3 elder NT kids all crashed and burnt during the first month in P1. Not really take for granted. One just can't prepare for everything. Don't worry. Aspie or NT, they will learn. Some things take time. The P1 teachers are trained for it. Let the kids figure it out on their own - it will benefit them.
During recess, there are PVs around to help the children. There are a lot of blur kids who don't know how much change to take back or some who left without taking the change. So don't worry, yours won't be the only one.
I had to help zip a boy's shorts after he went toilet too! Many NT kids are actually ill prepared for school. I think it's coz they are NT, their parents took it for granted and never bothered to teach them. Whereas for our kids, I think we took more effort to teach them.
Last year my aspie's kindergarten principal persuaded me to let him take school bus on his own. I was shocked at the idea. He had just turned 4. To please her, I relented. My aspie boy figured it out after a while. He goes to school and comes back on his own. It is something his 3 elder NT siblings never did. I learnt a lesson. Do not belittle our aspie children. Just let go.
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