How much is enough for retirement in Singapore?
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zbear:
Yes, I think communication is very important. When I was young, I did ask my mum why she so stingy one. Her reply was she has 3 children to feed.lee_yl:
Resentment? No lah, no resentment, only bear the grudge for 20 years. :rotflmao:
At the end of the day, how to resent my own mother? Guess she also has to plan for her own retirement.
Whether such upbringing will result in a reversal behaviour on the children, I think very much depends on the individual but I believe nobody will hate their parents. I did inherit some of her thrifty habits.
PS: you are blessed with caring & generous parents.
Thanks lee_yl.
You are right - it all depends on each individual. As to whether a child will hate their parent? Well, I have an old classmate - her mum controlled her so much that in the end she went berserk and moved out of her mother's home becos she could not stay under the same roof as her mum. Maybe it's a rare exception but why take chances to break family ties?
I feel communication between parent n child is very important. What your mum did is with good intentions but it's not communicated. This can easily lead to misunderstandings which can last for years.
Whatever I do, I will tell my kids becos I want open communication lines and I treat them like adults. I want them to understand my actions n if they feel that I am not doing right, I am open to their opinions n feedback. My kids also shared with me of what is going on in their lives n their goals. I will give my opinions too. So far so good.
I have seen my kids work so hard in their studies n i don't want them to go berserk. I just told them to do their best n I will give them a helping hand when things don't go well. But they refused my help and stubbornly want to try on their own to achieve financial independence.
Perhaps I am blessed with sensible children????
TBH, sometimes I am quite mad when my youngest brother can always get what he asked for, unlike me and my sister. Beside open comms, another important aspect is that the parent must be fair and even handed to all their children.
Well, no doubt there are strained parent-child relationships, but as we become parents ourselves, knowing what dilemma they went through plus seeing how much our parents have aged, a lot of resentment will disappear into thin air...
If my children would strive to achieve financial independence on their own just like yours, I would be most happy. -
lee_yl:
That era quite common for parents to 重男轻女. I have 2 brothers leh. 不平等待遇 is 家常便饭 lah. No point comparing. Will only result in resentment.
TBH, sometimes I am quite mad when my youngest brother can always get what he asked for, unlike me and my sister. Beside open comms, another important aspect is that the parent must be fair and even handed to all their children.
No fair treatment never mind, I treat myself very fairly at all times. Maybe that's how I became 大女人主义 instead
I don't resent my parents. I think I accepted that's how things are at home. Already achieved inner peace 2 decades ago. -
My grandparents to my mom & mil also son comes first… very neutral to it.
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MrsKiasu:
It may be too early for me to say as my kids are still young..just based on my own experience..dont quite understand why one must undergo sufferings in order to understand sufferings. We should pass down as much love as possible to our kids..me still guilty of that and I am learning :sad:
Every time dd1 complained about me being too protective or too kaypoh about her life, I told her I wish I had a mum like me. I could have 少走一点冤枉路 if I had better guidance or advice instead of 自己摸索 and learned things the harder way
Funny lor, she actually agreed with me whenever I made that comment. Always nod her head. Chey, like that don't know she complain for what
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Agree need train kids to be careful with money and to save for rainy days. I m also teaching dd to not paiseh to ask back for money lent to friend. Can lend to friend if they have forgotten to bring money/insufficient/unexpected stayback and unable to catch hold of teacher to borrow from teacher but must remember to ask back. Not because the money is big but to instil the habit. Better to be clear.
I do agree and acknowledge the benefits for kids to ‘suffer’ abit so that they learn and value more…but if we could afford more than past generation, i just think that we shouldnt make them suffer (a lot) as if they were born at that generation mah. Good to have improvement in each generation. Can give abit, tell, teach, show them about things…just my personal opinion. . -
sleepy:
You are complaing that your dd dunno how to complain? I also want such dd lei. But only at home..outside, preferably like a Singaporean..more or less knows how to complainMrsKiasu:
It may be too early for me to say as my kids are still young..just based on my own experience..dont quite understand why one must undergo sufferings in order to understand sufferings. We should pass down as much love as possible to our kids..me still guilty of that and I am learning :sad:
Every time dd1 complained about me being too protective or too kaypoh about her life, I told her I wish I had a mum like me. I could have 少走一点冤枉路 if I had better guidance or advice instead of 自己摸索 and learned things the harder way
Funny lor, she actually agreed with me whenever I made that comment. Always nod her head. Chey, like that don't know she complain for what
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MrsKiasu:
haha my 重点不明 huh[
MrsKiasu:
It may be too early for me to say as my kids are still young..just based on my own experience..dont quite understand why one must undergo sufferings in order to understand sufferings. We should pass down as much love as possible to our kids..me still guilty of that and I am learning :sad:
You are complaing that your dd dunno how to complain? I also want such dd lei. But only at home..outside, preferably like a Singaporean..more or less knows how to complain
I'm responding to that sentence -
sleepy:
Good good! No fair treatment never mind, we treat ourselves very fairly at all times.
That era quite common for parents to 重男轻女. I have 2 brothers leh. 不平等待遇 is 家常便饭 lah. No point comparing. Will only result in resentment.lee_yl:
TBH, sometimes I am quite mad when my youngest brother can always get what he asked for, unlike me and my sister. Beside open comms, another important aspect is that the parent must be fair and even handed to all their children.
No fair treatment never mind, I treat myself very fairly at all times. Maybe that's how I became 大女人主义 instead
I don't resent my parents. I think I accepted that's how things are at home. Already achieved inner peace 2 decades ago.
I did ask my mother about her bias and her reply was, \"don't have hor, I treat all the same\".
Perhaps, she really believes she didn't but too bad, I don't think so.
So if one wants to provide child A with an overseas education worth $300K-$500K, make sure child B & child C all get hor!
My uncle gave my male cousin $200k to buy a 4-bedder EC so that they can all live together. But when it comes to their daughter's turn to get married, they also fork out $200K for her matrimonial home. -
janet88:
My mum is currently (re)employed and she has a travel bug.My parents' first holiday to Europe was the year my father turned 55. They went to Venice (went on gondola), London, Germany, Paris (got down from tour bus and left after touching the base of Eiffel Tower) and Switzerland. I don't have a travel bug because I don't like to live with just luggage.
Hubby has travelled to quite a few countries on biz trips but I couldn't accompany him as the kids were still very young. I am a practical person....I like physical items, not the sightseeing but shopping.
Mum had a knee replacement surgery. It cost quite a bit. I do worry about such health issues. As medical costs go up, I really don't know how much is sufficient and it is worrying.
Mum had hip replacement twice, left hip then right hip. Luckily, she has comprehensive medical coverage as a retired civil servant. Same for my dad, so both my parents will have zero medical bills. So luckily, I have no worry in this area.
But for me, as a SAHM, I make sure I have medical coverage in the form of \"ward A as charge\" so not to burden my children too. -
Ya , I m thinking try to get employed as long as possible to be covered by cmpy medical insurance n buildup as much cpf n medi save ( there is a min sum for medi save any idea ?
I won’t withdraw cpf if the interest is higher in future - still long way
Am on train , difficult to type
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