Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

[vinegar]

It would always takes some time to accept the reality. Few yrs ago, when my buddy left to other country fr good, I was in a denial stage fr some time. I wasn’t ready n couldn’t believe tat she is not in sg anymore. We used to hv lot of joys n sorrows together. I lost the pillar of support. It took me some time to rationalise my overwhelming emotions.


I feel the best thing is to allow myself to feel the fear, etc.as it came over me. Resisting will only prolong the healing process.

[vinegar]

pinky:

Hi sleepy, I did think of staying back a while with my son till things settle down but with my present emotional condition, I feel it will be a burden to my son instead. My husband has requested my son to come back every summer holidays so hopefully things will be easier for me.

Yes...I totally agree with sleepy too. Side track a bit, my MIL used to be extremely attached to my DH. Despite we went bk fr meals quite often, she called him twice or thrice per day. She even called us when we were on holidays. Indeed, it became an emotional torture & burden fr us. We did not enjoy the holidays at all.

I hv to admit that I am paranoid too. Just as I mentioned, I dive into panic mode when my ds takes public transport alone..what if someone pushes him, what if he goes to the wrong platform,. Whenever I hv negative thoughts, I start to divert my attention, yes...go shopping...If not, I will go insane... :scared:

[vinegar]

slmkhoo:

Re publict ransport: I have a special needs girl, and I know how terrifying it can be to push them out to do something for the first time, but if it's necessary for their growth, we have to do it for their sakes, no matter how frightened we may be. My daughter started to take public transport on her own in sec school, and although I had real fears for her in the beginning as she is also the \"blur\" kind, with training and practice, she has managed to get herself to and from school safely every day, and even to other places. We've taught her to read maps, follow signs, and although I still help her plan her route before she goes to a new place, she is quite confident on familiar routes now. She's not unintelligent, but her coping skills in an emergency, and her ability to plan are not too strong. And the mobile phone is a great boon! If your child doesn't have special needs, I'm sure he will be OK. Just do the training and exposure bit by bit.

thanks for sharing ur experience. U r right, I was soooo terrified and worried over the first time he took bus fr. school to interchange. I can't describe..that kinda worries...could Tear my heart into pieces. I heaved a sigh of relief when I saw him at the interchange...

[pinky]

Hi Sun_2010 thanks for your advice, At this point of time I need counselling n medication to help me to sort things out. I am in a confused state of mind, very pessimistic n very emotional. But I believe I will recover, slowly but surely.

[janet88]

pinky:

Hi Sun_2010 thanks for your advice, At this point of time I need counselling n medication to help me to sort things out. I am in a confused state of mind, very pessimistic n very emotional. But I believe I will recover, slowly but surely.

i can understand what you are going through...i've been through it twice. if you need to vent it out, please go ahead.
you will recover, just don't rush it. medication will take some time to kick in.
i'm wondering if your doctor gave you any other medicine to help you relieve your anxiety before the anti-depressants kick in.

[ChiefKiasu]

pinky:

Hi janet88, dun worry about the NS for your son. I too was worried but after accompanying him to Tekong we actually had a glimpse as to what sort of life they will have during the BMT. While the boys were having orientation of their bunks, we parents were ushered into the hall where there would be a list of contact persons n numbers to contact during emergency. We would then have a tour by bus around the camp n finally a simple dinner with our son before we left.

pinky, how fast time flies! Your boy already finished NS :celebrate:

I'm sorry to hear about your condition. Only those who went through that experience will understand how devastating depression can be. Medication can indeed help, but perhaps a change of environment will also do you good. Why not contemplate staying with your child for a bit longer overseas? Not so much as to look after him, but more as a form of rehabilitation for yourself? Your son can certainly look after himself, given that he has completed NS.

[laughingcat]

Oh dear Pinky, my prayer for you to stay strong.


Like you, I am very easy to go into panic attack. Insomnia, nightmares, gastric, blah blah. Even when my boys go to camp and overseas immersion programme, it really freak me out. Also freaking out when they take bus home. I can't imagine what will I become when my sons go to NS or overseas.

My boys know and they will chuckle at me. My oldest even contemplate to pass me his used smelly shirt for me to \"smell\" to assure his safety. :rotflmao:

Let the children grow. When it is time to let go, as a mum, we need to learn how to let go.

Jia you!

Channel your energy to your hubby and volunteering. Think positively, absence makes the heart fonder. :snuggles:

[laughingcat]

I had my tertiary years in overseas. My parents did not accompany me because of money. But I called back home on a particular time and every weekend. The call usually last about 1 hour. I flew back home during summer for vacation job and at the same time goes back home to see my parents.


Perhaps you can ask your son to call/ video call you on weekend basis. Either you visit your son during summer vacation or your son comes back home during his summer vacation.

[pinky]

Hi janet88 I was given anti depressants and another to help with my panic attacks, to calm me down and help in sleeping.

[pinky]

Hi Chief my husband did propose me staying a little longer with my son over there but that was before the diagnosis. At this stage I am not sure if I can stay there alone while my son goes for classes. I may in future though. Thanks for your suggestion.