Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

[janet88]

My son will be having an operation done shortly after enlisting for NS. He would need to correct the nose and lip area due to his cleft. I do hope he won’t be posted to an active unit because of his condition. He has suffered a lot since birth until now, and I would be very heartache if he is going to an active unit. If possible, I hope he gets an easier time during BMT.

[pinky]

Hi janet88 i will check the medicine when I reach home. I wish your son 平平安安for the operation. I am sure the army will adjust his vocation according to his physical condition. Nowasdays I find they are more careful. So don’t worry.

[janet88]

pinky:

Hi janet88 i will check the medicine when I reach home. I wish your son 平平安安for the operation. I am sure the army will adjust his vocation according to his physical condition. Nowasdays I find they are more careful. So don't worry.

thanks Pinky.
before your medication kicks in, these 2 sentences will stress you more:
-don't think too much
-don't worry.

if the doctor prescribes you Xanax, take it when you need. it has a calming effect when the bout of panic attack comes on.

[Imp75]

just curious, when is the tipping point for you to realise that you might have depression and therefore need clinical help?

[Estéema]

Hi Pinky,


I didn't realize KSP has become a close knit group of caring mums & caring friends. Kudos!!!

I must say you're working towards recovery alr by proactively taking medicine, taking in counseling & most impt therapy - talking it out so openly. You will find your daylight & rainbow soon.

I've gone thro very severe depression in my late 20s, being a sole-caregiver then & it went spiral like bottomless pit after my mother passed on. I was close to taking my own life as I seem to be so alone in my depression & felt no one truly u'stood what is inside of my head. I may not know fully your current depression encounter, but I can u'stand & empathize.

Good that you're taking medication. S'times what happens is depression changes some chemical part of our brain function, so we need the medication to help relax it & stabilize our emo. That's not the end coz we still need to proactively work on lifting ourselves out of \"the pit\". I see you taking that impt step. So good for you.

Impt thing to connect whether with friends or strangers. My own journey had its turns - as all well-meaning colleagues, bosses, frds & relatives tried to help pull me out of depression. It went for a very long time till some lost their patience with me & asks \"What's wrong with you\". Then I had to 'crawl' back to solitude to regain my sanity. It was a chance opportunity, somehow sth click & I pushed myself to do my masters overseas as a solution to getting away fr grief & all things that reminds/reinforce my depression. Whilst there I made new frds & volunteer to rehabilitate a small island for quokas with some young people, go to church & share time with young people (some join me to get out of their own depression panecea of casino gambling), etc.

I believe you will find your sweet spot very soon & you will never want to walk back to your dark clouds again. Making that decision to 'leave' Spore for my further studies help find my Compass in life again & it's been >30 years and I'm living a contented & unfazed life. Often, hubby gets anxious abt this & that thro'out our life together, but I maintain my cool, often telling him I don't need to join the crowd in chasing 'whatever' as I wanna live a carefree life without worries or anxieties.

I believe my sojourn to Australia had given me space to find my footings again & made me brave in taking steps towards my healing. Mostly, I thank God for presenting me new friends in the small Chinese (Cantonese congregation) church community there whose members prayed with me & showed me how even new 'strangers' can live like family - studying, cooking, watching videos, etc together. It's moist memorable & ingrain hope of humanity in my life. I lived to share with you my journey.

I am sure you will find your niche which will change all that u've been doing now & find fulfillment in a new joyful beginning. Pray earnestly about your needs to be delivered. I believe in the power of deliverance for you if you seek it earnestly.

Do take care. You are the most important person with so much more to offer to your family when you are ready to give again. Your family will need you. You just take your time to heal now. When you are ready, you'll spread your wings like eagles again. All Blessings to you.

[janet88]

Imp75:

just curious, when is the tipping point for you to realise that you might have depression and therefore need clinical help?

for me, it was severe insomnia even though i didn't take any nap at all in the afternoon. come bedtime, i will get panic attacks. i get weepy whole day due to to fatigue and would cry at the slightest thing.
i lost interest in everything but not suicidal. i felt as though i was in a dark tunnel and couldn't find the entrance. to make things worse, my husband didn't understand and felt it was something i could just snap out of.

[Imp75]

thanks for your sharings…good to see you emerge stronger and better after your depressing episodes…

[Estéema]

janet88:

Imp75:

just curious, when is the tipping point for you to realise that you might have depression and therefore need clinical help?

for me, it was severe insomnia even though i didn't take any nap at all in the afternoon. come bedtime, i will get panic attacks. i get weepy whole day due to to fatigue and would cry at the slightest thing.
i lost interest in everything but not suicidal. i felt as though i was in a dark tunnel and couldn't find the entrance. to make things worse, my husband didn't understand and felt it was something i could just snap out of.

Yes. As Janet shared, I had uncontrollable weeping episodes, even in public. So I avoided going out too.

Think insomnia cld be sth else - menopausal?

Telling signs of depressions :- lack of appetite, disinterest in ppl & events, etc, weeping, some go into hysteria, reclusive, always sleeping day & night (too painful to wake up to reminders of realities).

Oscillating btwn not able to fall asleep last few years & falling asleep to wake up in wee hours of morning not able to sleep again. I avoid taking medication now that I've no depression. Just to let nature takes its cause. Recently, was able to sleep thro till morning again :imcool:

[Imp75]

thanks for your open-ness in sharing Esteema!


since this is a parents’ forum, are the depression set by our expectations for our kids or for broader matters like loss of closed kinship/betrayal etc? I can’t imagine if we parents get depressed over our kids? I mean have we come to such a stage?

[Estéema]

Depression can be very sudden & unexpected. Granted, s’times any events may hv triggered it.


My corporate lawyer caught by severe depression after all her 4 kids gone overseas for studies. She was lamenting given all her life to parents & siblings edn, then hubby & children. She said her life was meaningless coz she cared so much abt others but little to build her life.

So when she quited, she went into a spiral of self-searching, self-abasement before finally coming to awareness "I shld live my own life, do all those things I used to dream of doing…" to attain her self-actualization.

The brain and the heart are not very well understood, and we s’times undermine how little things can snowball (accumulate) to bring us to a state, where we think it’s only happening bcoz of an empty nest.

The human condition needs us to reconnect to our deeper self, before we can raise up to give again. The next time, hopefully we give & take in a more balance situation.

I reckon everyone’s journey may be different, the cause & effect may not be of same source, but treating the origins of the needs or source of the depression is more impt than just looking at the resulting depression.

My journey in depression hv taught me much, so I dare not make light of Pink’s situation. But sharing recognition of symptoms & possible action to help relieve/uplift depressive moods. Think it’s worth sharing. Studies shows women shares a lot more (open heart) and live longer. Viola! Coping skills for uplifting depression.