All About Parenting Teenagers

[ammonite]

anyhowsay1:

Sad to tell you, he was picked up by the police for wandering around in the park at such hour.
It was the police who called me and sent him home.

Whether he was picked up by police or not, the things to consider are still the same, no? They picked him up for his safety, not for criminal activity. Put things in perspective, it is really just one blip. The thing is what now?
I have younger relatives who ran away from home during their teenage years, but almost all are close to their parents in adulthood.

Other than stress, I would also wonder why no friends know where he was in this watsapping generation. I find that teenagers need a group to belong to. Does he not have a close friend in school etc? Do both home and school feel like prisons? Home and school basically make up their entire world. If he is unable to form connections in either area, the teenage years would be harder to navigate and it will be a good idea to find another community where he can anchor himself.

[cheerygirl]

Joy of Learning 111:

cheerygirl:

Tks Chief Kiasu.

joyoflearning - i dun get you. I just wish to hear some point of views frm parents.

Because you used the term 'Pardon me' and you posted immediately after my posting. Normally, when people used the term 'Pardon me' like that it suggests that they had in some way taken offence. Hope you get it now.

Joyoflearning: firstly if u notice I didn't even quote any of your post in the 1st place. The term \"Pardon me\" refers to excuse me for the issue I'm posting which may be sensitive Or taken offence to some parents here.
And frankly what I posted and what u had posted above mine srsly there's no link either.
Hope u know whr I'm coming from.

[Joy of Learning 111]

cheerygirl:

Joy of Learning 111:

[quote=\"cheerygirl\"]Tks Chief Kiasu.

joyoflearning - i dun get you. I just wish to hear some point of views frm parents.

Because you used the term 'Pardon me' and you posted immediately after my posting. Normally, when people used the term 'Pardon me' like that it suggests that they had in some way taken offence. Hope you get it now.

Joyoflearning: firstly if u notice I didn't even quote any of your post in the 1st place. The term \"Pardon me\" refers to excuse me for the issue I'm posting which may be sensitive Or taken offence to some parents here.
And frankly what I posted and what u had posted above mine srsly there's no link either.
Hope u know whr I'm coming from.[/quote]'Pardon me' has more than one connotation. I have already thanked Chief Kiasu for correcting me, but thank you for explaining further. Appreciate your time and effort.

[cheerygirl]

Because you used the term 'Pardon me' and you posted immediately after my posting. Normally, when people used the term 'Pardon me' like that it suggests that they had in some way taken offence. Hope you get it now.[/quote]


Joyoflearning: firstly if u notice I didn't even quote any of your post in the 1st place. The term \"Pardon me\" refers to excuse me for the issue I'm posting which may be sensitive Or taken offence to some parents here.
And frankly what I posted and what u had posted above mine srsly there's no link either.
Hope u know whr I'm coming from.[/quote]
'Pardon me' has more than one connotation. I have already thanked Chief Kiasu for correcting me, but thank you for explaining further. Appreciate your time and effort.[/quote]

There's no perfect parents. We are all here to learn too. Cheers :rahrah:

[Joy of Learning 111]

cheerygirl:

Because you used the term 'Pardon me' and you posted immediately after my posting. Normally, when people used the term 'Pardon me' like that it suggests that they had in some way taken offence. Hope you get it now.

Joyoflearning: firstly if u notice I didn't even quote any of your post in the 1st place. The term \"Pardon me\" refers to excuse me for the issue I'm posting which may be sensitive Or taken offence to some parents here.
And frankly what I posted and what u had posted above mine srsly there's no link either.
Hope u know whr I'm coming from.[/quote]
'Pardon me' has more than one connotation. I have already thanked Chief Kiasu for correcting me, but thank you for explaining further. Appreciate your time and effort.[/quote]

There's no perfect parents. We are all here to learn too. Cheers :rahrah:[/quote]

Yes, absolutely. I don't often make mistakes but when I do they are usually big ones! :rotflmao:

[Joy of Learning 111]

cheerygirl:

Pardon me. Whats your view on boys who are not Vi*gi*n anymore???? I was shocked when my teenager told me her schoolmates some are not by the age of 15???

So in answer to your original question, I would say this, and I say it only half in jest:

I do not think a 15 year old boy has the emotional resources to handle such a relationship. I have also met 25 year old 'boys' who don't either!

