2016 PSLE Discussions (Born in 2004)
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Namie:
My son is hopeless. I told him a Down syndrome boy will do better in PSLE than him. He is not someone who can do his parents proud. Bring shame to us only. Told my husband I cannot live with the shame of a non-performing child.
Oh my! These are words from a defeated parent! Whatever happens to good parenting?
Don't say or do hurtful things to your child even when you think they are too young to understand. Believe me, these acts will come back to haunt you in your later years when everything starts to fall into place. Bad conscience will tug at your heart and the feelings of remorse and regret will make you weep.
If a parent is feeling this way about his/her own child, then the child will definitely fulfill the negative expectations about him because he grows up in 'that' kind of climate his parents have set for him.
If someone or a teacher tells you that your child is so bad in his academic achievements that he has hit bottom ground and is beginning to dig, how does that sound to you? Will you let it pass? Surely it also doesn't give you the right to say the same things to your own child. Imagine how the child will think if he doesn't even get an ounce of emotional support from his own parent. His self worth and esteem will be brutally battered. By his own parents.
Yes, nobody taught us how to be parents and we learn by trial and errors. Many times, we lose our self-control when things are not happening our way and we begin to think of the worst and become hard on ourselves and our kids. That's where the conflicts start and escalate into a tailspin. The pressure to succeed in this mad paper-chasing society is just too great to handle.
How to get out of this trap? Stop making incredible demands on your kids to perform. Do not pressure your kid to perform so as to make youself look good in front of friends and relatives. That's not love. That's putting yourself before your child. Your self-interest has become your priority.
Yes, relationship is more important than issues. Remember, we are raising children, not flowers. Nurture your kids' interests, not yours. Focus on their strengths and work around their weaknesses.
The PSLE definitely brings out the monsters in some parents. The kids face pressure to perform and the parents are stressed out. The fear of not meeting expectations grip us like a vice and we become over controlling and over demanding. We cannot afford our kids to be second best. Our egos won't allow it. We set the climate in the family with fear and guilt. That's not right. Nothing will flourish in such a family setting.
So parents, stop focusing on the negatives. Give your kids positive strokes. Affirm and encourage. Love love love your kids unconditionally. Confident parents breed remarkable kids.
\" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.\" - Josh Billings -
Ah, it’s anxious moments for many of us, isn’t it.
I am frankly quite irritated with myself for being so anxious…more than for DS1! Even though DS2 has been quite stable so far. The ‘what ifs’ keep coming up in my mind. I guess this is why so many go all out for those coveted DSA spots. But for the rest of us…
Let’s face it, PSLE is not the end of the world. Besides, research has clearly shown that successful people are often not the happiest. Then why are we pushing our kids to succeed? Some of the most miserable kids I know are actually those who are the high flyers…sleep-deprived, anxious, fearful and overwhelmed. This is particularly so from secondary school onwards. I only know a handful of really happy high flyers and they seem to be the ones with solid family values and are often firmly grounded in religion. But frankly speaking, there don’t seem to be many happy high flyers out there now. Disclaimer - just my observation only.
Unfortunately though, like many of us, I am hard wired into believing that doing well in school and having a successful school life is important for one’s future success. This constant fear of losing out…it’s just so unhealthy and yet it’s there in the background all the time.
And so, I am constantly struggling to remind myself of what is really important in life. And the answer is really very simple. It’s being a happy family. And while doing well in school will likely open more doors for my kids, it does not necessarily mean that they will be happy. Because success, the way it is defined in Singapore society, does not necessarily result in a happy life.
This morning, I realised that as a working adult , I am happier than when I was a (very good) student. That seemed wrong to me…shouldn’t childhood be happy times …without a care in the world? And yet…even my own experience all those years ago debunks that. What more for our children now…
Our duty is to love our children unconditionally, teach them great values and support them in their dreams and aspirations… Oh and one of the most important things kids will always remember and which makes them feel valued is the amount of time we spend with them. In the midst of all my confusion, I try to remind myself of that as often as I can. -
it is not the end.
