Do you cane your child for serious wrongdoing?

[worryfather]

tankee:

No, I do not.


I practise \"thinking corner\" and it has worked well since he was a toddler.

Hi tankee,

How did you manage to do that when he was a toddler? I have problem to get my 18 months daughter to sit/stand still for even 1 minute.

If I try to hold her, not to let her move, she will cry.

[mintcc]

I don't have a cane at home....(btw where to buy? Can't find it anywhere.)


Anyway, I seldom use corporal punishment. Started having a naughty corner when he is about 1 years old and then a \"happy place\" after reading about http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/positive-time-out-and-over-50-ways-avoid-power-struggles-home-and-classroom

Naughty corner is where he goes if he purposely hit people, say bad words, or is extremely wilful for the fun of it. Happy Place is for him to calm down if he is having a meltdown....genuinely upset.

For most wrong doing, he will be told why it is wrong and given a chance to apologise or correct his behavior.e.g. For throwing things on on the floor, he will need to pick everything up and put it back to where it is.

Corporal punishment reserve for either when he hit someone even being told to stop, refusing to accept his punishment of going to the naughty corner. (Thankfully, now adays the mere threat of going to naughty corner is enough most of the times)

[jedamum]

worryfather:

Hi tankee,

How did you manage to do that when he was a toddler? I have problem to get my 18 months daughter to sit/stand still for even 1 minute.

If I try to hold her, not to let her move, she will cry.

ds2 is 3.5yo and he does not stay at the 'naughty corner' for more than a min. he'll cry. i'll hold onto him ensuring that he is seated and just let him cry. i'll explain what he did that is wrong as he cry. after that, then i hug him. then later that day i'll asked him again if he remembered what he did (ie the naughty act), what i did (ie the naughty corner) and to remind him not to do it again.
so far so good.

[tutormum]

I use the cane as warning and seldom hit them unless it's very serious offence. I'll make them bend over and hit on the buttocks. Use it less than 10 times for all 3 of them. I did throw DS1 and DS3 out of the house (once for each of them). DS3 gets very frightened at the sight of the cane so it's very good deterrent. DS1 said it was very effective and he learnt his lesson well. He was so supportive when I did it to DS3 so much so that when I let DS3 in after about 3 hours, DS1 thought that I was too lenient and should let him stay out longer. Each time, my kind elderly neighbour would console them and offer them food and drink. :shock: Of course, he also chided them for making me angry and counseled them. :torchme:

[tankee]

worryfather:

tankee:

No, I do not.


I practise \"thinking corner\" and it has worked well since he was a toddler.

Hi tankee,

How did you manage to do that when he was a toddler? I have problem to get my 18 months daughter to sit/stand still for even 1 minute.

If I try to hold her, not to let her move, she will cry.

I do as what super nanny preached ... leave him there and walk away (and peek out-of-his sight). he will be crying. if he gets up and move away from the corner, I will appear and put him back there and repeat the cycle (extending the timeout duration by a min each cycle).

when times' up, i go to him and ask him whether he know what he did wrongly, what is the correct behaviour ... if he does not response, I will walk away again.

it is very painful to see him crying there by himself, but it works wonders.

[tankee]

Blobbi:

...

You're so right, Tankee. You're a very good father, huh?

.......

:oops: I do not believe that I am a \"very good father\", but I strive to be one. There is how much to learn in parenting and there is always something new or better method.

hey ... I just learnt about \"positive timeout\" in this thread ..... My DS happy corner is, and has been, my shoulders. :love:

[ThreeCents]

My toddler is 3 year old. Thank for teaching me so much.

[worryfather]

tankee:

I do as what super nanny preached ... leave him there and walk away (and peek out-of-his sight). he will be crying. if he gets up and move away from the corner, I will appear and put him back there and repeat the cycle (extending the timeout duration by a min each cycle).


when times' up, i go to him and ask him whether he know what he did wrongly, what is the correct behaviour ... if he does not response, I will walk away again.

it is very painful to see him crying there by himself, but it works wonders.

Thanks to tankee and jedamum. Your advice sounds useful. Will try to use that one day and hopefully will work on my daughter.

[krazy]

i use two methods actually, the thinking corner and the spanking.


when we are at home, the thinking corner comes more into play.

when my girl was younger like 2 yr old, she was spanked once with a cane (by that, i mean, those white little rods that come attached with balloons). But I didn't just cane her. First I warned her, like I told her to stop her misbehaviour by the count of 3. Then I also told her that if she didn't after 3 was out, she would be caned once. If she insisted and continued, and I had to count till 4, she would have 2 strokes.

Of course, she tried. But only once because I carried out what I said I would. So now, especially when we are out, I only had to count to 2 max if she is within earshot or show her the countings with my fingers and yes, it also never went pass 2 before she stops.