[anyhowsay1]

ammonite:

anyhowsay1:

Sad to tell you, he was picked up by the police for wandering around in the park at such hour.
It was the police who called me and sent him home.

Whether he was picked up by police or not, the things to consider are still the same, no? They picked him up for his safety, not for criminal activity. Put things in perspective, it is really just one blip. The thing is what now?
I have younger relatives who ran away from home during their teenage years, but almost all are close to their parents in adulthood.

Other than stress, I would also wonder why no friends know where he was in this watsapping generation. I find that teenagers need a group to belong to. Does he not have a close friend in school etc? Do both home and school feel like prisons? Home and school basically make up their entire world. If he is unable to form connections in either area, the teenage years would be harder to navigate and it will be a good idea to find another community where he can anchor himself.

Dear Ammonite
what you said about your younger relatives gave me the comfort I needed. Thanks. Didn't know that wayward behaviour can still have saving grace. I have no experience with teenagers as DS is my only child and I am going through this parenting teenager job just as he is going through the turmultous period of adolescence. Sigh!!

doesn't get along well with his school friends in secondary school. Didn't fit. He was from a very good school in primary years but the first blow came when he could not progress to the affiliated secondary school as he couldn.t make the cut. Thereby going downhill as all his close, childhood frens managed to get in and he did not.

I said sadly, because (1) he may not have come home on his own accord which I hoped he would, and (2) the police took down particulars so not sure if it will stick on his record next time if he wants to apply for a job?

[starlight1968sg]

anyhowsay1:

(2) the police took down particulars so not sure if it will stick on his record next time if he wants to apply for a job?

Am not in the force but dont think is that serious that he would hv a record...

[sharonkhoo]

starlight1968sg:

anyhowsay1:

(2) the police took down particulars so not sure if it will stick on his record next time if he wants to apply for a job?

Am not in the force but dont think is that serious that he would hv a record...

I think only criminal offences will go down on the \"criminal record\" and there is a (long) list of the types of offences which are counted. For your son, although there will be a record in terms of the police noting down the incident, I don't think it counts as a \"criminal record\".

[ammonite]

anyhowsay1:

Dear Ammonite
what you said about your younger relatives gave me the comfort I needed. Thanks. Didn't know that wayward behaviour can still have saving grace. I have no experience with teenagers as DS is my only child and I am going through this parenting teenager job just as he is going through the turmultous period of adolescence. Sigh!!

doesn't get along well with his school friends in secondary school. Didn't fit. He was from a very good school in primary years but the first blow came when he could not progress to the affiliated secondary school as he couldn.t make the cut. Thereby going downhill as all his close, childhood frens managed to get in and he did not.

I said sadly, because (1) he may not have come home on his own accord which I hoped he would, and (2) the police took down particulars so not sure if it will stick on his record next time if he wants to apply for a job?

anyhowsay1,
(1) I think he felt lost and also unsure of what awaited him should he go home. So definitely hesitant to go home.

(2) No it will not stick on his record when he wants to apply for a job. If you are unsure, you can call and check with them. Believe me, teenagers running away from home is more common than you think. I have three younger relatives who did that. One picked up by police twice, another was found by father, another came home after a few days. Their parents went through a few tough years but now some are parents themselves, sweating over their kids. My DH wryly observed that those who had the \"wildest\" teenagehood are the strictest parents. :rotflmao: He too had some runaway younger relatives. As I said, most of them are quite close to their parents now, take parents out for dinner, holidays etc.

Yours only wandered around in the park for a few hours, not even considered a runaway. And he was still in a somewhat \"uncomplicated\" place - a park. To me, it sounds like he feels lost, confused and discouraged. You will have more trouble if he is spending his time in places where other gangs may recruit him.

Now is a good chance to be hao mama. Since you can see that the problem started when he was separated from his good friends, you have to think of how to help him in this area. Peer connection is really very important at this age. You may want to speak with his teachers, any other close relatives who can spend more time with him, uncles, cousins etc. All our younger relatives' saving grace was the extended family - cousins who kept them in the fold. If you don't have that, consider encouraging him to join a society or uniformed group, something that can become a safe second family. You may even want to take up another hobby with him outside of school - eg ukulele group, scouting, archery group, sea sports etc. It must be something that will allow him to be in a healthy peer group that meets up regularly and develop his strengths in non-academic areas.

If you are open, you can also approach some professionals for parenting help. Some kids just need more work, but when they grow older, they will love you all the more for it.

Jia you!