Some kids need the longer process to grow n bloom. The child is not hopeless ,not to just view by academic , there are many aspects n angles to view a kid - they are only 11, 12 yo kids . In other countries , these kids are still playing happily after Sch.
We understand n feel your stress n depression trapped in your heart n mind . But dun let this negative thoughts,feelings strike your well being , family life .
Try to change- use the challenge to build a trusted relationship with ds. He will remember when he grows up , the love n support fr parents
I still tear when I recall how my papa coached me n his love for me when I was in Pri Sch .
Take v Gd care of yourself n your ds. Dun let this affect relationship with spouse too . Stay and walk closely with your ds.
For general reminder : suicide cases in kids n teens are not low recent years. Pls Take note, all parents. Stay in Love. -
Namie:
I'm not sure how to continue living if my son doesn't do well. He doesn't care and kept challenging his teachers why should he do well for PSLE. He refused to revise and failed his prelims. He openly challenged the priest to proof existence of God and wanted to change his name to Lucifer. There is no way anyone could talk to him.
hang on k. defiant stage. probably your kid is more vocal than the usual. dun read into it too much and upset yourself. you got to be strong yourself. -
phtthp:
Well....already arranged to go HK for a short shopping trip with girlfriends after the PSLE.Oh My Gosh:
I am sure all P6 and parents can memorise the exam timetable at the back of their minds... looking forward to 5 October :rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah: :rahrah:
What are u all going to do, after 5 October ?
hop onto aeroplane, go holiday overseas
?
Nevertheless, looking more towards the longer December family vacation though.
Dear parents, below is one inspiring message which I received from other fellow parent who I supposedly had received from a school principal to other parents before the exams and I have shared here in the hope of releasing some stress from the anxious parents.
[\"Dear Parents,
The exams of your children are to start soon. I know you are all really anxious for your child to do well.
But, please do remember, amongst the students, who will be sitting for the exams, there is an artist, who doesn't seem to understand Maths.
There is an entrepreneur, who doesn't care about History or English literature.
There's a musician, whose chemistry marks won't matter.
There's a sportsperson, whose physical fitness is more important than Physics... like Schooling.
If your child does get top marks, that's great! But, if he or she doesn't, please don't take away their self-confidence and dignity from them.
Tell them its' ok, its just an exam! They are cut out for much bigger things in life.
Tell them, no matter what they score, you love them and will not judge them.
Please do this, and when you do, watch your children conquer the world. One exam or a low mark won't take away their dreams and talent.
And please, do not think that doctors and engineers are the only happy people in the world.
With warm regards,
The Principal \" -
Yesterday I saw my DS playing with his hp and I asked him to stop playing and go prepare his EOY exam…then he talked back…mommy, why study so hard to get a degree, didnt you read in the newspaper that more and more degree holder are being layoff and find difficulty reentering the labour market…wah…fixed feeling leh…one thing I am happy that he is up to date with current affairs but sometime find hard to rebuke them…anyway told him to stop playing immediately and go study…told him without a degree next time, you dont even have a job in first place to be retrenched…kids nowsaday!
Sorry OT a little. -
励学篇
作者：赵恒 年代：宋
富家不用买良田，书中自有千钟粟。
安居不用架高楼，书中自有黄金屋 。
娶妻莫恨无良媒，书中自有颜如玉。
出门莫恨无人随，书中车马多如簇。
男儿欲遂平生志，五经勤向窗前读。 -
UBKmom:
Actually 行行出状元!anyway told him to stop playing immediately and go study...told him without a degree next time, you dont even have a job in first place to be retrenched....kids nowsaday!
Dh and I patron this popular kopi stall at Chinatown. Perceptual long queue for kopi. We guess-timated the stall owner's income. The figure is :yikes:
Macam we are from IRAS
Dh told kids he should consider selling kopi. And kids can be 咖啡西施 for his stall
First step - we shall all learn how to make nice kopi :rotflmao:
Paiseh :offtopic: -
Namie:
My son is hopeless. I told him a Down syndrome boy will do better in PSLE than him. He is not someone who can do his parents proud. Bring shame to us only. Told my husband I cannot live with the shame of a non-performing child.
