How to encourage our children to be more independent

[KoalaMummy]

jedamum:

my mum thinks it is my fault.
my son thinks it is my fault.
my dh thinks it is son's fault.
me think it is son's fault.

and the teachers think it's the parents fault...

[auntieM]

At P1 the workload and checks still manageable, I do try to let go but still end up going thru his schoolbag … …


From DS feedback, I think teachers are used to extremes. He tells of friends with missing stuffs and homework daily as well as those who does more than required.

[Luvkid]

auntieM:

At P1 the workload and checks still manageable, I do try to let go but still end up going thru his schoolbag .. ...

heehee, this was what i did last year....This year i finally let go a bit.... :roll: Do it in adhoc basic or rather bo chap....

[tamarind]

KoalaMummy:

jus curious, if your kids didn't do her homework, did not submit her homework etc, is this the fault of the kids, (say P2 onwards, as maybe some P1 not much homework) or the fault of the parents, for not monitoring and make sure they finish their hw. What is your view on this?

It is not a matter of whose fault it is. It is what you wish your kids will turn out to be. As parents, we all want our kids to have a good future.

I have a colleague who has 2 kids. Her older girl is doing double degrees in SMU, her younger son is in HCI. She said that parents have to monitor their kids' studies very closely. I would follow her advise.

If we monitor our kids' studies, it does not mean that we are not giving them a chance to be independent. It shows that parents are concerned about them, and our kids will appreciate that.

[corneyAmber]

KoalaMummy:

jus curious, if your kids didn't do her homework, did not submit her homework etc, is this the fault of the kids, (say P2 onwards, as maybe some P1 not much homework) or the fault of the parents, for not monitoring and make sure they finish their hw. What is your view on this?

So far there has been no issue. She completes everything except Art sometimes, she may leave out because no Art day, no Art bag so may forget to pack or retrieve to do. If she forgets anything, she will tell me, \"I will let my teacher know and ask for another date of submission but so far, it's never homework, only forget to bring items teachers ask for.\"

I have never packed her bag, only use my mouth to ask questions like,
\"Any homework?\"
\"Pack everything already?\"

In my opinion,
if the child can do it, it is his/her responsibility, not parents cos I am not in school, she is.
if a child is not ready, then it is parent's responsibility to transfer knowledge on the know-how...guide them to DIY. Ready...then let go.
But all these must let-go by the time they end lower primary otherwise it becomes PROBLEM.

[KoalaMummy]

tamarind:

If we monitor our kids' studies, it does not mean that we are not giving them a chance to be independent. It shows that parents are concerned about them, and our kids will appreciate that.

so does it mean that if we don't monitor their work, they think they can get away with it. isn't that irresponsible behaviour? cos it's their hw, it's their responsibility, isn't it? or issit they're too young to understand this and we need to drill it into them?

[corneyAmber]

KoalaMummy:

tamarind:

If we monitor our kids' studies, it does not mean that we are not giving them a chance to be independent. It shows that parents are concerned about them, and our kids will appreciate that.

so does it mean that if we don't monitor their work, they think they can get away with it. isn't that irresponsible behaviour? cos it's their hw, it's their responsibility, isn't it? or issit they're too young to understand this and we need to drill it into them?

I don't think children are too young to understand responsibility.
It starts with self-feeding, self-bathing..etc.......if all these are still done for them, then it will cripple their learning process.

[jedamum]

KoalaMummy:

so does it mean that if we don't monitor their work, they think they can get away with it. isn't that irresponsible behaviour? cos it's their hw, it's their responsibility, isn't it? or issit they're too young to understand this and we need to drill it into them?

i'm not sure if responsibilities means scoring/performing the best one could, but i tend to think that ds1 will not mind just scoring 80% with 50% effort input rather than 100% with 100% effort input (eg if he could have learn his tingxie earlier, he could have scored full marks, but cos he chose to learn it later - or plainly he forgotten until later - he is actually happy with a 80% score)...the same goes with his pensmanship homework....

[sleepy]

KoalaMummy:

jus curious, if your kids didn't do her homework, did not submit her homework etc, is this the fault of the kids, (say P2 onwards, as maybe some P1 not much homework) or the fault of the parents, for not monitoring and make sure they finish their hw. What is your view on this?

School's fault

My dd will complete 80% of homework assigned by teachers. Half the time she forgot her lead.com homework and those were reflected as overdue and could not submit once past deadline. I'm not particularly uptight about her completing her homework. In the recent parents-teacher meeting, we feedback to form teacher 'too much homework!' There's only 24 hours a day. Workload has to be reasonable. School has some impossible KPI to fulfill? After spending 6 hours in school, why is there a need to assign so much homework?

[tamarind]

ks2me:

I don't think children are too young to understand responsibility.

It starts with self-feeding, self-bathing..etc.......if all these are still done for them, then it will cripple their learning process.

Every one is different. I know hundreds of teenagers who do not understand responsibility. They would rather play computer games all day than to study. Do parents really want to take the chance and wait until it is too late ? Well as I have written, it all depends on what you wish for your child.

Monitoring their studies and self feeding etc are completely different issues. Every child will learn to feed himself eventually. But I know for a fact that at least 50% of kids grow up without any motivation to study hard. In fact, if parents totally do not show any concern, the child may lose motivation to do well as he grows older. I know of real life cases like this, so I am not going to risk it.

I also advise parents to closely monitor your kids very closely when they start to use computers to do their school work. They may spend much more time using MSN, facebook, etc, then actually studying. You will never know, because kids will learn to switch programs very quickly once they sense that you are near.