All About Full-Time Maids

[happychick]

Hi there !!!

I’m a FTWM with a domestic helper looking after my 2 kids.

My Helper puts my 2 YO to bed in the afternoon at abt 1pm - she normally takes about one hour to do that - cuz my boy will chat and chat with her, and she also will just sing to him to lull him to sleep.

At night, she will also do that when putting him to bed.

My question is : Do you allow your helpers to practice the "cry it out" approach ? Or to comfort and lull the toddler to sleep (however long it takes ??)

Thanks !

[hquek]

happychick:

My Helper puts my 2 YO to bed in the afternoon at abt 1pm - she normally takes about one hour to do that - cuz my boy will chat and chat with her, and she also will just sing to him to lull him to sleep.


At night, she will also do that when putting him to bed.

My question is : Do you allow your helpers to practice the \"cry it out\" approach ? Or to comfort and lull the toddler to sleep (however long it takes ??)

Thanks !

hi happychick,

I'm a bit out of depth here cos my kids are only 'handled' by parents/grandparents.

Just considering if your helper should go on home leave, then your kid nonid to sleep? Who's going to have the time/effort to coax him into bed?

And if you decide to enforce the 'cry it out', will your helper listen? Esp since you may not be at home.

[happychick]

Hi Hquek ! thanks for your reply !

I suppose my question shld be more general :
\"How do caregivers put a toddler to bed in the afternoons?\"

Do your parents have to sit by the child until he/she falls asleep ??
(We're talking abt a 20mth old - so he's still in his cot - i'm not sure if i sld move him into a toddler bed now, because he's so active, he likes to get up and walk ard the room )
For the evening, i normally rush thru my dinner (returning home at 745 and after my shower, etc ...) to ensure i can put him to bed by 830.
haaha this may be slowly going off-topic !!

[hquek]

hi happychick,


Typically, no tv, no books, and no distraction (ie ds1 and 2 cannot be on the same bed), they’ll fall asleep when it’s time. Having someone to talk to, I feel, will only make the kids fall asleep later.

Regarding helper, one issue I feel is that they may have all the time in the world at home that we don’t have. So I see helpers carrying babies, rocking babies, in effect spending a lot of time with the kid. Short term kid is placated and doesn’t fuss. But long term, will the kids become used to this type of attention?

Cannot imagine what happens when helper goes on home leave, or change helper that may not be so attached to kids.

[Andaiz]

happychick...no personal experience here so I'm a little way out of the water. Besides what the previous forummers have posted, you may like to consider putting him through a \"bed-time ritual\" then let him be in a room by himself to have him fall asleep.


My DD's if put to bed together would mutiny - 3 mah! So they'd run around! A set pattern/ritual helps.

(i) For day-time naps, grandma (NB: can replace with other caregiver) would get her (DD3) to roll down black-out blinds, snuggle up, blankie at hand.

(ii) For night, its toothbrushing, hair combing, wee time, pack clothes for school/playschool the next day, bed-time story (2 max) then lights out.

Each child is different but once you are sure which \"pattern\" works for you, institute that and get the helper to stick by it. If you give her incentive to see this through (i.e., finish work faster, then she can have own time - FOR EXAMPLE only! ), it may help her to tow the line!

All the best!

[Admummy]

I’ve a maid who’s been with us since my no. 2 was 6mths old…though her 2 yrs contract expired in 2009, i continued to use her till todate as i was expecting no. 3 then…recently, i find her actions a bit intolerable and i’m not sure is it i too petty…what do u guys think?


she spoilt my bb’s mobile by over winding the "spring" and when i asked her why spoilt, she said "dunno"; last time, when she newly arrived in singapore, she would apologise and volunteer to deduct from her salary but we never do that just ask her to be careful next time …

i discovered panadol on the toilet vanity top, asked her did she take the pills, she said yes and turn her back on me, facing the sink and do washing…then i said to her (despite back facing me), if u take medicine, u must let me know…but she did not turn around to face me or acknowledge …so i said "did u hear me" then she mumble yes (still back facing me)…dun u think she’s rude?

once i opened a can of milk powder but i forgotten and asked her, she said "m’am u open one u dunno meh?"

she turned on the TV set when we were not at home…

all of the above really pissed me…but sometimes i always tell myself to give her the benefit of doubt afterall she is quite a capable worker and i cld rely on her to take care of my children and bb when i return to work…recently, she told me her relative (also a maid in singapore) wants to visit her and whether we ok with it…i was really grateful that she was honest with me and told me abt it coz if she wanna do this secretly she cld have done it without seeking our permission coz sometimes she’s at home alone with the bb …i dunno how "qing cai" i shld be…scared one day she "climb above me head", so what do u guys think i shld tighten the lesh again or let go or just be it?

[hquek]

hi admummy,


I think your maid is very familiar to your ways, and therefore exhibit those symptoms. When we have conversation, I expect that at least she face me, and definitely not see her back/bum. I would have counselled her and told her like this I cannot accept cos she is not showing me face. If she persist, i know that she’s not keen to continue with me.

For tv set, if it doesn’t affect her work, I would suggest you to leave it. To take lesson from some parenting gurus, ‘pick your battles’. Some of the things my current maid does, I don’t agree; but I choose to tiam tiam cos it doesn’t hurt me (just irritate only).

As for relative visit, honestly I would be wary…her relative is maid - dunnid to work meh? Her employer so good to let her out? It is ok to meet outside (eg on offdays) but to visit at home?? I think better not. Scarly she take your drinks, sit on sofa like queen like that, can you take it?

You have to think what is important to you and if she fulfils those criteria, if yes, you can think to continue…but must draw line - employer and employee relationship…she is not your daughter and therefore cannot expect some privileges.

[Admummy]

hquek:

hi admummy,


As for relative visit, honestly I would be wary....her relative is maid - dunnid to work meh? Her employer so good to let her out? It is ok to meet outside (eg on offdays) but to visit at home?? I think better not. Scarly she take your drinks, sit on sofa like queen like that, can you take it?

her relative is off on sunday...that time when my maid asked me for permission, i told her ok but only if one time and with us around....coz my maid dun have off day...i also warned her that that relative cannot pass anything to her vice versa....then she called the relative abt the good news but on the actual day, her relative called to say she's sick so the appointment was cancelled...

[hquek]

Admummy:

her relative is off on sunday...that time when my maid asked me for permission, i told her ok but only if one time and with us around....coz my maid dun have off day...i also warned her that that relative cannot pass anything to her vice versa....then she called the relative abt the good news but on the actual day, her relative called to say she's sick so the appointment was cancelled...

me thinks if you set the rules already and she agree, then it's ok.

[Admummy]

hquek:

hi admummy,


I think your maid is very familiar to your ways, and therefore exhibit those symptoms. When we have conversation, I expect that at least she face me, and definitely not see her back/bum. I would have counselled her and told her like this I cannot accept cos she is not showing me face. If she persist, i know that she's not keen to continue with me.

.

ya i think she think she expert leow so very ya ya papaya...i hate confrontation and negative feeling that is why i never confront her by telling her to face me...u got any tips how to counsel her nicely whenever she is \"off track\"?