I sense a lot of anger in you. It's very hurtful to shove these words on a 11/12 year old boy.
my daughter is very weak academically, failing since p1 or else marginal passes. she has a specific language impairment and a very poor memory...what was taught yesterday would be forgotten on the same day.
her tutors told me point-blank she cannot make it. as a parent, it was devastating to hear that...it was like being slapped in the face.
no child is born stupid. there could be a reason or some unknown reasons why he/she does not want to do well. why don't your hubby and yourself sit down with your son for a good chat? perhaps you could go out for ice cream in a relaxed atmosphere. -
MyPillow:
Reading your post reminds me of this double tragedy last year. :gloomy:
Take v Gd care of yourself n your ds. Dun let this affect relationship with spouse too . Stay and walk closely with your ds.
For general reminder: suicide cases in kids n teens are not low recent years. Pls Take note, all parents. Stay in Love.
Even in the depths of our disappointments, we should take care not to make our children feel that they're unworthy of life if they don't do well academically. I believe the granny below shared her heart-breaking story in the hope that no one else will suffer the same fate as her grandchild and daughter.
http://mypaper.sg/top-stories/woman-loses-grandchild-and-daughter-suicide-20150728
Woman loses grandchild and daughter to suicide
MAUREEN KOH
SHE was still coming to terms with the death of her teenage granddaughter, who had committed suicide over scoring two Bs in her O levels.
But three months after the 16-year-old plunged to her death, Ng Siang Mui's grief-stricken and guilt-ridden daughter, who was the teen's mother, also killed herself. The tragic double deaths have left her son-in-law, who is the teen's father, mentally unstable.
More children and teenagers have been seeking help for suicidal thoughts, said the Samaritans of Singapore (SOS).
SOS said that in 2013, 224 children and teens aged 19 and below wrote in to them through its E-mail Befriending Service. From this group, 163 were considered to be at real risk of suicide.
SOS is concerned about this age group because of the rise in the number of youngsters seeking help - it saw 65 more young people in 2013, compared with the year before.
Yesterday, SOS also said that suicides among males had increased by 29 per cent, from 227 in 2004 to 292 last year, while female suicides had decreased by 20 per cent, from 154 in 2004 to 123 last year, The Straits Times reported.
In an interview with The New Paper, Madam Ng, 71, shared the devastation and anguish of the tragedy that began in January when, just three hours after getting her results slip, her granddaughter jumped to her death.
Except for two Bs - in English and Mathematics - the student had scored distinctions for her other subjects.
The only child left a note for her parents: \"Mum, I am sorry for being a disappointment. I should have done better.
\"Dad, I am sorry you will not have the chance to walk me down the (church) aisle to give me away.\"
Her parents used to fight over her education. The girl had been a straight-A student who attended a top school. The mother wanted to push her to excel and her father felt that the child should be left alone.
\"My Xiao Mei (her granddaughter's nickname) was always affected whenever her parents fought over her studies,\" Madam Ng said in Khek.
\"(My daughter) often compared Xiao Mei's results with those of her friends' children and would ask, 'How come so and so can do this and you cannot?' \"
Xiao Mei's mother wanted her to get into medical school.
A family friend, housewife Lynn Wee, 45, spoke of how she and close friends tried to watch over Xiao Mei's mother after the funeral. Mrs Wee said: \"She maintained a stoic front and even admitted that she would have been disappointed with her child's academic performance.\"
But that facade slowly slipped in the weeks that followed, said Madam Ng, who has three grandsons from two other children. Madam Ng said that a month after Xiao Mei's death, her father moved out. \"That broke my daughter's heart.\"
A day before she killed herself, Madam Ng's daughter told her: \"Ma, I shouldn't have pressurised Xiao Mei in her studies. You didn't do that to us when we were young and we all turned out fine.\"
The New Paper understands that Xiao Mei's father is seeking psychiatric help.
Added Madam Ng: \"If only we had noticed or realised that Xiao Mei was suffering, we could have asked for professional help and this tragedy would have been prevented.\"
THE NEW PAPER
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